Jealous of Your Contentment




Granting you contentment is part of our design when we seduce you and grant you the golden period. The provision of your contentment at that juncture in our entanglement provides the luscious positive fuel to flow in our direction and all is well. We truly do delight in seeing you content with the illusion that we have woven for you. It is when you and us move into the stages of devaluation and discard that we regard your state of contentment in a wholly different manner,

During devaluation if we witness you appearing content, we are overcome with jealousy. Why should you be allowed to sit there satisfied, happy and relaxed? Why do you not suffer the repeated unease of the desire to gain fuel when those supplies become low? We look across the room at you, your features composed in an expression of peace. The envy rises and we despise the fact that you are sat in pleasant repose, seemingly all at ease with the world. We invariably associate that your composed appearance is achieved in order to annoy and frustrate us. You know don’t you? You know that we have this churning fury inside us which shifts and slides. You know that we have the growing hunger for fuel and how this creates a restlessness in us. You know all of this and yet you sit there, revelling in our discomfort. If you cared you would not be enjoying that book, talking on the ‘phone to a friend or watching your favourite television programme. No, if you loved us properly then you would be ensuring that this restlessness was banished and that our sense of power and might was reinstated. Your content state is being bandied about in front of us, teasing and provoking. You are mocking us because you are achieving something that is denied to us at that time. How dare you behave in this manner? How dare you forget about our needs? This is symptomatic of the selfishness we knew you possessed and now you wave it in our faces suggesting that somehow we are inferior to you. This will not do.

Your contentment at this stage amounts to a provocation and is tantamount to a criticism of us. You have achieved contentment whilst we experience restlessness and you know this don’t you? Oh, we know that you will pretend to be unaware of what you are doing, but we know your game. We are not fooled by these protestations of innocence so when we fling the dinner plate to the floor, shattering the plate and silence, causing you to jump up in fright, you knew it was coming. The plate lies broken and your contentment in one swift move is similarly smashed. You are not allowed to be content unless it is by our say so. We want you on tenterhooks, your nervous eyes looking to us for approval and consent. Exhibit any sign of being relaxed, at ease or content and we will take action to destroy that state in an instant. We will pick a fight, create an argument, call you a name, break something, interrupt you with an insult walk out and slam the door and so many other actions all designed to remove you from your contented position. When we see you like that, you remind us of what we cannot achieve at that time and we hate you for it.

It becomes worse when the relationship has ended. Whether you escaped us or we discarded you, there will come a point when we turn our sights on you again in order to extract that wonderful hoover fuel. It may be weeks or months later but we will have been undertaking observations in order to determine the most effective way of hoovering you. If we see you getting on with your life, radiating happiness and an air of contentment it infuriates us hugely. How dare you seem happy without us? You are meant to be broken and distraught, that is how the aftermath is supposed to be. Admittedly, it usually is, but every so often we may find that one of our victims has seized the power and advanced his or her position, forging through the emotion and formulating their recovery. It may be the case that we have seen you on one of the few good days, the bad days taking place where the world cannot see, but that does not matter to us. Should we witness you looking well, smiling, having lost weight, or looking fitter, dressing elegantly, meeting friends with laughter and smiles it wounds us considerably. You seem to have forgotten us. You are bound to us, forever, have you forgotten that this is the case? You are at our beck and call until the day either of us breathes our last, yet here you are striding across the street, hair glossy and styled, posture confident and uplifted and meeting somebody with a kiss and a broad smile. This was not meant to happen. You exude contentment, a confidence that we thought was shattered and unlikely to be rebuilt for some time. How did this happen? Who has caused this transformation from the sobbing wretch we left without so much as a goodbye to the contented person we now look at from the shadows? It may be a one-off, it may be a glimpse of something that is a work in progress, but such considerations do not matter when we see it. We are wounded by this display. You appear to no longer need us. Where is the stooped figure? The haunted individual with dark-circled eyes and pallid skin? Where is the comfort-eater that we mocked so horribly? Where has the lank-haired, nervous shuffling person we tormented gone to? This was not meant to happen. Ever.

Seeing you so content post escape or post discard is a massive criticism to us. The lesser or mid-range of our kind will most likely slink away, regarding this show of strength (temporary even though it may be) as evidencing somebody with defences high and radar warily sensitive. Any hoover would be doomed to hoover and might even result in further injurious harm. No, the lesser or mid-range will retreat and return to the new prospect that has been acquired and other sources of fuel and make a mental note that a hoover at this juncture is unlikely to meet with success. The Greater of our kind will seethe and glower, dismayed and wounded by this peacock performance. Unseen, we will send baleful glares your way as we formulate a way to pierce this shield of contentment. Schemes will be concocted once again in order to hammer this contentment into nothingness. The Greater may, if sufficiently motivated, spring forward and unless malign actions for the purpose of drawing negative fuel, preferring to adopt such a tactic rather than seek to draw the target back in. It is time to lash out and destroy rather than capture. Our fury is ignited and our calculating minds will ascertain that this can only be a veneer. It is far too soon for you to appear to content again, no matter how much it appears genuine. We want to halt the recovery before it gathers any more momentum and thus the Greater will unleash a savage malign hoover, smearing and hurling insults, dredging up those historic vulnerabilities in order to break the contentment again, just as we did those many months ago during devaluation. The ignited fury drives the Greater forward to shatter, break and destroy and if successful, then he or she knows that further malign assaults can be rolled out to cripple the recovery. Once the recovery has been derailed, the contentment eradicated and the veneer of confidence stripped, then the golden period can be dangled again before the quivering victim.

It never does to see you contented. This is why when we see it during devaluation you will suffer and adverse reaction. Following the cessation of the relationship it wounds us considerably and will generate a certain response dependent on the type of our kind that you were entangled with. The maintenance of contentment is indeed a blow against us.

49 thoughts on “Jealous of Your Contentment

  1. Lori says:

    Yeah I’d have to say the only good that’s come from this is that I’m in the best shape of my life. Being at the gym and working out has helped me keep my sanity

  2. Lori says:


    How interesting because I too am in the best shape of my life post Narc

  3. IdaNoe says:

    Good luck L F!
    Thank you HG!
    Have you ever considered advertising? I think a car decal would be awesome!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Ha ha, I shall instruct a minion to look into it.

      1. IdaNoe says:

        I’m serious! I’d advertise for you. And a decal in the window would be great!

        by HG TUDOR

        I think it would look great on the back of my van!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          HG approves.

          1. IdaNoe says:

            Cafepress does decals, mugs, t-shirts etc. Please consider it. Thanks again!

          2. HG Tudor says:

            It is under consideration.

      2. Jess says:

        Ya…we need T-shirts. Crack the whip on the minions.

        1. IdaNoe says:


      3. Twilight says:

        And bumper sticker with your new banner for Windstorm. Didn’t she mention a bumper sticker would do well with her coexist one?

      4. K says:

        A Tudor Bobblehead would be great. I could put it on my desk.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I thought you would suggest my head is big enough already!

          1. K says:

            Ha ha ha…there is always room for expansion in this dynamic and I do like the adage, go big or go home.

        2. MB says:

          Yes K, but how would we know it was an actual likeness? I only spend my $ on the real deal.

          1. K says:

            We will have to wait for him to “come out of the closet” if you want an accurate likeness.

          2. MB says:

            Coming out of the closet? Never going to happen K! And we can forget about our Vegas convention too. It’s fun to imagine, but imagining is all it is. There’s no hope for anything else.

          3. K says:

            There is always hope that we will be able to order a narcsite mug or t-shirt! Imagine drinking coffee or tea out of it.

          4. MB says:

            Yes K, I do enjoy my coffee with cream in the mornings. I wouldn’t mind having a narcsite wine glass as well to enjoy some merlot with HG after work!

          5. NarcAngel says:

            Careful – it might have a hole just under the rim so that when you take a drink it dribbles all down the front of you. Or when you tip it up to drink on the bottom it says: I am a toaster. Ask me about it.

          6. windstorm says:

            Or even better. It works perfectly for the first 50 cups of coffee, then develops a hidden hole that dribbles coffee on you sometimes, but not others. Lol!

          7. K says:

            When it starts to dribble, that is when you know you are in devaluation.

          8. windstorm says:

            Yes and that you can’t see a hole and it only dribbles sometimes is gaslighting! But that it looks so good and feels so good in your hand, you can’t bring yourself to throw it away. Surely it was you who spilt the coffee on yourself, not such a great cup! 😝

          9. NarcAngel says:

            Hahaha. That really made me laugh. I think you should be head of marketing. When one is returned citing defect you can refer to the fine print and point to the word ‘deflect’ and void the warranty.

          10. K says:

            A trick mug that draws a quick burst of negative fuel for HG’s amusement (thought fuel), however, I do like the idea of a message on the bottom of the mug, as well.

          11. windstorm says:

            Maybe his bobble-head would have a black mask. 😄

          12. NarcAngel says:

            It comes with a black heart. Mask sold seperately.

          13. K says:

            Ha ha ha…like Zorro!

          14. windstorm says:

            Zorro mask! Sounds perfect. That way his short dark blond hair, blue eyes and full lips would still show. Ha, ha!

          15. Narc Angel says:

            MB and K
            Haha. Clever but transparent Im afraid.

          16. K says:

            I could have fun with a Tudor Bobblehead. If he got cheeky, I could paint him black and give him a corrective devaluation by removing him from my desk and placing him on the shelf and then deploy an ST. No comfort crumbs will be forthcoming until I paint him white again.

  4. A383 says:

    HG, it was through meeting my narcissist that I discovered the truth of my childhood. Also, as he is a highly driven, intelligent, handsome man I copied his behaviour: lost weight, got fit and just recently came into a large some of money. I was an IPSS and just as you predicted on hearing of my financial good fortune he came back – but has gone again. I’m indebted to this man. Seriously! I would never be where I am today if it were not for him. I realise many people here have suffered terrible abuse at the hands of people with NPD (I am no contact with my brother who is a lower, lower lesser!) but having battled through the emotional sea, once at the other end, these people are sometimes the ones who actually save you. Many, many, thanks you for all the good work you do. x

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are most welcome A383

  5. A383 says:

    HG, it was through meeting my narcissist that I discovered the truth of my childhood. Also, as he is a highly driven, intelligent, handsome man I copied his behaviour: lost weight, got fit and just recently came into a large some of money. I was an IPSS and just as you predicted on hearing of my financial good fortune he came back – but has gone again. I’m indebted to this man. Seriously! I would never be where I am today if it were not for him. I realise many people here have suffered terrible abuse at the hands of people with NPD (I am no contact with my brother who is a lower, lower lesser!!!) but having battled through the emotional sea, once at the other end, these people are sometimes the ones who actually save you. Many, many thanks for all the good work you do. x

    1. L F says:

      I agree whole heartedly. It definitely surfaces past traumas and forces you to open up Pandora’s box as I like to call it. Ironic how one of most evil type of people on earth can actually save you in the end.

  6. Mary says:

    This may explain why my hub starts fights sometimes when things feel like they are going well. Not always. Sometimes he appears content too. But, when we were on vacation and he was bored of the ocean (after the first day), I decided to just enjoy it without him, and to call him for a ride home after. This way, I got the sun and sea while he got to nap in the air-conditioned hotel. We had a miscommunication and in essence he attacked me for not reading his mind. He assumes that I should assume everything he’s assuming. When he wanted sex the day before, he pretended to enjoy the beach, and I could do no wrong. We had sex that night, so the next day it descended into a power struggle about me trying to make things difficult for him, because I cannot read his mind and know where he was or if/when he was on his way.

    And somehow he always turns it around and makes ME the one who started the fight, because I should have been able to read his mind.

    1. L F says:

      I hope you can learn to read his mind, when it comes to your relationship with him. I’m not proud of learning how to manipulate my Narc (learnt from him) but it has saved my life. Use it against him to start to take back your life. Learn by his repeated behaviour when to say nothing and when to show a bit of any kind of emotion to keep him thinking he’s in control. Compliment him, etc. You have to be at the stage where he disgusts you, it’s not easy. It’s kept the rages away and honestly I now love the silent treatment, never thought I’d say that, lol. I’m not stating it always works, they are master manipulators, but it’s working for me. And I’m finally at the leaving stage. Best of luck to you all!!!!!

  7. Lori says:

    You mention a certain type of response post discard depending on type of narc. How does a middle lesser respond to contentment post discard

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Do you mean how does the MIddle Lesser respond to your contentment when you have been disengaged from and you are now the former IPPS? If so, if he has a new IPPS and is in the golden period, he will not be interested in you. If the new IPPS is in devaluation, your contentment will infuriate the ML and he will want to derail your contentment.

  8. The Pale Horse says:

    This is so true. I always suspected that my N hated me for my contentment and happiness and this solidifies such. Also, she would label me as selfish. I always had difficulty wrapping my head around this but after reading this article, I now know why.

  9. L F says:

    What ironic timing you posting this HG. It’s exactly what I needed to read. I’m preparing to leave within the next few weeks. After a long battle with my morals and now reading this, it has reminded me entirely what I’m dealing with. I’ve now accepted it’s in my best mental/emotional interest to just move out unexpectedly. Sending a last text letting him now I’ve left and then blocking him entirely. He’s a mid/greater Narc. I’m covering my tracks as best as I can, only time will tell how he reacts. Cross your fingers for me please he slinks away.

    1. Mercy says:

      Good Luck LF. I hope to hear your updates. I crave stories of happiness after the Narc relationship.

      1. L F says:

        Thank-you. I agree stories of happiness seem to be a fairytale after Narc abuse. I as well as all the others struggling have a long healing road ahead once we see the light. I’m forever grateful for stumbling upon this site. Thank-you to HG and everyone who helps by sharing parts of their stories. May we all find a new peace in our lives that the Narc’s can NEVER take away!!!!!!

      2. INFJsoulsearcher says:

        Thank-you!!! I wish you the same

    2. windstorm says:

      Good luck, LF
      Let us know how it goes.

    3. Melinda Buskaaker says:

      . . . we’ve got ur back . . . Pls check in and GOSO

      1. INFJsoulsearcher says:

        I changed my profile name from LF. Well it’s been almost 2 months I’ve left now. It was easier leaving than I thought it would be. Mainly due to I realize now I feel nothing for him. I’m morning the loss of myself not the relationship. I’ve gone complete no contact, no searching, no interest either, did the blocking, etc. to be sure. He’s slinked away as I suspected he would due to his delicate ego. He knows I figured him out entirely and could destroy him. I’ll admit there’s a tiny part of me that would like to but I’m not like him, he’ll destroy himself. It’s a journey in finding myself again. Basically the woman I was has died, I miss her but I’m slowly but surely putting my pieces back together. With boundaries that no one will ever walk across! I hope everyone can eventually do the same!

        1. IdaNoe says:

          Hooray for you! Congratulations! I understand the feelings of part of you dying. I wish you the best on your journey of finding yourself again.

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