Raising the Hoover Bar




The hoover. It is one of the most discussed periods of the narcissistic entanglement. I am referring to it in the traditional sense, namely the three post-discard/escape hoovers, although as you will be aware from my works, there are other hoovers throughout the interaction between us and you.

There are most likely two reasons for the post discard/escape hoover being a prime topic of discussion. First, by the time you have worked out what you are dealing with you will have already experienced the seduction, devaluation and discard/escape. The post discard/escape hoover is what is occupying you now because it may have happened recently, is ongoing, or you anticipate it happening. The second reason is that the possibility of ongoing interaction with us continues to fascinate you and thus the post discard/escape hoover becomes the focus of much of your attention.

I have explained previously that if the Initial Grand Hoover has taken place and failed (this hoover being caused by your escape) then you will face follow-up hoovers thereafter, of a benign and/or malign nature. Their catalyst is whether you enter our spheres of influence through something you have done (spheres one to five) or the fact you have just entered out mind for some reason (sphere six). If you have entered a sphere of influence, we always consider (though dependent on the nature of your type of narcissist the degree of consideration varies considerably) whether a hoover could be effected. There are certain hurdles which will either prevent that hoover from taking place or reduce the likelihood of it taking place. These hurdles may well raise the bar so it is less likely that the Hoover Execution Criteria are met, meaning it is less likely you will suffer a hurdle. Knowing what these factors are and how we regard them is crucial in formulating your defences to maintain No Contact.  What, then,  are those hurdles?

  1. Your Whereabouts

If we do not know where to find you so that we can appear face to face and look to garner some excellent Proximate Fuel by turning up at your home, your work or somewhere else you frequent this naturally poses a considerable problem to us. A Greater Narcissist will apply some effort to ascertaining your whereabouts, a Lesser is unlikely to do much at all. Accordingly, as part of building your defences the necessity of changing where you can be physically found not only pays dividends in commencing No Contact but affecting the likelihood of a later hoover.

  1. Your Accessibility

In a similar vein we need to be able to contact you. If we do not have a physical place to either attend, drive past, leave or note or send a gift, then we will look to access you through electronic means. If we know your telephone number, we are far more likely to hoover or if we have a means of contacting you through an app or on social media. If you have effected a media blackout and managed to sustain it, the prospects of a hoover happening are vastly reduced.

  1. Gullibility of Friends and Family

We may have a lieutenant in your ranks already. If so, the prospects of being hoovered are increased as we will have them lined-up to leak to us where we can find you and how we can contact you. Even if there is no lieutenant, if there is the prospect for a hoover we (or one of our lieutenants) will approach people in your camp to gather this information. It is often done under a separate auspice – there may be an emergency, some post has arrived we need to pass on, there is something confidential to relay to you – and if your family and friends are trusted with contact information their susceptibility to releasing this information is important. Bear in mind several months may have passed and if a lieutenant approaches your parents or a friend, they may not be alert to the danger. If those who might have your contact information remain impregnable then the hoover prospects are diminished.

  1. Happy and Contented

If you are demonstrating (to the outside world at least) that you are happy and contented, then this will affect the hoover prospects. Generally speaking we expect you to still be pining for us and miserable. This is regarded as a condition which is fertile ground for a successful hoover. If we are aware that you are moving forward, you rarely mention us, you appear generally happy and content then the Lesser and Mid-Range of our kind will be less likely to attempt a hoover. This is because they may be easily rebuffed and even though you may do so in a pleasant way, the fuel gained will be minimal. You should be aware however that a Greater will regard you as a prospect to break and therefore will not be dissuaded by seeing you happy and content alone.

  1. A New Interest

If you happen to have moved on to somebody new, which of course is dependent on the passage of time and other factors, then again a Lesser or a Mid-Range is less likely to hoover. The prospect of being rebuffed and thus wounded through criticism will prove too great a risk to them. They will feel criticised already by knowing you are with someone new when you should be holding a torch and pining for them and they are likely to regard the hoover as too risky, with the prospect for no fuel and further wounding. This will not apply to the Greater Narcissist. We are more likely to apply a malign follow-up hoover and lash out at you and your new partner to get a double fuel strike.

  1. Your Fuel Potential

You will have been an excellent source of fuel at some point, that is why you were chosen and ensnared, but that changed. The reason hoover fuel is so potent is that you will have recovered to some extent from what has happened to you, you will want to see us or be relieved that we have come back for you (not always but often) and most of all the fact that we have abused you and yet we can still entice you either to start the Formal Relationship again or even to provide fuel shows how powerful we are and thus adds to the potency of the fuel. If you are a super empath or a co-dependent you will be a prime prospect for hoovering. However, if we regard you as still badly crippled by what we did to you so that you have been in effect numbed so that your emotional output is muted or deadened, this will affect whether a hoover will take place. In such circumstances a proxy hoover may take place so a lieutenant can scope you out. Or you may (if circumstances allow) receive a paving the way message which is not a hoover in itself but rather a way of seeing how the land lies to then decide whether a hoover attempt should be made.

  1. Your Knowledge

If we are aware that you know what we are or have information which could be damaging to us in the form of amounting to a serious criticism this will lessen the likelihood of a hoover. Whilst a Lesser has no awareness of what he or she is, if you do know and you keep making mention of it and adapting your behaviour accordingly, he or she will at least sense there is little fuel to be gained and/or the risk of criticism. Similarly, a Mid-Range will realise that there is something “off” with the situation and think very carefully before being exposed to less fuel and/or criticism. The Greater is not concerned by your knowledge of what he is. He will deny it and look to manipulate the situation to his advantage to draw further fuel, but he will be concerned by anything that could cause criticism.

  1. The Façade

This carefully constructed and maintained device which we use to repeated effect against you is important. Not only do we use it against you but it will be used against other victims and those who help create the façade provide us with fuel. We do not want this to be damaged or fractured in anyway. If we ascertain that there is a risk of this happening if we hoover you (for instance you have damning evidence of our behaviour which could be circulated if we engage with you) then we will not want the façade damaged by such exposure and accordingly the prospect of a hoover happening will be diminished.

  1. Energy levels

If you enter our sphere of influence when energy levels are lower as a consequence of lower fuel provision, then the hoover may be regarded as not worth the effort. If, however there is easy accessibility and the prospective fuel gain is considered to be significant then even low energy levels would not be a dissuading factor but if there are other factors as above in place which would prove difficult then when we have low energy levels this makes us less inclined to want to perform the hoover. This situation may arise where we are still embedding a new primary source after your escape or we may not have one yet and we are reliant on fuel from primary sources. If the hoover is perceived as having hurdles and energy levels are low, even though you may have entered a sphere of influence, we may look elsewhere for fuel and not engage in a hoover.

  1. The Type of Narcissist


The particular type we are has a bearing also. The Lesser will be looking for easy gains, low-hanging fruit and immediate results. The immediacy is important. Lacking the calculation of the Mid-Range and Greater, he will be inclined to hoover if you are in near reach even if there are other hoovers because he is unable to control his thirst for hoover fuel. He will however risk being rebuffed and this will in turn ignite his fury causing him to lash out at you with potential repercussions. If the Lesser does not see an immediate opportunity he will move on. He is akin to an opportunist burglar. The Mid-Range will put a little more effort and planning in but will be cautious in his approach, mindful of the potential repercussions and therefore a few hurdles will put him off. He may apply a little effort to consideration but it does not take too much to cause him to move on. The Greater will need considerable hurdles to prevent a hoover happening when a sphere of influence has been penetrated. If he knows there is very potent hoover fuel he will apply considerable effort, like a well-planned heist, to get those jewels.

These factors need to be taken in consideration with one another to determine the likelihood or not of a hoover happening once the sphere of influence has been penetrated.

23 thoughts on “Raising the Hoover Bar

  1. Zee says:

    HG, I’ve suddenly received a few “checking in” messages from his family and friends after around 6 months no contact. They haven’t asked why I left, just whether or not I’m still overseas and some little updates on their lives. Really just two sentence messages. I messaged back in kind, keeping it short, light and bright, not mentioning him at all but asking how they’re doing and that it was nice to hear from them. This was about a week ago and it’s been radio silence from them ever since – one person sent just a thumbs up emoji in response. I know these were proxy hoovers – but how does he get them to do this? Why message all at once and go silent like that? Do they know what they are doing? What kind of information is he hoping to illicit? I’ve blocked him and moved countries. The hoover bar is very high. Perhaps me writing you about this means he achieved what he set out to achieve with this proxy hoover haha… any advice for when/if this happens again? I genuinely care about these people both personally and professionally, and I’d like to remain on good terms with them.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Zee, there is a lot of information I can provide in answer to your questions and I recommend that you organise an email consultation so I can answer them for you in detail.

  2. Mandy says:

    The narc I was involved with for ten years went back to his ex. He discarded me coldly and abruptly. We shared many lovely moments together, but now I see it was all for him to obtain fuel- not love. I told him that I believe he’s a narcissist and sociopath and he has been smearing me to his ex, but she instinctively knows who he is and us now lashing out at me instead of blaming him for his indiscretions. When a narc discards and is called out, do they feel regret or regret the entire relationship if it threatens the relationship with his new supply? I wonder if he still thinks of me as supply now that he knows that my mere existence causes stress I’m the relationship with his ex, or if he’s finally finished with me. I’m hoping for the latter.

  3. DoForLuv says:

    I’ve been very nonchalant with my lesser mid – range ex I thought he wasn’t that interested in my Fuel . Because it stayed electronic after formal relationship ended. Now I see a change in his behaviour towards me because I really seem to move on , so he started to post cryptic messages name calling(whore) . I ignored it a bit . Now he so concerned about how our relationship did end he is so “sorry” asking me what am I going to do now. Oh snap HA! I played my self .

  4. Iko Flugel says:

    Hello, HG! In the sentence: “These hurdles may well………it is less likely you will suffer a hurdle” – is it a typo? do you mean “to suffer a hoover” instead? Please do not consider this as criticism, it’s only a question. I’m an empath and I need to help things to be fixed. That’s all.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Iko, no it is meant as I wrote it.

      1. Iko Flugel says:

        Thanks for the clarification. Another Q (last for today) – in the sentence “If we do not have a physical place ….. to leave or note or send a gift” the first “or” must be ‘a’ or not?
        P.S. Now you know WHY my narcissist discarded me…

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It should be an ‘a’

  5. tigerchelle78 says:

    It seems to me that not much puts off the Greater Narcissist. But what does? What would he consider too great of a challenge or hurdle? If no time to answer, I understand, maybe others can say if they’ve dealt with Greater’s?!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Very little, albeit zero return on investment will cause us to go to other appliances instead.

      1. Melinda says:

        Is that when the empath seizes the power? She/he wise to zero return on investment?

    2. Windstorm says:

      For the greaters I have known, the reward has to justify the effort involved. They tend to pursue the easiest course that would yield the most fuel. They were also more likely to go with a proven source than set up a new one. They always had a lot of various sources, so it was no problem to take an easy route. They also have tried and true methods that they use over and over.

      And, at least in my family, learning how to shut off your fuel and make yourself less available was a good protection. We can safely cut off any family narc for a while and not fear bad repercussions, because the greater narcs in the family keep the mids and lowers in line to a large extent. Violence or physical abuse against spouses and children is not tolerated in my family or my exhusband’s family. Now emotional abuse and psychological abuse? That was tolerated, but only up to a point. They would step in if they felt children were at risk.

      But that’s my family and my experience. We had some very intelligent, deep-thinking narcs who highly valued family stability and took pride in the success of their descendants. How they interacted with non-family members was a different story altogether and largely kept hidden from me.

  6. Kiki says:

    Dear HG Tudor
    I am engrossed in your blog and have purchased your books .
    Why would a man contact me only to ignore my reply , this has happened several times.Thankfully this time I’m not reacting to it .It’s been two weeks .
    It’s hard but this guy is unflinching and I get urges to lash out but I won’t.It only makes me look unhinged.
    Discarded me last year but still I don’t want to believe he is a narc but everything you say was practised .
    Discarded me when I was sick , just hung up on me because I called him out on something .No explanation nothing , I begged for one never got it .
    You have helped me see this

    Thank you

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Kiki, it is called a hoover and is designed to draw fuel from you (plus seek re-ensnarement). You need to tighten your no contact regime. I recommend you organise an email consultation with me and I can expand further and provide you with the tools to assist you in moving forward in a successful manner. Thank you for reading my books, they will help you build your logic defences.

      1. Kiki says:

        Thank you for the reply ,yes I will look into that, really need the help as I’m going in circles .

  7. sunniva says:

    This is a great article and makes perfect sense to my analytical mind.
    A ‘line of logic’ – pill, prescribed by Dr. Tudor.
    I am truly impressed by how your deductive reasoning ends up in concluded truths.
    Syllogism has always been my favourite in how to build up argumentation.

    Regarding the article:
    Point number 4, happy and contended, reminded me of an incident with a victim MRN some years ago. We had dated 4 months and were ready to take the relationship to the next level.
    The next day our relationship went from the Golden Period to the Golden Wedge of discard. I was baffled, but to be honest, also a bit relieved. My only feelings left for him was pity, but no passion.
    After a month or so he called me. I was not able to answer my phone, but texted him after some hours:

    I am out and about enjoying life😊

    That was highly effective. I never called him back, and I have not heard from him again.
    But for this to be effective there are three things that needs to be in place:
    1. There can be no feelings left of any kind for the narcissist.
    2. You cannot write it to gloat. It must be meant as a genuine text.
    3. After such a text there can be no contact from your side, ever.
    But if you are ready for it, I can tell you that it works😊

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Sunniva.

  8. Pale Horse says:

    HG, why cannot the fuel repair the creature inside? It seems that vast quantities of fuel can power and subsequently repair many injuries.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The creature is not to be repaired, fuel repairs the construct which imprisons the creature.

    2. NarcAngel says:

      Pale Horse
      Possibly because the creature is as illusionary as the narcissistic ‘love’ provided to the victim? All fabricated in the same place. A victim to their own machination and another form of blame shifting. Ironic.

      1. LYNN says:

        absolutely my thoughts Pale Horse x

      2. MB says:

        NarcAngel, I never thought about that! It hit me like a bolt of lightning when I read your comment. I’ve never challenged its existence. The creature is the bogey man under the bed. It doesn’t exist except in the mind of the narcissist. They spend their life imprisoning emotions that are too painful to face. It’s akin to us not sticking our foot out from under the covers because the boogeyman man under the bed will get us! It makes no sense logically, but you feel safer completely covered and why take any chances!

  9. LYNN says:

    I will never be hoovered, guess I’m very very lucky.

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