Tirade

 

TIRADE1

 

“You’ve done what? I cannot believe it. What on earth possessed you to do that? Are you mad? Are you completely unhinged woman? Sweet Jesus I don’t believe what you just said to me. How many times have we been over this before? Countless times. Hell, I said it only yesterday didn’t I? I cannot believe you would be so stupid as to do something like this, it just beggars belief. You know I am starting to think that you do this on purpose don’t you? It’s no good shaking your head and staring at me like that, do you think I will feel sorry for you if you give me those eyes? Do you? I said DO YOU? Yes, you may as well shake your head again, it’s about as much as someone of your idiocy can do. I swear I am living with an epsilon semi-moron, have you always been this fucking dumb? I guess you have. It was such a simple thing to do, straight forward, a child could do it, but no not you, you had to go and be clever and go and royally fuck it up. You absolute idiot. You have ruined everything now; you do realise that don’t you? I mean it is completely ruined and how about that for a fantastic start eh? Yes, I am being sarcastic, I suppose I have to explain that to someone as brain dead as you. Jesus, why on earth have I been saddled with you. Don’t you fucking dare speak when I am speaking, you’ve done enough damage as it is, you will shut the fuck up and listen to me when I am setting you straight. I have pointed out to you so many bloody times what you should do and you assured me, you stood there and assured me that you knew what you were doing. That was a lie. I SAID SHUT UP AND DON’T INTERRUPT ME! I swear you want me to hit you don’t you? That’s what you are trying to do. Oh I know you alright, you think you are so damn clever but I have you worked out. I know what you are up to. That’s right, wind me up, get it wrong, disappoint and frustrate me and then you want me to explode and land myself in some hot water. Well it isn’t going to work with me. I am not stupid. I am not you, you know. I know what I am doing. I am the one that keep this place together, you would do well to remember that when you are busy ruining everything with your mind-blowing and monumental incompetence. It is breath taking. It truly is. I told you what to do. I told you once, I told you a hundred times and you said to me and I can specifically remember what you said, you said ‘don’t worry, I can be trusted to get it right’. Yes, that is what you said. It is no point looking like that, don’t pull that face with me, don’t you fucking dare, I am sick of you not showing me enough respect around here. I work my backside off to keep things afloat, not that you give me any credit for it though. Oh no, you are too busy taking the piss, fucking things up and spoiling it for everyone and especially for me. I don’t know what I am going to do now. I mean, you’ve just, I, I am almost lost for words. You see, not only have you cocked it right up but you have lied to me as well. I don’t know which is worse, but that’s you all over isn’t it. The liar, the deceiver, you flatter to deceive. Don’t think I don’t know what you get up to. I have my eye on you, yes, you would do well to look worried, I know all about you. What are you looking over there for? Look at me when I am talking to you. Look. At. Me. Oh here we go, the waterworks. If you have messed up and you are being corrected start crying and it will be all okay again. Well it won’t will it? It won’t be okay after what you have done. It won’t be fine. It won’t be good or great or fine and dandy. You have messed it up. I knew this would happen. I knew I shouldn’t have left it to you, but do you know what, I thought to myself, no, give her a chance, let her prove she can do it, let he demonstrate that she can be trusted to get it right, I mean, after all, that is what a relationship is all about isn’t it? Trust. Without trust there is nothing. Do you see what you have done? Do you? Do you really understand the impact of what you have done? Somehow I doubt it, that is why I am having to do this. Do you think I like shouting at you? What’s that? Were you going to nod then? Why you ungrateful and nasty bitch, you have some cheek to accuse me of enjoying this when I am the one who has to put up with the consequence of your outrageous incompetence. I am the one who is put out. I am the one who has to suffer. You will just walk away muttering about having understood, how you have learned your lesson and you won’t do it again but I may as well be speaking in Mandarin for all of the notice that you take. I told you to stop crying. If you don’t stop crying, I am going to seriously lose it with you. Christ, what am I going to do? You’ve messed it up and ruined it for me. You don’t care, you don’t. If you did care you wouldn’t keep doing this would you. You wouldn’t keep making these mistakes and winding me up. You are trying to send me to an early grave aren’t you so you can have all this to yourself aren’t you? Got some fancy man on the side have we? I bet that’s what this is all about isn’t it? Ruin me through your incompetence and then waltz off into the sunset with some Johnny Come Lately after I croak it, sent to an early grave by your scheming. You’d love that wouldn’t you, to see me off. You nasty cow, no wonder nobody likes you, no wonder nobody asks you out. Oh yes, we never get invited anywhere these days because of you and your behaviour and is it any wonder. You are a walking disaster area. I mean people put up with you, they did it for my sake, I have good friends like that, or should I say I had good friends like that but thanks to you they are disappearing like rats on a sinking ship. You won’t be happy will you until you have completely ruined everything for me will you. That’s what you want. You want me on my knees, gasping for breath, miserable and wretched as you cavort and carry on with some other mug that you have seduced and promised the world to. I can’t believe I fell for it, but then I guess you keep the real you hidden don’t you, tucked away until you have your feet under the table, your name on the deeds and the joint Amex account. Well you are not that clever because you won’t beat me. I am cleverer than you. I am going to make you pay for what you have done. I am the one who is in charge here, this is my house and you do what I say. I am going to unleash hell against you after this catastrophe, it is an outrage, a complete outrage. I pity our neighbours having to put up with this, but you make me do it, it is all about you. I am not fooled by the frightened looks and the tears, other people might be taken in by it, but I am not. I know it is all for show. You disgust me, you scheming, manipulative, hateful cow. I curse the day I met you. Now look, you’ve made me late, thanks a bunch, that’s all I need. I’m going and don’t think I’ve finished; this is far from over.”

Silence.

“I thought you would prefer raspberry jam to marmalade,” you say softly to nobody in particular.

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62 thoughts on “Tirade”

  1. I just had a flashback of an incident like this. He was on a cream soda kick, but the store I went to was out so I bought root beer. He acted like I lit the house on fire

  2. This was my Stepmother every time I was in trouble, no matter what for. Different insults or situation but same mess of “You are all that is wrong in my world” vibe.

  3. No reply buttons hence here.
    Chapter 9 of The Frog, Lobster and Dancing Meat Chronicles:
    (lol)
    Just to say I couldn’t kill anything either I certainly couldn’t eat lobster after seeing it in a tank. I can’t kill anything. I can’t hurt anything and I can’t see it done.
    I was a vegetarian for a long time but I’m not now. it’s not death I have a problem with it’s when things are suffering or if they suffer or something is caused to suffer through the death of something else.
    I cannot stand things to suffer.
    Honestly I cannot bear it.

    I think I opened a can of frogs when I mentioned baked frog on toast. hahaha.

    .. and to think this all began because ‘she’ (secondary character in The Tirade) bought raspberry jam instead of marmalade..haha.

    1. Slight revision on the can’t kill anything can’t see it done…
      I think you know I mean in general… but to clarify:
      it doesn’t apply to a suffering pet or a an animal that has reached the end of its life and is no longer comfortable. I’ve held animals like that in my arms while they were put gently and painlessly to sleep.
      Utterly heartbreaking.
      There’s just no way in living hell that I will see something suffer if I can do something.

      If I was out in the wild for instance and I saw something suffering and it was in a state that needed to be put out of his misery then I would kill.. it would devastate me to do it but I would do it because I will not stand by while something suffers if I can do something.

      it’s just making a sweeping statements saying that I couldn’t kill I’ll stand by while it was done… thinking of it when your pet has to be put to sleep you are doing just that.

      Anyway I’ve never been in that kind of position out in the wild or anything I’ve lived in the country and things but I’m not in America like Windstorm near the woods or anything like that..

      We often think we know what we would do in any situation about anything but when we’ve not been in that position we can’t really say I know, but in this particular instance I can say, and with absolute certainty, because I know myself in this regard.
      How I feel about this kind of thing is a huge part of me.

      Anyway enough said or I’ll start having mental pictures that I don’t want..🙈

  4. Windstorm

    Hello.. there is no reply button for me to use so hence here..About frogs… I’ve never had a fried frog haha…plus, you mentioned your porch again. I always have this view of you sitting on a porch looking out over land and the sun going down.. like in a movie.. I love movies it is a bit of escapism. But it’s just the way I always imagine you and it always makes me smile. You are such a kind and caring person, you are compassionate and understandingy of others. When I do dip in I always appreciate seeing your kind words.
    I think you should have a birthday week never mind a birth”day”.. and have extra treats to match. Stay safe and well. x🌹

    1. DebbieWolf
      Thank you! I never just celebrate one day for my bday. Always the nearest weekend, too. I did that with my kids as well.

      My cabin is in a woods. Where I live is all hills and hollows and I’m near the ridgetop. It faces south and I do have a great view of the setting sun thru the trees. There are always bullfrogs, but plenty of toads as well. I have 2 small fish ponds by the house, always with some frogs around and in them. But the mother load of frogs are in the trees. God alone knows how many tree frogs are singing in the trees and bushes each night, especially in the Spring. If you love frogs, you’d really enjoy it!

      Eating frogs is probably just a rural thing. Only water frogs make good eating. Where I live a lot of people depend on hunting for food. Deer and turkey especially, but lots of squirrel, frog and dove, too. When I was a child having squirrel or frogs was a special treat! Mama was the squirrel hunter, but Daddy gigged the frogs. Part of my education was learning how to hunt, skin and cook both.

      1. Windstorm.

        Thanks for sharing..I love nature. Takes me out of myself. Your place sonds sovely.

      2. DebbieWolf
        I would ditch mine but the same fingers will be using that one too lol. Its very seldom people cant figure out what we really mean (unless its an occasion where lots of alcohol is involved) so I think we can all cut ourselves some slack on corrections.

      3. Thanks NarcAngel.

        I should set my laptop up really I do everything on this phone it’s so convenient..
        mind you convenience versus something that works…hmmmm?
        decisions decisions.

        I’ve turned every single setting off so that I can do things manually and it still takes over…lol..

        I really do think I need to relax lately.
        but that’s another story.🙄🤨😊

    2. I think I can honestly say that all I’ve ever got to kiss are frogs. I’m waiting for my prince, but maybe I need to be my own prince.
      I even married a frog once. True story. I thought he was a prince, but nope!
      Next!!!
      Next life???

  5. I most definitely experienced my first and last tirade a week ago and it was completely out of controland mind blowing. It’s amazing because there appeared to be no way to make it stop. I was completely bashed and some of the most terrible things were Yelled at me and thrown in my face. He invalidated…well….everything. That was the moment where all my suspicions were compleely founded, validated and were taken to a whole new level because I didn’t even know who I was dating. My now ex boyfriend switched so quickly and I was just horrified at what I was seeing…..

    All I have to say is once you see red flags don’t explain them away and when there are tirades runnnnn…

    No contact ladies…

    Disappear – they don’t even deserve an explanation….

  6. This always makes me laugh but i do know it to be true of some narcissists.
    A friend of mines mum had a boyfriend and at the time they lived together. My friend was about 10 and i was 11. I was terrified of her so called “stepdad” and so was she. He had a terrible temper. Any tiny thing would set him off so much so the rule was when he was home she was not allowed out of her room. His biological son also lived with them and at the time was a teen. His room always reeked of urine. His dad i suspect abused him physically. As an 11 year old i didnt understand the dynamics but now i do. He was probably a lesser narcissist. He had many of these tirades.

    Off topic but im not sure HG if youve heard of the watts case going on right now where chris watts the husband killed his pregnant wife and two toddler kids? That of course hasnt been thru court yet or proven but imo is obvious. Id love if you did a narcissist profile on him as you have others in the media. I suspect him to be a sociopath. Its a terrible tragedy but i think from an abuse standpoint much can be learned both from the abuser and victim. I suspect there was a lot of hidden abuse and gaslighting. When his wife shanann became more independant she wanted out of the relationship and he snapped. I also think she confronted him on his infidelity and possible past gay lover.
    Anyways something to think about if it interests you thx

    1. This Chris Watts story is so heartbreaking and mind boggling, from accusing his dead wife of being the one to strangle her two girls upon hearing about his affair with his co-worker and telling her he wanted to leave so that was what enraged him to strangle her…? To the latest this week of a male lover coming forward about their 10 month relationship that ended in April…to investiagators finding he was active on a dating app called MeetUp and texted both men and women…
      You would never think possible by the image and lifestyle portrayed on social media.
      I thought about asking HG to do an analysis article too on Chris Watts but wasn’t sure if it was making news across the pond. Glad you did.

    2. Ty clarece…i follow a lot of cases. Another is the mollie tibbetts case. The first thing i thought of was narcissist when i watched his interview before he confessed. His utter lack of empathy and ability to flat out lie. Im sure if we could see behind closed doors we wouldve seen so many red flags. There are quite a few home videos on utube of the watts and a huge red flag popped out. Shanann talks about how she met chris. It was thru a friend and at the time she was going thru some hard times mainly with her health. She at first denied his friend request online but he kept persuing her. She goes on to describe how wonderful he was and how he has been her knight and shining armour…sound familiar? The way she builds him up in the video is as if shes trying to convince the world and herself how perfect he is and how lucky she is to be with him. Denial of abuse.
      My feeling is as she became more involved in her thrive business the fog of his facade parted and so did her reliance on him. I think she wanted out and he couldnt handle the loss of control. He seems a quiet narcissist maybe midrange but the fact he more than likely killed all three would make him more a psychopath.
      At any rate id find it interesting to read HG’s analysis of this case. My heart goes out to her family and her and her children 🙁

  7. So that’s what she did.
    Bought raspberry jam instead of marmalade.

    I can see that would be irritating. Particularly if it has been pointed out that marmalade was wanted.
    Fair enough.
    Irritating.
    No murder was committed however.

    it’s an unmeasured overreaction.
    I don’t see it as a perspective issue, I do see it as an over reaction.. there is nothing wrong with reacting to jam etc lol;
    But there’s no need to crucify someone over it.
    it stops being about perspective when that perspective becomes severely overeactive.

    Unfortunately it wouldn’t make any difference whether it was jam, marmalade… baked frog on toast…

    Because on another day it would be honey… where’s the honey?! You know I don’t like raspberry and I hate marmalade every day!

    How many times have I told you to make it a varied breakfast!?
    It is both funny..entertaining to read in a black comedy sense only obvs, as it is truely seriously disturbing and harmful behaviour toward someone.

    I think the true message and attribute to aquire from this piece is Acceptance.

    To know you can never win in these types of battles.
    Goal posts forever switch.
    Constantly unstable ground where no balance can be found.
    The constant pulling of the rug from underfoot.
    The booby traps.
    The trip wire to …even
    breakfast?

    Indeed.
    So, is today the day?
    Your day?

    To begin to plan your escape?
    To get out, stay out?
    GOSO.

    For refusal..for non acceptance of this kind of behaviour and the rest?

    Is this the day you truely embrace acceptance?…
    that some things are impossible to change, to fix.

    Acceptance.

    Accept this also then:
    You deserve better.
    it’s no good saying you deserve better as words.

    Act on acceptance.
    We can never win in these particular situations with a narcissist.
    These are the battles in life that we must not fight.

    We don’t surrender but we must retreat. There are so many better uses for our skills and energy..our resources…

    “It is true that this is far from finished,” she said, “on that we can agree.”
    🛡️

      1. Hahaha…MB…

        Oh no…I bought crackers..😩.argh..Hang on though I will make homemade biscuits with eye of newt…batwing sauce with that and a cartwheel?

        Uh oh….hang on…the narc hoop of compliance has snapped…where am I?!
        What is this mess? Bamboo bits of hoop all over…
        Can’t we just have a nice breakfast for once?

        I think I’ll pop out☕… leave narc to clear up…”his mess’.

        lol..😜

      2. DW, I’ll just have coffee too. I take mine with cream. I like it light, no sugar. Alas, 🐸’s are for kissing, not eating!

      3. MB

        I like coffee with cream and a little sugar..I always have it that way..
        And kissing frogs… haha. yes…a few,.though no
        true prince emerged.

        Had a little prick though once..
        I inevitably fell asleep.

      4. MB fun fact, I have a frog tattoo. They are my absolute fave since I was a little girl. I’ve kissed way more actual toads (scores) than men (1). Shhhh, don’t tell anybody or I may never be kissed by another! And it’s a myth that they cause warts too btw…

      5. MB

        Fogs are cute.. picked one up out of the road once.. it was in front of the car..
        also picked another one up out of my garden put it in a place of safety so my dog wouldn’t catch it..
        at school when they were going to start dissecting frogs and everything like that I kicked up a storm and walked out of the class I was in a lot of trouble.

        Screw that.
        no matter what was said or done ..no way.
        staying in rural studies when they wanted to castrate the pigs by putting those tight rings around their bits I kept up a storm about that and left the annexe.

        that teacher hated my guts and bullied me a lot after that I finally told my father and he went into the school I was removed from the man’s class and never had to have anything to do with him again anyway that’s another story!

      6. DebbieWolf

        I love frogs, too. My house is very frog friendly. I even woke up one morning with a tree frog in my hair! When I sleep outside on my porch I can hear dozens and dozens of all types and sizes.

        But they are a food animal here. We even have an official frog season from May to October. Frog hunting is very popular. They are very tasty fried.

      7. WS, what I’d give to wake up with a frog in my hair! I could never eat one though. I’ll take your word for it that they’re tasty.

      8. Okay, okay…all you nature lovers…and especially MB, you may want to rethink that little froggy dream of yours…I love nature, but sometimes it loves me a little too much…the last time I had a close encounter with a frog; it fell down from our cabin door frame on to my head – and it *peed* on me as it bounced off and landed on the ground nearby. Seriously. I loved that little tree frog dearly (it greeted us regularly in the mornings outside our door) but it was like – as my favourite younger cousin would say – “love with space.”

        (Yes, I checked to make sure the frog was okay despite the fact that it emptied it’s bladder on my head.)

      9. WC, ha ha I love the froggy story. The poor little things *pee* in self-defense. That’s all they have to protect themselves. And it tastes terrible! (I know from experience.) Ask me how? I picked up every toad I saw when I was a thumb-sucking little country girl. There you go, another MB fun fact. And it’s a myth that thumb sucking causes buck teeth too. (At least in my case.)

      10. MB,

        In reading your reply I oscillated between “Well, that’s a little TMI, MB”…LOL…and, “Damn. I wish it hadn’t taken me several decades to gain the knowledge that frogs PEE in self-defense.”

        But, yes, I definitely will note that as an ‘MB fun fact.’

      11. You guys are so funny.
        I don’t know how they got here, maybe shipping container, but on the big island there’s thousands and thousands of coqui frogs. For such small creatures, they are very loud, lol.

      12. Tammy,

        Coqui frogs…I looked them up. Cute.
        And loud, yes…got too many? Send’em Windstorm’s way…

      13. Twilight, I love the angry ferocious squeaky toy frog. So cute!!! Thank you for sharing. I will stop with the frogs before HG modifies the rules to include no recipe talk OR FROG talk.

      14. MB

        Your welcome. It made me stop and listen to it like 10 times. I can’t wait to show my granddaughter, they last frog she saw was a tree frog she called it a bug and when I handed it to her I got a stern Nooooooo Nana put it down. I think this one she will like.

      15. Rolling!!! The strange thing is where I live, there’s so many chirping at once that is sounds between an echo and surround sound. It helps me fall asleep.
        Who needs to count sheep?
        I count frogs 😊

      16. DebbieWolf – it’s funny now, yes. But it definitely wasn’t funny at the time.

        But it *was* more funny than being greeted in the same doorway – at eye level – by a snake…or nearly tripping over a juvenile black bear…I’ll take being peed on by a frog anytime before the other two…

      17. MB
        Trust me. It sounds nearer than it is! Frogs are covered with slime and he was all stuck in there and had to be worked out. Then he got away from me and I had to catch him to take him outside. Hope he made it ok.

        Yes. They are very tasty and juicy. You can take my word on that. Interesting fact: the tendons in frogs leg muscles contract sharply when heated. This means they can actually jump out of a frying pan while cooking and they constantly move around in the grease – even if the legs are disconnected from the body. (Very entertaining for children)

      18. WS, I wouldn’t be entertained, I would be mortified! I can’t see something alive and then eat it. (One of my sayings is, “I don’t eat my friends.”). I haven’t gone as far as being a vegetarian, but I am the ultimate hypocrite! If I had to kill my own food, I WOULD be a vegetarian. At the store, it’s food. When it’s alive, it’s an innocent creature. I hate seeing the live lobsters in restaurants! “Yes, I know you have lived for 70 years, but that ends tonight when I pick you so I can have ONE meal.” I just want him to keep on living. I’ll have broccoli and baked potato, please.

      19. MB
        Ha, ha! My mother was a beef cattle farmer and we raised hogs when I was young, so there was never any disconnect about eating cute little animals. That is why I became a vegetarian.

        I was taught to hunt as a child because in my culture all children were. But it always traumatized me to kill anything. I feel that God sent me signs to stop killing animals. My last squirrel was pregnant with twins, which I discovered when I skinned her. They were just fetuses so no way I could raise them. It took them almost 30 minutes to die. One of the saddest things I ever witnessed. That’s when I gave up hunting.

        Then there was a groundhog eating the sweetcorn out of my garden. When I flipped her over after I shot her, I saw she was a nursing mother. I searched until I found her nest in a sinkhole in the woods and found her 3 babies. I carried vegetables and water to them until they were big enough to forage on their own. For months they’d come up to the house and my mother would throw them out lettuce.
        That’s when I gave up gardening. 😐

      20. WS, your tragedies with the squirrel mama and the groundhog mama/babies were heartbreaking! It made me so sad. It was so kind of you to look after her babies. I don’t know how I could have gotten past the guilt. I can’t kill anything (except house flies and even then I apologize to them) on purpose and have certainly never shot at something alive. I can see why you quit hunting and quit gardening!

      21. 🙂 Was thinking of you Tammy, and Quasi’s comment to you on anger…how are you doing?

      22. Wrangling and fighting off the monkeys, lol, but doing good right now. And I’m glad for that.

      23. Yeah, the monkeys are definitely not fun. They were always, for me, way scarier than the Wicked Witch of the West herself.

        Take care!

  8. Omg if a man spoke to me like this , I would tell him to F off .

    I would not meekly stand there , thank goodness I wasn’t with a narc who was verbally viscous , it was all very passive aggressive , I never saw or heard anger but silent treatments signalled it

    Ladies any of you putting up with the above need to get out and seek professional help / assistance immediately .It is blatant obvious abuse and not even cloaked or clever just brutish.

    1. Kiki,
      I heard many a tirade like this. Things I would never have put up with. Nor did I expect it after the intense lovebombing. I’m too blunt, mouthy, stubborn, strong (words regularly used to describe me) to even entertain such nonsense.

      But that’s the thing with abuse; it creeps in slowly: a little bit here, a little bit there, and plenty of excuses here and there… Until one day you find yourself running through the street screaming for help

      😞

      1. Jasmine
        Exactly. We would all like to think that we would not allow it, but despite anyone thinking that they would ever become entangled with a narcissist in any way-here we all are.

        Glad to see you and hope you are doing well.

      2. Jasmine,

        I hear you….

        Mine happened once and suddenly – it was like an explosion and I didn’t even understand at the time where it came from – especially after the lovebombing.

        It no joke… for me…seemingly came out of nowhere and was such an abrupt shift.

        I only endured one though because that was enough – I officially left and deaded it today and disappeared from the relationship and his life.

  9. I cringed reading this. It brings back so many memories of him flipping out over nothing, or reacting badly on several occasions when I was trying to be kind or look out for his interests. then when I’d question why he was reacting so harshly he’d accuse me of “caterwauling” or being “sanctimonious.” Those were his two most frequently used insults to cause hurt.

  10. It sounds like my mother speaking to me. It also sounds like every other guy, and even so called friends. I’ve attracted a lot of your kind…I think because there’s that magical thinking part of me that is still trying to work things out with my family. Trying g to fix the original wounds. Thanks HG for bringing clarity to my once confused thinking. Seriously.

  11. I got a tirade hoover at my front door shortly after I went no contact. Security camera caught it all. Shared with select family and friends. Actually quite funny to see a 60 year old having a toddler tantrum. Mid range loser. He is the butt of many jokes now.

    1. JD, I also had a tirade hoover this weekend after blocking a ‘friend,’ I think a MR loser as well. I listened to the honest feedback I received from those on this site since Thursday on how to handle him. X

      I admit, I was always one step behind your advice, Ladies, but I caught up to it. I went NC Saturday night and wouldn’t answer calls to meet him.

      This was my first awakening, lesson in practice, real life dissing someone I suspect being one brick short of a load. Narc? I believe so. Who else would pound and pound on someone’s door who blocked them? I was in survival, logical thinking mode, but afraid, too.

      He doesn’t have a clue why, but when in doubt Get Out immediately. Not that it was easy. I questioned everything, that’s what we do, but I tuned in and contemplated my situation, second guessing my own strong gut feeling to say bye-bye in my head. I cannot hurt his feelings. Wounded, probably. But he was pounding on my door hard and desperate and probably knew I was here.

      Go to Mexico w/o me.

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