A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 80



Dear R.

We come from a country where for a long time there was an evil dictatorship in power. He maimed and executed and made people disappear. He tortured people. He exiled thousands of others, including my parents.  I came back to our country in my early twenties, a couple of years after it all came to an end and we got democracy back. I felt so guilty about not having been here and fought for democracy. I admired those who had. Then I met you. You had been part of all that I admired. I fell for that. And you knew it, and made me feel even guiltier. I walked right into your evil labyrinth with no understanding of what the heck was going on. Now I know that I was so guilty about not having suffered under the real regime—and not having fought back—that I made myself a little tyrant and a little dictatorship, a little hairy torturer and narc to cleanse me.

Like a lot of other people (mostly women I dare say) I read Mr. Tudor’s writing and confirmed—and began to really learn about—what I already knew: you are a text-book vampire narc. A truly masterful one I must say. At least I could say that I first fell for your very good looks and our matching political passions. But now that you are turning into a fat and quite ungainly piggybank, you still have your coterie and devotees. It never fails to amaze me! Your exes mill around you. The mother of your 22-year-old daughter even helped you move your things to your new lavish home in the countryside! With her partner as the driver!!!!! Good one, narc!

When we got together, we both had little daughters, who became almost sisters in that frightening regime. We then had a son, 14 years ago, a beautiful son with a disability. He is the only reason I maintain contact with you today. The one sad loss I feel is that of your beautiful daughter (my son’s sister). She no longer sees me or my daughter. I know she made peace with you, after years of suffering your rages, misogyny and manipulations. She was part of mine and my daughter’s life. Yet today, with the help of one of your greatest devotees—your girlfriend-cum-driver-cum-housemaker-cum-nanny—your daughter convinced herself that you are a worthy father. Now we no longer see her. And it makes me sad. After reading HG Tudor, I understand how much fuel you must be getting from knowing that my daughter and I feel that loss.

You have surrounded yourself with an amazing army. I congratulate you, like generals after a war. I have my devotees too. They are the few, but the best. My daughter, my partner (a wonderful man I have been with 6 years). The rest are second-rate: friends who never really wanted to understand.

I now accept the price I paid for those eight years of stupidity and hardheadedness when I just could not bring myself to leave my little dictator. But the peace I have is worth it.

The only thing that is not OK is the damage to my daughter. I could have avoided it when at four years old she said, “Please mummy, I don’t want us to live with him”. One day I will right it. And the damage it is doing to my son, that’s something I must see to.

Well, R. There is nothing to thank you for. No good memories. I learnt nothing good from you. The only positive learning I got from all this was thanks to my own intelligence (which I got back after leaving you) that finally led me to Mr. Tudor, whose writings are making me wiser.

That’s it.

From Wonderful Me

PS. On the bright side, my partner—who loves me and whom I love—is really an admirable man. He tried to get rid of the tyrant that ruled our country. Physically. What you did was a piece of sheep poo next to what he did. I know you know that, and that’s my little victory. And… it’s him who has taught my son to be a man. All you do is say you love him and grimace like a fool.


9 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 80

  1. Starscape says:

    Thank you for this. It gives me hope that there actually are good guys out there somewhere. Someone peaceful that can be relied on and trusted.

  2. amanda SNapchat says:

    super interesting! I met some high people in gov from venezuela when I met my greater narc. I really liked them! They gave me really cool gifts! It was very interesting to talk to them. They explained that it was all perception. The US was looking to present Venezuela in very n negative form. But it was not bad. you just need to change your chip of what u think success is. I really liked chatting with them. I think i would have payed more attention to them if I had not met the greater. I was super seduced by him and forgot everything else :'(

  3. Kathy Mor says:

    No. It is not just you. My son asks about my ex narc all the time. He really likes the guy. I guess I was not the only one who got discarded…

  4. wounded says:

    Beautiful. I am so happy you have found peace and happiness.

  5. merrymagenta says:

    My most recent narc referred to, and thought of his ex wife’s daughter as his ex stepdaughters. They were 4 and 6 years old when he married their mother and were in their late twenties when they got divorced. They called him dad. He essentially divorced them too. I couldn’t get my head around that. Is it just me?

    1. amanda SNapchat says:

      are they really bad or is another actor trying to convince you they are?

      1. merrymagenta says:

        He didn’t say they were bad, he just classed them as ex in the same way as their mother whom he divorced. I never met any of them, so for all I know none of them actually existed. I only saw photographs of one of the supposed daughters, holding a baby and photos of him with some random toddler, who was claimed to be the other daughter’s son. Those daughters sometimes had a sister too (a twin, so presumably he could just pass off another photo of the same woman if he needed to give me proof at some later point… who knows?!). However she didn’t seem to exist all of the time; at times he didn’t know where she lived and had no means of contact, then at other times (when he needed an ‘alibi’ or wanted to use her for triangulation or testing purposes) he would tell me last minute that he was visiting her for weekends (usually when we had planned to spend it together) and naturally she had to come first and I had to be content with comfort crumbs and future faking even though our plans were long-standing and I had often bought tickets for concerts, etc and had bought my non refundable, non transferable train tickets. It wouldn’t surprise me to discover that the kids in the photographs are actually his and that he even still has a wife too (he wore a ring on his ‘wedding ring’ finger). I was supposed to be IPPS, but in reality I was just one of many IPSS’s, DSIPSS’s and who knows what else… men… phallus shaped vegetables from the produce aisle… farmyard animals… I wouldn’t put anything past him! He had a lot of female “friends” who he used in various triangulations with me too, three of whom had the same name (less likely to be caught out in a lie by using the wrong name… lazy narcissist!); Kath, Cath and Kathy… hmmm… yeah, right!? He thought I lapped it all up, but even at the time I didn’t believe a single word he told me. I stayed though, enthralled, mesmerised, crazy, self doubting, self loathing… I think that says more about me than him.

  6. DoForLuv says:

    uhoh now I feel bad I really like the leaders in the picture I´ve been reading and watching documenteries about them haha

  7. LYNN says:

    You truely are wonderful and I wish you a fabulous future that you so deserve. x

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