Sadistic Streak


You could be forgiven for thinking that all of our kind are sadists. From your perspective, much of our behaviour, if not all, makes no sense and therefore it could be argued that to behave in the manner that we do must mean that we are all sadists. That is an understandable proposition. After all, if one day a person is kind to you and then the next is nasty to you when you have given them no reason to behave like that, then surely such behaviour is sadistic is it not? The behaviour has no grounding in any logic, the nastiness is manifesting just for the hell of it, is it not? Are we then not deriving pleasure from your hurt and discomfort and therefore that must makes us sadists?

A true or pure sadist is one who derives pleasure from the sadistic act. This often manifests in a sexual arena in that the act of sadism is acted out in a sexual engagement or the sadist becomes sexually aroused from the sadistic act (which may not be sexual in nature). Accordingly, a sadist may derive sexual pleasure from flagellating a bound and gagged individual. Similarly, a sadist may become sexually aroused from murdering the pet kitten of someone else.

Those of you have familiarity with my works will understand that fromm the narcissistic perspective, what we do is not done solely for pleasure (indeed we do not experience pleasure or joy) but rather it is done for the purposes of gaining fuel. It is our need for fuel which is the driver behind all of our behaviours because the emotional response of another provides us with the validation that we desperately require to fill up the void which exists inside of us.

The acquisition of fuel occurs in many, many arenas. It might be gaining a smile from an appreciative stranger as get in a lift with them, from the tears of our partner who is crying after we have held them by the throat and described how much we hate them or from them ecstatic groans of our lover as we provide them with orgasmic relief. In each instance, fuel is what flows, fuel is the aim and fuel is what is required.

All of our kind receives fuel from the emotional response of others. We do not feel joy from inflicting pain on you because we do not feel joy. Your pained expression provides fuel. It could be tears, it could be a smile, it could be laughter. As long as there is an emotional response then we gain fuel.

When you are hurt from our manipulations this is a by product of our need to gain fuel. It is a collateral consequence. Our lack of empathy means that we do not care that you are hurt. However, it goes further than this. The reduced cognitive function of the Lesser (and to some degree the lower echelons of the Mid-Ranger) means that not only do they not care that you are being hurt, they do not know you are being hurt. They see an emotional reaction and that provides fuel (although of course they do not know the mechanics of that operation). They cannot recognise the pain. I appreciate this will be rather hard for some people to grasp – how can he not know I am hurt when I am telling him so and he sees my face twisted in pain and the tears spilling down my face? The fact is, those members of our brethren neither care nor know. Thus when you are manipulated it is done purely for the fuel, it is not done primarily to hurt you. This is cold comfort nevertheless as the outcome remains the same. You are hurt.

Where we have a sadistic streak (and this is more prevalent with the upper echelons of the Mid-Range and the Greater Narcissist) we know we are hurting you and we do not care. The knowledge of your hurt adds further fuel. Accordingly, your emotional response which we witness provides us with the fuel (in the same way as a Lesser or lower echelon Mid-Ranger would) but the knowledge you are being hurt and we are causing this, provides  us with extra potent fuel.

A sadist behaves in the way that he or she does purely for the sake of pleasure. We do not do it. If we have a sadistic streak then we deploy it in our machinations for two purposes:-

  1. The provision of extra-potent fuel as described above; and
  2. For the purposes of punishment and revenge.

Our aim, through this sadism, is not solely pleasure but rather the reinforcement of our superiority. Not all of our kind wish to punish, hence, they have no sadistic streak. The Mid-Ranger who has lost his primary source will feel fury for this transgression but he is far more likely to direct his energies to applying an Initial Grand Hoover to get you back and reinstate the golden period. He has no urge to punish you. Even if that IGH fails, he will then focus on recruiting a new primary source and he will leave you alone. There may be benign follow-up hoovers when he devalues the new primary source, but there is still no desire to punish you He may be looking to ‘win you back’ or just gain positive fuel. If this fails, he may not apply a malign hoover, but instead will leave you be before returning at a later juncture with another benign hoover (if conditions are right).

If you have been discarded by a Lesser but you keep trying to find out why he has discarded you, he will apply malign hoovers. This is not done as an act of revenge, but is rather done to make you stay away so he can focus on his new primary source and so you will not spoil this golden period by telling lies (the truth) about him to the new primary source. He wants you deleted and the malign hoovers are a response to your interference.

If you find yourself in a situation where you know that your particular narcissist has a new primary source, you are doing nothing to enter the spheres of influence but your narcissist will not leave you alone and is applying malign hoovers against you, this is evidence of the sadistic streak. It manifests as a malicious obsession which causes you to enter the sixth sphere of influence (see the relevant section in What is Making Him Come Back? ) and then the Hoover Execution Criteria are met.

The relevant narcissist may not actually receive any Proximate Fuel from you as you are treated to these malign hoovers because he cannot see your reactions, so you may wonder, why would he do this? The reasons are as follows:-

  1. The sadistic streak means that he is willing to sacrifice the fuel he is gaining from the new primary source to carry out this sadistic, malign campaign against you. Usually, the narcissist will want to gorge on this positive fuel from the new primary source and keep his attention on this person, but where there is a sadistic streak, he is willing to use some of this fuel to power the malicious campaign against you as the discarded or escaped former primary source.
  2. The sadistic behaviour allows for the provision of Thought Fuel as the sadistic narcissist contemplates your terrified reactions and it is his perception of how you feel (even though he cannot see it and thus it is not Proximate Fuel) . Ordinarily, a non-sadistic narcissist would not bother to apply the energy to gain this weaker Thought Fuel but a sadistic narcissist will do so.
  3. Our superiority is maintained by doling out punishment and revenge. A non-sadistic narcissist would seek that reinforcement with a new primary source (because it is easier to gain that positive fuel from them and to focus on them solely). The demands of the sadistic narcissist are such that he requires this ratification and validation from both current primary source (positive fuel) and discarded former primary source (negative Thought Fuel and the power felt from the application of revenge).

Accordingly, when you are entangled with a narcissist, so that the Formal relationship is continuing and you are being devalued, and he exhibits sadistic behaviours towards you, this is for the purposes of gaining extra potent fuel. If the sadism occurs post escape or discard, this is done to punish you. If Proximate Fuel arises, so much the better but if it does not, this is not a massive concern to the sadistic narcissist because we are willing to sacrifice the fuel gained from another source in order to power our desire to achieve revenge over you.

Since you look at matters from your perspective and not ours, you may find it difficult to truly distinguish when sadistic behaviour is being used against you during the Formal Relationship. It is, however, at its most recognisable when you have escaped us or have been discarded. If you know we have a new primary source but there is a campaign of hurtful behaviour being used against you – slashing the tyres on your car, putting bricks through your windows, posting unsavoury comments about you online, handing outflyers accusing you of child abuse and such like – this is the sadism being manifested. This is not a smear because the smearing happens prior to your discard (so we have got in first) or if you have escaped, the smear will happen before we get another primary source. The key determining factor in knowing that you are facing a sadistic narcissist is that we have a new primary source and instead of relishing solely in the golden period with them, we are lashing out at you again and again.

17 thoughts on “Sadistic Streak

  1. Nath says:

    And what could happen when we leave a narcissist for another Partner?

    In what form can this sadism manifest itself?

    Thanks HG

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That would cause wounding and an ignition of fury, see ‘How No Contact Feels’ Parts One to Three.

  2. Lou says:

    Just read very quickly that M. Markle’s assistant has quit because of Meghan’s bad temper. Hmmm , seems like you were right HG. I must confess I was not 100% convinced about her NPD. I wanted to learn more about her before putting her in the NPD group. Now she is in.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Of course I was right, Lou.

      1. Lou says:

        Of course you were.

  3. lizk says:

    Every woman adores a Fascist,
    The boot in the face, the brute
    Brute heart of a brute like you.

    ―from Daddy by Sylvia Plath

    1. 2SF says:

      I was ‘obsessed’ with the story of Sylvia Plath,Ted Hughes and Assia Wevill for a while. It is so intriguing. You would want to be able to look inside these peoples heads and know the exact truth. One narc, 3 suicides,1 attempt (Wevill’s husband).
      Ted Hughes was a monster with a mask, an unconscionable narcissist.
      My heart goes out to all the women and men who did/do not see a way out other than to commit suicide, if only someone could have helped them see what they were into.

    2. Divine says:

      new fragrance ad!

  4. Kathy says:

    The whole sexual arousal thing by killing a kitten.. I would think that behavior would be associated with a lower functioning person? (A lesser lesser sort?) Yet you said sadism is more often an attribute of a higher end narcissist. Would it just be more sophisticated for a greater? Like a 50 shades sort of thing?
    Interestingly, a woman on a Facebook narcissist recovery group posted (she was an idiot to do so) that she has a lot of shame about sexual arousal when watching murder shows or hearing about violent crimes. It was a real person, middle aged frumpy sort of woman—actually posted this. I told her to take it down because it was a private therapy matter and I was told I was insensitive. Whatever, 15,000 people in there! How common is this kind of sexual turn on to violence? I’m assuming the woman had quite an abuse history—not necessarily a narcissist.

  5. Leslie says:

    The facts that you describe demonstrate the criminality of the behaviour.

    You are not superior. This is an incorrect term for the situation. You take pride in stripping people of boundaries, resources, self, etc without conscience, empathy, or remorse.

    This is destructive. It is a holocaust.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      And they say we are the dramatic ones…..

      1. 2SF says:

        HG, Holocaust means massive destruction. It is what is happening in this world, ruled by narcissists. There is a worldwide destruction going on. Not only the visible wars between nations, but also the invisible ‘wars’ in the homes of people and perhaps even more catastrophic, the annihilation of our environment. That is holocaust as well, as our planet will slowly be destroyed. Leslie is right and be fair, the selfishness of- and havoc caused by narcs is what we learn about in your blog.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          We do significant amounts of ‘good’ also you know.

          1. 2SF says:

            I can just see your face when you’d say that to me in real life. Something like 😕🙁. And I’d probably hug you and tell you sure do good too (before you’d knock me down).
            The fact that narcs do good as well makes it so hard to leave them. If they were pure evil only, we wouldn’t struggle so much 😘

          2. HG Tudor says:


      2. Caroline R says:

        Ns can do some good; I agree.
        My N-Mum liked to be needed, liked to know what was going on at all times, and get loads of positive fuel by doing practical, charitable work.
        When I was little, she and my Dad collected things for refugees (clothes, household goods/furniture and toys). Before she died, she helped at their church with the disabled social group.
        She always had natural managerial abilities….hmm…and she positively impacted quite a lot of people in her life.

        Just remembered one of her former staff members asked me one time “why does your mother need to make such a big deal about everything?”.
        I didn’t know.
        I looked embarrassed at such a question.
        There was no HG then.

    2. lizk says:

      Power has a habit of being like that.

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