You Should

YOU SHOULD

What is the prevailing mind-set of the Mid Range Narcissist? What is going through the mind of the member of the largest school of narcissism when an appliance has been treacherous and disloyal? Does he manifest the malice that is exhibited by the Greater school or is his response different? What is he thinking when there is treason committed in the Kingdom of Mid-Range? Whether the appliance has escaped him, exposed him, challenged him or some other capital crime against the nation-state of narcissism, the Mid-Ranger’s mind goes into overdrive. This is a glimpse inside to understand what he or she believes.

You should not have done that to me. You should be thankful for who I am. You should be giving thanks to whichever god you follow that you have someone like me in your life, someone who cares, someone who is considerate, someone who only wants the best for you. You should be ashamed of the way you have treated me. You should apologise this instant. You should say sorry to me for the way you have behaved. You should treat others the way you want to be treated and not going around behaving like you are something special. You should realise I am something special and you keep treating me terribly. You should understand that I am a good, honest and decent person and not everybody would put up with your hysterical outbursts. You should know how hard it is to love somebody like you, but I do. You should be grateful for that.

You should know who you are messing with. You should be wary of getting on the wrong side of me you know. You should make sure you keep me happy because you will not like me when I am not happy. You should be looking out for me and not gadding around after other people. You should learn what your priorities are. You should spend more time with me. You should know when to leave me alone. You should be here and doing what I want. You should try giving for once rather than doing all of this taking.

You should be more aware of the way that you treat people and especially me. You should think more about how your actions impact on me. You should take my feelings into account and stop being so selfish. You should realise just what you do hurts me. You should understand that the things you say and do to me have consequences. You should stop making it all about you and let me have a say from time to time. You should stop being so obsessed with your friends’ lives and think about our lives together. You should spend less time with your family, they do not appreciate you in the way I do.

You should stop telling lies about me. You should get your own house in order before you start telling me how I should lead my life. You shouldn’t live in a glass house you know and throw stones. You should stop being such a nasty person to someone who has only ever been good to you. You should stop smearing my name to other people. You should take a look in the mirror. You should take a good look in the mirror actually.

You should stop putting me down. You should do what I want for a change. You should come back and apologise, I am a reasonable person and you should recognise that. You should make things right again because after all this is all your fault. You should stop fighting with me, I do not know why you have to do this. You should stop trying to tie me in knots. You should be more considerate. You should think about me more. You should sort this mess out because you are the only one who has caused it.

You should see how hard I have been trying for us. You should recognise a good person when you see one. You should know I have made the changes you demanded but you should be making some of your own as well. You should realise just how much I have tried for you and me.

You should know what other people say about you. You should realise that I put up with people saying bad things about you and you should be grateful I defend you to them, but I won’t keep doing it forever. You should realise you are not as popular as you think you are. You should be aware that I am a popular person and you won’t come out of this looking good at all.

You shouldn’t treat me like this. You shouldn’t destroy what I have built. You should recognise a good person, an honest person, a truthful person like me. You should learn just what you have lost by behaving like this. You should see just how many people hold me in high regard. You should be so happy to have someone like me, someone who people think well of and they do, just ask anybody and they will tell you. You should take the time to realise that I am a good person and consider what you are doing to me, to us, to what we have.

You should stop hurting me. You should stop getting a kick out of this horrible treatment of me. You should stop being mean to someone who loves you. You should help me. You should love me more. You should show me that you mean it. You should stop with the pretence. You should be genuine like me. You should stop playing the games. You should be the person that would make your grandmother proud. You should be the best person you can be for me.

You should get some help. You should see someone. You should go to therapy. You should sort these problems out. You should stop blaming me. You should stop projecting your problems and insecurities on to me. You should stop the game-playing, I am cleverer than you so I see straight through it. You should tell the truth for once You should stop making up stories about me. You should reflect on what you do. You should get some insight into what you are actually doing. You should shut up and listen to me for once. You should go and see the doctor. You should take your medication. You should stop being such a borderline. You should stop being such an attention-seeker. You should stop dodging the issue. You should address your issues.

You should let me speak. You should give me a chance to make things right again. You should come back because you owe me. You should let me show you what I can do. You should understand sometimes I don’t know what comes over me. You should make allowances for my behaviour because you are worse. You should not focus on the handful of supposedly bad things I do when I do way more good things. You should listen to why I do those things because if you did you would realise there is always a very good reason behind it. You should understand I have to disappear once in a while because your behaviour becomes too much. You should understand I am not sulking, I am just being quiet. You should accept I have to tell people about the way you behave because otherwise I would go mental. You should think about the names I call you and realise I am actually trying to help you because otherwise you will not listen. You should stop trying to blame me for everything that goes wrong and instead be grateful for what I do for you.

You should give it a rest now because you are giving me a headache. You should go and let me rest because I have been working hard all day. You should rub my back. You should make me something to eat. You should be there when I come home. You should stay out of my way when I am fed up of you. You should ask me how I am and not keep telling me about what you want. You should stop telling me how I should behave. You should see what I have to deal with. You should try being me. You should understand how much pain I am in from my back and not complain about your own supposed ailments. You should show some consideration for me now and again. You should get off your high horse. You should give it a rest. You should try walking in my shoes. You should try being me for a day. You should look at it from my point of view. You should make allowances. You should be more tolerant.

You should do it because you want to. You should do it for us. You should have more faith. You should have more discipline. You should have more resolve. You should let me in. You should keep out. You should learn when to speak. You should learn when to stay quiet. You should be seen and not heard. You should follow me. You should watch what I do . You should learn from an expert. You should stick with me. You should be mine. You should stay away from him. You should not speak to them. You should know what is best for you. You should know home is where the heart is. You should know where you bread is buttered. You should know how lucky you are to have me.

You should come back.

You should because I say so.

You just should.

31 thoughts on “You Should

  1. DoForLuv says:

    “The LMN “As I was moving on (ignoring AST) he started the indirect electronic hoovers , but with me being out late at night and still ignoring him made him hoover me directly with all types of manipulation 🤦🏽‍♀️To coming at my house and apologize in person tried to impregnate me . Put me on the shelf but keeps watching all my online activity and ignores me what ever I try to say . But when ever I’m out he just won’t sleep all night and watches everything within minutes or shows himself close in town . Now I realize I’m his former IPPS. It’s me ending the formal relationship everytime or ghost on him when he goes silent im really indifferent. Because I feel turned down very quickly but Reading this helps me alot with him always being so silent for soooooo long and whats going on in his Mind when he does that. We are both wrong .

  2. Supernova DE says:

    This is so spot on for the MMRN. This entire premise was his attitude toward his wife, his kids, his job, etc.
    I got the impression that he was constantly thinking, “You should just be grateful for what I give you and when I give it to you, and quite bugging me for more.” “You should not require my respect.” “You should be available when I want you to be.” “You should not expect me to be available when you need me.” “You should not expect to have any control in this arrangement.” “You should know you are lucky to have me.”
    I always wondered why he thought he was so damn special, a prize to be won, while at the same time he was always talking about how humble he is and that he’s just a regular guy yada yada yada. MMRN through and through.
    When in reality, I am far more of a prize than him, on so many levels.

  3. Leslie says:

    His narrative. Lol. With a few additions required, though.

  4. Jess says:

    HG: does the UMRN also display this “you should” attitude/belief once we go no contact? Just curious if and how it continues when they no longer have direct control over us. Would appreciate your input.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes.

  5. Kelly B says:

    The narcissist wants you to be a puppet. He said “who else would put up with all of this.” I’m a good person. When its the other way around.

  6. Renarde says:

    Arggh NA. I cannot reply in situ!

    Totally agree. They have a valuable and aware patient. It’s like digging for coal and finding gold.

    Yes, dear HG. you’re my special charm. If I could wear you on a bracelet; I would.

  7. ava101 says:

    HG,
    I know you mention that situation lots of times, but could you maybe write something describing how the narc drives a nice, peaceful empath to shout at him, and how he then turns the situation against her?
    And train us how to stay calm always …. ?
    Thank you!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Noted.

      1. ava101 says:

        Thank you!

        I am working currently at “don’t get drawn into the story”, “don’t get drawn into the drama”, “don’t get drawn into the pathology”, …

  8. Pauline says:

    HG would you agree with my observation that mid range narcissist uses pity plays a lot during the early seduction “oh I am poor boy, please take care of me I will be your perfect prince charming if you just let me!” and also during the devaluation “oh I am not happy anymore, do something, change something, treat me better because I don’t feel loved and wanted!”

    BUT when he is mentally ready to discard you he becomes indiffierent, cold, distant. You start to recognize there must be something wrong because he even doesn’t complain anymore. He no longer acts like a victim that you should save or take care of. He starts to act like a predator who is superior and better than you. Suddenly he is no longer a little child you should love more. He is an adult now who sees a small child in you. Small, pitiful, stupid child who needs to be kicked out of his life because he isn’t interested in looking after it.

    So while the whole relationship you played a mother to him giving him emotional support constantly, helping with many things on daily basis, you end up as abandonend disabled child. This is his final manipulation, when the mask crashes.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That can and does happen.

    2. Michelle says:

      Pauline, this is very consistent with my experiences. I was shocked at how my Narc Ex could morph from a scared little child who needed me to a parental disciplinarian in moments. It is strange how you suddenly find yourself to be the child.

    3. Caroline R says:

      Pauline
      Very well thought out description.
      That is my experience of mid-rangers of every type.

    4. ava101 says:

      Jepp!!

      And guess what, they suddenly don’t need your car, your house hunting skills, renovation skills, cooking skills, etc. anymore and suddenly manage perfectly!! without you.

  9. mommypino says:

    Gosh this sounds perfectly like my half sister and my stepdaughters.

    My sister ostracized all if us in her life except for her codependent bestfriend that she has been intimate with previously and her ex boyfriend who housed her after she left our house. Before I (unconsciously) stopped providig fuel to her because I was exhausted from catering to her needs, she was telling me how upset she was with everybody for not writing to her when she was out of the country. She believed that they should have even though I explained to her that they have their own lives. She believed that our brother SHOULD be more caring to her and she was upset when he told her that he is not a shoulder to cry on. She was upset at our dad for not telling her that she is beautiful and that he thought our older sister was the beautiful one. She was upset at all kinds of people for somethibg that we SHOULD have done for her but didn’t do.

    My stepdaughters are the same with their dad. He is actually an amazing dad but it is never enough for them.

    Also to me. Their complaints about me are about something that I didn’t do enough. Like when I was the photographer for my oldest stepdaughter’s daughter’s first bday, I was a 7 months pregnant and I took over 200 pictures but the sisters and their husband and boyfriend were wearing their angry faces and I didn’t know why. After the party the younger stepdaughter lashed out at their dad about me saying that I didn’t take enough pictures and I was sabotaging the party by not taking all of the pictures that I should have taken. I sent them the card with the 200 plus pics and their dad was upset at them saying that they should just pay a photographer instead of asking me to do it. Then they said that it’s because they look good when I take the pictures. I think that it’s true that they look good with the pictures that I take but it also makes them feel power when I take pictures of them with their mom and I am almost never in the pics because I’m the one taking the pictures. They expect so much from me but when we ask one of them to take a quick snap of me and their dad they would not even hold the camera still and the pics come out horrible. Nothing is ever enough for them.

  10. Original Overthinker says:

    Eeeeeek first paragraph description … Thought it … Am I a narc …

    1. mommypino says:

      I think the difference is that when we feel that somebody should have never done something to us, we have a real valid reason for feeling that. My mid-rangers are constantly evaluating every minor innocent thing that people do for them and comparing it to their imaginary standard or benchmark of what they deserve (entitlement).

      1. Anm says:

        Mommypino, exactly. The midranger I deal with, never has a real valid reason behind his complaints or concerns. His facts are always emotions, and the conversation will turn into word salad if pressed. He is always triggered and wounded.

    2. Confused says:

      Me too! And a couple of other things as well. Also told two of my ex narcs to seek therapy. But then : I have a therapist myself and it was one of the best decisions in my life to finally confront the effects of having grown up under a sadistic matrinarc. Problem is now I SEE that there are narcs around me absolutely everywhere. I work in a totally narc infested environment. My kids have a fluctuating self worth (working hard on healing). Seeing is believing, you can’t run away from it all anymore. But really, it seems beyond belief how many MR narcs there are (mind you, my first boyfriend was a Greater). Slowly I don’t care anymore whether I might be the narc or not, as we all know, narc or codependent are flip sides of the coin. I know that I don’t want to hurt anyone, and I am banning narcissism from my life….. It will take the time it takes to heal but I will manage.

      HG please direct me to the article or book in which you explain why you CHOOSE not to heal. You have awareness – this means you have a choice. You have nothing to lose because you could always choose your old ways if you can’t adapt to the new. I don’t understand why you would want to be dependent on other people to provide you with fuel. You have the awareness to know that there is nothing great about it. Why not be great and face the creature.

      Or have you made the choice now? There is no need here to pretend either way.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        I have not written about it in a book in a detail Confused.

  11. kel says:

    HG, do the ‘good doctors ‘ know you’re doing narcsite? Do they read it?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes. I know they have done.

      1. Renarde says:

        I thought so too. But, HG, wasn’t this part of the contract, that they wouldn’t?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Sorry, I do not see in moderation the comment you are referring to – what is ‘this part of the contract’ and what is it that they ‘wouldn’t’? If you could give me the specifics please.

          1. Renarde says:

            Could be wrong but I’m sure I read on your writings that they suggested you write. You agreed but on the condition they never looked. Again, could be wrong but it struck me that they wouldn’t be able to resist reading your work.

      2. NarcAngel says:

        HG
        This is quite a petri dish the Good Doctors are looking in on. You of course are the main focus, but they get the bonus of the other side as well, and in a way that no textbook could ever provide. They should be paying instead of charging.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          They all pay, NA, in the end.

          1. Nika says:

            Sad.

      3. ava101 says:

        Haha.
        Still think, they volunteer themselves for the position of IPPS who knows who you are.

        NarcAngel:
        yes, absolutely, and I do sometimes think about how many!! people read my pathetic story (OMG) … But I sometimes do describe more than I had wanted to, because I think that, — had I heard 20 years ago from someone else that they had been experiencing the same thing as I had, and had I known therefore what I had been dealing with, it would have helped me. So, I just hope, what we all write makes therapists finally understand better, and also help other “victims” to identify what is happening.

        E. g. I had more than 20 years ago absolutely nobody whom I could ask about mind games, and the sexual stuff that was going on with my first real (grown-up … more or less) boyfriend. Because my girlfriends had no experience, one girl who did, didn’t understand what I was talking about (and I was too embarrassed anyways), and as you know, there had been no internet to read, and ask on websites.

        Sooo…. It’s a bit of a strange thought that anyone can read all those details, but if it makes any kind of therapist understand, how the mind games, manipulations, etc. work, how it all can happen to more or less normal and self-confident people, and what the effects are … the my group talk therapy with you all was worth something. 😉

      4. ava101 says:

        P.S.: yeah, I want to be paid for taking part in the scientific experiment. ;P

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