Exposed – 5 Further Ways To Flush Out the Narcissist



Here are five further opportunities to flush out whether the person you are interacting with is potentially one of our kind.

  1. Ask which parent we liked the best

The Lesser will launch into an uncontrolled tirade about the one he hates because that is the one that has made his life a misery since childhood. He despises that person and will relish the opportunity to share his vitriol with you.

The Mid-Range will not opt for fury but rather will speak in melancholic terms for the purposes drawing some kind of sympathy about how he misses a particular parent (one will be preferred over the other and this will be the one who he wanted to love him but did not) and he will describe how he does so much for this parent but is underappreciated. He will not actually choose one parent over the other but instead he will use the question as an opportunity to convey his woes.

The Greater will tell you that his parents died in a car crash, or left the country, or that he was abandoned as child purely for the purposes of gathering fuel from you and making him appear to be a troubled soul, whilst every time you look in the other direction he will be smirking. When you eventually meet his parents he will use your bewilderment at their appearance to make a joke and display how he loves his parents immensely. This is all show. He actually wishes they were dead.

The Normal will not pick one over the other usually, but if he does, this will be done after emphasising the good points of both parents so that one only just shades it.

  1. Ask what our favourite toy was during childhood

The Lesser will recount a tale about how his favourite toy was broken by a parent, a sibling or stolen by a supposed friend. The rant he will engage in will seem like this toy was hugely expensive and that the event happened yesterday.

The Mid-Range will most likely point to a board game and remark about how he won every game that he ever played and may even admit to cheating at the game. He will answer this question quickly, as if it is something that is often at the forefront of his mind.

The Greater will dismiss having played with toys and will explain how he was too busy studying, playing sport or chasing girls. Indeed, there is every chance that he will explain he was doing all three. He does not want too many reminders of childhood because the memories remain painful and all too clear, not that he will admit that to you. He will instead ask you about your favourite toy.

The Normal will smile and identify something which will be straight-forward and simple but he will speak about it with fond enthusiasm.

  1. Ask when did we last cry

The Lesser will relate it to some personal slight that he has suffered. It will not be because he was upset about someone else, but rather that he was upset for himself. He will not be able to provide a precise time.

The Mid-Range will profess it was as a consequence of a sad film or on seeing some campaign to help blind gay whales find their parents. He wants you to think he cares and is compassionate so will align his supposed crying with such an event. The reality is he cried when he thought his last supply was leaving because he felt bad for himself and he knew that turning on the water works is a sure fire way of stopping the departure and garnering sympathy.

The Greater will say that he does not cry. He will be proud of that fact and not wish to mask it. He will then ask you what makes you cry and make a careful note of what your answers are.

The Normal will explain it was when his grandmother passed away, when his dog died or when Bambi’s mother was killed by the hunter in the film. It may also be when his team last won the championship or when he was re-united with a long lost friend.

  1. Apply a gentle criticism to us

The Lesser will reject the assertion and argue that you are wrong. He will initially keep a lid on his ignited fury because this has been done during the seduction but if you press the point he will erupt.

The Mid-Range will fall silent as he tries to prevent the criticism from igniting his fury. He cannot respond because he is exerting his control to keep his ignited fury under control. Once he feels it abating he will either change topic pretending that he never heard it or he will depart from your company for a few minutes as he regains his composure. Say hello to your first, short silent treatment.

The Greater will smile and laugh. The smile will be false and the laugh hollow. He has plenty of control during this seduction to prevent his ignited fury from manifesting. Expect however a back-handed compliment later in the interaction and he has filed away your comment which will be revisited on you during devaluation.

“Remember when you said you did not like this tie? I certainly do. Well, Louise loves this tie and thinks it suits me. Who is Louise? Wouldn’t you like to know?”

The Normal will smile and laugh it off, asking you “Do you think so, why do you say that?” interested to know why you have said what you have said. He may reject it but will do so pleasantly or he may take the comment on board with good grace.

  1. Observe our interactions with a minion

The Lesser will go out of his way to be haughty and demonstrate that he is the boss in order to try to impress you.

The Mid-Range will be charming and pleasant in order to draw fuel from both you and the minion. His obsequiousness will be noticeable and he will spend more time than he ought to deal with the minion.

The Greater will be flirtatious and point out that “They love me in here because of how much I spend, I always get a great table and great service.” It will be all about how great he is and how the minion is there to serve him.

The Normal will be polite and have minimal interaction with the minion because he will be concentrating on you.



  1. I will hold onto this article because it will help me, and my loved ones, to flush Dark Personalities into the depths of the sewers (it is only a metaphor; I would not literally do it this way).

  2. These are really helpful, HG. It brings to mind a couple of guys I chatted with online who turned out to be narcs. If I asked “are you close to your parents” the response was always to give the geographic distance or number of miles. Is it a narc thing to interpret the question that way, or just a guy thing in general to give an impersonal response like that?

  3. A birthday! A birthday is a very good one. In general, normals I know will treat you in a special manner, will ask you ahead if you are going to celebrate and want to be considered or will ask you to pick a day for dinner, and so forth.
    My narc will evade this date (after many years it just would be impossible to forget about it, right?), and will continue evading it even after you tell him your birthday is coming. The day of your birthday most lf the times you remind him to congratulate you. Then if you invite him to the celebration he would not say he is going, or will do so in a dismissive way. He shows up (of course he does), sometimes “cassually” with a (girl) friend, that is also your friend and is on the list, and others he would be flirting with all girls attending. This can end in many different ways: a fight, confussion if being ignored, success after flirting, etc.
    The first time it happens is very upsetting and disturbing, so I guess it is a great indicator. Nobody does this.

  4. These ones are more sophisticated and accurate. The first set is a very good filter, but I guess that with this additional information we might be almost sure that we are dating a narcissist. Now you remind me about another one about my Narc. During the first dates it was all about romance with me, so I asked: tell me who is your love of your life. I took him a while. He then told me about a girl he met in Cannes when he was about 18, it was wonderful and perfect.
    I remembered that information a couple of years later and asked him again. He told me: I had nothing with her, we just met in a train, she was Mexican (such as us), I saw her some years ago and she is quite fat, we had nothing special. I was shocked. Then I thought, I guess this guy does not even know what is love about. This was weird.

  5. This is so accurate.

    1. Ask which parent we liked best.

    My Mid-range sister would go on and on about her mom. Her house (when she had one) was full of framed pictures of her mom but zero pictures of our dad. I would look at our dad to see his reaction whenever we visited her but he didn’t seem to mind. He pointed out how beautiful her mom/his wife was. She would almost tear up whenever she talked about her mom while she would be agrily talking about how bad our dad was.

    My Normal brother wouldn’t pick a favorite. He had fond stories with both parents. He didn’t like that dad cheated on his mom but he didn’t hate him for that either. His face would light up when the topic of him sailing with our dad when he was a child would come up. He he fondly remembered the beautiful quilts and needleworks that his mom made.

    2. Ask what favorite toy

    My MRE sister would point out about how she is the “queen” of scrabble. She has always been so proud of her mastery of English and her vocabulary. She would use big words all the time to sound impressive and she had no qualms correcting my grammar loudly in front of people like she was teaching a fifth grader. Amazing how you said board game for a Mid-ranger. I’m astounded by your accuracy.

    My Normal brother didn’t seem to have a favorite toy but he would go on and on about sailing when he was a kid. Our dad got him a little boat and he sailed with it all the time. It was cheap at that time when they were living in Hong Kong.

    3. When they last cried:

    My MRE sister loved films and because she was a dog lover, she said that the saddest movie for her was “Old Yeller” and she would tear up and her chin slightly shaking as she recalls the movie in her mind. Her tears never really leave her eyes by the way. But she always had the saddest facial expressions. There’s no point in asking her when she last cried because she cried almost everyday.

    My Normal brother would chuckle at that question and say that he never cries because he’s an engineer. He doesn’t have emotions.

    4. Apply a gentle criticism

    My MRE sister would be exactly as described. Be quiet but you can see that she is stewing inside. I knew that when she is ready to talk again to me there will be a passive aggressive or underhanded insult coming my way.

    My Normal brother would be quiet for a few seconds thinking about it and he would correct you if he thinks that you are inaccurate or he will just ignore it and not take it seriously. He has never lost his temper on me because he doesn’t have emotions but he only time that I have seen him lose it was when iur MRE sister got his wife really angry. He told our MRE sister to leave them alone and he shut the door in front of her face.

    5. Obseve interactions with a minion

    I hated going out to a Chinese restaurant with my MRE sister because she always had to show off how fluent she was in Mandarin by talking to the servers in Mandarin. The first time she did it was cool and impressive, but she does it all the time and it gets really boring. So I would always shut down the idea of Chinese food when she was there.

    My normal brother is pretty normal, polite, and exactly as described.

    My normal husband would give little jokes here and there with the minions but only to make the minions happy and comfortable. He calls the waiters sir and depending on their persinality, pick on them to make them laugh. But his main focus is still us his family.

  6. Keep these coming! For now, I just tend to think anyone I remotely like is a narcissist because it is all I ever end up with! I’ll send my latest conquest these questions!

      1. Easier said than done, but i do so now. Sprinkle them into several conversations. Sometimes they answer them before you ask.

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