Early Warning Detector


How much did the last narcissist cost you? Thousands in “borrowed money”? Thousands in legal fees/therapy costs? Hours of wasted time deliberating and analysing? Time lost which would have been better spent with your children, your extended family and your friends. Time away from work? Time tied up in court proceedings?

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20 thoughts on “Early Warning Detector

  1. Nika says:

    I will hold onto this article because it will help me, and my loved ones, to flush Dark Personalities into the depths of the sewers (it is only a metaphor; I would not literally do it this way).

  2. Mary says:

    These are really helpful, HG. It brings to mind a couple of guys I chatted with online who turned out to be narcs. If I asked “are you close to your parents” the response was always to give the geographic distance or number of miles. Is it a narc thing to interpret the question that way, or just a guy thing in general to give an impersonal response like that?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is deflection because of the lack of emotional attachment.

      1. Mary says:

        Thank you for confirming this, HG.

        1. HG Tudor says:


  3. Alessa says:

    A birthday! A birthday is a very good one. In general, normals I know will treat you in a special manner, will ask you ahead if you are going to celebrate and want to be considered or will ask you to pick a day for dinner, and so forth.
    My narc will evade this date (after many years it just would be impossible to forget about it, right?), and will continue evading it even after you tell him your birthday is coming. The day of your birthday most lf the times you remind him to congratulate you. Then if you invite him to the celebration he would not say he is going, or will do so in a dismissive way. He shows up (of course he does), sometimes “cassually” with a (girl) friend, that is also your friend and is on the list, and others he would be flirting with all girls attending. This can end in many different ways: a fight, confussion if being ignored, success after flirting, etc.
    The first time it happens is very upsetting and disturbing, so I guess it is a great indicator. Nobody does this.

  4. Alessa says:

    These ones are more sophisticated and accurate. The first set is a very good filter, but I guess that with this additional information we might be almost sure that we are dating a narcissist. Now you remind me about another one about my Narc. During the first dates it was all about romance with me, so I asked: tell me who is your love of your life. I took him a while. He then told me about a girl he met in Cannes when he was about 18, it was wonderful and perfect.
    I remembered that information a couple of years later and asked him again. He told me: I had nothing with her, we just met in a train, she was Mexican (such as us), I saw her some years ago and she is quite fat, we had nothing special. I was shocked. Then I thought, I guess this guy does not even know what is love about. This was weird.

  5. mommypino says:

    This is so accurate.

    1. Ask which parent we liked best.

    My Mid-range sister would go on and on about her mom. Her house (when she had one) was full of framed pictures of her mom but zero pictures of our dad. I would look at our dad to see his reaction whenever we visited her but he didn’t seem to mind. He pointed out how beautiful her mom/his wife was. She would almost tear up whenever she talked about her mom while she would be agrily talking about how bad our dad was.

    My Normal brother wouldn’t pick a favorite. He had fond stories with both parents. He didn’t like that dad cheated on his mom but he didn’t hate him for that either. His face would light up when the topic of him sailing with our dad when he was a child would come up. He he fondly remembered the beautiful quilts and needleworks that his mom made.

    2. Ask what favorite toy

    My MRE sister would point out about how she is the “queen” of scrabble. She has always been so proud of her mastery of English and her vocabulary. She would use big words all the time to sound impressive and she had no qualms correcting my grammar loudly in front of people like she was teaching a fifth grader. Amazing how you said board game for a Mid-ranger. I’m astounded by your accuracy.

    My Normal brother didn’t seem to have a favorite toy but he would go on and on about sailing when he was a kid. Our dad got him a little boat and he sailed with it all the time. It was cheap at that time when they were living in Hong Kong.

    3. When they last cried:

    My MRE sister loved films and because she was a dog lover, she said that the saddest movie for her was “Old Yeller” and she would tear up and her chin slightly shaking as she recalls the movie in her mind. Her tears never really leave her eyes by the way. But she always had the saddest facial expressions. There’s no point in asking her when she last cried because she cried almost everyday.

    My Normal brother would chuckle at that question and say that he never cries because he’s an engineer. He doesn’t have emotions.

    4. Apply a gentle criticism

    My MRE sister would be exactly as described. Be quiet but you can see that she is stewing inside. I knew that when she is ready to talk again to me there will be a passive aggressive or underhanded insult coming my way.

    My Normal brother would be quiet for a few seconds thinking about it and he would correct you if he thinks that you are inaccurate or he will just ignore it and not take it seriously. He has never lost his temper on me because he doesn’t have emotions but he only time that I have seen him lose it was when iur MRE sister got his wife really angry. He told our MRE sister to leave them alone and he shut the door in front of her face.

    5. Obseve interactions with a minion

    I hated going out to a Chinese restaurant with my MRE sister because she always had to show off how fluent she was in Mandarin by talking to the servers in Mandarin. The first time she did it was cool and impressive, but she does it all the time and it gets really boring. So I would always shut down the idea of Chinese food when she was there.

    My normal brother is pretty normal, polite, and exactly as described.

    My normal husband would give little jokes here and there with the minions but only to make the minions happy and comfortable. He calls the waiters sir and depending on their persinality, pick on them to make them laugh. But his main focus is still us his family.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Excellent feedback, thank you for sharing this.

      1. mommypino says:

        You’re welcome!

    2. windstorm says:

      Love your real-life examples! Very helpful

      1. mommypino says:

        Thank you Windstorm! 💕

  6. nfl3 says:

    Hmm these are difficult questions to ask a grown man. But I’ll give it a shot!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Go ninja!

    2. kathy0720 says:

      Just tell him he is under sociopath investigation. No, not really but it’s funny!

  7. kathy0720 says:

    Keep these coming! For now, I just tend to think anyone I remotely like is a narcissist because it is all I ever end up with! I’ll send my latest conquest these questions!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Don’t send them, weave them into the discussion.

      1. kathy0720 says:

        I love you. “Blind gay whales..” You are hilarious.

      2. StrongerWendy says:

        Easier said than done, but i do so now. Sprinkle them into several conversations. Sometimes they answer them before you ask.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Yes they do and well done.

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