The Aging Narcissist – Part One

THE AGEING NARCISSIST -PART ONE

I am often asked about the effects of the advancement of time on our kind. I have written about how this affected one of my uncles, Robert and how I have laid plans to explain how his fate will not befall me. What, though, of how the advancement of time and aging impacts on our kind more generally? The standard question that is asked is whether a narcissist will get better or worse with age. As you might expect, it is not as straight forward as that as it will depend on the cadre of narcissist and the relevant school.

The Victim Cadre

All of our kind see ourselves as victims and will make use of emotional blackmail, pity plays and drives for sympathy as part of the narcissistic arsenal to further our aims, but one cadre of narcissist takes it to an extreme and relies on sympathy, pity and being cared for more often and more intensely and thus amounts to being a Victim Narcissist.

The Lesser Victim

Age will give the LVN more to complain about, more to point to and more to seek sympathy for. Used to already drawing his fuel primarily through the application of concern, sympathy and caring, he can look forward to getting more of this as time advances. As his illnesses become worse, his flesh weakens and his conditions become all the more debilitating he will rely heavily on gaining his fuel from his primary source who is likely to be his primary carer. Lacking the ability to seek fuel from fraternising with new sources, the LVN will look to have his fuel levels maintained by the primary source and a small group of family and friends.

He will be something of a curmudgeon, always complaining about his aches and pains in order to draw that fuel and will be seen as a burden. Lacking control, he will often erupt when he feels he is not being cared for and his physical pains become too great for him. He will have chosen most likely a Carrier Empath to shoulder this burden but if the primary source should ever escape, although this is less likely as the relevant primary source will have been selected for his or her quality caring and domestic attributes, he is likely to be moved to a care home where a succession of carers will be shunted between primary – non intimate – sources and secondary sources.

The LVN in advanced age will struggle to find a replacement intimate partner primary source if he or she is lost. This is because the LVN relies on solely his need to be mothered and looked after as his ‘selling point’. His own parents will be dead and therefore they cannot be promoted to primary source and he will lack the mobility and cognitive function to seduce a new intimate partner primary source. He can do this when younger, when his conditions are not as extensive and he finds that especially caring individual but when he is much older, he does not have this option. He has neither charm, money or intellect to draw a younger appliance to him and therefore the LVN runs the risk of losing the long-standing primary source through his rants and tantrums.

He will find himself trying to rely on family members, possibly brother, sisters or children, as secondary sources but none will be willing to adopt the mantle of primary source as they will have their own lives to lead and unless the LVN can sustain fuel from these secondary sources along with professional carers also as secondary sources, he faces a diminution in fuel which will add a further weakness to the physical and mental ones which have already amassed. Decrepitude is inevitable.

The aged LVN becomes even more unappealing with age. Furious at his limitations, unable to control that fury, but weakened from fuel losses, his is an unpleasant dotage. He will lash out at those who care for him, running the risk of isolating them and becoming the author of his own misfortune as he is visited less and less by a reducing pool of friends and family. If able to secure professional care, he will be regarded as a cantankerous and unpleasant charge for those caring for him who only do so out of a sense of professional obligation and therefore the fuel provided by these professional caregivers will be limited. He will invariably lack mobility and even access to technology is unlikely to assist through reduced cognitive function, diminished hearing and eyesight.

He will also have led a life which has been poor in terms of health and hygiene. He may well have issues with drink and will turn to this in particular as he slowly drinks himself to death, using it as a crutch against the cruelty of the world leaving him in this manner. He will sink into a routine of demanding his fix of drink or tobacco, caring not for the deleterious impact it will have, but rather needing the short-term boost it provides him with, oblivious to the downward spiral he has embarked on.

A combination of poor lifestyle choices, pre-existing health problems and the potential loss of a primary source caregiver, with other sources remaining away owing to the unpleasant, nasty and malodorous nature of the LVN means that they are more likely to face death in their 50s and 60s.

The LVN, unable to control his beast, will frighten away those but the most hardy and thus he runs a considerable risk of descending into decrepitude, alone, furious and unloved as his already shortened days come to an ignominious end.

The Mid-Range Victim

The MRVN follows a similar path to that of the LVN. Age will not be kind to him, increasing his discomfort, exacerbating his pain and making him rail against the unfairness of his situation. Whereas the LVN becomes the architect of his isolation by his inability to keep his fury under control at those around him, the MRVN has an increased cognitive function which he or she will put to better use.

The MRVN will retain some degree of charm, though nowhere near the standard of the greater, but he will be able to amuse and draw people to him, politely seeking their assistance with lowering him into the bath or rubbing lotions into his aching limbs. He does not like this reliance but has enough awareness to realise that he needs the assistance of others and he also has sufficient control over his fury to avoid lashing out in a fit of temper against those he needs to care for him

The MRVN stands a better chance of holding on to his primary source and also recognises that this person not only cares for him and thus provides fuel, but will provide a host of residual benefits and accordingly his machinations will mellow as he ages. He has enough acumen to recognise that having someone cook, clean and care for him as he ages is a useful trade-off for sticking with the same person. The likelihood of infidelity will diminish considerably from an already low point since Victim Narcissists have little interest in sex but rather use their general incompetence or impotence in that arena to garner the sympathy that fuels them. They have no need to be applauded for being a sexual Olympian when they can roll out a pity play for the inability to perform and blame it on some long-standing imagined fear.

As the MRVN ages there will be a lessening of the drama that once existed and with decreased energy levels he can no longer sustain the playing off of people against one another and instead focuses on just receiving their emotional attention and being cared for. He will use his moderate degree of charm to ask people to come and see him, pretending to take an interest in what the grandchildren are doing or how his favourite nephew is getting on with his new job. He will place a sprinkling of sugar in order to get those secondary sources to pay heed to him. The MRVN will make particular use of familial secondary sources during his dotage and indeed the primary source can witness a lessening of their burden as a ‘reward’ for sticking with the MRVN. If these mild charm offensives do not work however, what you will notice is that what fury is ignited will manifest as emotional blackmail and sulking as the MRVN coerces secondary sources into caring for him and visiting to provide fuel.

‘I am your father, not that it seems to matter to you, you haven’t visited me in two weeks.’

‘I will just sit here on my own shall I while you gad about, you selfish so and so.’

‘Old Bill gets plenty of visitors so I am left wondering where mine are.’

The family and friends of the MRVN can expect such spikey comments to be made in telephone calls and messages for the purposes of emotionally blackmailing those sources into providing fuel.

The MRVN will ensure he is well-cared for with a motivated primary source and plenty of secondary sources, galvanised through the carrot of mild charm or the stick of emotional blackmail. He is unlikely to struggle for fuel and recognises the considerable advantages of keeping onside the primary and secondary sources for the residual benefits. He is not as short-sighted, either literally or figuratively, as the LVN. For the most part, his demeanour will improve, save for occasional sulks and silent treatments, but these will not be as prolific as when he was younger. His old age will be comfortable for him as he is content to settle into the routine of being cared for and given a reasonable level of fuel , able to recognise his limitations and control his fury, for the most part. Those around him will find the occasional period of self-centred sulking and demands for assistance, but will most likely find him to be less arduous that he was when was younger.

The MRVN will have taken a reasonably sensible course through life and notwithstanding his ailments and physical shortcomings, he will have sufficient charm and economic power to ensure that the autumn of his life is relatively comfortable, if restricted. He will confine himself to his ‘tower’ and expect others to attend on him.

The Greater Victim

This combination of cadre and school does not exist.

Part Two will address the Somatic cadre and the relevant schools applicable to that type of narcissist.

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108 thoughts on “The Aging Narcissist – Part One”

  1. I’m disappointed. I had such respect for you coming forward with the truth. I feel like it’s a sham. I’ve been duped again!

  2. Really? No contradiction? I do not see you as an equal. There can never be change. There will always be devaluation it is only a matter of time. Just to name a few.

    1. 1. This is the golden period therefore equality is seen. Will that be maintained and thus a reversion to the ‘you are not an equal’ – only time will tell.
      2. I will never change wholesale – I have consistently maintained that. This is pro social modification, something I mentioned some time ago. Again, I am consistent.
      3. There will always be a devaluation from the IPPS, yes. That may still happen, we do not know yet.

      Understand this – and this is the last time I am going to write this – my circumstances are unique – I am an Ultra, I have significant awareness, I have the benefit of the input of the good doctors, I have the benefit of the input of information and observations from thousands of readers, I learn through consultation, The Shieldmaiden is an exceptional lady. These factors WILL NOT HAPPEN for any other narcissist and therefore IF (note IF) there is change it is because of this unique situation. 95% of narcissists are Lesser and Mid-Range, they will not ever change. Therefore the message is consistent for all of those entangled by those types of narcissist (which is the vast majority of victims, despite those who think they have encountered Greaters) . Even Greaters will not change (they may modify) because they see no need to. Do not regard what is POTENTIALLY occurring with my situation as something that will ever be replicated by other narcissists – it will not. Therefore there is no contradiction.

      1. Fuck fuck fuck I do not believe I am actually going to speak about this

        As with everything a sacrifice will have to made at some point for HG and he will have to chose if it is worth it.

        My ex and I ….he knew what he was and he was open with me, quicker in the relationship then HG seems to have been, yet no one knows the full details of their interactions.

        My ex tried, he didn’t know I associate NPD with my husband which was an ULN and didn’t let me process the information and sort through my emotions.

        Do I think it can work….yes I do. It is HGs choice and if he opens up to his GF about what he is, she will have to accept him as he is and not many can do this even thou they believe they can.

        HG you know I have wished you well and you know the hell i have been going through. For those that don’t understand what i mean is, there is such an onslaught of shifting emotions I feel anytime this dynamic is brought up, then add my own memories and what happened in the end not only to myself yet what I did to him.

        Greaters have the ability to modify if they see a reason to do such, the test will come once the infatuation stage begins to dwindle.

        Is he contradicting what he has stated…..no this is the golden period of a greater in its full glory

      2. HG, Sam Vaknin is married and lives with his wife (second), albeit I think they have a ‘unique’ type of relationship IYKWIM but then what type of relationship you and SM would have once she was aware of what you are remains to be seen. Any thoughts?

      3. I apologize Mr Tudor. I’m supernovaing and I can’t get at him. You’re second best. A title you are uncomfortable with I’m sure. I’ll have to accept my spanking later I suppose.

    2. Kellie, think about it. How many narcissists are there in the world writing about NPD, telling thousands of people what he has done, how he has operated to ensnare and abuse people, why he has done it, how he has been created and how he perceives the world with so much detail? How many narcissists are telling victims of NPD how to protect themselves and how to GOSO? How many narcissists have been through therapy? How many narcissists have such awareness and intelligence?
      HG is here almost every single day, investing his free time to do all this. How many narcissists would have the idea and will to do what he is doing?
      His entire blog and what he is doing is entirely a contradiction of the narcissistic dynamic. It is evident he is a special case. And do not forget, HE (the narcissist himself) is the one WILLING to TRY a new dynamic in his personal/romantic life. Why is it so hard to understand?

  3. I wonder if aging Mr Tudor has anything to do with trying to change with sheildmaden. Everything he says he is doing with her is a total contradiction to everything he has said about narcissism.

    1. “If the behaviour causes you to feel that you are questioning yourself, you are hurt, puzzled, bewildering, questioning ‘your reality’ then it is gaslighting.”
      – HG Tudor

    2. Is it not a contradiction to read HG’s work and follow his advice and expect him to continue abusing and having victims in his private life despite all his awareness and what he is doing to weaponise empaths?

  4. Btw HG, I may not have studied law. But I did have many years of Latin. I do know the meaning of res ipsa loquitur. I’m just full of surprises today! And though she be but little she is FIERCE! 😉

    1. I was sleeping Sweetie! I’ve quite enjoyed this exchange. Very educational indeed. Way to stick with it FM1T. Kudos to you.

  5. Nope! Wrong answer. Oh here comes SM and that husband of hers, I’m not sure about him? What do you think? Oh there is something about him I just don’t care for. Yes I understand, I believe she married beneath herself. If someone would say something like that and you over heard it or perhaps one of your lynch men told you. That would not wound you? You would see that as success?

    1. No, it was the wrong answer. I see you have however now altered the premise of your question.

      Nobody would say that as it has no foundation, but let us assume they do, I would be more amused because anybody making such a remark would be an epsilon semi-moron and not worthy of rebuke because it is patent nonsense. It would not wound me as the remark would be Challenge Fuel and I would have no compulsion to exert superiority over them because it is unnecessary – the substance of the remark shows the innate inferiority of the issuer, therefore I have no need to exert superiority over them, I already am – remember I am a Greater.

      1. I was simply worried about her receiving more attention and recognition then you. If that were to happen I was only trying to find out if you were prepared to handle the situation as it arose or if it would wound you. Being a greater is what would cause you to have the control to handle something like that. Why did you just not say that in the beginning? It would of saved us from all of this writing and you hitting that trigger button!

          1. Sometimes HG you are as stuffy and as hard headed as my old English Literature teacher! I always wanted to just run up wrinkle his shirt, loosen his tie, and mess up his hair!!!

          2. MB, In all my years with HG I have never once been sent there. Perhaps I am past due?!🤣

          3. FM1T, if that whole round de round convo this morning didn’t get you sent there, I think you’re good!

          4. Of course he was! We won’t mention this to him, but he was pushing to help not to hinder! He knows me all to well! 😝

    2. Not trying to discredit the accomplishments of SM, however most Scandinavians speak 3 languages (at least 2) as basic education, English fluently since they start learning as 7 year olds. Sports are widely practiced there as well, so, yes…
      Is there something of her personality you like mr. Tudor? When I asked the narcissist I knew why he liked the women he had been with he said “because they listened to me”, “she was beautiful”… nothing else, everything was related to him and his needs. Hope you can see the uniqueness in SM, Mr. Tudor more than her accomplishments because all that can disappear but her essence will still be there. That’s what the average person finds attractive in other people on the first place because that’s, as said what makes people unique.

      1. Indeed Alma, having such lingual competence in Scandinavia is common but that is only around 26 million people in total (and of course not all Scandinavians will be multi-lingual) so whilst it may not seem such an achievement in Scandinavia, it is when considered on a global scale. I know that such trilingual ability in say the UK or the US is rare. Accordingly, it remains a notable ability.

        As for sports, as a successful sportsman myself I understand the difference between such success and merely taking part and again it is a notable and rare quality.

        There are many aspects about her personality which I like – her humour, her directness, her Scandi Pride, her thirst for knowledge, her ambition and drive, her compassion amongst many other elements.

      2. I liked your answer Mr. Tudor. I wish you a happy ever golden period, for the sake of SM, although she is living a lie and that is a fact. But since you were not sincere with her about what you are, I think you have already lost the chance of telling her the truth without risking to loose this wonderful woman taking into account the high value Scandinavians put on honesty… You know what I think? that you knew how things would unfold from the very beginning and you already know how things will end. If you really wanted to do things in a different way then you would have told her the truth, but that would have shown your vulnerabilities… Something that would only make you and the relationship stronger and put you in REAL control of your sentimental life. But I know, your can’t do that.

  6. Your really hitting that trigger button today aren’t you?! You know that some where down the line someone will say something that will make her look better then you. You will be wounded. How will you handle that? Are you prepared for something like that?

      1. Mr. Tudor, does that mean that you bathe in the reflected glory of the Shieldmaiden? I am guessing that she is blonde and extremely beautiful……..is such a woman a prize to a Greater Narcissist and therefore something to be proud of, as opposed to envying her?

        1. I am proud of her. I am proud of her intellect, her brilliance and her achievements amongst other matters. She is remarkably intelligent, a significant achiever who holds a position of considerable responsibility and she impacts on many lives in a variety of ways in terms of business, academia and also charitably. Her inquisitive nature, extensive thirst for knowledge and the fact she is well-read combines with these other factors and more to fill a gap which has been present for far too long. The fact that she is blonde and beautiful is a bonus.

          1. Is she a real live person or did you build her?! All of this once again will reflect back to you correct?

          2. Don’t start this again HG! All of those wonderful accomplishments will reflect back onto you! 😊

          3. Sometimes the way you describe her makes it sound to good to be true! But then that is what narcissist do, make things appear more then what they actually are. No offense HG. I’m speaking narcissists in general not just you.

          4. Here are some facts then – degree and master’s degree, CEO position in a leading world-class industry earning seven figures, tri-lingual, sporting achievements (athletics, football, ski-ing), mentoring awards – all of which are not subjective e.g. describing someone as beautiful.

          5. When you describe her at times it sounds more like she is a trophy then a human being. I don’t mean to offend you so please don’t get your knickers in a twist. Have a good day HG!

          6. People ask me why I have chosen her and what I see in The Shieldmaiden, so I answer. It is nothing to do with regarding her as a trophy but of course she is worth many trophies.

          7. Good answer HG! I only question you to keep you on track! We have a lot invested you! 😊

          8. Why do you have to sound so stuffy all the time?! That was said in a caring yet joking manner! Sometimes you really piss this empath off! Good day Sir!

          9. Perhaps I did. I apologize. But god forbid someone would try to help you!! 🤦🏼‍♀️

          10. FM1T, for what it’s worth to you, I didn’t read it as stuffy. I thought it was a funny and appropriate response to you “keeping him on track”. Don’t take it personally girlfriend.

          11. I don’t take anything he says personally MB. He’s stuck with me and there is nothing he can do about it! Btw everything you say is worth something to me! 😘

          12. MB, I don’t know why this subject with HG has hit so many triggers with me? Normally for another subject I also would have found it funny. I also have never done so many round de rounds with him! Sure hope that’s the end of the triggers for me. 😘

          13. From the description of how brilliant SM may be, it’s possible that HG is the Trophy Spouse . lol

  7. My mother will never admit the pain she’s in, will never admit she’s an old person, will not use a walker, will not allow shower grips, she stubbornly clings to her self image. In a FaceTime recently I could tell the pain she’s in, I can see she’s dying, but my mother is strong and stubborn. I could never handle it before, the thought of losing her. But now she has dementia, she tries to cover up what she can’t remember, and I completely sympathize with it. But what I realized is, she’s already gone, and all I felt about it was free. Despite the damage she’s done to me, she seems like more the victim of narcissism than me, because she is a narcissist. She’ll never be free of it, but I am. I’ll always love her and admire her and overlook her. ❤️

  8. Lol HG i feel guilty laughing but your instagram posts are entertaining! I can see the education behind them bc weve only read about the golden period and infatuation and now we see it in action. Loving the light and dark song it sounds like elvis 😄
    Your posts on IG do remind a bit of an emotional serial killer. The cat and mouse chase and wanting to flirt with your identity being uncovered leaving clues. I know its all in fun but it does have elements of psychopath. Souveniers of past victims. Not meant to be critical but i couldnt help but see the similarities.
    I do know greaters take pride in their npd and conning people. I think it stems from fear and defense mechanisms. A belief that youre untouchable and in complete control of your universe.
    Its nice to see you happy but i just hope with the new awareness this turns out differently for both of you.

    1. Thank you. The role of IG is to give people a different insight into my life (by seeing more of Daily HG if you will) but it also in order to educate and promote discussion (with some fun) it is not being done to take advantage of The Shieldmaiden as there is no need to do that, I do not want to do that and she is no fool, believe me.

      1. If she is helping you on Instagram and knows about it then I don’t understand how you could be taking advantage of her? Also HG isn’t this the first time you have seen someone as your equal? Which brings me to another question. Do you think you will be able to handle her outshining you? That is something I can see happening as this lesson continues onward. In fact in some areas it has already started. Or is this something you have already thought about and have been learning to deal with?

          1. I probably am not the best one to answer this question, but I will try. There are times in a relationship ( not that I know this first hand ) where it is normal for one person to outshine the other. Whether it be something they have accomplished or simply they are just more personable then the other, and people are just naturally drawn to them more. It’s like when you were a child wasn’t there always that one kid that everybody wanted to have around them or perhaps always wanted them on there team. That one person who could never do anything wrong. For example someone asks a question and you are prepared to answer it however they say, no offense HG but I would like to hear SM advice on this question. That is just one example. I am sure others on here can explain it much better then I just did.

          2. You may see her as an equal but others may see her as so much more. Does that make sense?

          3. You are looking at it as you accept her as an equal. Others may have an entirely different view then you.

          4. I mean no disrespect HG, but again you were thinking of you, and not everyone. You got this! 😊

          5. Here’s another question HG, you say there is 5 or 10 years between the two of you. Because it’s you let’s just say there’s 10. Your at a social event and old friend comes up to you and says ha ha, your one lucky man getting a catch like that! Do get angry at him because he is calling you an old man?Get angry at her? Or just brush it off and think of it as a compliment to both. This one I had happen to me. When we got back to where we were staying he unleashed on me! Calling me every name in the book and saying that I was flirting and brought it all on! I knew something was going to happen because the whole way back to the hotel he was silent! What would your reaction be?

          6. I wanted to write old man! You missed the whole point of the questions. Or did you?

          7. No I did not. You failed to write the question you wanted to answer. Formulate the correct question and I will answer it.

          8. Never mind HG, I knew I wouldn’t be able to write this so that you would understand any of what I was asking you. Which is just bullshit because you know exactly what I’m trying to say.

          9. I apologize HG for continuing on with this, it has triggered some emotions in me that I didn’t expect to happen. You say you see her as an equal, is that because of her beauty, intelligence and the money she makes? If she only spoke one language instead of three or perhaps instead of seven figures she only made five, or how about she had all of that going for her except that she was 5ft2 instead of 5ft10, red head instead of blonde would she not be seen as an equal then? That is the problem with the whole world! Not just narcissists! Just because you make a lot of money or went to fancy universities or perhaps you are extremely handsome and athletic does not make you better then me or any one else! She, me , you, it shouldn’t matter! We should all be equals! We are all human beings, some more privileged then others but that should not make a difference! HG so many things could happen in a long term relationship. She could lose her job! Her hair could fall out! She may gain weight after having your child and find it difficult to take that weight off! That should not change anything HG, she should still be seen as your equal! I’m sorry for this going off in another direction. I did not mean it to do so. I also did not mean for any of it to come off as being disrespectful to you Sir.

          10. I see her as an equal for a wide range of matters – more to do with who she is, her character and her intelligence as opposed to her height and hair colour.

          11. HG will you be able to handle her getting more attention then you? You see her as an equal. Can you handle someone saying she is ( not exactly these words) a brighter star then you?

          12. Some will see her as a brighter star then you. I however am not going to get into that with you again! Have a wonderful day HG!

          13. Some may see her that way, but as I have just explained, if they do, their response will be Challenge Fuel and therefore will not wound. Further, the challenge would not need to be addressed because my superiority and their inferiority is a matter of res ipsa loquitur (the matter speaks for itself) and thus I need to take action to assert superiority.

          14. This is why you will be able to handle these situations if they arise, because you are a greater! Again you could have simply stated that! But again that is just another way for me to emphasize that not all will be able to do what you are doing! They will not change, it is not in them to do so! That is why goso is the only answer anyone on here needs to remember! Thank you HG! That was fun! Love you!😘

  9. Hello, H.G. Tudor.
    I wanted to ask you about a subject that is not related to the post.

    My question is, if you would take too long to publish your book on The Creature, called by me The Monster? And if so, by what date can we expect this publication?
    Really everything he writes is not wasted, but I need to understand a little better the concept of the creature. And with it the creature of my narcissist… I would love to see my creature without a façade, as it is and I believe that this can only be done through you H.G.

  10. Pingback: The Aging Narcissist – Part One ⋆ NarcTopia | NarcTopia
    1. Ahh, a classic. I was just a kid when this song first came out; it took listening to it as an adult to grasp just how “deep” the meaning is. It’s a perfect “fuel” song. ⛽🎶☺

  11. You’re right all the sulking and sullen moods ..I dont miss that shit at all..especially know that I know what he was doing

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