The Empathic Supernova

THE EMPATHIC

What is the Empathic Supernova?

In order to detail this phenomenon, it is first necessary to consider when it might appear and what is behind its appearance.

The repeated application of our manipulations is deployed for the purposes of maintaining control over you. This control reinforces our notion of superiority,  omnipotence and impregnability and enables us to draw fuel from our appliances and most of all you as our primary source.

I have made mention of the Empathic Group, the group which lies to the left of the empathic-narcissistic spectrum and within this group there are three schools of the empathic individual; the Co-Dependent, the Super Empath and the Empath.

The sustained application of the many and varied manipulations produces results for us. It also takes its toll on our victims. The Co-Dependent will cling on, desperate for the self-definition which manifests as a consequence of their ensnarement with us. They will soak up the abuse, the confusion and the control until they reach a point of breakdown. The cumulative effect of the silent treatments, the gas lighting, the physical abuse, the psychological trauma, financial mistreatment and sexual degradation eventually causes the limpet-like Co-Dependent to collapse into numbness, malfunction and potential hospitalisation. They gave and gave until suddenly they fell off the cliff and their fuel provision remained impressive on Monday and by Tuesday it had stopped. No longer capable of pumping out fuel, attending to our requirements and showering us with appropriate traits and residual benefits, this failure to function invariably brings about the discard of this individual. The discarded Co-Dependent, although distraught at the loss of the narcissist which they crave, is in no position to try to bring about the resumption of the relationship and thus, whilst we focus on their replacement primary source, they are allowed a period by which they can recover and once the lights switch back on again and the fuel starts to pump, the devaluation of their replacement has begun, so we come looking and hoovering for the Co-Dependent. Unable to resist, because of the nature of the hoovering and their own vulnerability, they are hoovered back in and the narcissistic cycle continues.

Whilst third parties may try to assist the Co-Dependent to see and understand what has happened to them, their own substantial need to connect with a narcissist means it is very hard to make them take notice and stay away from us. Unless physically removed and isolated, the Co-Dependent will drift back to us. If not the original narcissist, a replacement narcissist will invariably be found.

The empathic-narcissistic spectrum is a sliding scale that represents both empathic and narcissistic traits. On the far left the empathic traits are more numerous and stronger whilst the narcissistic traits are fewer and weaker. Move to the right and the empathic traits begin to lessen in number, their effects less evident and the narcissistic traits begin to increase and become more prevalent. Eventually, as one reaches the Narcissistic Group, on the right of this spectrum, the empathic traits have disappeared and all that remain are narcissistic traits which become more numerous and stronger the further right one goes within this Narcissistic Group.

Accordingly, with the Co-Dependent, he or she will have many empathic traits and they are strong in nature. Their devotion to love, their honesty, decency, excellent listening skills, positivity etc are most evident and contribute to create a highly empathic individual. The narcissistic traits are almost invisible and the few that exist are weak. Accordingly, this prevalence of empathic traits attracts and is attracted to the prevalence of extensive and strong narcissistic traits. They locked together, complementing one another and consequently the Co-Dependent is inexorably drawn to those within the Narcissistic Group, with next to nothing in terms of their own narcissistic traits to act as some kind of repellant.

The Empath may also find themselves shutting down, but more usually they are prevented from reaching a position of complete numbing though the intervention of a third party. Sure enough the toll exacted on the Empath is considerable and has damaging consequences, but, in general, they manage to avoid more often the fate of the Co-Dependent. Instead, rather than giving and giving until shut down occurs (as is the case with the Co-Dependent) the Empath’s performance deteriorates in terms of fuel output in a more gradual fashion which means that when it dips below a threshold of acceptability for our kind, the Empath is also discarded. Not so damaged as to be unable to function, the Empath will endeavour to re-connect with our kind, having sufficient energy and ability to do so, but they will be shunned as part of this discard until it is time to hoover them. Unaware of what they have been ensnared by and with capabilities improved after a period of respite arising from the discard, the Empath is sucked back in by the narcissist and thus the narcissistic cycle continues.

The Empath however may also realise that something is wrong, or assisted by third parties and more amenable to listening, takes notice of what these third parties are telling him or her. They have a moment of ‘awakening’ and with that realise that they must remain away from our grip, however hurtful and hard it may be and thus they eventually escape, putting distance between them and our kind.

The Empath has numerous empathic traits and they are of strength but they are not on the same scale as the Co-Dependent. The Empath will have some narcissistic traits, not many and not especially strong in nature, but they will have more narcissistic traits than the Co-Dependent. Their status as an Empath (along with the fact that there are more Empaths than Co-Dependents) means that Empaths become the bread and butter target for our kind. They too are attracted to us, not with the almost hopeless vulnerability of the Co-Dependent, but they remain not only attracted to our kind but a target.

Finally, there is the Super Empath. The Super Empath is an excellent provider of fuel also and comes with a confidence and a fieriness which proves most tempting to our kind. The Super Empath sees his or her role as helping, fixing, healing and brining goodness to those around them. They have considerable energy, they are capable and their capacity for sustaining our abuses also makes them a considerably attractive prospect. The Co-Dependent can sustain considerable abuse until suddenly, like a light being extinguished, that is it. The Empath also can sustain our manipulations but their slide is slower and more gradual. The Super Empath, blessed with a vast capacity for empathy and goodness is also somebody who can sustain a lengthy campaign of abuse. There is no slide downwards with this individual like the Empath. There is no sudden collapse like the Co-Dependent. Instead the Super Empath goes in to Supernova mode.

The trait make-up of the Super Empath is different from their cousins in the Empathic Group. Whereas the Co-Dependent has strong and many empathic traits with little and low narcissistic traits and the Empath has few and fairly low narcissistic traits but more and quite strong empathic traits, the Super Empath has a different constitution.

The Super Empath has very strong and numerous empathic traits. He or she also has a number of narcissistic traits (more than the Co-Dependent and the Empath but not as many as the Narcissistic Group) and they are stronger in nature than those experienced by the Co-Dependent and the Empath.

This arrangement is not problematic. Liken the Super Empath’s narcissistic make-up to the light from a candle and their empathic make-up the light from a spotlight. The intensity of the spotlight is so bright that the candle light is barely noticed. Accordingly, the narcissistic element to the Super Empath does not appear. The Super Empath behaves in an empathic way and thus is a target for our kind.

There comes a time however when the sustained abuse and the awareness of the Super Empath reaches a critical point. Rather than switch off or slide into decline, the Super Empath will decide that enough is enough. In some instances, this means that the Super Empath will escape and follow a similar route to that of the Empath and distance themselves from the narcissist.

On other occasions they enter into Supernova mode. When this happens, the Super Empath will dim their empathic traits. This can only be dimming. The empathic traits cannot be shut off as they are wired into the empath’s dna. Moreover, this dimming can only continue for a period of time and is not permanent. The naturally strong empathic nature of the Super Empath means that it will blaze bright again.

However, when this dimming takes places, the gap between empathy and narcissism in the Super Empath lessens so that the narcissistic traits are more prevalent. They do not dominate nor do they take over, but they are allowed to ‘shine’. However, whereas in our kind the application of our narcissistic traits is unfettered since we have no empathic traits and thus these traits are directed in a malevolent, harmful and destructive manner, the Super Empath uses these unleashed narcissistic traits for ‘good’.

This means that they will fight back against our kind and remain in the relationship with us. They will shut off the fuel provision, they will engage in manipulation of us, having learned how to effect it form their accompanying journey with out kind. The Super Empath will wound and wound, striking blow upon blow against the narcissist.  It is worth pointing out that the Super Empath does not necessarily know that they are with a narcissist (they may only realise this later) but rather they know that something is very wrong in the relationship and it must no longer continue.

Thus when some people ask the question

“Can you become a narcissist from being with a narcissist?”

or

“Can I pick up narcissistic traits from my experience of being entangled with a narcissist?”

The answer remains no.

But, if you find that you are exhibiting such traits and you are deploying them against the narcissist, what has happened is that you are allowing your inherent narcissistic traits to have greater prominence. You keep them under control and you are not allowing them to harm or hurt innocent parties, but rather you are applying them against the narcissist in order to strike back. You always had these traits, you have not gained them by being with us, but what you have learned is how to manipulate from being with us and now you are turning those manipulations against us.

The effect against us is varied.

The Lesser Narcissist will discard immediately with a display of ignited fury as he seeks to escape the turning of the tables. He will need to get away from this empowered Super Empath and find a new primary source straight away. He wants to shrink from this blazing  supernova of power which is causing him considerable difficulty through the cessation of fuel and the wounding from repeated criticism.

The Mid-Range Narcissist will find himself in a tormented loop as he tries to assert control. He will not comprehend truly what is happening. He will not want to lose the Super Empath owing to the fuel provision, but he is finding that his ability to manipulate and the reasonable degree of calculation that he has, is being sorely tested. He will try to assert his control through passive aggressive means, even pleading with the Super Empath to stop and ‘why can’t you be good to me again’? He will roll out the pity plays and sympathy cards in order to try to achieve superiority again. However,  either the Super Empath decides to escape and leaves the Mid-Ranger in a confused and bewildered state or the Mid-Ranger slinks away and discards,unable to sustain the fight and needing a new and far more compliant primary source.

The Greater Narcissist will rail against this insurrection and fight back. He will draw on fuel from alternative sources (usually the IPSS or IPSSs he has in the wings along with fuel form those NISS who are his inner and outer circle friends). He will relish the challenge shown by the Super Empath and a real battle of wills ensues as each combatant deploys manipulation after manipulation against one another. This hammer and tongs clash of the  titans sees the Super Empath applying what they have learned, similar to the apprentice turning on his or her master, as the old hand seeks to slap down the irreverent upstart. The Super Empath may withdraw and escape, satisfied that they have made their mark and scarred the Greater. The Greater may ultimately recognise that only a stalemate (for now) can ensue and breaks off, discarding the Super Empath and focusses on the acquisition of a new primary source (or more likely the promotion of an already ensnared IPSS). The Greater however will not leave matters there. A note will be made to rejoin battle in due course and bring the Super Empath to heel.

Thus the Empathic Supernova is when the Super Empath determines that enough is enough and he or she reduces their empathic traits, allowing the narcissistic traits to come to the fore and in so doing he or she trains their sights on making life difficult, miserable and awkward for the narcissist. This is why our kind proceed with caution with the Super Empath. Their capacity for sucking up the abusive devaluation and their impressive fuel provision is tempting indeed, but reaching the critical point and causing the ignition of the Empathic Supernova can have dire consequences for our kind.

Not for me of course. I relish the challenge and the assertion of hegemonic dominance. Obviously.

23 thoughts on “The Empathic Supernova

  1. Sarah says:

    I reckon I’m one of those Supernova thingies.

    Hello Mr Chew-da.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is an event, not a person.

  2. Omj says:

    That is really interesting in helping framing the spectrum and the differences between empathy, Co-dependant and super empath.
    I know you have a lot of writing on your older boards – but if you have the occasion to provide examples of supernova mode ?
    Or maybe the super empathy here can provide us with things they have done in supernova mode ..
    cheers!

    1. WriteItOut says:

      Things I did when the narcissist started smearing my husband and I very publicly.

      1. She used FB constantly to post photos and comments about him. While she supposedly had me blocked, I posted photos of us out together, memes that said “Bye, Bitch!” and other types of funny but pointed messages on page. Whenever she acted up, I’d post a quote about narcissists that applied to whatever she was doing. One day when she’d been really ugly, I posted a meme that said “And unto Felicia, the Lord sayeth “Fare thee well””, she really lost her shit over that one. These things didn’t come close to the level of deliberate cruelty and humiliation she was trying to inflict on us, and amused me greatly as I knew she had one of her lieutenants watching my page. They put her in her place and she finally gave up for the time being.

      There are plenty of ways to strike back at a narcissist that hurt them and get them to back off, at least for awhile.

    2. Bekah B says:

      Omj, my comment and story above is an example of going into empathic supernova mode with my daughter’s father, who is a middle mid-range narcissist..

      1. Omj says:

        SOrry for the late reply ! Enjoyed every line of your story.
        You «  composed » tone really shows through your writing.
        Hope he never fired back by not paying alimony.

        1. Bekah B says:

          Thank you, Omj.. I try to be composed enough when communicating through writing.. Lol.. And he and I were never married, so no issue of alimony.. However, I do feel perhaps he is firing back now, a year later, by not supporting me during my pregnancy with our second child and in turn abandoning our first..

          1. Omn says:

            Oh i did not realized you were still together !
            Well hope you won’t have to go in supernova mode again.
            Sorry to hear you are not supported but not surprised.

      2. Sarah says:

        What’s ‘omj’?

        Orange mother-fucking juice?

  3. Hot damn! Such an excellent article HG! In ceremony long ago just as I was beginning with my Narcopath, I was told by Spirit that the road with my man would be brutal but if I could handle the process I would be alchemically transformed because of it. You have very eloquently and succinctly explained some of that road here, mwah! Thank you!

  4. veronicajones1969 says:

    I am definitely a super I take a lot for a long time then something in me just cuts off I will walk away from a narcissist but I don’t back down to the abuse and or manipulation dealt out I will not be controlled by anyone however I’m starting to see that just leaving is a better option than the fight I never lose if I dig my heals in I fight for justice not to hurt the toll it takes on my life is not worth it I temporarily lose the ability to show love , to be there for the people who need me no narcissist is worth that happiness is a choice forgiveness and love doesn’t mean I have to have them in my life it just gives me peace .
    HG since I started following you I have got my mother and brother out of my life not with hate for them but love for myself I am so grateful for you and your honesty it’s is more empowering to be able to acknowledge that and except that there is nothing I can do to fix the situation with my narcissists I have managed to let go of a lot of pain and I don’t have to fight anymore I know that I am a good person I don’t need approval anymore I cannot thank you enough

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  5. Supernova 😁 says:

    He was a mid-range I believe and I am a super empath.He’s indeed stuck in a tormented loop,keeps trying and it’s been years.He has absolutely tried everything to get to me,called the police on me for no reason,took me to court,keeps harrassing me and I don’t give him anything,not even a crumb, nothing, absolute no contact.He’s using our kid as a tool to try an assert control.Is he ever gonna give up?Why doesn’t he notice that whatever he’s trying to do isn’t working anymore.Why won’t he just move on?How long can he keep this up?Will he give up eventually?and maybe even seek therapy?😊

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. The Narcissistic Relationship lasts until you or he dies. Thus he will never give up but whether he does something depends on there being a Hoover Trigger and if so, if the Hoover Execution Criteria are met.
      2. Define ‘not working anymore’ – it may actually work for him, but you do not realise.
      3. He will not move on because in his mind you belong to him.
      4. For as long as it provides him with a reward.
      5. No, but you can reduce the risk through a rigid no contact regime.
      6. He is highly unlikely to see therapy and even if he does, it will not help him.

      I can assist you in dealing with this situation in greater detail and recommend you organise a consultation.

  6. Bekah B says:

    I have had many empathic supernovas occur over the years with my narc.. One I will bring mention to today occurred in January of last year.. My narcissist used my bank account information to pay towards a military expense without my authorization.. Once I found out, I was very surprised.. I think I was hurt and sad, but above all else, I felt *betrayed*.. I was in disbelief that he really had the audacity to take money out of my account without my permission, especially after only 2 days since I confronted him about standing me up during the holiday to be with another one of his sources..

    To rectify my narc’s wrongdoing, I typed up an email to his sergeant in the military, explaining to him why my narc would have my bank account information, but that ultimately, I did not authorize this payment from my account.. But I didn’t stop there.. I needed to call my narc’s brother and tell him to tell my narc to call me (because he blocked my calls).. Once my narc called me, I set the conversation up perfectly: I told him I saw this charge on my account that I didn’t authorize and I needed to know if he initiated it or not.. Of course he said he didn’t and it must have been an automatic draft.. I told him to be sure he was telling me the *truth* because based on it and it alone, I would go one way or the other in this–if the truth was he did not initiate it and it was instead automatic, I would need to dispute the transaction; but if he did initiate the payment, I would allow it to go through, but he’d have to pay me back.. He said he didn’t do it, but just for the sake of allowing it go through, he would say that he did because he didn’t want me to dispute the transaction and have the payment returned.. The whole call lasted about 6 mins.. I was very even-toned and rational throughout it, while my narc clearly expressed his impatience with me.. He even ended up hanging up on me abruptly.. Well, I don’t believe he ever conceived of what I would do next:

    I attached that recorded phone conversation in the email to his sergeant and sent it.. It turns out, the day the payment was made without my permission, that particular sergeant contacted my daughter’s father telling him the expense needed to be paid a.s.a.p.. And afterwards, he received a screenshot from my daughter’s father that the payment was made and the expense had been taken care of.. So it turns out my daughter’s father did initiate the payment without my permission.. And I had proof in the recorded phone conversation of him telling me he didn’t do it, but would say that he did just so the payment wouldn’t be returned.. The sergeant had my email and the attachment and gauged for his own self what to do about the entire circumstance..

    Following the final phone call with my daughter’s father, I changed my phone number.. In the next coming days after the email was sent, I suspect my daughter’s father tried to call me, but couldn’t, so he emailed me repeatedly.. I never responded to those initial emails.. I spotted him driving out of my apartment complex parking lot the following day.. The day after that, when coming home from work, there was a note on my door, telling me to call his phone number.. But I didn’t call him.. He tried non-stop to get in contact with me for days.. He eventually sent me an email telling me he had been suspended from the Army and taken off duty on a special mission that would have sent him to Germany later that year.. I replied to that email saying I wish this never happened and he proceeded to stage a pity ploy, saying he was moving away now because there was nothing left for him anymore and blah blah blah.. In my replies, I again asked him if he took the money or not, but after the dust was settled and I knew the truth now, he still would not accept his accountability in this situation and told me, “It doesn’t matter if I did or didn’t because what’s done is done..” We went on to be disengaged for the next 5 or 6 weeks..

    In hindsight, I realize my daughter’s father never forgave me for this whole ordeal in January 2018.. He’s made slick comments about emails, his deployment missions, and other general military things since then because this had such a massive impact on his livelihood.. I believe this is an empathic supernova because although I engaged in some minor manipulation and major fuel deprivation, I did so for a good cause: to expose him and let the truth be known about his actions to his superiors in the military.. Although my narc blames me for the repercussions he had to face, he had to face them based on the *military’s* decisions about the facts that were laid out to them–I had no part in that decision..

    Since this incident, my narc hasn’t really ever crossed me again, as far as bold actions are concerned.. He has been two-faced, gossiped, and said some hurtful things throughout 2018, but it was all just words.. Sometimes I feel like him abandoning me during my pregnancy now is his first shot at retribution for what happened last year..

    1. WiserNow says:

      Wow Beckah B, the methods you used to back your narc into a corner are impressive. His own lies got him into trouble. If he asked you for the money and been truthful to you, he wouldn’t have faced the consequences after his sergeant discovered that he had lied.

      However, you used triangulation, silent treatments and baiting to great effect. Also, you cannot be held responsible for the decisions made by the sergeant, so you had a flying monkey too (ie. the sergeant). What a great way to make your narc fall into the hole he dug for himself! I applaud your clever planning and control. Well done!

      It makes me think that narcissists provoke a person to do things they normally wouldn’t do. I look at my own situation and I look back to the person I was before I had awareness. I feel like a different person now. In some ways, I feel like the narcissists I had known and lived with have “taught” me how to be more like them. I still don’t lie or deliberately manipulate or deceive, but I am much less emotional, guilty and self-blaming.

      1. Bekah B says:

        Hey WiserNow,

        How have you been? I hope all is well and thank you for replying to my comment..

        You explained that perfectly.. This is precisely the case and these are the consequences he had to face due to lying and stealing, based on his belief of sense of entitlement.. I know he never thought I had it in me and to be truthful, I didn’t know I had it in myself either–which leads me straight into addressing your point about narcissists provoking people into doing things they wouldn’t normally do.. This circumstance is a perfect example of that.. And I am like you, having been around him so much, to now believing I have soaked so much of his behavior and words in, just through observation, and have consequently learned the art of manipulation.. It’s a subconscious thing and also, like you, I don’t deliberately do it to cause harm to anyone.. But I can see how I might need to fall back on these “skills” if ever in a position to defend myself against evil and malice.. And with the “right type” of people, I am also very non-emotional, straightforward, rational (or logical, compared to them), and feel no remorse in whatever I have to say.. Lately, the people that fit into that “right type” category are ex-boyfriends.. I just have absolutely no time to discuss what they want to talk about with me and I conduct myself with a no-nonsense attitude.. They call me mean and cold-hearted because of it.. But of course, I could care less..

        *This* is the way I need to be with my daughter’s father, but I’m just not there yet..

        1. WiserNow says:

          Hello Bekah B,

          Thank you for your reply. I’m good thank you, I hope you’re well too. Sorry for not responding sooner. I’m not able to check the blog every day, but I do try and reply to everyone who comments to me.

          Everything is going well with me and I am not emotionally “ensnared” at the moment. I am working on my mental defences all and awareness all the time. I am definitely an empathic person in the sense that I ruminate constantly and question my own actions as well as everyone else’s that I come in contact with. I haven’t reached the state of “indifference” and I don’t know if I ever will. I still feel a deep sadness when I think of the past, especially when it comes to my family (of origin).

          I try to understand why people do what they do, and there are times when I see or sense the “essence” of what somebody is like, or what their “biological” personality is like. Then I see their narcissism as a “layer” or extra dimension, added to their underlying, or natural personality.

          Everyone has natural talents, or skills, or inclinations or a particular kind of temperament. The narcissism, or empathy, is like a dye that the natural raw personality is coloured with. The basic material is still there, but now it has a colour running through it that can’t be washed out. It helps me to “see” someone more clearly. I don’t fear or hate or judge them. I understand them better, which helps me to not get emotional or “ensnared” or lose hope in my own life.

          I think time, experience, and the realisation that we don’t “owe” these manipulators anything, along with the need for self-preservation, makes empaths more self-oriented. And knowledge and awareness, of course, makes it easier to defend ourselves.

          You have every right to defend and protect yourself and your daughter. I hope your no-nonsense attitude continues and gets stronger until the day you are as indifferent to your daughter’s father as you can be. Best wishes to you Bekah B 🙂

  7. Qq says:

    What is a person who has very very limited empathy but think of herself as highly empathic? For years I have thought of myself as being empathetic. I am not. Most of the times I felt hurt it was because of narcissistic injury. Never really cared about the people but about the way they made me feel. I wanted them to love me, care for me, give me love, desire me, listen to me, make me happy. They were not important per se. Is this fuel or supply? But I don’t give a shit if it doesn’t come from exceptional people. Regular is boring. Regular people are boring. Still, I get in relationship with severe narcissistic men. All my infatuations (cannot consider it love anymore since I developped self awareness) were around narcissists. I get infatuated with them. But not really with them, with them as providers of these infatuations. I can go great lengths for this peculiars “loves”. But it’s not really about them, it’s about me…. this is very difficult. I would say I could be a vulnerable narcissist, but I love being in the spotlight, and I don’t tick the boxes for a vulnerable shy covert narcissist.
    I am hypersensitive and both extremely thin&thick skinned, depending on circumstances and type of interaction.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Narcissistic but not narcissist.

  8. wounded says:

    I love that when I am dealing with a situation or mentally questioning something I come on here and an article has been posted that correlates with almost exactly what I am thinking.

    I am in Super Nova mode now. After 10 years of manipulations deployed by my husband’s son toward our entire family I have put my foot down. I am not his mother, I did not fail him, I have nothing to prove to this man child refusing to take accountability for his actions.

    And because I am a Super Empath I can do this with love to protect my family, and a quiet fire that speaks logic and understands emotional thinking.

  9. Butterfly says:

    That’s me…I even wrote him a message saying “enogh is enough”. Everything changed from that exact moment. I’d rather prefer not having met him but…

    1. Sandraatje says:

      I needed this article… So many times I have been questioning myself, aware that I am dealing with a narcissist, about my own narcissistic features… I would get confused, could not see how I both could be empathic and have narcissistic traits myself.. ultimativelly I would end up in a doubt about who was the real narcissist .. A very painful doubt, because with it came self doubt, blame and some renewed empathy for the cold reptile I was unfortunate to be in family with.. the confusing part, too, is how two persons closely related can turn out so utterly different, sharing so much of DNA…

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