Me, You and Her



One is never enough for us. Two or more are required. When we commence our seduction of you and launch those missiles towards you bearing love, passion and desire, we repeatedly tell you that you are the one. You are the only one that we want. All of our life we have waited for this moment to be with the one, you. This singularity of number meets singularity of purpose. One is all that we want. We tell you this, we text you this and we do some repeatedly in order to put you on that pedestal. The world may as well just be populated by you and me. Nobody else matters. All that we want is you and you alone. The effect of such words makes you feel extremely special, revered and worshipped and it feels wonderful doesn’t it? Being the sole recipient of our attention, such wonderful, dedicated and loving attention is uplifting, joyful and magnificent.

Recently a commenter posted a quote from Robert A Heinlein which revolved around kissing. Essentially, this quote referred to the fact that when most people kiss they are not putting their all into it, they have other things on their mind, they might be worrying about work, they know they have to put the rubbish out, they are wondering what is for dinner and as a consequence that person’s kiss is nowhere near as it should be because that person has distractions. The person they are kissing does not have their total attention. There is considerable merit in such a proposition. What we manage to do however is make you think that nobody else matters, that you are the only person we are kissing, have ever kissed and will ever kiss. We make you the centre of our universe and you believe it. Yet the reality is that whilst we exhibit this singularity of attention on you, we have so many other people in mind. Understand that when you are with one of our kind there is never a time when it is just you and me. There is always you, me and her or him or them. Your dynamic with us is not exclusive. It never is. It is not your sole preserve. You are shared throughout the entirety of your relationship with us, from the beginning until, well forever. I do not necessarily mean that we are engaged in a sexual relationship with someone else when we are with you but the fact is that when you think it is just you and I, there is far more going on that you will realise.

At the outset when I am seducing you, I make you feel like the only girl in the world, however there will be at least two other dynamics ongoing. The first is that I will be embarking on a cruel campaign against your predecessor. I will be considering how next to provoke them and punish them so I am able to draw negative fuel from them. I will undoubtedly tell you about them as I explain how horrible and abusive that person was to me. What you are less likely to know is that I am sending them abusive messages, stalking them and organising various methods of manipulation to keep punishing them.

The second dynamic at the outset is the fact that I may also be working on another prospect as well as you. In the extremely unlikely event that you ever had access to my mobile  ‘phone and you looked in the messages you would see something like this.

“Message to You 19:48 – I cannot stop thinking about you. What have you done to me? I love it though. I cannot wait to see you tomorrow even though it is too long to wait for my aching heart.”

“Message to Her 19:50 – I cannot stop thinking about you. What have you done to me? I love it though. I cannot wait to see you tomorrow even though it is too long to wait for my aching heart.”

There may even be,

“Message to Her 2 19:52 – I cannot stop thinking about you. What have you done to me? I love it though. I cannot wait to see you tomorrow even though it is too long to wait for my aching heart.”

Notoriously greedy for fuel and wary of the effects of not having a supply of the same, we will ensure that we have other targeted prospects in hand. You may become the chosen one as my primary source of fuel but the others will not necessarily be discarded. They will be retained as “friends” who rank as high producing secondary appliances, continuing to supply me with fuel. You think you have me to yourself. Of course that is the impression that I will create but you are sharing me with the others who will be kept ready to replace you should you start to fail in your production of fuel.

During the golden period it may seem that there is just you and me but I will be keeping other prospects warm and extracting negative fuel from one or more predecessors in the meanwhile. Then, without warning you find yourself being devalued. You have your suspicions that we are playing away. Indeed, we are as we use these secondary sources that we have kept “warm”. There will be others as we find additional people to draw into our network as we play them off against you. You will find you will be compared to these people, to friends and family and always found to be wanting as we press the devaluation against you. After this horrendous time, we will cast you to one side with a callous discard and somebody else has replaced you. How did that happen so quickly? How were we able to move with unseemly haste and find someone else who we now declare our love for? Easily. They were waiting in the wings all along.

Now disengaged from you will find you are still involved in the dynamic as we play you against your replacement. We will keep trying to draw negative fuel from you and then suddenly hoover you back and make you the apple of our eye again, as your short-lived replacement is cast aside. A period of vacillation may follow as we lift you up and crash you down. You are sat on one end of a see saw, as you go up, she goes down and vice versa. We stand in the centre, straddling this see saw and gobbling up all the fuel that is pouring from you both.

As our primary source you will always find that there is somebody else involved in the dynamic of our relationship. It does not end there though with the person who is our primary source of fuel. This addition of an extra player in the game happens throughout all our fuel gathering activities. We set family member against family member, our brothers against our sisters, or one parent against another. We treat one child as golden and the other as a pariah as we have them compete for our blessing and affection. We pit one colleague against another as they vie for that promotion which lies in our gift. We have friend fighting against friend in order to spend time with us at the expense of the other. We enter the online realm and have people backbiting, clashing and competing all through a few keystrokes on the keyboard. We can never be satisfied with it being just you and me, we always have to involve others and that involvement cannot be harmonious. There must be competition in order for the fuel to flow. Never think that we are dedicated to just you, our need for fuel does not allow it. There is always someone else despite what we may tell you. If you were ever able to ascertain the full extent of our machinations, schemes and plans you would see so many lines radiating away from us, connecting us to you, to her and to many others, with lines running between the unknowing and knowing until it looks like an extremely complex organogram on the wall of an incident room in a police station.

It can never just be you and me. There always has to be another.

9 thoughts on “Me, You and Her

  1. Joanne says:

    This makes me ill. The copy and pasted text messages… 😞

    HG, is it possible for an UMRE to just be repeatedly trying to destroy his exwife, almost as if it’s his mission in life? They have shared custody of small children.

  2. Christopher Jackson says:

    Do all narcissist have a “side peice” hg? Or only the higher echelon do?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It depends on the narcissist’s state of engagement with a primary source – whether there is one and if so, is the primary source in the golden period or devaluation.

    2. Narc noob says:

      HG, I’m still very new to all this and I’ve noticed that a few here have endured so much more than I have. I am curious. Do any of your IPPS ask or question the love-bombing phase? Do they question why it’s about them and not “us” at any point?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        No they have never done so.

        1. Narc noob says:

          Why do you think that is?

          Perhaps the “us” they perceive is you deceiving them to believe their interests are one and the same with theirs? Hmm, ok. What a coincidence!

  3. Exactly!!! Finally!!! I left and went no contact. She stayed with him. She thinks I am gone, but in his mind I am there. She will never be his only one. Thank you for addressing the subject of the special friend. We spent time with him everyday. He was texting me “sweet dreams” while laying with her…every single night. I got the “good morning “ phone calls that she didn’t. I got the better gifts. I refused to start an intimate relationship with him because he didn’t have enough time for me. I was not going to be a booty call. Yet he stayed even when I tried to go. He would pull me back in with fake future planning. Almost four years. Yes, she thinks I am gone but I will never be gone.

  4. J.G says:


  5. J.G says:

    Hello, H.G.Tudor.
    Certainly, my need for fuel or emotional attention is very different from the narcissist. And therefore my behavior. But it’s obvious that the supposed victims are just that. Supposed victims. Because at the end of the day, we are bombarded with different distractions. We are so imbued in these distractions that we don’t see the need for the narcissist. We don’t look at what we say, what we do, as who, or with what we waste our time and put this before the narcissist. These are criticisms of him.
    A third person in the relationship is not a critique of the IPPS. Just action reaction.
    When you go through the mirror and place yourself on the other side you may come to understand a little narcissistic thinking, albeit in a limited way, because in my case I don’t have such a pressing need for fuel. Although recognition, flattery, good words and desires elevate anyone.
    The dysfunction of the narcissist and his need for fuel, makes it extremely important and must always be above. If his IPPS, the victim does not provide it. It is simply her fault, because in the end she does not pay due attention to it. And so. The narcissist asks, “Do you love me? His actions and words have dissonance. He sees them and feels them that way. This is a massive criticism.
    According to the narcissistic perspective, he doesn’t love you. Therefore, if there was some kind of initial bond in a supposed infatuation, it ceases to exist the moment you feel you are not loved. For his emotional traits are also limited or non-existent in some cases.
    His reaction to our criticism is defensive and to hurt, to punish you but everything from stealth and silence, he won’t tell you why, because it is your duty to know that you did if you really know or discover it you will have shown the interest that you don’t show him that is the cause of the criticism.

    We emphatics want to find the truth and we crush each other looking for the answer. But why don’t we analyze our behavior?
    Why don’t we use our brains? The answer is that we are too bombarded with distractions to seriously think about it. And therefore, a cessation of our functions as IPPS and positive fuel suppliers. We must be punished in the eyes of the narcissist for our irresponsibility as fuel suppliers. And for the narcissist it is a great disappointment to have trusted us to give us or place us on the pedestal…..

    We always look at each other’s bellybuttons and don’t see that the other has a bellybutton too. An umbilicus much bigger than ours.
    So here there is no greater culprit than ourselves as IPPS and I think that the term victim is not really a correct term. For the narcissist from his perspective must also feel victim.

    Victim versus Victim. is incongruent
    Executioner versus Executioner is incongruent.

    Tudor don’t upload this post that lynchan me jajajajaja.

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