How The Narcissist Conquers Your Senses To Feed On You



I ensure that through my enthralling enchantment of you during seduction that I create tunnel vision for you. I am all that you see. Not only is it the case because I make it my mission to spend every moment I can with you, but I ensure that I am all that is seen in your mind’s eye as well. If I am not physically present with you then I will have done sufficient during the course of the day so far to have you thinking about me repeatedly. When will I call? That was such a delightful message that I sent earlier? Where will he take me tonight? He makes me so happy, I am so lucky. I will be the only person in your sights. You will allow friendships to fall by the wayside, not see family as often and even begin to neglect your interests possibly even work in order to see me. You want to look on me all the time because the love and radiance you see (which is actually just being mirrored back towards you) is so magnetic, so compelling and utterly addictive. You will stretch that lunch hour from work to spend longer over lunch with me. You will cancel that gym class tonight so you can see me rather than wait another day. You will cut short drinks with friends so you can get across to my house so you at least have part of the evening seeing me. All you will see is me and all you will see is how good, wonderful, amazing and brilliant I am as I carefully apply that rose-tinted filter across your eyes and you will not even notice.

Even when I have cast you aside or if you have been able to escape me, my construction of the ever presence will result in you seeing me everywhere around you. You see my ghost at the window, where I would stand looking at the view as I waited for you to get ready before going out. You see me lying on the bed, patting it and inviting you into it for another ecstatic session of love-making. You see me across from you at the dinner table, walking up the drive way and in that usual seat on the tube which is where we first met. You pick up a book and see me reading it, asking your thoughts about it. You pick up a jumper and it is blue, my favourite colour and you see me once again. I have infected anything and everything around you as I ensure that I am seen everywhere you look. Even closing your eyes is no escape, for then, perhaps more than anywhere else you still see my image pin-sharp and evident.

I make sure that I am the only voice that you hear. Not only do you feel that tingling sensation when I whisper in your ear, tell you rude things down the telephone or read that particular piece of poetry that you love – all acts designed to have you respond automatically to the sound of my voice – I am ensuring that I am blocking out the sounds from any competitors or detractors. During seduction I only want you hearing my voice. This has two effects. Firstly, you are listening to my propaganda all of the time and with no dissenting voices able to get through to you, you accept what I say and do so quickly. Secondly, I am causing, through repeated reinforcement, you to become addicted to the sound of my voice. You will associate hearing me speak and especially saying your name with something that is wonderful and this increases the potency of your addiction to me.

I will use music specially to create so many links between you and I. Each special moment that we share should have its own particular soundtrack. The first meeting, the first time I gave you a lift in my car. The first time we made love, the first meal I cooked for you and the first you cooked for me. The time we sat and watched a storm together, holding hands. Music plays a huge part in assailing your sense of hearing and creating powerful connections between the beautiful things we once did together and certain pieces of music. We will ensure our relationship has catch phrases so that when you watch an advertisement you hear my voice saying the same sentence as I did when we were together. Every time there was a knock at the front door, I said the same thing and it made you laugh no matter how many times you had heard it. Now, when there is a knock, even though I have gone, you hear my voice. No matter how hard you try to evade hearing my voice or hearing the sounds that are inextricably linked to many moments in the relationship that we had, you will continue to be assailed by them even when I am no longer stood beside you or in a relationship with you.

I apply my scent, like some beast marking its territory, ensuring that during the seduction certain smells – my after shave, my anti-perspirant, my shower gel, the washing powder I use, the air freshener in my house are all direct links to me. The olfactory connection that I establish is a unique code between you and me. For each relationship I create a different set of fragrances so that there is not just one reminder of me but six. I smell so good and I reinforce this by allowing you to keep a shirt of mine imbued with my scent when I am away so that you can sniff it as you lie in bed. It seems such a delightful gesture of mine, so that you have something to remind you of me when I am on a business trip but I am creating your addiction through your sense of smell and paving the way for you to be unable to smell sandalwood in the future without thinking instantly of me. You will associate so many smells with me, from personal fragrances, to the smell of my house, the interior of my car, the meals we take together and so forth. It is all designed to ensure that you make the connection between the wonderful and that fragrance during the seduction so that you cannot do anything but remember those golden moments when you happen to smell a particular scent at a later stage. It is the most powerful evoker of memory.

I will use taste to create yet more fantastic bonds between us. I will encourage you to try different foods, different dishes at restaurants that you will enjoy. I will introduce a signature drink to you, something that you have not had before, so that you really enjoy it and immediately associate its tangy taste with me. You will recognise and become swept away by the taste of my kiss. A wonderful and mesmerising taste which sends you into sensory overload, making you tremble with anticipation. I ensure that certain tastes will be linked to those wonderful moments and memories. You are not that special however as these tasting techniques will have been used with others and will be used with others again.

Finally, you will crave my touch and want to touch me. The times you felt the stubble on my face with your hand, or against your cheek as I gently kissed you as you dozed. You delighted in the sensation of defined chest as your hand brushed across it. The times you would always allow your palm to stroke my newly shorn hair, the short and soft hairs gracing your hand. How you felt so safe when you felt my arms around you at night or when I took your hand in mine, telling you without saying anything that everything would be alright. How you now miss my expert ministrations as my tender fingers probed and caressed finding all the right places, creating another scintillating experience that now with my departure you still yearn for. The way I placed my hands on your shoulders when I arrived from work and approached you from behind, the reassurance, familiarity and strength flowing from me to you as sat down you tilted your head against my arm and my fingers began to massage your shoulders. The way I used to wipe the tears from your eyes with my mouth, the delicate application of my lips soothing and absorbing the source of your woe. The times I would tickle you until you could not breath but the delight soared inside of you. How you now miss touching me and being touched by me.

I will always fill up your senses so I become your universe. I will always fill up your senses so that even through the numbness I leave you with, you crave seeing me, smelling me, hearing me, touching me and tasting me. I fill up your senses and then take it all away making you crave the return to such a degree that it is not a question of if, but when, I shall allow you to be filled up once again.

12 thoughts on “How The Narcissist Conquers Your Senses To Feed On You

  1. WhoCares says:

    Hello Pauline,

    Thank-you for your input! A lot of what you observe regarding Mid-Rangers makes sense and aligns with my experience:

    “I would say they are good in charming people but they are really bad in hiding “the creature”.”

    Yes. Plus, as you said they don’t keep jobs because they can easily charm their way into a new job or career but fail to sustain it (due to antagonistic rrelationships at work) and then blameshift to others or some other reason that demonstrates their lack of accountability and inability to see how they actually caused it.

    I could never see this in my narc at first because he had legitimate “accidents” (broken bones and such) that caused an inability to continue in the same line of work.

    Also, mine (despite being LMR) was exceptional at hiding infidelities – in part due to the fact that I pride myself on respecting other people’s privacy (to my own detriment it seems.)

    Thanks for sharing Pauline.

  2. WhoCares says:


    That is interesting; thanks for sharing – difficult to know the effects of age and medications I suspect. Mine (LMR) confuses me sometimes too when I can’t seem to pinpoint his cadre – I don’t care that much about it anymore…it only puzzles me when I cannot fit him into HG’s categories and the resulting behaviour. Mine, at core, is essentially a victim narc but has somatic traits (handsome, good in bed) but as he ages, of course, he is losing his looks etc, so the victim aspect comes out more…maybe these changes are at play for yours as well? I suppose a ‘Narc Detector’ would shed light on this…

    1. Mercy says:

      WhoCares, I’m like you, I don’t think I care enough but puzzled because doesn’t fold neatly into one of HGs category. Thanks for bringing up age, I didn’t consider that as a reason for the victim side of him coming out more. You could right because he is coming to the end of his career and I know it bothers him alot.

  3. WhoCares says:

    Thank-you HG, yes I intend to do further reading.

  4. i just don't care says:

    yes, sick and clever. Recently, after nearly 2 years of no contact,after reading an article about narcs stalking, I did a little looking around on twitter and sure enough, found him. He had access to my twitter page for a year, without me knowing. I immediately blocked him, and sure enough, he locked his account the day later. I doubt it was a coincidence, but rather a reaction to me blocking him. What I don’t hear enough about is the narcs vulnerability and obsession with us, and addiction to us. Yes, I have had to deal with ever presence and conquering of the senses, which lessens with time, but why would someone need to create that in the first place, if they were not deeply addicted to others as well? How about our ever presence in their lives, that would have them need to stalk us to draw fuel? I now see the narc as an extremely vulnerable person. And I bet he thinks of me, everytime he sees, smells, and tastes an apple pie. The door swings both ways. Until it doesn’t for me. which is more often than not, these days.

  5. Eloise says:

    Between you and ME. You are so good with language elsewhere; I suggest you eliminate this glaring error.
    I do think your analyses are extremely insightful and useful.

  6. EmP says:

    Wow. Taking NLP to a whole new level.. Sick. And clever.

    Disheartening to realise how vulnerable to manipulation the human brain is.

    It’s actually worse than disheartening, it’s terrifying.

    So glad I found HG.

  7. WhoCares says:

    You have a gift HG.

    I think I may have asked this before but then again, maybe here goes:
    If your ability – and awareness – of the many ways in which you extract fuel is reflected in your perspective sharing here – then you are obviously considerably skilled at what you do. Does the reduced cognitive capabilities and awareness of other schools reflect their ability to extract fuel on as many levels as you do? Or are they as equally effective; it is just that they cannot reflect on why they do what they do?

    I suppose evidence of the ‘reality gap’ suggest they are not as effective…I guess I’m also thinking of victim narcissists: it will never be an upwards climb for them but just a sinking down until they run out of people to spare sympathy for them…I suppose I have answered my own question…it’s just that I have witnessed some evidence of them (victim narcs) being able to ‘adapt’ – where ‘magically’ their health improves when lacking the immediate sympathetic attention of those nearby but are instead surrounded by those that are worse off then them physically (at least I have witnessed this flip-flop with my mother) and they then can garner fuel through helping the others who are worse off then them – although this cannot be sustained for long since their MO is ‘victim mode’ and they will always, eventually, resort back to that perspective.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The effectiveness of the narcissist in acquiring fuel and maintaining a stable fuel matrix decreases as you move down the schools. Read the articles about the Fuel matrices for further information, Whocares.

    2. Mercy says:

      WhoCares, I believe my narc to be a mid but he has an extensive fuel matrix and high intelligence so I lean toward upper mid based on what I’ve read. Something I have not figured out though is why he never played victim the first 5 years I knew him. It was only the last couple years that I saw this side of him and is the only reason I believe him to be a mid. The only conclusion I can come up with on my own is the meds he started taking. I think maybe they caused him to have less control and brought his lesser and mid traits out.

    3. Pauline says:

      Hi WhoCares, very interesting topic.

      I have experiance with mid rangers so I will add something from my point of view. I would say they are good in charming people but they are really bad in hiding “the creature”. They can’t hide their sulky passive agressive nature and people sometimes do not tolerate easily childish behaviours.

      So for example they can establish quite large fuel matrix when they are “on the wave” but they can’t maintain it for long so they will change their jobs, switch postions often when others start to see there is something wrong with them or because they start to argue a lot.

      They are also eaisily offended so they eliminate people by themselves (more or less intentional), while a Greater narcissist would manipulate those people to behave again. Mid rangers are worse in manipulating people because their reactions are more instinvtive so people they iteract with more easily see through them and refuse to engage.

      Intimate relationship – the same. They are instinctive, it’s more difficult for them to hide their infidelities and temper their abuse so exes probably go no contact more often. So I would say this fuel matrix is very dynamic, many people cease interactions with them, they of course recruit new people but they do not increasee the fuel matrix, instead they
      complement deficiencies I think.

      I went no contact with my ex a year ago. I was observing his online fuel matrix at that time. During last year I know about 3 women he rectuited when he lost me and probaby was intimate with who are no longer in his fuel matrix today. Probably they also went no contact with him. We do not know each other so they had to see through him by themselves. It means this narcissist is really really bad in keeping his appliances at place and when they see what he is, there is nothing he can do to prevent the loss of them. I suppose the Greaters are much better in maintaining their fuel matrix.

      1. Kim e says:

        Hi Pauline, You stated…………
        ” they of course recruit new people but they do not increase the fuel matrix, instead they complement deficiencies I think.”

        Can I ask you to clarify this?

        Asking because I have felt this way fro some time about my N. After I was discarded I consulted with HG numerous times and HG always said my N was every interested in me cause there were others he could hoover. I always wondered how many “New” there were as even now even tho I am on the shelf, we have a lot of contact.

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