The Expanded Narcissistic Truths – No. 2

i-amemptyi-show-youwhat-youwant-to-see

There is a vast emptiness inside of me.

Whatever was meant to be there is not there and instead this chasm remains, an expansive void that is dark, deep and perpetual. I remain ahead of this void because it wants to consume me and in so doing consign me to oblivion. This relentless black hole wants to devour me, breaking down all that I have achieved and crushing them into nothingness, a final insult against me as I disappear without trace. A terrible matter to contemplate that as this extinction is aimed at me is the prospect of never having mattered, never having existed and never having made a mark on the world. To be erased in an instant, obliterated and deleted.

I am fearless in all that I do, save that is this void, this nothing which is the architect of one total fear. It is against this constant fate that I drive forward. You see, hurled into this void is The Creature and he is scrabbling to escape it so that with dreadful suicidal intent he can wrap his sinewy arms about me, his yellowed and sharpened teeth plunging into my neck, his venom paralysing me as he gurgles and giggles, hauling me backwards off the precipice and into the void, the pair of us plummeting into oblivion.

That must not happen.

In order to keep him deep, deep down in the void it is necessary to imprison him and keep his vile and seditious whispers silenced. This means filling the void. Imagine he lurks at its very deepest point. He wishes to keep the void as it is. Vast and empty, since by doing so he will be able to then clamber out and grab me, dragging me down back into the void. He needs the void to be just that. He needs emptiness so he can reach out of it unhindered. He needs the void to be just that. He needs emptiness so he can destroy me through its unrelenting absence of anything.

I cannot have emptiness.

This void must be filled and it is filled with fuel. Each piece of fuel places a layer within the void and behind each layer The Creature becomes imprisoned. Oh he will wail and protest but as those layers become thicker and more numerous his wretched cat calls become muffled and then silenced. He cannot break through these layers, he cannot reach out and burst through the constructed layers to sabotage my existence. Each layer differs in depth, strength and duration in accordance with the type of fuel that I am able to gather and place within the void, fashioning my construct.

The smile from a stranger is a thin and ephemeral sliver. The admiration from a newly acquired primary source is a dense and durable slab that protects me and makes the construct strong. Piece by piece, layer by layer, each segment of fuel, positive and negative, reinforces the construct, fills the void and keep The Creature at bay.

One cannot rest for these pieces dissipate and melt away through time. The Creature picks at them, claws at them, raking through them. Your treacherous criticism punches massive great holes in them allowing the mocking howls of The Creature to echo to me. See now why we hate criticism so vehemently?

Fuel fills the void. Fuel creates the construct.

The fastest way to gather fuel is to show you what you want to see for then you will pour forth with your love, your delight, your admiration and your appreciation. Marvellous, edifying and filling is your fuel. If I show you the very thing that you want to see, namely yourself, you will give me this fuel more readily, with such potency, often and in huge amounts. I have not time to build something of substance for you to fall in love with, to admire and desire. I must create it with due expedience and what better way than to use that which already exists, namely you. Thus, I show you yourself through my mirror and you fall for that image believing it to be me, believing it to be my essence and substance.

You do not realise that you are seeking yourself and indeed you do not see yourself when I mirror you back at yourself. You are conned by my fakery into thinking that it is my substance that you see and it dazzles and enchants you. I care not. So long as you are providing me with that fuel, I will hold up that mirror to you and let you fall in love with yourself. It is an artifice, a fabrication and fakery but it is necessary.

I give you what you want. It is not real but it seems so real to you and thus your responses are in fact real. The delicious fuel flows and I want you to pour it into me, filling me up, creating a barrier of salvation between me and the Creature as you are chief architect in the plans to frustrate and defeat his attempt to dethrone me.

This is why when you are installed as primary source and your wonderful fuel flows you truly are everything that matters to us.

You are our salvation and if holding a mirror up to achieve this salvation is what must be done, then it will be done.

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7 thoughts on “The Expanded Narcissistic Truths – No. 2”

  1. I always felt like he was a tormented soul, like something troubled him deeply that he could not share. I thought I could fix him, that love would conquer all. 14 years until I couldn’t take anymore, it was killing me inside. 12 months apart and he passed away three weeks ago from abuse, now I feel a heavy sadness and hurt. He was the Father of my Children.

  2. What s beautiful story!! and so well written… I really appreciate it and no, I do not feel sorry for you, guys. I do not hate you either. I have learnt a lot from Narcs and I haven’ t lost my energy, even though I am an empath and I have been your objective many times, I guess. But I have been lucky and from the experience of loving one, I am reinforce. So I really believe that you are here to make us stronger, to make us believe that we can, that we are the lucky ones. If we fight and win the battle (sorry, my English is not as good as it should. I am not writing using my mother tongue) then we can achieve almost anything. We become stronger, with more tools to understand the world and to be what we want to be. And yes, zero contact give us power. I do not hate him but I do not want him in my life, not for a second. I have learnt enough.

  3. Hi HG

    Sometimes I feel that emptiness , I think a lot of people do . when you have nothing inside to give , you need others validation to give you self worth.
    I have no interest in dissecting the narc as I am not one and have escaped thanks to you but it’s weird that the very same thing that drives you is something that made me make lots of poor choices with men.It only happens with men with me .
    I don’t feel enough so I take any sort of bait no matter how toxic , and could be manipulated easily ,well that was before I came here.

  4. Pingback: The Expanded Narcissistic Truths – No. 2 ⋆ NarcTopia | NarcTopia
  5. HG I do know that I am looking for someone who is like me but not me I am a very rear person and I know it I don’t fit into the world I never have but all I find is people like you pretenders the men usually love until they realise that they cannot control me then they try to destroy me by the time they have finished with the abuse I no longer want to be around them sometimes there’s no coming back from were your kind take someone and I don’t fear being alone and so do the narcissist woman until they realise they cannot be me and their jealousy takes over

  6. This is so Sad. No wonder so many of us want to save your kind . I personally never knew the extent of the damage done to your kind, but I have always felt the damage radiating from your kind . Always wanting to help, to heal and to protect you. Hell, I want to even wrap my arms around you and help you, HG!! I don’t understand why your parents treated you the way they did, that goes for the fact of all narccessist created by parents! WTF!!! But, never could. Now I know why .

    Thank you HG . I have learned so much from you and your articles and videos .

    I have a quick question, it’s been 4 months since I made him move out, why is he not hoovering me?

    1. You are welcome.

      There has either been no hoover trigger (unlikely) or the Hoover execution criteria has not been met (most likely and because he has a new IPPS).

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