Unbelievable (And How To Tackle It)


Narcissists have a different world view to you. Failing to understand this results in the behaviour which seems entirely appropriate from our perspective, being confusing, bewildering and utterly unbelievable from your perspective.

This results in the use of flawed logic, bad decisions and continued ensnarement with the narcissist.

To understand how the behaviour is unbelievable and importantly what you can do about it, use the link below.

Get this handy guide

17 thoughts on “Unbelievable (And How To Tackle It)

  1. katebd19 says:

    To me, 1 and 2 are the key, the priority, where the big effort must be focused. These understandings provide light in the chaos.

  2. EyesWideOpen says:

    HG, have you given any thought to discussing how to protect ourselves from the on-line dating Narcissists? How they set up their profiles, what they say, what photos they post? Particularly how to spot them and then how we can shut them down immediately?

    I think this information would be invaluable in this day and age. I know that, even though I’m much more aware of this type of behaviour and far more sceptical of the love bombing, I feel I still may fall for a particularly polished one.

    (btw, I just watched the miniseries “Dirty John”, and it scared the hell out of me)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The Date Defender consultation touches on this in part. I may consider doing something specific.

  3. Narc noob says:

    Scattergun? Yes. Shall we say the geyser came to play?!

    I felt like a headless chook running all over the place. Quite the spectacle I’m sure. Frankly 4. was needed as it allowed me to better calculate 6, 7 & 9 plus 11, 12 and 15, just by allowing myself to talk it through, and get feedback from those around me.

    The recipe for madness was there but I got wind of that when I took 3 steps back. I then found this site, allowing more space and logical thinking. Gracias HG 🙏

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  4. lisk says:

    #7 is a life lesson in itself, applicable in any social realm, including the workplace. It should be taught to every child before they even enter nursery school.

    “Identify promptly those who can be relied on and ensure they understand. Conserve your energy for these true supporters and do not waste it on lost causes.”

  5. J.G THE ONE says:

    Hello H.G.Tudor.
    Really amazing, it was my relationship. Even more incredible was my devaluation, when the discard happened, I went into disbelief. But when I discovered that I had become entangled with a somatic narcissist, through his writings, I went into emotional shock. My reaction was one of disbelief, no acceptance, I thought no, no, no, how can this be? His information is so detailed that it was, for me, a thermonuclear bomb that I take away with my system of ideas-beliefs about what happened. Enter emotional panic. And I really had to read the posts several times, to make sure of what I was reading, it was not my feverish imagination.
    You know, H.G.Tudor, my relationship with my narcissist was inconceivable to any mildly empathic person. But what I found surprisingly amazing was finding you, and this blog. This was incredibly delicious, and to find in it, a teacher, a mentor. a liberator. This, if that is incredible.

    1. lisk says:

      HG’s information as potent as “a thermonuclear bomb.”

      Talk about fuel!!!

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Positive fuel arising from
        Tertiary source – therefore weak
        Written word – therefore limited in amount ; and
        In a Blog Comment – therefore one-off short hit

        Conclusion. Good to receive the praise for my work in such terms but in terms of fuel, a mere drop.

        1. lisk says:

          But strong for each of us…fuel as double-meaning here.

          Your work is powerful and fuels each of us, and #15: “ultimately, it is [each of us] who matters most.”

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Fair comment – and thank you.

  6. Manuel Simon Rodriguez says:

    When I read it seems that I look in a mirror

  7. Veronique Jones says:

    I agree at least I know what are warning signs now mostly thanks to you HG I treat my narcissist like he is not even there now I literally have no care factor of what anyone thinks of me anyone if they choose to accept what he did to me as ok at least I know they are not really my friends because anyone who actually knows me knows I don’t lie the reason why we find it so hard to believe is because we judge people by ourselves I would never do it to anyone else and most people wouldn’t either even if they are normal somatic narcissists don’t get away with it as well as cerebral narcissists
    My narcissist has often referred to me as a narcissist because I i have pride in my appearance I like to look good it’s usually a sign I am happy he doesn’t want me to be happy so he didn’t stop bringing me down until everything was gone I am now starting to get back to myself living healthy and looking after myself I am not ever going to let him back in he cannot fix what he broke I have to accept he will never change

  8. A383 says:


    The advice in this article is priceless.

    Your work is so good that I think sometimes it’s almost taken for granted.

    This, for me, is a reminder of how it felt when I first found your site – the vindication that I wasn’t mad, that I wasn’t the only one and more importantly that there is light at the end of the tunnel if you truly follow the advice.

    A heartfelt thanks to you HG for making sense of a lifetime of chaos. x

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome and thank you. You may well be right about it being taken for granted, that is why it is incumbent on my readers to spread the word and ensure that it is not taken for granted.

  9. Kate W says:

    This is an excellent one! I’ve read it several times and it doesn’t upset me- it calms me.

    In My Top 20 of HG essays….❤️

    1. Tappi Tikarrass says:

      Hi Kate W
      Top 20 HG essays- yes!
      The standard of HGs work is so high it’s difficult for me to pick just a few too.

      I’ve just forwarded this post to someone.
      In the hope they gain some understanding.
      It’s a good introductory piece.

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