I Use Words Purely To Control

I USEWORDSPURELY TO CONTROL

The words that our kind use are the instruments of our dark profession.

Words are advantageous because they are so easy to say. There is little effort involved in uttering a sudden profane insult or a sentence designed to bring about submission. A barked injunction or a passionate phrase are readily conjured up and sent in your direction. Of course, there are times when the more skilled practitioners amongst our brethren use them to create a stunning tapestry of woven wonder for you to look upon in a lengthy letter. A seemingly heartfelt declaration of love that needs to be requited, an apparent mea culpa, no a mea maxima culpa for our wrongdoings arising from our tortured behaviour or the mercy-seeking begging missive seeking absolution and forgiveness.

Whilst there are of course plenty of actions in the dynamic between you and I, it is the words which are everywhere. From those spoken, to the text messages, the e-mails, the social media announcements, the invitations, the letters written in beautiful copper plate handwriting (always a winner), the one word daubed in paint on the side of your house, the insult scratched into your car’s wing and the bloodied threat daubed on a note and wrapped around a brick hurled through your window. Those words are absolutely everywhere. Easy to use, quick to appear and with them such import and impact on those listening and of course, the empathic individual is invariably an excellent listener who drinks in what we have to say or write.

From weasel words to roaring rhetoric, we deploy phrases and sentences to bring about compliance, to secure sympathy, to tug at your emotions and evoke responses. Instinct allows us to mirror and conjure up those tantalising expressions which go straight to your core, coiling about your heart and either dragging it towards us or tearing it to shreds, dependent on where you happen to be on the narcissistic rollercoaster.

I have repeatedly explained that we prefer to conserve our energy. We do not want to have to do more than is necessary because our energy is required for the purposes of establishing the seduction of our primary source and the maintenance of our fuel lines through our growing fuel network. We do not want to be rushing around doing things, it is far more effective to tell you how we supposedly feel about you, write it in one text message to send to five different recipients to cast the net wider and see what can be caught and to rely on the images created by our words. By conserving this energy, we are able to achieve more. We can target more people, seduce with greater effectiveness and devalue with increased impact.

The Lesser Narcissist is not an especially skilled wordsmith albeit the Upper Lesser will have his or her moments. This lack of delicious prose or flowery compliments does not however hinder his use of words as a method of control. He will channel it in into the use of a pet name (which is seemingly special) and use that with regularity. His based vulgarities which are texted when he is roping in a target are often aimed at those who are operating on a similar language and literary level to him.

Take for example the 419 frauds (also known as advance fee frauds). You will know about those e-mails (usually hailing from Nigeria where the e-mails are contrary to s419 of their criminal code, hence the name) where Crown Prince Umbongo explains how as a trusted advisor or improbable relative you can help him move $ 49 million dollars from an account and he will cut you in for twenty per cent. These e-mails are usually written in pidgin English or a poor version of it which marks the writer out as someone who has English as a second language. That is actually not the case. The writer is invariably someone with an excellent command of English BUT the e-mail is written in a manner which is poor English. This is deliberate. It is done because it is specifically seeking out people who are dim-witted enough to respond and provide cash to the fraudsters.

People often wonder how people fall for these scams, but they do and that is why the fraudsters keep going. Just in the way that we as love frauds specifically target people and use words to do so, the financial frauds (which will include members of our brethren too) ensure the content of these e-mails is such that the most gullible respond in order to maximise the prospects for success. The ploy is deliberate to remove the false positives and leave only those who are the most susceptible.

In the same way, the less proficient use of words by the Lesser means that he will attract those who are more likely to fall for his particular manipulations. It is of little use for the Lesser to attract someone who seems like a useful prospect only for them to prove to be a false positive and break off the seduction. Just like the financial scammers, the Lesser needs to weed out those who are most susceptible to his less articulate overtures and more rudimentary manipulative styles.

The Lesser has fewer problems when it comes to the controlling aspect of his use of words during devaluing. He can hurl the insults with ease, relying on profanities, vulgarity and harsh words to wound and upset his ensnared victim. He can unleash a volley of nastiness from his twisted mouth. His roar of disapproval, the reliance on bellowing and shouting over the actual complexity of this sentences, is entirely effective at cowing, controlling and brow-beating the victims which he will stand the greatest chance of effectiveness delivery of the Prime Aims with.

As for the Mid-Range Narcissist, he has some charm and with the increased cognitive function comes a pleasant and desirable seduction where sweet, caring messages are used. He will spend much of his seduction stealing the phrases and verses of famous authors and poets. He knows where to find these texts and will either plagiarise them wholesale or add his own twist to the existing works. The Mid-Range will control through a sugary sweet seduction and can engage in extensive text campaigns as part of his luring of the victim.

He is also perfectly capable of hurling the insults if really required but the Mid-Ranger’s use of words to control his victims is evidenced most in two ways. Back-handed compliments ( seeΒ Seven Back-Handed ProvocationsΒ ) and Pity Plays. The Mid-Ranger is an expert at the passive aggressive barbed comment and can issue those which have you at first smiling and then reacting as you realise the import of what has just been said to you. The Mid-Ranger’s true proficiency lies in his ability to control you through the use of Pity Plays which he will roll out through his long involved explanations of hardship, misery, difficulty and adversity. Whether he wants money from you, to con you into thinking he will engage in some kind of treatment for his confusing behaviours, to stop you leaving him and removing his main source of fuel or to take him back after you have escaped or he has dis-engaged, the Mid-Ranger knows all the choice speeches to tug at your heart strings. He will present persuasive phrases to convey how truly sorry he is and that his life really is worth nothing without you. Verbose apologies and explanations will clog up your inboxes as he goes overboard about how devastated he is to have treated someone so wonderful as you this way, how he realises that he has done so many wrong things and needs to make amends and of course it is always someone else’s fault/something else’s fault why he did as he did. Notice that these controlling words of the Mid-Ranger sound good and appear to show contrition and remorse but they do not. There is recognition but no ownership.

“I know I upset you when I go missing BUT I just need some time to myself because I am under pressure.”

“I can see why you might get angry when I talk to other women BUT I cannot help it if people like me, can I?”

The Mid-Ranger will use words extensively to seduce but it is in the application of words during devaluation where the Mid-Ranger exhibits particular expertise. Do not think that the mode du jour of the Mid-Ranger, the Silent Treatment, is some kind of aberration for such a prolix individual – he is of course courting somebody else with his sweet sentences whilst you are given a dose of cold fury.

As for the Greater, well, our mouths and tongues are the ultimate weapons. From composing eloquent and seductive proclamations of our love through to the motivating and endearing speeches as to why you and I belong together, the Greater is at the top of the pyramid when it comes to using words to control. Possessing an uncanny knack of knowing exactly the right thing to say and the right time, the Greater can use verbose announcements to awe a target into submission or deploy a short sentence to devastating effect.

Just like his Lesser and Mid-Range counterparts, the Greater can unleash the heated fury of a tirade should he deem it necessary. He does however always prefer to rely on his charm and the associated words with such charm for the purposes of manipulation and control. Whether it is seducing you, seducing someone else to triangulate with you, to manipulate you into feeling that you are the problem, deflecting your suspicions or stopping you leaving through a scintillating Preventative Hoover, the Greater will turn to charm first. Those delicious words, so brilliantly delivered, the evocative sentences and tempting turns of phrase are all deployed in order to ensure that you submit and obey. If charm is in limited supply and is refusing to stretch, then the Greater will use his words to threaten and intimidate. Nobody else is able to convey his imaginative plans for how you will suffer if you do not do what he wants. A few sentences describing what fate awaits you and with no raised voice or bellowed indignation has a most unsettling effect on the victim. The Greater will not opt for Pity Plays, they are beneath him. His words are a source of pride to him and through charm and intimidation he exerts control.

Everything we say is designed to control you. Our words are there to make you fall in love with us, like us, be drawn to us and to be loyal to us. Our sentences seduce. Our words wound. What we say to you must make you do what we want, provide us with fuel, give us your resources, carry out our instructions, obey our commands. Our words, be they spoken or written are not there for your benefit, they are to serve us and ensure that you are brought and remain under our control.

You are excellent listeners but when you are first ensnared by us, you do not hear what we are actually saying to you.

Now you will.

46 thoughts on “I Use Words Purely To Control

  1. Oracle says:

    Mr. Tudor, can a mid range or greater appear to be a lesser but buy design? Meaning the narc intentionally dumbs down.
    I see my narc do this all the time. He feigns ignorance in things he doesn’t care to deal with or be held accountable.
    Then i will see him strategically over a long period of time set things in motion. Plan his manipulations with a goal that may take months to achieve. He Treat people like a game. Then watch the result. Sometimes just for fun, but usually to punish some perceived wrong to him.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      All narcissists reject accountability – it is required to maintain control. This does not equate to dumbing down.You think the narcissist is feigning ignorance but that assumes the narcissist knows he is accountable and rejects it, most narcissists do not know they are accountable because their narcissism blinds them to this and thus they are not feigning ignorance, they genuinely believe they do not know. Your perspective (understandably) causes you to think he is feigning ignorance when he is not.

      1. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

        Dearest HG: If one presents a good idea to a Narcissist, and they agree it is a good idea for them, will they reject the idea because it was not their idea, to maintain control over you? I notice that you do not reject ideas from others, for some reason. I admire that about you. But, I noticed that the N. that I entangled with, did. A lot.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Yes they may do that or more usually appropriate it and claim it was theirs.

          I do not reject ideas because there is no need for me to do so. I do of course reject inaccuracy.

      2. Caroline-is-here says:

        HG, I realize this isn’t my question, but I’m a little confused by a portion of your reply. Would you please clarify?…

        In terms of accountability, how does this work with the example of a narcissist being asked, “Would you give me a call when you’re headed home?”

        So assuming there’s consistently no call…

        For the 3 narcissists, you mean the only one who consciously thinks: “Don’t tell me what to do/you won’t pin me down/I’m in charge, not you” — and with that kind of thought in mind does not call — is the Greater?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Correct.

          The other schools don’t call instinctively. They may later explain is because they are in charge not you, but that comment is made later at a juncture when it is necessary to make that comment for the purposes of control at THAT MOMENT.

          1. Caroline-is-fine says:

            Ah, makes sense~thanks for the clarification.

  2. lisk says:

    You sure do….

    I recharged an old iPhone over the weekend because I was looking for some old music on its iPod.

    While in the phone, I decided I’d look at old texts from Narc Ex. The ones that were on the phone were from FIVE years ago. As I read our exchange, it was the same old thing: him controlling the situation, whether that involved our plans for a nice dinner or where he was going to spend the evening after an argument (which of course was my fault) or the sweet words that brought about our reconnection after a silent treatment.

    Yes, the same old pattern of control that had played out year in and year out was there right in front of my face–all within about 20 texts. I was slightly sickened by it all, especially at the part where I deferred to his decisions. (He always claimed we negotiated. There was NEVER any real negotiation.)

    That sickening feeling then led to an epiphany: it was never really that between us. It was always about control. I’m not really missing much, if I’m missing anything at all.

  3. Bubbles 🍾 says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    https://youtu.be/-hGyrNChk5c

    “Actions speak louder than words”
    If you’re having to “look up words” or “untwisting” them ….. narc alert !
    Plus that “too good to be true” syndrome
    “Words” ……the weasel’s specialty !
    My mum is having a “hissy fit” and cracking a “tooty fruity” over the written word, as we speak, to the point of obsessed
    Our “greater” friend got his knickers in a knot because Mr Bubbles was not hanging on to his “every word” on Veterans Day (he said Mr Bubbles was extremely rude ……quite put out, he was πŸ˜‚)
    (It’s funny , the “greater” even pointed out the weasel was not in the march, nor did he make an appearance for the after drinks, obviously trying to get a reaction from us ) …Mr Bubbles n I hadn’t even noticed

    “Genuine” people do not do this “play on words” game thingy
    Thank you Mr Tudor, I’ve been well and truly listening πŸ‘‚ and from my perspective it’s all a “heap of hoohar”
    🀣
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  4. Awoke says:

    I am currently trying not to let my ET take over but I don’t know how to control my mind. I have been trying to remember conversations when he was really mean and speaking the truth. He would sometimes say β€œI need to punish you” when I would ask him why he was doing this or that. What does that say about him, does he know what he is doing? I don’t think he is a greater. As silent treatment was his go to with me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      More information is needed to gain context. I recommend you organise a Narc Detector consultation.

    2. Anm says:

      Awoke,
      It sounds like Gaslighting and Stockholm Syndrom. First off, if a Narcissist’s lips are moving, they are lying. He was never speaking the truth while he was being mean, he conditioned your mind to believe him. All Narcissist use brain washings techniques to confuse and stress their victims. Your mind can heal if you get away and surround yourself with positive people. Yes, he was very much trying to punish you. HG could tell you if he intentionally calculated the abuse.

    3. Bubbles 🍾 says:

      Dearest Awoke,
      Lesson no 1….
      don’t try to remember his conversations
      Lesson no 2 …
      They don’t speak truths
      Lesson no 3 ….
      He knows what he’s doing, being mean is not normal
      Lesson no 4….
      asking questions is a waste of time
      Lesson no 5….
      He’s way too stupid to be a greater
      Lesson no 6….
      Genuine love doesn’t punish like that
      Lesson 7 ….
      Silent treatment was his “go to” … “your go to” is to goso
      Lesson no 8…
      you will learn to control your mind by staying here with the help of Mr Tudor and your backup support Tudorites

      You deserve way better beautiful one
      Hugs to you my lovely, stay strong
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      1. Kim e says:

        Bubbles….I wish it was that easy.

        1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

          Dear Kim e,
          It saddens my heart greatly to hear you say that
          How can we all help you lovely one
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          1. Kim e says:

            Bubbles it has been as the song goes a β€œ long and winding road” for me. My addiction is deep. I have consulted with HG. Got wonderful advise from the Tudorettes. But just like any addiction until I am truly willing to let go nothing any body says or does will make a difference.
            Logic is in there…trapped way behind my ET. It rears it’s head but then ET says β€œno. That is wrong”. And logic goes back to the caves
            But have no fear. I have not given up. My logic will breakthrough one day and ET will be squashed
            Thanks for your kind words

          2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest Kim e,
            That “long and winding road” has plenty of pot holes as well … trust me, I’ve fallen into heaps (they’re deep too and bloody hard to get out of)

            The fact that you are “here” beautiful one, is what’s most important and hopefully you will eventually come to the end of the winding road and it’s all straight uphill from now on

            Emotional thinking is part of our DNA …. we just need to control ” it” , rather than ” it ” control us
            Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither is our recovery
            You will get there in time precious …. when you’re ready
            Warm hugs to you dear Kim e
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        2. Caroline-is-fine says:

          Kim,
          But it doesn’t have to feel or even be easy, doll… if you struggle with it, there’s progress in the struggle – you’re putting up a fight, bit by bit. It matters. Life is not a perfectionistic, “all or nothing” gig… there are less-than-ideal grey areas we must contend with too.

          So if you trip… you catch yourself…if you fall down completely… you rise up again… as often as needs be, until you’re standing firm.

          What’s the hardest part right now? Tell the Empaths. XO.

          P.S. Love your inspired, “whimsical wisdoms” list, Bubbles.

          1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dear Caroline-is-fine,
            I very much liked your reply, great advice and so very true
            Thank you also for your kind words sweet one, most appreciated 😊
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          2. Caroline-is-fine says:

            Thank you, adorable Bubbles! XO!

          3. Kim e says:

            Bubbles and Caroline-Is-Fine,
            Thanks for the words of encouragement. Day by day, minute by minute, anxiety attack by anxiety attack …..lol. I will get there…..I know I will.

          4. Caroline-is-here says:

            Oh, Kim…I am so sorry about the anxiety attacks. One of my friends gets those… does it help to focus on one object and keep your thoughts on that? When I have been with her when she gets one, this is what helps her… she zeroes in on this one single thing, and it calms her, until the anxiety goes away, about 20 minutes later. I know those are not easy, but they do go away, so keep reminding yourself when you get one: “This will go away… it will be over soon.”

            You are stronger than you know and braver than you feel, Kim. I think that might be a semi-quote from Winnie the Pooh books; maybe Christopher Robin said it… please don’t sue me, Christopher Robin — I adore you, CR! (Lol – that crazy Caroline).

            On a practical front, please try to get outside for a bit of a walk & get some laughs with friends as you can, here or in RL, Kim…keep talking to us, ok, hon?

            I’m here for you~keep on it, girl. I’m changing my name for you, until you feel better. That’s how important you are. Tuck that into your heart. It’s true.

            Moment by moment is exactly right. It will get better. You’re in the thick of it right now, and I understand. We all do, hon.
            Much Love,
            Caroline

          5. Kim e says:

            Caroline. The anxiety is really because it has been so cold and raining here for days. I normally walk on my lunch hour and blow my brains out listening to music but have not been able to. I boxed last night and felt better. Anxiety much better than last week.
            I am disappointed in myself. I have never had an issue with telling someone to “F” off. I have been on my own since I was 17. I have raised 2 boys that have turned out great. But this is a whole new ball game.
            You and Bubbles are right. I need to give myself a break and just take the steps I need to get there. It will happen. I know it will.
            It would really help me if he would be an ass to me since he never has been. When we were first together I left when I found out he was married. I allowed myself to be hoovered back in and he has never given me a hard time other then the normal put me back on the shelf stuff. Hell when I was with him I NEVER heard from him on the weekends and now I do. I even got a happy birthday this year.
            I know……all ET talking.
            Could you contact him and ask him to be the true ass we all know he can be? That would really help me…LOL
            CR is very lovable.

          6. Caroline-is-here says:

            Kim,
            You’re right; this is a whole other ballgame. You’re always that strong woman inside, hon — it’s just that this screwy MR narcissist has most certainly played that hot-cold/on-off/push-pull (passive aggressive tricks to boot) game to the hilt… our emotional systems just aren’t meant for that insidious crap… it’s like a slow-building effect that takes root, and it confuses & confounds…it takes time to unwind all that (In a way, think of it like deprogramming from a cult — that usually doesn’t happen overnight).

            I’m in no way advocating Greaters (whole other set of problems!), but I think I can understand why the MR could make you doubt how bad it *really* is, just because of how they operate. I think in this case, just paying attention to that awful feeling in your gut & heart — when engaged in the dynamic AND when trying to get out — there’s your proof that things are not okay… your mind & body (& soul) will tell you when someone/something is not to be trusted/just not good for you — empaths know… it just breaks our hearts to know, so we have to recover along the way, as we face it. You’re trying to do the right thing, for yourself and overall, and that is a beautiful thing. πŸ™‚

            The good news is your emotional strength will only grow after this. Be patient & gentle to yourself, yes… it’s a lot for you to process. Step-by-step — no beating up on yourself. You will get there.

            Too bad me, Bubbles & NA couldn’t pay him a little visit, but we can dream: I see Bubbles luring him out of his house with a delightful poem…NA reading him the riot act… and, me… well, I know how to cool a guy off with an (oops!) errant garden hose. πŸ˜€

            …After all, we’re Empaths, not *total* angels. πŸ˜‰

          7. NarcAngel says:

            Kim E
            Yes you will get there. It’s good to hear you say it. Now believe it as much as we all believe it for you.

          8. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dear Caroline-is-fine
            You’re funny
            Me with a poem ….cute
            NA with the “Riot Act”
            You with a hose
            Lololol
            I’ll stop on the way and pick up some tim tams
            🀣
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          9. Caroline-is-(tim tam)-fine says:

            I learned something new today~ “tim tams” ~ how yummy, Bubbles…but none for the irksome narcissist!:D

          10. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dear Caroline-is-fine,
            Hell no, gorgeous ….. the ” tim tams ” are for us …. when we throw our heads back and laugh at the neurotic narc being lured out by our antics (we need energy sustenance) …. I wouldn’t waste something so delicious on a narc, heaven forbid !!!
            🀣
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          11. Caroline-is-fine says:

            Most excellent, cute Bubbles! πŸ˜‰

            Kim: I’ve got a pretty strange situation going with NC (think one step away from WPP – only half funny), but I’d say staying off all social media/the train shift/not talking to anyone (about him) who knows both of you, who may breach/changing phone numbers is a good start.

            How far away does he live, if you can say? Has he ever shown up unexpectedly, at home/work?

        3. Bubbles 🍾 says:

          Dearest Kim e,
          I know too well about anxiety attacks my lovely, they’re an absolute bitch
          I finally managed to “control” mine, by slowing down my breathing and to breath from the stomach and not the chest
          I’ve done all my healing by myself (without outside help and medication ….well, except for wine n Bubbles …strictly medicinal of course and in moderation … haha)
          Do you have someone near and dear to you to lean on …..even just to vent and get it all off your chest …..and for the beautiful caring hug after, haha
          We are all here for you precious Kim e, every step of the way
          You’re a good beautiful loving caring person …. you have so much to offer, never forget that
          Don’t hestitate to reach out my beauty
          The “support” and “strength” from the lovelies here, makes for a truly a magic potion
          Mr Tudors’ not too bad either … lol
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          1. Kim e says:

            Bubbles…Caroline and NA,

            I have just blocked on phone. I am headed to all other platforms now to lock them down. I am done. Found out at lunch he has a “new girlfriend” as my friend stated to me. “They are dating” she said…”for about 2 months. Gee I thought and I just slept with him mid March and he has been hoovering me. No wonder he would not go to dinner last week.
            I know I have been here before but this time it is in my face.
            Off to FB and instagram and Linkedin. Will be back for support.

          2. Caroline-is-for-Kim says:

            Kim,
            There ya go. There’s that ASS action you were looking for… I’m truly sorry, hon — I know this hurts you. But it should help get the job done fairly well, to take the “sentimental romance” (ET) down several notches. This has nothing to do with romance. This guy is a user and an abuser…a fuel-mongrel. There is nothing remotely loving about any of it.

            You deserve REAL love and REAL care. I’m so sorry, for the pain, but you will get through this, & then you won’t *keep* getting hurt…we’re here. XO.

            (Really do want that hose about now!!)

          3. Kim e says:

            Hi Bubbles. Yes I have someone that I can talk to. She is a very good friend that hid the fact that she was married to a narc for 30 years from all that knew and loved her. She has been with me thru my entire narc journey and is the one that put 6 & 8 together and came up with HE’S A NARC. My mid range is so good that he had us both fooled for 4 months
            I am meeting this lovely lady and another friend on Mother’s Day for a 6 day cruise. Wine rum and food will be on order.
            As I have butthole blocked now as of this coming Monday my car will find a new permanent parking spot at the train station. If he decides the only place he can hoover me is at the train station at 545am I will start taking the 705 and really fuck him up
            Can I please ask you and anyone else here reading my tale of whining what I should watch out for as far as hoovers go? I thought I was a sipss but HG says I am a dlsipss. Not sure I really am worth that much of his hoover time but would like to be prepared
            Thanks and hugs Bubbles and all my other family members that have helped me on my journey. You too tell it like it is NA. And of course sweet Caroline.

          4. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dear Kim e,
            Thank you dear one for confiding ….. your “tale” is definitely not “whining” (we are all here to support and lend a helping hand)
            I luv your “determined” attitude and orchestrating a “plan of action” so swiftly …..bravo beautiful
            Venturing on a cruise with your two loyal friends, is absolute perfect timing
            Hoovering is not my specialty, as I’ve only experienced a handful…thank goodness
            Other lovelies here, sadly, know it only too well and would be best able to assist you
            It appears we are all “worth” a Hoover …. it’s part of their DNA and game plan
            Forget “butthole” on your cruise, relax, enjoy, have fun and take in that beautiful sea view, calmness and fresh air
            Upon return, if need be …. roll up your sleeves gorgeous and be ready to kick his “butthole” with a “goso”

            You’re doing really well beautiful …. so proud of you
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          5. Kim e says:

            Bubbles.
            I have come to the conclusion that the beginning of NC is like a grieving process. I have gone thru parts of all the stages…..I have been pissed. I have been hurt. I have been pissed again. I have been hurt…tears flowing. Today I was fine in the morning, took a nap and woke up feeling like I was worthless. My thoughts went around I am not even good enough to be an sipss. I am only good enough to be a DLS. I felt worthless. I almost unblocked him….but I did not
            Then I went to the mailbox and got a letter from a college computer course I took to find my grade letter there. I got an A!!! I was so happy I was whooping all by myself. I am proud of myself. I busted my ass in this class.
            So now I have set a goal for myself. I will allow myself to go thru the stages as I feel I need to so that I can ensure that all the stages have been met to their full potential. Then when I am finally out of all the stages…….and I realize this is going to be a long heart breaking process with lots of ups & downs……..I will whoop again but this time will be not alone. I will come share with all the ladies and of course our leader HG that I have come out the other side.
            Tears are pouring as I type this. It is like I have come to a realization. My emotions are obviously still there. But I want emotions of love, of feeling cared for and cared about. Real emotions. Not the emotions of OMG why did he say that. OMG did I piss him off? OMG ….OMG…OMG
            Yes HG I was listening when you told me over and over dont worry about what he is doing…….get on with your life.
            Tomorrow is going to be a true test for me as I have to walk a path that him and I walked together many times and that I now walk alone. I will find different parking spots….different ways to walk to my office. I will hold my head up high and tell myself…”you got this girl”!!!!

          6. Kim e says:

            Bubbles and anyone else. This is the only thread I will be reading & replying to from now on.The others have too many triggers for me.
            Thanks all love ya tons

          7. Caroline-is-fine says:

            That’s insightful & wise of you, Kim. Loved your message update to Bubbles… you’re doing it, girl. BE PROUD OF YOURSELF. Embrace the change – you are deserving of real care & love. Stay away, in all forms… it will strengthen you & give you momentum. HG is right — there is empowerment in *not* knowing anything about the narcissist. Onward, do not look back.

          8. NarcAngel says:

            Kim E
            Proud of you Kim for your A and for deciding better for yourself. You have proven that when you put the work in there is much reward, and we are celebrating that with you. You’re right – you deserve the real stuff. Work towards that.

          9. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest Kim e,
            Congratulations lovely one on attaining an A … you must be tickled pink and over the moon …. well done
            Losing someone ….. whether it be a lover, friend, family member or a pet, is absolutely heart breaking and gut wrenching
            “Life” is about moving forward (coping, learning and growing) and finding peace within ourselves
            There’s no hard n fast rules
            The thing is, not to let it make you a “prisoner”
            We’re here for you anytime, (on this thread) beautiful one
            “You’ve got this girl ”
            Lots of Hugs to you precious and please look after yourself πŸ€—
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

            (Ps … I hate crying …it wrecks my makeup )

        4. Bubbles 🍾 says:

          Dearest Kim e,
          Thank you for your kind update precious

          He’s showing his true colours
          Sadly, she will be the next victim

          We are all here for you
          Deep breaths and take care lovely one
          Its GOSO time
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest Caroline-is-fine,
            Loving “your perspective” and support for Kim e
            Thank you sweet one 😊
            Luv bubbles xx 😘

          2. Caroline-is-fine says:

            Bubbles,
            Thank ya, doll! I love your insights & encouragements for her too πŸ™‚ Kim has her own little cheering section here~I love it.:-)

      2. K says:

        Dearest Bubbles,
        Ha ha ha…I liked Lesson no 5!

        Luv K xoxox

        1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

          Dearest K,
          Thank you gorgeous lady
          Even our “greater” friend (who’s only one rung up on the greater ladder scale) has been doing a few stupid things of late (he’s trying to throw it back on us, typical) … the older they get, the more they seem to slip or perhaps I’ve wised up to his antics …..I might demote him 🀣
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      3. lisk says:

        Nice post, Bubbles.

        I understand that not all of us are female here, and that some of us might be feminists, but I’d rather be referred to as a Tudorette.

        1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

          Dear lisk,
          Oops, sorry my lovely ….it didn’t even occur to my “ageing” brain to use Tudorette ..which actually sounds prettier

          Did you know ….a church originated 1920-24 Romanian Orthodox, the work of theologian Dumitru Cornilescu and Tudor Popescu ….their followers were known as the ” Tudorites ” eventually merging into what is now the Christian Evangelical Church of Romania) 😱
          Also, “Tudorette” is a thoroughbred pedigree horse 😱

          I think my narcissistic traits are taking over and so my mindset is of wanting to be “rite” all the time 🀣
          Thank you for being ” Tudoriffic ” about it πŸ˜‚
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

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