Death
It is fair to state somewhat euphemistically that death is an inconvenience for everyone. In respect of my kind and me, it causes all manner of problems and issues which are especially irksome. Death generally only affects people in two respects. Their own death and the death of other people. Our responses to those two aspects are far-removed from that of the reactions of ordinary people and especially those of an empathic nature.
First of all, how do we regard the death of someone else. The demise of a stranger causes to response from us unless we realise that in order to maintain the façade that it would be advantageous to say “the right things” and come out with those empty platitudes that people do so often when they read of a tragedy somewhere. When this happens and somebody makes mention of some loss of life, perhaps the drowning of a toddler who was not being properly supervised and fell into a bath or the consequence of an aeroplane crashing, I observe the reactions of the collective with interest. There are the expressions of shock, the declarations of horror and how this is such a terrible event. As I watch and listen I do wonder who the greater charlatans are in this event. Is it me who does not care and cannot care but pretends to do so in order to maintain my precious façade or is it those who claim to care about somebody they never knew and would never have known?
If the death of someone is closer to home, a friend or a family member then my reaction is no different save that it is laced with irritation and indeed often anger at the loss of someone who was a source of fuel for me. If that person forms a supplementary source, then there is irritation at this loss but this person can readily be replaced with a new member rising to form part of my coterie. If the person who has been lost to the hand of the grim reaper is a primary source of fuel, then I am consumed with fury. How could this person treat me in this fashion? I gave them everything and then they leave me in the most complete fashion, with no chance of that sweet, sweet restoration. This departure amounts to a criticism of me, a reminder that even someone as great and powerful as I was unable to prevent the removal of a potent source of fuel. Thus this criticism ignites my fury and I rage at the injustice of their death. Some who witness this might mistake this response for an outburst of grief at the taking of this person. It is not that. It is the explosion of wrath at someone who was so potent to me escaping me and thus denying me my rightful fuel and denying me the opportunity to put in place a replacement. I do not mourn their passing away. I rage at the passing of my fuel source.
Do not expect to see me attend the funerals of those that are regarded as supposedly close to me and where my attendance might otherwise be expected. I will not be there. I know there are those of our kind who revel in the drama and the high emotion that is attached to a funeral and regard it as a honey pot for the acquisition of fuel. There are those of our kind who will hijack the occasion and make it all about them, wailing and shedding those false tears in order to draw well-meant sympathy from the other attendees. There are those of our kind who will create a scene at the funeral, arriving late, arriving drunk, collapsing part way through the service, making a snide remark in a loud stage whisper in order to draw reactions from everyone else that is there. Yes, many of our kind will attend and exhibit their over-acted grief purely to draw attention to themselves and away from the person who is now lying in the cold, hard ground. Our kind will express their huge sense of loss, how the deceased was such a wonderful father, caring mother, beloved uncle or best friend. Such a shameless performance which is carefully choreographed in funereal black to maximise the opportunity to have the spotlight shine on them and thus drink up all the attendant fuel. A disagreement will be provoked with another family member and harsh words exchanged. Over the top blubbing will take place with cries of “Don’t leave me!” as the coffin is lowered. The occasion of death and the attended ceremony provides a wonderful stage to our kind to perform our sick routines to make it all about us, fashioned from the pretence of actually caring. We do not care. We cannot care. We resent the fact that this person has escaped us. We resent the fact that everybody is turning out to pay their respects to the deceased and not training their attention onto us which is where it should belong. Should you ever witness melodrama at a funeral do not mistake it for the exaggerating effects of grief and loss, you are observing one of our kind milking the moment for all it is worth.
That is the response of many of our kind to the loss of a “loved one” or a “close friend” who has passed away after a full life or taken too soon. It is not my response. I have only ever attended one funeral in my life and that was the funeral of my father. I only broke my own protocol to do this as a consequence of the diktat from my mother and also at the behest of my younger brother who begged me to accede to her request so that she would not erupt and undermine the occasion of our father’s death. I duly obliged, just the one, purely in order to satisfy my desires however. I wanted to rein in my mother’s theatrics and watch how she really responded to the death and subsequent committing to another place of my father. You may well have read elsewhere in my works of that particular day. That was the only time that I have attended a funeral and I did it to further my own understanding and in order to loathe in my own private way the way my mother was behaving. That gave me tremendous satisfaction.
Thus, I only broke my protocol of non-attendance once and shall not do so again. Why is it that I will not attend funerals when there is such a prime opportunity to take centre stage and draw greedily on all the available fuel? It is a simple reason enough. I will not attend funerals because I do not wish to be reminded of my own mortality. Like a medieval monarch who stayed away from funerals, even of the preceding monarch and his own wives and offspring, because it would cause others to contemplate the death of the current monarch, something which was treasonable, I too will not attend. I have no desire to contemplate my demise. I do not want to recognise that one day all of this must end for this offends my notion of omnipotence. I do not wish to linger at the edge of the abyss that is life, staring into the nothingness of oblivion. Such is the finality of the mortal end to one’s existence, it engenders and raises the very prospect of that extinction that I fight against each and every day through the acquisition of fuel to maintain my construct and keep myself from being consigned into oblivion. To contemplate a mortal death is to invite the horrifying reality of the extinguishing of who I wish to be and that which I must not let happen.
I do not fear my mortal death for I will have my legacy in place and thus I shall live on through that. No, what I would rather not be reminded of, through the occurrence of the passing of others and the subsequent surrounding ceremony, is that I sometimes teeter on the brink on annihilation. The thought of that fills me with despair, only for myself and therefore I choose not to engage in that which will so forcefully and rudely remind me of it.
I know death embraces all eventually. I am not a foolish man and that is why I have worked to secure my legacy so that I may out stride death.
I care not, save for the loss of my fuel, when its cold hand snuffs out the life of others. Our type does not mourn the death of others. We are unable to do so. We are not equipped to achieve this. Never expect any sincere mourning to ever be evidenced by our kind.
I care not to contemplate what mortal death signifies for me in my ongoing struggle to keep such annihilation at bay.
47 thoughts on “Death”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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I really appreciate your words and views on death and what could be a display of selfishness at funerals. Even though I don’t like them either not for any reason other than it’s just so sad and I don’t like to see my family cry. I find hope in the scriptures especially at 1 corinthians 15:26 where we are told that the last enemy death will be brought to nothing. So that gives me strength to know that this will not last forever.
You are welcome.
I think there are two different Kikis commenting so I’ll be Kiki 2.
Kiki2
HG
If a very dominant guy holds direct eye contact with a female unflinching actually ,in a non romantic setting ,say the workplace where there is a dominant submissive thing going on .It is an intellicutual setting ,male in question is borderline genius level.
Is that guy trying to show superiority over the female or is it an attraction thing.
I’m confused and don’t know if this guy is doing this to other females also to assert dominance.
Kiki
To assert superiority.
Hmmmm I was thinking that .Im not one that can hold a long bold stare back though , for me personally to give such a stare would be a sexual signal.
How embarrassing that would be!
Thanks HG
Hi, Kiki.
I’m glad you asked that question. I had a situation like this recently, not sure if narcissist or not. I was amused by the holding of eyes as I didn’t understand what was behind it. I didn’t think sexual but thought it was like he was trying to read my mind. I got that one wrong, apparently.
HG a few questions
Do you think that being here sharing thoughts and opinions with empaths has helped you control your narc personality in any way.?
Do you think that maybe things will work with SM whilst you have so many empaths in your ear so to speak.?
Is your army of empaths influencing you in anyway as you help us ?
Kiki
1. No.
2. Do you mean will they get in the way or have a positive impact?
3. I learn more as opposed to be influenced.
Thank you for kindly answering my questions HG.
Do you think conversing and listening to so many empaths may impact positively on your relationship with SM?
I hope it does even in a small way.
Kiki
It has the potential to do so.
Woohoo let’s hope that for both you and SM. that would be a miracle Hg.
Kiki2
Mr. Tudor,
You identify as psychopathic correct? Which means born that way if i understand correctly.
My question is about death but a different part of it.
Do you believe in an after life? I wouldt t think you don’t. I it’s not a logical belief system in many regards.
I have a fascination with quantum physics theory. Do you have any thoughts on such things?
No, when you die, that’s it. Game over.
In many ways i wish I belived that. Hope your well.
I am thank you.
HG: i think many would participate in your blog if you create a dynamic where you present a current crime case and your readers/fans/groupies all team up and analyse the criminals in terms of whether they are narcs, empaths, normies etc.
It can be a crowdsourced effort . What do you think?
My Narc once remarked to me in a discussion about funerals that he wouldn’t ever go to the funeral of any of his ex-lovers. When I inquired why, he said darkly, “I would feel too bad facing their family after what I did to them.” Again- at that point in time I was still in my own magical-thinking. I didn’t quite understand. Now I do. It makes me think my Narc KNOWS that his behaviour isn’t right. I guess understanding it and doing something about it are two different things.
Narcs do reveal early on! But somehow we each believe that we will be different.
I thought I was different, anyway.
I have come to realize that I AM different, but only if and when I am not with a narcissist.
Hello, H.G.TUDOR.
DEATH, death was the trigger for my discard. I suppose I would have been previously lined up for decoupling. This is an absolute reality.
I tell you about your mother who suffers from galloping cancer. A death in less than a month. When she was in bed at home and was about to die, he told me that his mother was very ill, which I was worried about and asked her that I would like to see her. He objected, today this point although somewhat inconsiderate and cruel I see that he did it for the fuel. Because on the one hand he would think that who and the person who should be worried would be worried about him. Getting fuel with it by my astonishment and discomfort because I knew his mother quite well, she looked like a normal woman but the same could be the same as him. I was not very close to this lady. Shortly thereafter in about a week, death took place. He told me that he had died and I immediately went to him to comfort him (naive of me). Between words of consolation and attention because I did not want to leave him alone because of his state of (pseudoshock). I really believe that I supplied him with a lot of fuel at that time. I had got my driving license relatively recently and only drove through my city, the burial would take place in a nearby town.
At that moment when he told me, I offered to go with him to the cemetery. What was my surprise, when he said to me: No, don’t come! it will be a very intimate ceremony and only the closest family, children, brothers, cousins, etc. will be there.
My face was, of total astonishment, I couldn’t believe it, but don’t make a big fuss and accept your decision.
After this, I continued to see him and support him with my attention and concern for him, seeing him and attending to him as much as possible. About a month after his death and burial. He called me to talk to me. Everything very soft, normal told me if we had a coffee in a bar in his area. That’s when the decoupling happened. I’m not sure if what he said was only to get more fuel and that I reacted negatively or was a real decoupling … What I have clear is that it was a gaslighting.
Well, in the conversation he said textual words to me:
You didn’t come to my mother’s funeral.
You are nothing and nobody in my life…
I don’t want you to talk to me again in your fucking life…
Again my face was of a huge astonishment, I really leave these words in shock– I think I remember that I said: Very well…
I paid and we left the bar. Each one percent to date.
I always came back after him in each and every one of the discussions I was the people who tried to solve, apologize, dragged me along but those words killed me. My state of shock was god level. Even today I remember it and they leave me cold.
I don’t know if I was too low on fuel and needed a big reaction from me and it got out of hand. Thinking that I would come back or really was a decoupling or escape.
Gh you think it was an escape a decoupling or a hybrid, decoupling/exhaust.
He already had a girlfriend, but he spent more time with me than with the supposed girlfriend, I think he also did it to annoy me. But because I saw her relatively on weekends. The limited time I spent with her makes me think that I was always her constant Ipps and the other one Ipss. With him, analyzing all his behavior was the world upside down a mirror image of what should be.
it’s just curiosity¡.
HG, would you agree with the following: Since the very act of loving the narcissist convinces the narcissist that the person who loves him is hopelessly flawed, anyone who loves him is a target for his abuse just BECAUSE they love him.
No.
The logical path on this post reminds me somewhat of the addage “I wouldn’t want to partake in any club that would accept me as a member.”
What’s good about not being a narcissist is that you are also entitled not to care about stuff (death of someone else in this case) but you can also freely show it and be completely comfortable about it. Nothing to prove about it, no facade to maintain. About own death – no need to worry about it. If you believe in afterlife, cool, problem solved. If not, you know there’s no need to be remembered, to leave a legacy if you don’t want to. You’ll just die like anybody else and that’s that.
HG thinks that his legacy will be forever remembered… I doubt it. Could be, for a while, but time is an ugly bitch and, in time, everything is distorted and finally forgotten. A few years, hundreds or thousands of years are almost nothing on the big scale of time.
“A few years, hundreds or thousands of years are almost nothing on the big scale of time.”
That’s pretty much why I don’t give a hoot about global warming. In the grand scheme of things, it ain’t no big thing.
Ha ha that entertained me.
Pride is a hell of a beast. Makes us slaves. We all know it. Even you, HG, maybe more than anybody else…
Well, technically, looking at it this way, it really ain’t… Humanity, as a whole, and individually, ain’t much either. Realizing this gives one freedom. What we do with this freedom, that’s a different story… One I’d probably like to figure out at some point for myself.🙂
lisk, for you! https://youtu.be/uD4izuDMUQA
To me, global warming is a theory, right up there with the bible for fear mongering. Whatever happens, I’ll be damned if I spend the little time I have left excessively worrying about it and sorting garbage.
If we want to talk about things that aren’t important in the grand scheme of things, why don’t we start with something that is affecting our quality of life in the here and now: Not worrying about what the narcs in our lives are thinking or doing, or who they’re with, not tying our self worth to someone who thinks we exist only to serve them. How about living the life we were meant to enjoy instead of again investing in some future fantasy. How about we start by GOSO. I’m thinking we have more influence and control over that and a higher likelihood of success. Live now.
I have to disagree with you here Narc angel.climate is very real I’m afraid as is the destruction of the planets biodiversity.we have no right to destroy this planet and leave an ugly mess for future generations.
our actions today always have consequences for the future.
With respect
Kiki
Kiki
I agree people will lose against nature……people don’t care due to it doesn’t affect them in any way.
Scientifically speaking nothing really dies or should I say is destroyed .
We are just recycled .
You carry the same atoms that were Star dust ,then the first sea creatures ,then dinosaurs plants etc .
This is simply a huge cycle .
Kiki
Thank you. Firstly, I learned a fun New word “diktat”.
Second, my narc was so afraid of death. I never understood it, it seemed almost out of character, but they were obsessed with how to fight death. They told me they’d rather be alone and alive than dead. I suspected this could be a narcissist trait but I brushed it aside. Intuition proves itself yet again.
HG: have you thought of discussing the sex cult nxvim? the leader is on trial. He is a clear narc. But is he a greater? he was very interested in studying narcissim and had several patents on luciferians.
It might be an interesting topic for your blog and youtube?
NXIVM was involved with small ville actress Alisson Mack so I think it will have good visibility and could get you a lot of media attention if you cver it.
I have been fascinated by the case. haha i love that stuff
Anyone else following the trial?
This is very interesting followup to the trial: https://frankreport.com/2019/05/10/mark-vicente-in-depth-review-part-i/
One of the patents about narcs: https://frankreport.com/2017/06/23/raniere-patent-offers-discovery-on-whether-a-sociopath-luciferian-can-be-rehabilitated/
No, I haven’t been following it.
thanks! I think you might find it interesting. It involves hollywood, politics, and narcs! It might bring new audiences to your work.
I suspect there will always be new audiences for HG’s work regardless.
agree! I think it is always good to build a strong empire and finding ways of bringing in new audiences is always helpful.
Amanda, I read the articles in the news. At first I was lost on how so many could do such cruel things to others and then read that he had collected collateral. Fear is very powerful, so maybe that was what kept those women there and doing those things when some had the financial means to walk away and report.
Great point on how fear acts. I hope the prosecution plays into that because you are right it is not that easy to understand how adults could fall for it and do such horrible things to others.
do you think the leader of NXVIM Keith Rainer is a greater? I think greaters operate by making threats? I think he was also analyzing how narcs work etc (had reflection capacity). SO he might be a greater?
Do you think he will be convicted?
I think he will be convicted. They have evidence and witness testimony. He won’t be able to “charm” the jury, and there doesn’t seem to be a great following of people who think he is innocent or “misunderstood” or “being set up.”
I found it interesting that so many of the women pled guilty, one without an agreement. It seemed like blinders were thrown off. Unlike Manson, who just had a follower who spent time in prison, still say good things about him.
I am horrible at identifying whether someone is a narcissist or not. I am worse at classification. I assumed he was an UMR, but again I think I could be wrong. The reason I had assumed that, though, was that he doesn’t react and controls himself enough to keep cool. That eliminated him from Lesser, in my mind. The fact that his “punishments” were not always on silent treatments and that he planned ahead by gathering collateral from his victims appeared to me to eliminate him from LMR and MMR. The fact that his cult didn’t appear to start due to his own level of charm but on the basis of helping others, and that his charm did not maintain to keep most on his side now, makes me wonder about the Greater. Now I can flip my thought and think possible lower Greater, if one, due to his multiple IPSS instead of one IPPS. Also he was charming enough to attract women of all, to include wealthy and famous, to join his cult.
wow!! great analysis !!! I love it!!i think i agree he might be a lower greater because he had strong IPPS . but was not able to keep them all at his side supporting him Looooser!
Great analysisi.. Loved your discussion Getting there !! <3
Thank you, Amanda! I have enjoyed talking about this with you.
I hope the psychology world studies this case. It is very interesting as it seems different than other famous cults with the lack of religious component or drug based.
Amanda, I have been reading about the NY cardiologist who is on trial for hiring two to kidnap his mistress, while on vacation with his wife, and giving instruction to them to torture her and kill her unborn baby. He denies they were sleeping together and denies being involved in the crime. If he did this and it is because of the reason they speculate, I struggle in understanding how he could think that having her kidnapped, tortured, and killing her unborn baby would lead to her going back to him and being together like nothing happened.