15 Ways To Spot A Narcissist


There are a number of ways to detect a narcissist, but one of the clear tells arises from what is said as you are given an early warning of what lies under the mask. Most people fall to notice it or if they do they are dismissive but what follows provides you with 15 spoken ways that you are being ensnared by one of our kind.

It is well known that our kind operate by the wearing of masks. We have learned how to portray those emotions which we do not feel. We have ascertained that in certain situations we are expected to respond in a particular way. We know that by donning a particular mask we are more likely to charm and seduce you. We are aware that maintaining a certain mask the vicious malevolence that lurks beneath can be kept in check so that we achieve acceptability and the advancement of our agendas. There are occasions when we will give you a glimpse of what lies beneath this mask. I am not referring to when we whip the mask off and subject you to devaluation. That is a purposeful and intended act on our part. I am not making reference to when the mask fractures as a consequence of the ignition of our fury and the lesser and mid-range of our kind are unable to keep the mask in place so that the ignited fury erupts and the malicious beast is unleashed. There are occasions however when we provide you with a fleeting glance beneath the mask as to what lies beneath. This will happen during the seduction period. Sometimes it is as a consequence of the effect of a particular agent, such as alcohol. Sometimes, especially with the greater of our kind, it is done as deliberate act in order to gauge your reaction. In such an instance, we tell you of what lies ahead to see if you baulk at the suggestion, or that more likely you respond in a sympathetic manner of even by way of denial.

“I couldn’t ever imagine you doing that.”

“That won’t happen with me though. It might have with other people but I will treat you better than they have.”

“You’re not like that, don’t be silly.”

“I don’t see you doing something like that, you are too nice.”

If you respond in such terms when you have been given such a warning, then this is a green light to us that we have you under our control and that you will accord with our desires and machinations. It also allows us, when we do eventually behave in the manner described down the line during the devaluation, to throw it back in your face by saying.

“I did warn you.”

“Why are you complaining? I was upfront that this would happen.”

“I told you so.”

“It’s no use crying about it now. I told you what I was like.”

“I told you and you chose to stay with me. It is your fault.”

Not only does this enable us to avoid blame, something we must achieve, it will also result in you reacting and providing us with fuel.

With the lesser or mid-range of our kind, these comments are more akin to thinking aloud. The mask does slip, unintentionally for a moment, through the explanation of a future behaviour before it is realised what has been said and the disclosure is brushed to one side, denied or passed off as a silly comment owing to drink or being tired. Why do these comments arise in such a manner from the lesser and mid-range of our kind? Is it guilt or remorse? No, because those emotions are not felt by our kind. It arises from a lack of control. The “bad” behaviour that will arise at some point is lurking beneath the surface and like a cat fighting to get out of a sack, it is always wanting to make an appearance but is prevented from doing so by the maintenance of the mask that is worn. Occasionally, through the loss of control – it may be drink, it may be fatigue, it may be through inattention – what lurks beneath makes a brief and fleeting appearance before the control is exerted once again. Here are fifteen portentous show and tells of our kind. Should you ever hear these comments you ought to pay heed to the warning that you are being given.

  1. I am a bad person really.
  2. I will only hurt you.
  3. You should stay away from me.
  4. I do bad things. I cannot help it. I always do.
  5. I will make you wish you had never met me.
  6. It will go wrong, it always does.
  7. You will end up hating me.
  8. You don’t know what you are getting into with me.
  9. You shouldn’t do this.
  10. You should leave while you can.
  11. This is going to turn out badly.
  12. I have to hurt people.
  13. I don’t want to hurt you, but I will.
  14. I just want to fit in.
  15. I’m not what you think I am.

14 thoughts on “15 Ways To Spot A Narcissist

  1. Lily says:

    I was told 1,8 and 15 I thought he was joking. A year later the silent treatments the ghosting. Then the returning wash rinse and repeat. It’s been this way for months. I can mark on my calendar when he will return. We have never slept together I don’t want to but I have such strong feelings for him though.

  2. blackunicorn123 says:

    I got “I have a black heart”.
    No shit?!

    1. NarcAngel says:


      Haha. He still gave himself credit in having one.

      1. blackunicorn123 says:

        NA – Lol! Yeah! Probably thought it was superior!

  3. Victoire says:

    This conversation happened verbatim right after I fell in love with him:

    Me: You don’t have to be afraid of being loved. I promise I’ll be gentle.

    Him. I WON’T BE.

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Do you remember what you told yourself he meant by that (at the time) that allowed you to ignore the warning?

    2. foolme1time says:

      I remember right after we were intimate for the first time. He was lying in bed staring at me.
      Me: Is there something wrong?

      Him: I’m not what you think, I have a dark side.

      Me: So what is this dark side?

      Him: I can’t tell you.

  4. AnIceKnight001 says:

    “I treat my friends and loved ones worse than I treat complete strangers.”

    1. K says:

      Mask slipping aside, I see stale fuel, binding, facade maintenance, devaluation and seduction hoovers in your comment AnIceKnight001.

      1. K says:

        Oops, I missed black and white thinking and I am going to throw in triangulation, as well. And he is talking about his fuel matrix, although he doesn’t recognize it as such. He mentions primary, secondary and tertiary sources which he unconsciously objectifies to achieve the Prima Aims.

    2. K says:

      Modification: your ex is a she.

  5. Sisty says:

    How about “you deserve better?”

  6. Christopher Jackson says:

    It will go wrong, it always does I hear that shit all the time..”what can I say I’m a glutton for punishment” blah blah blah shut the hell up you’re just setting us up for the okie doke…always lying!

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Next article

Too Good For That