The Pursuit of Revenge
I know you hate me. Your kind are filled with love and then filled with hate. There is no need to deny it. It is a normal reaction for someone like you and one which I entirely endorse and encourage. I know you will try and mask that burning anger that you feel by saying you pity me or that you have nothing but contempt for me but I can see it. Those sensational eyes of yours that once blazed with desire, passion and most of all hope, are now filled with the churning, billowing flames of hatred. Some of you will fight to contain this sensation. You fear that by giving in to this hatred that you will somehow be on a level with me. I can ease your fears in that regard. You are nowhere near my level and nor were you. I placed you far higher than me to begin with. Yes it was artificial and all part of my design but you had no complaint then did you? You did not object or demur when I thrust you skywards and planted you no that pedestal. Of course you did not. Who would? Nobody would and least of all somebody like you. Now you are on your true level, way down below me, cast onto stony ground, broken and shattered. Amazing though isn’t it how you managed to summon such an anger from somewhere. How many times had you said to your confidantes that you felt numb (yes they were reporting back to me). Yet now look at you. A seething, glowering fireball of hatred and it is all directed at me. I adore this.
You want to destroy me. I know you do. You all do. The one before you was exactly the same as the one before was and the one before her. The next one will be just the same,although I do still hold out some hope that she might just be different and somehow avoid the mistakes all those who have gone before have made. I have seen this hatred many times and your desire for revenge is strong. Of course it is. I made it this way. Everything I did as I brought you down low was programmed to cause you to eventually explode into hatred. From elation to despair, through broken to numb. Eventually the switch would be flicked and as puppet master I ignite the fire beneath you which stokes the flames of hatred. Despise me, go on, do it. Send those wicked words towards me. Tell me what a bastard I am. Keep it coming. Pull you hair, wave your fist and stamp your feet. Tell me how you are going to scratch my car. Feels good does it not? Believe me, it feels even better being on the receiving end of your bile and hate. Go on, sit with your friends and plot your revenge, I can feel you all huddled around your cauldron as you try and concoct ways at getting back at me. I feel so powerful knowing you are focussed on seeking retribution. This is what I want. I want to bask in the heat of your anger, I want to be covered in the disgust and distaste that you will spew towards me. I want you scheming, hatching and planning. By hurting you do deeply I plant inside you that overwhelming desire to get even with me. It happens every time and is all part of my master plan to ensure you, my beautiful appliance keep pouring fuel in my direction. I make you seek revenge for in doing so, your planning and ham-fisted execution of the same give me what I want. Fuel. You are blinded with your hatred so that you fail to realise you will not succeed in gaining revenge, not by shouting, spitting and scratching. Oh no, this overload of howling anger is just a banshee of fuel to me. I will twist and shift as I thwart your attempts, laughing at your pathetic efforts to try and get one over on me. This will spur you on as I lead you on yet another merry dance as I continue to take from you exactly what I need. So please, seek your revenge. You will not get it but I will be delighted seeing you try.
16 thoughts on “The Pursuit of Revenge”
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I don`t believe you, that all of this is ‘bonus supply’ HG. There is much valuable supply in the attention of strangers-even more valuable than the known ones. Revenge can take place but it will be silly practical things. Like getting them fired. it will be an inconvienience. nothing like the soul wounds WE allowed them to inflict..so i agree with it all. Wipe them from your memory. We are now aware and awake.but remember this is a minority game. Most men who are bastards arent also narcs.!
Read Fuel and you will understand that what I have explained is entirely accurate.
Apparently the best revenge that I have ever done against my narcs was when I showed them that I am indifferent to them.
My MRE sister disowned me until her death and even ignored my offer to cook meals for her and help clean her apartment when I found out that she was in advance stage of cancer. It was not my plan for us to be permanently disconnected. I was just trying to put a little distance between us because she was infiltrating my life too much, it was way too much and she really is not a central part of my life as I have my own family even though she is my sister. The really short and disinterested replies to her emails and not always calling her back or not always responding to her emails did it. Also not giving her a Christmas gift and not inviting her to an event that I remember her telling me that she wanted to go to it with us.
With my oldest SD, ignoring her was the behavior that made her avoid me. The last time we were together was in a park with our kids and her dad. I acted like I wasn’t with them the whole time. I imitated the present silent treatments that she and her sister did to me so many times. But that day her sister wasn’t there. She had the face of being wounded and she avoided her dad’s invites to go with us to the park again. They also do not visit our house again after I removed all traces that they used to live there like their pictures. It was really done to protect my mental health as I don’t want to be reminded of the people who have been so horrible to me everyday in the house that I live. All of their stuff that they were storing at our house were given back to them by my husband as per my request.
There are so many pics of their dad and I but I don’t want them kept for the kids. It’s promoting an illusion that was anything but normal.
Claire this might be an E.T. based of advice. It might be good to check on HG if my advice is ok. But if I am in your situation, I will put all of the pictures and albums where he is there in a storage tote or box with giving your kids the chance to choose a few that they want to keep in their private albums in their rooms before you store those storage totes of pictures and albums away. When they have their own homes, you can give those totes to them and they can decide which they want to keep or not. I wouldn’t throw them away because he is still their dad and they are not narcs so they still care about him. But you can explain to them that you want to heal so having those pics around in plain sight for you is making it hard for you to heal.
Wouldn’t revenge just be repeated intense wounding? It’s about all these idiots seem moved by.
Nope, anger is done. I only see the sweet little boy who was born to this world with all the goodness we all come from.
If I smother you with only loving thoughts (yes even with no contact) I am invincible. Love can only melt your power like the Wicked Witch of the West and water.
I have the strength now to defuse you, have gained the power of self love. No I will not waste another moment on all those emotions that tore me away from my inner self.
Hahaha I am done collecting all the data, done going over your every word, done not living life to the fullest.
It is now the lawyers turn to spew on you. That’s his business.
My business is moving on to real life and your ways can’t touch me!
Thus far I have resisted revenge. But in the dark of night when my feelings are the most raw, what I want is for him to hurt, but only in that I want him to feel the pitiful depths of where he has sent me. If I am 100% honest, I would like to slit open his wrists and turn my back on him as the blood runs out and he turn pale — as that is what he has done to me feels. I want to out him to the world for what he is and what he does, just as he has outted all my grief and insecurities to the very surface of my days. I want to make his life miserable for the pain he has caused me so unnecessarily. I want him to pay for the lies that he still keeps, as I have paid for the lies that he made me keep.I want to make him stare at himself and read his own lies back to himself until the contents of his stomach come back up from shame. I want to enlighten his partner, as mine had been enlightened. I don’t want him to die, just to suffer the pain equal to that which he has inflicted upon me in my life. I want the pleasure of living my life again without ever having laid eyes on him, but since I cannot, I want him to feel all the deprivation of lust and love and any positive emotion. I want to inflict some kind of remorse and self-loathing in him until he perishes from the earth, since that is what he inflicted on me. I want to never have heard his name, since all that time he pretended that he had never heard mine. That still he lives in everyday denial of the role I took. I want to bury him in the grief that he unleashed on me with the unabashed abuse that I was too blind to admit. I want his partner to have the full picture of who he is and what atrocities he has committed. I fantasize about the life-altering letter I could send her and a draft sits in my unsent box. I don’t have the heart. I want his children to feel like heavy burdens to him for the rest of his days, shackled with insecurity and guilt that he ever brought them into existence. I want the worst for him because that is how he has treated me.
At my core, I swear I’m not an evil or vengeful person, but these dark thoughts are what has happened to me because of him, and the thought of revenge is so very attractive because I just want him to somehow know the depths of the places he has sent me over the 16 years I’ve known him- nothing more, nothing less. If I thought that doing any of these things would make me feel better instead of worse in the end, I would do them. But maybe parking them here in the comments section of a stranger’s blog, full of people who I know can understand some of these shameful feelings, will help bring some relief instead.
I told on him, after I found out he was married to his wife. He blocked me from everything. Even went as far as deleting him email account completely. Now (I had a friend check) on his profile he is posting pics of him and his wife. They are old pics. But I can’t help to feel it’s directed at me. Even though I am blocked, I think he knew I would check and see it. Maybe not though….
So what happens if the victim does not have any desire for revenge? Because I certainly don’t…I’m staying way above him,…Does the Narc sense this and just disappear for good,?
If you do not have any desire for revenge, that is often useful as it prevents a route towards continued engagement. However, your ET is likely to try to force you to take an alternative route towards engagement, for instance truth seeking, fixing or clearing a smear campaign for example.
No, the narcissist’s return, as you know, is governed by whether there is a Hoover Trigger and when there is, whether the Hoover Execution Criteria are met.
Did you give up on you tube?
No.
I did!😂💪
Yay, Bonnielou! Was it sweet?
That’s it? You’re not going to tell us? Please do!