Why We Target You
When we set our sights on acquiring our appliances to fuel us, it stands to reason that we dedicate the greatest amount of time to the person who is going to be our primary source of fuel. Of course the amount of time dedicated to this depends on the relevant narcissist but all of our kind are looking for certain traits which are prevalent to empathic individuals. There are certain core traits which exist in empathic individuals. Normal people will have some of these traits, probably not all and they will not have the traits to the extent and degree of an empathic person. Thus, this is why normal people are rarely made our primary sources. There are also traits which are known as class traits. These are the traits which appeal to the relevant cadre of narcissist, be that person a Victim, Somatic, Cerebral or Elite Narcissist. The core traits are hugely important to us. Their existence provides us with the three key elements that we take from our victims. Firstly, these traits means that the fuel provision will be high because of their connection to the emotional output from the victim. Secondly, there are certain residual benefits that come from these traits which we want. Thirdly, by attaching ourselves to somebody who has these traits we can pretend we have them too. We do not have these traits. Therefore we want to take them from you to apply to our construct and pass them off as belonging to us. Since we are experts and copying, we do not have these traits for ourselves and we do not feel them, but we are able to replicate what they look like by studying how you behave, because you have these traits. We then apply this to our own behaviour in order to maintain the façade. This fools other people into thinking that we are honest, decent and loving. It also enables us to mirror your traits and reflect them back at you so that you think we have them also. This makes us all the more appealing to you and ensures that you are bound closer to us. Accordingly, identifying these core traits in our victims is extremely important. The more of these traits that you have, the better. The more of these traits that you have, the greater the likelihood of being ensnared by our kind. A combination of the core traits and the class traits appearing in the way you behave and act draws our kind to you. We sense and see these traits and lock our sights on you as a prospective primary source.
There are ten of these core traits. The ideal is to find a victim who has all ten core traits and exhibits them to a considerable degree. We would then also want them to exhibit the relevant class traits which match with the type of narcissist that we are.
The Lesser Narcissist is unaware of these traits but like a hungry wolf sniffing out food he can sense the existence of these traits and know that the person exhibiting them is somebody he wants with him.
The Mid-Range Narcissists recognises these traits as admirable traits for a person to have. He sees them as plus points in the same way as someone might regard someone who is interested in art, travel and classical music, as a good match to start dating. The Mid-Range knows that he values these traits but he does not know the fundamental reason why he is drawn to them.
The Greater Narcissist knows what these traits are and why they are important. He knows the function that they play, he knows better than anybody else how to detect them and the places where (“the hunting grounds”) people can be found who will have these core traits and also the class traits. The Greater can sniff out the existence of these traits and match the target to them before moving in to ensnare that person.
So, what are these traits? Well, here are five of the ten by way of example. It is highly likely that you will have all five of these traits and you will have them in significant amounts because that is why you were ensnared by a narcissist to begin with.
Love Devotee – we require our targets to be committed to the concept of love. You want to find love, experience love, love and be loved. The idea of love is central to your existence and you truly believe that our purpose on this earth is to love others. Not only does this mean loving those around but above all else you believe in the fulfilment that arises from having that one special person who you are committed to, who you will do anything for and who you will make sacrifices for. The existence of love is a reason, to you to exist and therefore you must find it and once located, obtain it and maintain it. We want love devotees because your dedication to love often blinds you to so much else and accordingly by pretending to give you love we can hook into this trait of yours and it allows us to ensnare you all the more readily.
Compassionate – our target must exhibit compassion. This compassion must be mainly for us although we are content for it to be exhibited for other people and objects such as animals, in order to detect it. If we identify that someone cares more about animals and things and not people however we do not consider that this fulfils our requirement. At an early juncture, if we see evidence of compassion for animals it generally (but not always) follows that this person will be compassionate towards humans as well.
Decent – We look for decent people. People who are well-mannered, polite and understanding. People who have consideration for others, wait their turn in speaking, allowing others to take a slice of cake before anyone else, giving to charity and conducting him or herself in a dignified manner. Decency is an attractive trait because it tells us that you will adhere to certain standards and that you also expect us to do the same. This matters because we know that this is often indicative of the fact that you are therefore unlikely to give up on us when the going gets rough.
Moral Compass – we prefer a person with a strong moral compass, somebody who would hand a wallet to the police with the contents intact if they found such an item in the street or they would alert the shop assistant if they were handed too much change. This person is monogamous and faithful and believes others should conduct themselves by a similar moral code. Again, this tells us that you are far more likely to hang in there once devaluation starts and our behaviour will offend your moral compass so there will be the accompanying emotional reaction and thus copious fuel.
Caring – an individual who will always look after somebody else. Whether it is through working to provide for us, running the home in an excellent manner, looking after us when we are ill and being concerned about our well-being, the caring trait is very important and must be evident in our primary source especially. Not only will this tell us that you will want to look after us but it also signals to us that when we begin the devaluation of you, you will want to fix us and heal us and therefore you will keep plugging away, trying to do the right thing. It also tells us that we can expect considerable residual benefits from you in terms of you looking after us, which accords with our view of how you should be, subservient and obedient.
44 thoughts on “Why We Target You”
Hi, this is for anyone who knows the answer. Does anyone know where the other five out of ten traits are if they have been published?
All ten Traits are listed in the book Sitting Target.
Yep checked off all of those hg! Spot on as usual point for hg
Good morning H.G. a question, why a Lesser in the first appointment would act as very interested in a “relationship”, then start testing me almost immediately with a silent treatment absent for 3 days (to which I did not respond), and then restart the contact, but less ” aggressive “, with requests for help and from a more friends perspective without mentioning anything related to intimate. Why the immediate tests and and the change of attitude, Thanks.
1. You may have been placed on the shelf and it was not a silent treatment. You were then taken off the shelf again.
2. If it was a silent treatment then you threatened the control of the narcissist and rather than ‘hold it together’ as the seduction progressed, they instinctively responded with a manipulation. Control was asserted, hence the less ‘aggressive’ return.
I need more information however to provide you with an accurate analysis and recommend this
Interesting! and would they continue the seduction at a later stage. Or just be satisfied that control has been restored?
It is likely the seduction would be continued, unless there were better alternatives elsewhere.
I realize that being here as long as I have, I’ve come to almost take your brilliance for granted. Then I see a reply like this. You truly are an excellent communicator, HG.
Indeed I am, thank you MB.
You are welcome. Well deserved.
I have so much to say, here… but, I am held back because she will, again, exploit my comments into a Smear Campaign on her own blog, which she calls “Research”.
I wish I could speak, and be open about the abuse from him, and find healing on here by expressing myself and my experiences with others. But, she will publish my comments from this site, onto her own blog, and surround them with lies, again.
I find comfort in being here, but I cannot freely open up about my experiences with the Narcissists in my life. Even if I use another name, she will simply find this “other name” on my blog, and stalk me, and hunt down each and every one of my comments to publish them on her own site.
If you never visit her blog you will never know what she says about you, and furthermore who cares? You know it’s lies and that’s all that matters. You are letting her control you by limiting what you feel you can and cannot do. Fuck her. Say what you want to say. Enough with her hold over you, but you have to go total no contact and not visit her blog or anywhere you might encounter her comments. I’m sure you believed her lies about me and others here too at one time and now you see she was full of shit. I could not care less what she writes about me because she is a pathetic liar and nothing to me. You are safe here. Your choice.
Thank you, HG Tudor, for helping me to feel stronger about it. I appreciate it. I just want my family to understand. Sometimes I embarrass myself because I say stupid things, and don’t realize it at the time. But, my family probably understands that we all make mistakes, and bad choices in life, sometimes (I mean, not you, Mr. Tudor).
But, Narc Angel, my concern is that I was stupid enough to use my family’s name when I first started commenting. And, I don’t care what public thinks about me, but I care about what family thinks if they put in their family name in search engine. And, back then, I was so stupid with my comments… still triggered by last Narcissist… and Love Addiction issues… and there were some sexual remarks that I am shy about that I said. I wish I could say I was drunk, but I don’t drink. But, I was under the influence… of a NARCISSIST! A Somatic one.. He got me into the groove. 😃
Like, how would you know what happened?
Unless there’s some heavy behind the scenes goings on.
I told her you called me Emotional D**k, which you did.
Everybody knows what you are, NA.
Just thought I would let one through, just to demonstrate how they keep hoovering. Off you go now.
* waves *
Dick is short for detective, which is what you were calling yourself in trying (but failing) to add some importance to your existence. Yes, everyone knows what I am and I am not you. You are nothing. An empty cavity with no effect on anyone or anything and unable to accept it.
Oh, just this person… I don’t want to fuel her by posting her name, though..
Ah I understand Tamara. sorry I was just interested given everything I’ve been reading today. Yes definitely don’t give them any fuel
No worries! I don’t mean to leave you out, but it’s not worth mentioning because it’s last year’s news, really. Though the situation is ongoing, it’s the same olé, same olé, and would only serve to bore you. ♥️
Lol it’s not a problem. I’d forgotten about it already x
HG and the others here can help you, but you should do as they say. What you did in the past is over and it’s time for you to move forward now. If you are on any other sites delete them, you know longer need them. If you truly want to be free and heal you have to put forth the effort. HG can provide you with the knowledge and answers you seek, but he cannot do the work for you. You have to take that first step and keeping taking one everyday after that. I wish peace and healing.
Thank you ♥️I am done with fake friends, and fake fraudulent forums. But, I do keep a blog for my poetry. I am on Pinterest, Twitter, and Fakebook… to share poems because I have many fellow poetry-writer friends.
Several people saw that I had developed a crush on HG (per my comments) in the beginning (as do patients for their doctors), and throughout the years, many came out of the woodworks and tried triggering and manipulating me into loathing him. It worked for a while, until I started to see the True Colors, and the strange twisted craziness of these people over time.
Anyway, thank you for your words of guidance in that “the past is the past”. I try to remind myself that true character is not about the mistakes and poor choices we have made, but it is about how we rise back up from these bad choices, make amends if possible, and otherwise, forgive ourselves, and carry on. It’s easier for me to tell this to others, though, than to tell myself. But, I am trying.
Thank you, FoolMe. Yes, I am doing the work.
Apologies for the typos, having a rough day today.
sorry you’re having a rough day fool me..hope it got better 🙂
Thanks empath007. It hasn’t gotten better yet but I’m sure it will. 😉
Tamara there was another comment to you that I posted before the one that is appearing on the blog. That’s the one that has the typos, however now I don’t know if I even sent it?
I will search for your comment. Thank you ♥️
Tamara, If you wish to be anonymous, Delete your gravatar (or at least the partial photo and replace with something they will not guess), remove your hover card from WP and change your user name. This will allow you to speak more freely. I am sorry you are encountering this ongoing abuse. I also agree with NA’s comment. I wish you the best going forward.
Thank you, I will attempt to do this, then! I will tell Mr. Tudor my new profile name, though. Any maybe he can tell each of you so you know it’s me.
Thank you for your help! I will do this right now!
Tamera, Best of luck. You deserve to speak freely without further abuse.
Thank you, FYC
You are most welcome, Believer.
I forgive everyone from the past, and I wish for forgiveness, too. But, I have difficulty not being angry at my deceased husband. I did not realize the extent of the abuse until it was all over. I still have nightmares.
I want to forgive, but first, I must work through it- the psychological, spiritual, physical, and sexual abuse; all of it. I have, yet, to work through it. I have repressed it, I suppose.
I could not see the abuse for what it was due to the dysfunction family dynamics in which I grew up. It was all normal to me, though. My mother was blatantly abusive, and my father was absent. When he was around, I was so afraid of him… terrified of him.
FYC, I am not putting this onto you to have to respond to! I am simply journaling my thoughts, right here, and trying to heal. (Lol).
Hello Believer, I understand. Actually the former abuse (especially in childhood) thwarts your emotional processing (Gilbert et al, 2009) of that abuse. So go easy on yourself and do not feel pressured to forgive. Forgiveness is actually meant to free the wronged, not the abuser. What I mean by this is, what the abuser did was wrong and that fact will never change.
Abuse is an all-out assault (whether insidious or obvious) on one’s personal integrity, emotional or physical health, safety and control of their internal and external environment. Abuse is always about imposing control on the victim. No amount of emotional processing will change what took place. What is possible is recognizing *why* the abuse took place. Know that it was not your fault. The fault lies squarely on the abuser. Many children mistakenly believe they caused their abuse, that they are deficient or lacking in some way, or that if only they had done X the abuser would not have abused. This is incorrect. The abuse is not your fault, it was the choice, the responsibility and actions of the abuser.
When the abuser is a narcissist, they take advantage of self-doubt. A narcissist will lie, blame-shift, rewrite history and gaslight so the abused doubts their own perceptions and begins to self-loathe. Since Ns lack empathy, they do not care about the effects on the abused, they only care to reinforce their defense (and gain fuel from every part of the process). It is all about control.
The reason I chose to forgive, is because I have come to see all sides. Choosing to forgive a person is an act of reclaiming your values and autonomy. You choose. For me, I could see the abuser acted out of behaviors they learned from their own childhood of N abuse. They were acting in a way to cope with their environment that seemed absolutely necessary for them. I forgive their condition because I believe if they had not suffered their own abuse, they would have had the opportunity to be healthy and love themselves and others and not abuse. I have compassion for their state of being. This process of seeing both sides took time to arrive at, but it has afforded great emotional freedom.
Believer, I sincerely hope you find the healing and freedom from abuse (and abusers) you so deserve.
Thank you, FYC, sincerely.
Believer, You are very welcome.
What they mean by staying friends. Since we were in a relationship before and now he says he wants to remain friends, the previous relationship is over and never will come back and he does not want me as a lover or does not need any intimacy with me. What does it mean by?
1. I do not know if the individual you are referring to is a narcissist. One cannot determine that from this comment below. You should ascertain this important fact first.
2. If the individual is a narcissist, he is stating this to maintain control over you.
3. If the individual is a narcissist you must apply no contact and GOSO.
Mine said these things right out loud to me. I took that to mean be valued them. Not that he wanted to take advantage.
He knew exactly what he wanted. Is that normal to say to victims ? Or does this mean he was a lot more self aware then most?