The Devil’s Pitchfork : The Three Bad Outcomes of Engaging With A Narcissist


How would you like to be on the receiving end of The Devil’s Pitchfork? It is sharp, cutting and naturally three-pronged, so that’s not one wound, not two, but three. Fancy that? Yes?

Of course not.

Yet that is what you are going to get if you continue to engage with us. You will receive at least one of those prongs and probably all three, either way you get hurt, you suffer, you lose.

Would you willingly allow yourself to be stabbed or impaled by a pitchfork or trident? No, you would not. Yet you allow this to happen through the metaphoric Devil’s Pitchfork because of continued engagement with our kind, narcissists.

What are those prongs?

1. Fuel

What else? If you engage with a narcissist you are highly likely, but not always, going to give us fuel. I will provide you with some scenarios below demonstrating instances where there is fuel provision and where it is absent, owing to engagement with the narcissist. This is the First Prong of The Devil’s Trident.

If you give us fuel, we are winning which means you are losing. Why? Because

a. You are giving us the very thing that we want and need;

b. You are reducing out unease from the lurking chasm and The Creature within;

c. You are making us feel more powerful;

d. You are increasing the risk of a future hoover.

Therefore if you are impaled by the First Prong, you lose and we win.

2. Adverse Consequence

If you engage with a narcissist you run the significant risk of an adverse consequence. Again, like fuel, this Second Prong may not always arise out of the engagement but is more likely to than it is not to.

This adverse consequence might be :-

  • The narcissist insulting you and thus upsetting you;
  • The narcissist triangulating you by flirting with someone else and making you feel worthless
  • The narcissist issuing a word salad making you feel confused and bewildered
  • The narcissist punching you causing physical injury
  • The narcissist withholding money from you, impacting on your daily life and possibly that of your dependents
  • The narcissist promising to call but failing to do so, hurting you through this future faking
  • The narcissist referring to past act you have committed making you feel embarrassed by dragging up the past
  • The narcissist ignoring you and staring at the television, confusing you and hurting you through this present silent treatment
  • The narcissist standing you up for a date, angering you, through an absent silent treatment

You know of the hundreds of different forms of manipulation that can occur and the downsides that arise from them ranging from the mild to the terrible.

If you do not engage with us, how can you be insulted, ignored, triangulated etc? By engaging you run the (significant) risk of being impaled on the Second Prong.

When you suffer an adverse consequence, you lose.

3. Increased Emotional Thinking

Emotional Thinking a.k.a. The Enemy Within.

The very thing that wants you to keep engaging (and thus keep getting impaled).

Every time you engage with us, you WILL increase your emotional thinking. This is the one prong that ALWAYS impales. The only way to avoid it, is to not engage. If you engage with us in some way then you will increase your emotional thinking which means you will not follow logic, you will take action and decisions which are contrary to your best interests, you will continue your ensnarement, you will make the application and maintenance of your no contact regime far more difficult and you will keep being impaled by The Devil’s Pitchfork.

You must reduce your emotional thinking in order to Get Out and Stay Out. If you keep engaging with us, you will not achieve this and you will never achieve freedom.

When your emotional thinking rises, you lose.

By engaging you ALWAYS get impaled – it might be one prong, it might be two prong and often it will be all three prongs.

Let’s have some examples.

  1. The narcissist telephones you and you answer. The narcissist is pleasant and doles out some compliments, some charm and is benign. You are pleased and respond accordingly.

Prong One – you provide fuel. You lose, we win.

Prong Two – no adverse consequence occurs.

Prong Three – you are engaging, your emotional thinking therefore increases. You lose.

2. The narcissist turns up at your house demanding to speak to you because you have told his IPPS about your ongoing affair with the narcissist. You open the door and stand on the doorstep arguing with him.

Prong One – you shout, hurl insults, wave your arms around and get mad. You provide fuel. You lose, we win.

Prong Two – the narcissist issues threats, smashes a plant pot and hurls horrible insults. You are frightened by this. You suffer an adverse consequence. You lose.

Prong Three – your emotional thinking rises. You lose.

3. You are sat looking at pictures of the narcissist and wondering what the narcissist is doing and who he is with.

Prong One – no fuel is being provided.

Prong Two – you become upset thinking about the narcissist . You suffer an adverse consequence. You lose.

Prong Three – you are increasing your emotional thinking because this is a form of engagement. You lose.

4. You are spending time going around telling family and friends, the neighbours and the local homeless guy all about the nasty ways of the narcissist.

Prong One – no fuel is being provided by this act (however it is likely that these people will tell the narcissist what you are doing which will provide some fuel) Delayed win for us.

Prong Two – those listening may disagree with you, may disparage you, pass unfavourable opinion about what you are doing which angers/upsets/hurts/frustrates you . You suffer an adverse consequence. You lose.

Even if this does not happen, there is a risk the narcissist will learn about what you are doing and will retaliate which will generate an adverse consequence. You lose.

Prong Three – you are talking about and thinking about the narcissist, so you will increase your emotional thinking. You lose.

5. You throw battery acid over the prized car of the narcissist severely damaging it.

Prong One – no fuel is provided at the time if the narcissist is unaware. If the narcissist sees you doing it, fuel is provided. If the narcissist learns of it after the event, the narcissist will gain some Thought Fuel. We win/you lose.

Prong Two – you may face criminal charges, you may have to pay for the damage to be repaired, the narcissist may confront you and attack you. There is an adverse consequence. You lose.

Prong Three – you have increased your emotional thinking by acting in relation to the narcissist and thinking about the narcissist. You lose.

If you think about some form of engagement with the narcissist you will see (if you are using logic) that one or more of those prongs will impale you.

This is to be avoided.

This is why that whatever you may try to tell yourself, justify or advance as a reason, there is NEVER any good that will arise from the interaction with a narcissist because of The Devil’s Pitchfork.

To avoid it, you must control your emotional thinking and to do that you must impose a rigid and robust no contact regime.

Want to know how to do that?

Read my work and apply it and especially utilise these options

Zero Impact Assistance Package

Get Out, Stay Out Consultation





  1. Thank you, Sir. But… Isn’t reading or listening to your works the third prong somehow? Often, I feel angry at myself for letting it happen and for dwelling on your website to understand.

    1. No, because how else are you going to understand? The best medicine often has side effects. It is ET trying to pull you away from the logic you find here.

      1. ET… Thank you, Sir ! All along I thought I was only LT… Even thought I am the narcissist hiding behind my little finger lamenting on how bad it was.

  2. Hi HG, re number 4. There is a good chance that others will have experienced or witnessed the vile behaviour of the narcissist. I am thinking mid-ranger specifically. These people will not be passing on the conversation, more keen to be swapping experiences and tips with you. If in the workplace, this conversation at the right point in time with the right person could be a nail in the coffin.

  3. Really interesting how you lay out the 3 prongs and the impact . As you often say – you can’t win with a narcissist and engaging with him is losing right off the bat.
    Very clever.

  4. Dearest HG: No wonder I was so extremely exhausted, in my entanglement with 5 workplace people, 3 were Narcissists, and regarding the other 2, one was a Bully and the other one extremely Bitter. What a team. I was really being pitchforked. A hell on earth. Inside a hellish spinning hamster Wheel. A burning labyrinth, trying to walk my way out. Now they want me to return. Of course they do. They do not have those pitchforks for no reason. Too bad. Practice elsewhere. It all is really nauseating.

  5. This article really hit home, thank you HG. I am so stuck in emotional thinking even though I have been no contact for 4 months. I think of her all the time and still bore others about the relationship – I lose! I am really looking forward to booking the GOSO consultation, I need it.

    1. Good and I am pleased you found it useful. It is a Prime Article and every reader should ensure they read it, understand and apply it.

      1. HG
        This would be a great addition to your YouTube video portfolio, when you have time.
        I haven’t been able to find “This Time It Will Work” recently. Have you withdrawn it because you’re re-doing it ?

  6. What a wonderful article HG!
    You’ve presented these specifics of the N/E dynamic in an engaging and thorough expository manner.

    Very well done!

    Thank you!

  7. Great piece. Great examples. I appreciate direct, honest information to fully comprehend this addictive dynamic. After decades of an eroded self-worth due to my hyperactive ET, hypervigilance, and reactivity it is important to realize that I am a sovereign being and that I matter, also.

  8. That is a really great article and an incredibly powerful reminder! With a really helpful three pronged approach – I like it very much!

    HG, would a greater go as far as to arrange for someone to burgle your house? There was something specific he was after which is now securely locked away in an offsite location only known to me.

    This is a greater (as with all I’m sure) who would definitely have lieutenants ready and willing to commit this act on his behalf. I wonder because this particular one, I engage with fairly frequently. When he calls me, he calls me on WA rather than a mobile call. He kept asking me the dates of my holiday, not obsessively, but enough to arouse my suspicion. Stupidly I told him, but when he asked the second and third time I became suspicious. On the third occasion I WA after saying I had made a mistake and these were the dates (giving him incorrect dates this time). When I was on the very first day of my holiday abroad, he called me mobile to mobile rather than via WA. I am certain he did this to test whether I was away as the ring tone would have been different so he would know I was not in the country. Very clever, I thought. I let him know what a nightmare weekend I’d had before I traveled (a total lie), I told him my sister had turned up at my home with all her children (he knows she lives pretty far away from me and that we’re not at all close) because she was having problems with her husband. I whinged about how annoyed I was because she would be staying for at least a couple of weeks, and that I didn’t like the thought of her staying at my home etc whilst I was away.

    Is this feasible? or was this over cautious of me? None of the other Ns I interact with give me cold chills like this one does!

      1. Gosh! Thank you so very much for your reply HG. And thank you so very much for all your hard work! I could never have second guessed this without you, not even in the slightest. I know I have an alternative way of dealing with my post N knowledge but I have learned from you things which I could never have dreamed of. I could give you 100s of examples like this where your teachings have saved my skin in so many different ways.

        I know you already know this. But you truly are the most amazing teacher and therapist and ultra narc! And to all mid rangers out there, I am not part of a cult. This is real knowledge with real value and real learning and development!

        I haven’t checked what I’ve written so I hope it makes sense.

      2. Three little letters more than make up for the torment you’re causing me in the anticipation of Boris. 💋

          1. I’m learning this HG. And I have applied patience and silence and genuinely forget about any N who is trying to manipulate me, personal or business. It works wonders. But you’re very deserving of some fuel

Vent Your Spleen!

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