No Contact : How To Beat The Narcissist

The definitive guide to applying and maintaining No Contact

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14 thoughts on “No Contact : How To Beat The Narcissist

  1. Tamara says:

    Splendid! I shall plan to order it in the future. Cool cover.

  2. empath007 says:

    I have a question that is not meant to argue your point but to better understand.

    In regards to social media I decided to block the narc and restrict his friends. I see the benefit to limiting thier ways to interact or get information on us…

    However, when it comes to deleting my accounts I find this hard to accept. Purely based on the fact that I do not want to give the impression that he has gotten to me… I want to make it clear I still live my life by my own rules (the same way the narc would) i’ll Admit some of this is a “fake it until you make it” approach… but I can’t see how backing down and shrinking to your kind is always the answer. I feel as though I have the right to live as please and If he doesn’t like it… to bad.

    I beleive this mind set to be the achievement of zero impact. I understand taking space in order to achieve that. But I Don’t want bullies defining my existence. I feel like that makes them win in the end.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That is emotional thinking. I understand it but your send of justice, pride and fairness is being corrupted to make you continue to engage. Is it fair you have to come off social media to effect no contact? Of course not, but is it necessary? Yes.
      You do not give the impression that he has gotten to you. Yes, he may remark in such terms to people (though if you have maintained a proper no contact you will never know, so it´s not a concern) but that is just saving face and facade management by the narcissist. If you prevent him from contacting you across all conduits you wound, that means that not only can he not hoover (because there is no open conduit) it reduced the prospect of future hoovers because of the effect of wounding. Keep that conduit open, you will be hoovered and The Devil´s Pitchfork applies.

      It is not backing down. It is not shrinking. That is your ET making you think that way. It is called no contact and it is the ONLY way you win.

      You come off social media etc for six months and then return. Your ET is now low, the narcissist will be looking elsewhere and you have reduced your risk of hoovering considerably. You do not have to stay off it forever. Think of it like a criminal hiding from the cops until the heat has died down on Grand Theft Auto!

      1. empath007 says:

        But then I’m basing my reaction on what wounds him… not necessarily what I want to do. I guess that’s where my frustration comes in.

        I’ve been no contact for 10 months now. I blocked him as mentioned before but I made the conscience choice to keep my social media and not say a dam word about him on it.

        We work together and have so many friends in common I did not
        Want to give the impression he has gotten to me.

        My struggle right now is whether I should quit my job (I transferred offices nearly 2 years ago) but the indirect Hoover’s (aka his dumb ass friends) still find me.

        Once again I feel like why should I have to leave? I have been with the organization for over a decade. Am respected (other then the smearing he did to some).

        The problem is his Friend and co worker just got promoted… the two of them hate me… and i assume will now work together to bring me down. (There’s
        Been some signs via emails)

        Is it best to cut thier supply source? Or could I consult
        With you on how to bring them to thier knees…?

        It’s not ET… it’s my pride… fuck them they can not bully me out !

      2. Caroline R says:

        HG
        What a great explanation you’ve given here! So thorough, so clear, and so practical.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you.

  3. Leigh says:

    Loving the new cover! You really do hit the nail right on the head!!! Stay away from social media and other electronic communications! Now if we would only listen!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

  4. Lorelei says:

    This looks great HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you. It´s obviously about No Contact, but the ´vibes to capture how we use media and electronic methods to contact you, so the cover is about you disrupting that electronic comms method by no contact.

      1. Lorelei says:

        I’m good on this.. I’m locked down from a social media perspective but it would be an interesting read—down the road. I’m saturated currently.

      2. MB says:

        I picked up on that. The lines of communication are fuzzy and not in working order. As a Gen Xer, I appreciate the DOS reference as well. If he can reach me using the command prompt, I’d be impressed indeed.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Good work, MB.

  5. MB says:

    Another one finished! Nice! He is working hard!

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