7 Sayings on Cessation
1. After everything that I have done for you.
How can you leave me after everything that I have done for you? I gave you the world and now you have thrown back in my face. I of course only gave you everything because I wanted something from you. I did not give you my all because I loved you. I gave you so much because I wanted everything from you and I was so close to taking everything from you. Now that you are trying to escape me, you are suggesting that I have failed and that I am not brilliant nor magnificent and I cannot stand for that to be the case. I want to blackmail you into staying. All that I gave you were not gifts, they were bribes and now it is time for you to earn them, so you had better damn well stay.
2. But we belong together.
We do belong together because I own you. I bought you with my false affection and dishonest love. I attached you to me and bound you in chains that are long and thick and you dare try to cast off those shackles. I do not know where you end and I begin. You thought that was romantic the first time I told it you but I was actually telling you a rare truth. You and I are one because you are subsumed into what I am, I consume you, I envelope you and I control you. You cannot walk away from me now because we are too enmeshed, too attached and too conjoined. You are tearing me in half. There is no you. You gave that up when you allowed yourself to be drawn towards me and bound so tight to me that you became part of me. What has been joined together can now not be undone.
3. I will die without you.
You cannot leave me because if you do you shall surely tear my poor heart from out of me. That is suitably dramatic and is designed to pull on your heartstrings even though I am telling you that this is how brutal and heartless you are in trying to end our relationship. I cannot allow this to happen because I have not finished my seduction of your replacement and if you go now you will take away my precious fuel before the new source has come online. This will leave me panicked, chaotic and driven into a frenzy in order to gather fuel from other sources, if I am able to that is. If I cannot I will no longer exist and it is all because of your selfish, wicked behaviour. How can you cut me down like this? How can you slay me in such a callous fashion? Heartless harpy, seditious slattern and callous crone that you are.
4. I cannot help what I do.
You cannot leave me just because of what I have done and what I have not done. How is that fair? I thought you were a fair person, open-minded and caring, are you not? I doubt it now as you are intent from getting away from me and all because of the way I have treated you. Look I am sorry, really I am, but I cannot help it. You make me that way with the things that you do. No, I am not trying to push the blame on to you, I am explaining it to you if you would at least listen to me. How can I explain that it is just something that happens when you are walking away from me? I never intended for it to happen you know, it just happens and you should be the one apologising to me because you make me lose my temper with your control and the games you play,you are doing it now you fucking bitch, I hate you, do you hear me? I hate you. It is your fault. Not mine. I can’t help it.
5. Why do you want to spoil everything?
I really do not understand you at times. I mean, what do you have to complain about? We live in a beautiful house, you have an expensive car, a platinum Amex and I let you do whatever you want but still it is never enough is it? Yes, I know I sometimes i have to lay down the law but if I didn’t you would spend us out of existence. Do you know how hard I have had to work to build all of this? It doesn’t just spring up overnight and I did it for us. You have used me. I welcome you into my life and this is how you repay me by spoiling our idyllic life. You would be nothing without me, do you know that? You have a fantastic life, all provided by me, there are hundreds of other women who would give their right arm to be with someone like me and you are going to throw it all away and leave. I knew there was something not right with you, you need help,you are insane. Ask anyone and they will agree with me.
6. Who will help me now?
You cannot leave me, who else is going to help me? I have kept you here under figurative lock and key, a virtual prisoner in your own home because not only do I need you to fuel me but I need you to mother me. That was the agreement when we got together. I would feed you false love and fraudulent gratitude and in return you would cook for me, clean this house, wash my clothes, cut my toenails and wash my hair. You would wait on me hand and foot and be at my beck and call. I cannot do all of these things on my own and I haven’t got the energy to find someone at such notice with you leaving. You are such an awful person, to leave me like this, especially when I am ill. Who on earth does that to someone? You should think of others and not just yourself you selfish cow.
7. Don’t go, I will change. I promise.
You really are going to go aren’t you? Good Lord, I didn’t see that coming. I thought you were good for another six months of abuse and mistreatment before you somehow plucked up the courage to try and escape me. I don’t like to admit it but you have caught me out and now I am concerned, I can feel the control slipping away from me and I have to get it back, I have to stop you. A crack around the face has worked in the past but something in your eyes tells me that even giving you a good hiding won’t stop you going, even if you have to crawl out of that front door. I know, I will throw myself on your mercy. You will like that. You have always been trying to save me, well here is your chance. I will change. I will get help. Just please do not go. Of course I mean it. I will do anything to stop you going and taking my precious fuel away from me and making me look a fool in front of all my adoring admirers. I cannot have that happen so yes, I will get some treatment, I know I have done wrong and this time, more than ever, I will change. I swear it on the lives of anyone who springs to mind so it seems like I really mean it. Of course I don’t, why should I change? The only thing that will change is my primary source of fuel but that is not ready yet so you need to stay. Please. I will change. Don’t go.
5 thoughts on “7 Sayings on Cessation”
“If you’re giving up on us this easy, you must’ve never loved me” (despite all the chances I had already given him despite his constant, ongoing abuse).
My narc played a song for me–it was about the monsters within and had the words “I’m sorry.” That’s about as close as I’ll ever get to an apology, and I recognize it as a warning that he still has the monsters. I’m an empathy: I accept even this apology. BUT–I’ll leave him to deal with the monsters.
I had a game changing realization that might help some of HG’s readers. When the abuse was really bad, my attempt to survive it caused me to link my identity to loving him. As in I couldn’t tell him I loved him without his flying into a rage, I couldn’t open my mouth without earning abuse, I was afraid he would get mad at how I sat in a chair at some points. I retreated inside myself and took it up as a rebellion kind of thing–“you can’t make me not love you.” It became my mantra and whole self. It kept me “safe” because I was always loving him, even when he had that rage mask on and was throwing beer glasses at my feet. He can’t kill me when I’m loving him, right? And also that was my independence, because everything had become about doing what he wanted, and he was tearing me down, and I am a rebel, so I determined to love him through it. But since we have been apart I haven’t been able to stop it. I’ve still had that mantra. It messed up my relationship with the normal guy, and normal guy’s complaints led me to realize that I still had that as my identity. I was still identifying myself with loving him. Letting go of it always felt like losing myself. I couldn’t go no contact because it felt like I would be gone, then, too.
And it would have been losing myself. Such damage to the psyche can’t just be ripped away like normal guy wanted it to be. I have to rebuild myself and turn myself away from this false identity by replacing it with a new one. It takes time and careful replacement of the survival mechanisms; the false identity. There has to be a self to replace the false self I don’t need anymore. I haven’t always been this lost. I know I will recover.
I mistook this survival mechanism as connection, as true love, as a divine mandate to never let go. The narc has a host of mental issues, and his abuse of me is in the past. I don’t need the false identity I used to survive it as an empath with my ability to love intact. When I rebuild he won’t be able to hurt me again. He won’t be able to attract me. Not that I won’t have to still be on my guard, but I will not have to worry about this narc in particular.
If you are doing the same, or similar, to yourself, in order to protect the lovely empathic qualities you have, perhaps understanding it and applying logical thinking as HG is always telling us to will help you. Be kind to yourself. ALL of the things you have done to survive, including things like this that happen without our being conscious of it, are elegant efforts of an intelligent and complicated person to keep you intact and capable. Be thankful to yourself, to your survival mechanisms, but be willing to let go of them when you don’t need them anymore.
I have heard every single one of these over and over, again, like a broken recording.
Funny how they all say the same things; but it is like you have said in the past, “They do not all say (and do) the same things because they are Narcissists; rather, they are Narcissists because they all say (and do) the same things”. I hope I have this correct! (Now, I am questioning myself).
Check the stock market. I have. Let me know what you think. Let’s stay very clear to calculate stock market, please. I don’t want to be forced away from you again.
I never went anywhere, I’m still present. We are still scaling. I was called away to engage strategy, commerce, financial analyzing and accounting. Blame the ones who tried to steal me. It’s their fault.