How Your Emotional Thinking Creates Excuses

 

HOW YOUR EMOTIONAL THINKING CAUSES EXCUSES 

THIS IS A KEY ARTICLE IN TERMS OF BOLSTERING YOUR UNDERSTANDING.

The fact for so long you had no idea what you were dealing with resulted in you engaging in an anticipated behaviour. This behaviour is one which we regularly rely on in order to keep you in the dark. I have made mention of the various traits which we look for in those who make the most useful victims to us.

One of those traits concerns your ability to try to find the good in everyone and everything. This is a typical empathic trait and along with all of the others which you possess causes you to flare up on our radar when we are seeking an excellent primary source. Your desire to see good means that it obscures your ability to see the bad or perhaps more accurately, to accept the bad.

This is how your emotional thinking once again cons you and causes you to fail to see what is really happening, how you make excuses for the behaviour. Your emotional thinking craves the interaction with us, it is selfish and wants to experience all of the ‘good’ which flows from us and to convince you to ignore the bad. Your emotional thinking does not want you to acknowledge what is really going on and exit the relationship.

Your emotional thinking wants to gag logic so it cannot be heard and cause you to overlook the bad in the hope of recovering the good once again. Thus, your emotional thinking will make you issue excuse after excuse for what we do, so you remain invested in the relationship with us.

Accordingly, your emotional thinking continues our control of you. It is those who are empathic who suffer from this effect from their emotional thinking. They are convinced to consider their action as selfless, a reflection of how they wish to see the ‘good’ in people, how they make allowances and are tolerant – but when you are ensnared with our kind, all that is happening is that you are being prevented, by your own emotional thinking, from seeing what is truly happening and this is to your detriment.

Of course, at the time it is happening, you cannot see it happening because your insight is impaired by the emotional thinking. Occasionally, logic might just make itself heard (only to be ignored) as you notice that a certain behaviour is not acceptable but your emotional thinking rises once again and swamps that logic before it can gain a foothold in your mind.

Emotional thinking whispers that excuse for you and it is easier to accept that than go along the rocky road of logic. Thus, your emotional thinking keeps you blinded to the truth and it is only later when you have been punched in the face by the gauntlet of brutal honesty that you finally pay heed to logic and with hindsight realise how you have been conned. It happens over and over again and is all because of your emotional thinking gaining control of your thoughts.

This is something we desire because it prevents you from truly recognising what it is that is happening to you once your devaluation has begun. We of course love to operate from a position of plausible deniability, we court ambiguity since we enjoy and need to twist and turn in order to achieve what we want.

If you saw everything as stark and clear as I now describe our machinations to you, you would be more inclined to escape us and bring about that unwelcome cessation of our primary source of fuel. It would also make it harder to apply those hoovers when we wish to return you to the fold and have you engage in our cyclical endeavours once again.

We present you with the truth of what we are on a repeated basis but although we offer it up in front of you, we never let you see it clearly. We draw a veil across certain elements, apply a smoke screen, obscure some parts and distort others. The reality is there before you.

It is evident and plain but because of the way in which we purposefully manipulate you, you are unable to see it. It is akin to us pointing out a ship on the horizon. It is obvious for us to see but when we hand you a telescope to gain a better look at this vessel, the lens has been smeared with something which distorts the view, or we place our finger over part of the lens blocking your view.

The consequence of this distortion is to prevent you from truly seeing what we are. This in turn means that you are unable to form a clear and coherent view of the person which has taken hold of you. This becomes infuriating for others who we have not been able to drag into our façade, but who recognise full well what we are.

These observers tell you what you are dealing with. They may be circumspect to begin with, hoping not to offend your sensibilities but over time their increasing exasperation causes them to come out and say it straight. Yet, such candour rarely finds favour with you because you do not like to be told something about someone as wonderful as us (or at least someone who was wonderful).

You do not like to think that the golden period has gone. You do not like to be deprived of the idea that what you once had will never come back or even that it did not exist to begin with.

Most of the reasons why you think like this is as a consequence of our manipulative behaviour, which further foes to underline that it is not your fault. Even your desire to see the good in people is not your fault either. That is who you are. We know that and we exploit it. It is our fault again but of course in the midst of the battle that we engage in with you, we will never admit that anything is our fault. That will never do.

Thus, your view of us is obscured and because of this you will always issue excuses to explain away our behaviour, our words and our actions. You make these excuses time and time again, to others and to yourselves.

You believe these excuses because this is how you think and you have been led towards this train of thought by the schooling you have received at our manipulative hands and mouths. You also utilise these excuses to continue to convince yourself that the unsavoury elements of our behaviour are just an aberration, on occasional blip in respect of an otherwise magnificent person.

Your charity is amazing and naturally most welcome for through this blinkered approach you divest us of responsibility for the things we do, something which aligns with one of our many stated aims. You prevent yourself from examining further the reality of what has now ensnared you and the repeated application of these excuses keeps you in situ.

We want you to utilise these excuses. We want to hear them. We want them said to us and to others. Your excuses frustrate and alienate those who are against us, your excuses support out manufactured façade and most of all they ensure you deny to yourself that which is directly before you. Here are twenty-five of those such excuses. You will have said them and probably more than once. Understand that each time you utter one you have issued a further death knell for your prospects of escaping us.

  1. He is just tired; it makes him snap.
  2. He doesn’t mean it, not really.
  3. You don’t have to pretend with me, I just want you to be yourself.
  4. He has a lot on his mind at the moment.
  5. Work is particularly stressful for him.
  6. He sometimes has a bit too much to drink, but hey, who hasn’t been there?
  7. I think perhaps I am too harsh on him at times, it is my fault really.
  8. He is in a bad place but he will come through it.
  9. He is a complex person; you don’t understand him like I do
  10. It is just the way he is; I have got used to it.
  11. I know it seems bad but he does so much that is lovely; this is only a small part of what he is like.
  12. Nobody knows him properly, that’s why you think bad of him.
  13. He is a popular guy so he is always going to have women hitting on him.
  14. He has a temper, I know, but that’s part of what he is and it’s not for us to change him.
  15. I need to be more supportive and then he will be better.
  16. He’s not well at the moment but I will help him get through it, you will see.
  17. You’ve only heard one side of the story; he is not like that at all.
  18. Yes, well, his family would say that about him to cover up what they did to him.
  19. All he needs is to be loved and I am the one who is going to do that for him.
  20. You don’t know what you are saying anymore, it is okay, I do understand.
  21. It was a one-off, it won’t happen again.
  22. I know it was wrong but this time he has promised that he won’t do it anymore.
  23. You don’t understand the way that me and him are together.
  24. You are just jealous of what we have. Why can’t you be please for us, for my sake?
  25. I’m sorry, it was my fault.

Sound familiar?

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28 Comments

    1. Welcome back Dr. Harleen! Youve been missed! 🤗
      I was at a movie the other night and seen a preview of a harleen quinzel movie coming out and thought of you 😁 hope youve been well :)

  1. I have used these excuses as well for my ex midrange narc, it boggles my mind now. He has been hoovering me and tried to suck me back into his black hole. Thanks to what I have learned here I was able to catch what he was doing I know that because in the past I would have bought right into it. Good work H.G. I appreciate it.

  2. If you have to say “but maybe” about a person (especially a new person you’re interested in 3x) then you should proceed with caution. One or two things can be explained away but when you start hitting more than 3+ I get extremely suspicious. You essentially compile data on a person and if the data suggests something….I would go with that because every time I don’t trust my intuition and have at least 3 data points to support my intuition trouble happens lol.

      1. Thank lol!

        I can’t help but think Long Island serial killer when I see your name 😂😂😂😂

  3. As long as he needs me
    I know where I must be
    I’ll cling on steadfastly
    As long as he needs me
    As long as life is long
    I’ll love him, right or wrong
    And somehow I’ll be strong
    As long as he needs me
    If you are lonely then you will know
    When someone needs you, you love them so
    I won’t betray his trust
    Though people say I must
    I’ve got to stay true just
    As long as he needs me

    – Nancy in “Oliver,” after Bill Sykes has beaten her yet again, but before he finally kills her

          1. I’m okay with him being a Whatever. He was an astute observer of individuals and/in society.

  4. Dear god. Ive used these excuses for my ex mid ranger as well as my own mother. I now read these as the ‘exasperated friend’ of a friend who is now going through the same. She has been physically assaulted by him twice now and she keeps taking him back. I am so angry with her as Ive explained all of this new found knowledge with her during the end of my relationship etc…but shes not listening. Im worried about her and her children and I dont know what to do anymore. All I know is rather than feel understanding and empathy for her…Im just really bloody angry. She was raised by narcs as I was.

    1. youbringoutmynarcfleas
      I understand that. It’s frustrating to try and help someone only to watch them slip deeper into trouble and not listen or perhaps even lash out at you for your trying to help them get away. In the end, everyone is responsible for their own lives and you can offer a hand but you can’t do it for them. But many people are also interested in hearing about this when it is offered in an objective and non-judgmental manner (not saying that you were doing that) and will benefit greatly from this knowledge in various ways so it is worth sharing the knowledge and then see if they decide to act on it.

      1. Thank you. I probably did come across ‘judgy’ because a) Ive been there and b) I cant stand the man. Ive chosen to back off and just txt her now and again to ask how she is. Its her life and I realise that I didnt listen either. However I wasnt physically assaulted and my children were never involved. I appreciate the the reply. Thank you x

  5. It does sound familiar. This is me all the way. I’ve always made excuses for peoples bad behavior. Near the end of the relationship with my lesser I used to always say to myself ” he has bad moments and sometimes in a bad mood but hey everyone does so I just have to deal with it if I want to be with him”.

  6. The more I read the more I know I’m done .. I have my proof.. I see him quite often (work/ can’t avoid) and I almost revel in polite interaction because I keep reminding myself how glorious it is to feel absolutely nothing.. not negative or positive. Just nothing at all. It’s a wonderful place to be.. thank you for your contribution to my achievement of this Mister HGT
    He’s tried a few compliments which I just laugh at to myself, he’s tried to invite me round, again more laughs to myself as I ever so politely decline.. I think I am getting fuel now .. ha ha.. not that I want it, it’s just the irony. I’m sure he’ll tire soon enough .. I’m just completely indifferent to his antics and thanks to Mister HGT, I understand what and why he’s behaving as he is.. it’s interesting to observe and it validifies everything on this site.. it’s like studying an insect farm.. most interesting .. wonderful stuff to know he can no longer trigger me.. I used to pity him.. Now? Nothing at all… glorious😊😊😊
    😘keep up your fabulous work 👏🏻

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