A Lack Of Support

We don’t provide support. We are too concerned with ourselves and our daily hunt for the fuel that we need to be concerned about you. We are engrossed in our own world and have no interest in yours. The only time we pay attention to you is when you are providing us with fuel or you stop providing us with fuel. Everything we do is focussed around us. This is because we have to obtain fuel, as without we will disintegrate. The hunger for this fuel is never ending and accordingly all of our energy must be applied towards obtaining it. This leaves us with nothing left over for anyone else.

Being a caregiver yourself, you would like to think that the person who you share your life with, or who you work closely with, would be amenable to providing you with support. That may mean giving you emotional support when you are experiencing a difficult time or taking the strain allowing you to lessen the burden on yourself. You give and you are happy to do so, therefore why should they not do so as well? That is the outlook of someone normal operating by the norms and rules of your world. Those do not apply to us. We cannot provide you with support since we have nothing available to do so.

Added to that we do not know how to provide emotional support. Yes we can see how chores can be done and the like. We also have observed the ways that you provide emotional support to other people and we know the phrases that are used, the expressions that are formed on people’s faces and the gestures that are made. We have seen all that and we could trot all that out. In fact we have done in the past. We did this when we were seducing you. When we wanted you to divulge about your weaknesses and vulnerabilities this will have invariably saddened you and upset you. It may even have caused an episode where you need emotional support. We were happy to go through the motions then because we were at the stage of investing in your in order to get our fuel. We were content to make the right noises, give you a hug and make the panacea that is the cup of tea. All of this was learned from others. We did not feel anything for you. We could not put ourselves in your shoes (heaven forbid that would ever happen) and we could not empathise with what you were experiencing and nor can we ever do that. Yet again, we conned you into thinking that we are a caring and selfless person. We demonstrated such an approach when we were first together and that attracted you to us. This raised expectations that you could rely on us and turn to us when the need arose. It is all false.

Furthermore, when you need support and expect it from us, you are showing to us how you are weak. We despise weakness. You will find that our kind is rarely found near children, the infirm and ill and the elderly. This is because they are all weak and want support regularly. We do not want to be reminded of that fact. We cannot be bothered with you cluttering up our route to fuel. An exhibition of weakness infuriates us. A normal person would see someone in a position of weakness and deign to help and assist. We have seen how this is a natural reaction in normal people. It will not happen with us.

If you are fortunate, we will absent ourselves from the situation in an instant. We will generate some urgent reason; find a pressing engagement we had forgotten about in order to ensure we can get away from you and your ailment, woe or injury. You probably will never see us move as quick when it comes to getting away from somebody who needs help. If we are unable to exit the situation then we may just stand and look at you. You could be reaching out to us, eyes filled with tears of pain, asking for help and we will just give you a blank stare. We know we ought to be helping you, convention and observation has told us this, but we cannot do so. We are unable to leave but we are also unable to help you. This requires compassion and we do not have any. It requires us to us our energies to help you out and we are forbidden from doing so.

Our ultimate reaction where you need support from us is to go on the offensive. The uncomfortable feeling that you have generated inside of us makes us feel less powerful and smacks of inferiority. We know of only one way to banish such a sensation. We need to reassert our power and that means we must lash out at you. It becomes necessary to subject you to further insults and denigrating comments, at a time when you are feeling hurt and vulnerable.

“What are you crying for? I have had worse happen to me.”

“I am sick and tired of you being pathetic. Deal with it.”

“I bet (insert name of triangulated individual) would not make such a song and dance about it like you do.”

“It’s only a dog, you can get another one. Seriously, what a display over a dumb animal.”

“You are hysterical, you need to get help.”

“Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about.”

“That’s right; make it about you on my special day.”

We will lash out at you with these words in order to make you feel worse and ourselves feel better because that is all we care about. We fooled you into thinking that we care about you. That is a fallacy. Do not expect us to support you.

Demonstrating our legendary hypocrisy we will expect you to always be there for us. When we have a need you must attend to it straight away, even if you are experiencing difficulties yourself. When we have a scratch we expect you to make it better even though you might be bleeding to death before us. As with so much of our behaviour we do not regard the way we act towards you as meaning you should behave the same way towards us. If you chopped us in half you would most likely find this stencilled through us like lettering on a stick of rock

“Do as I say, not do as I do.”

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12 Comments

  1. 🗣🕷 sorry I got more support in my bra than I ever got from you just a week ago you upset me so badly again that I had a full-blown asthma attack right in front of you it was never so bad in my life I almost died in front of you and you still wouldn’t stop you wouldn’t shut up you’re worse than a woman so I guess I’ll stick with my beautiful lace black bras that’s the support I need right now you never gave me any Kind Words When My Kitty died and you banging on my door at midnight I opened it I thought you came to see me and console me my God I said Johnny died today he died in my arms yeah okay so why is your door locked why can’t I come in and have a beer wow support support support up your ass With A Meat Hook 🥕🍆🍌

  2. Whitney,
    I think my narc is UMR too. Usually walks away, can control anger. Never thought to look for a twitch, but uses facial ticks and hand motions.
    He has recently been UNABLE to control his anger. Outbursts of rage that shocked me, followed up by malice and brutal silent treatment.
    If you become a IPPS you WILL experience it too, someday, when you’re being devalued and someone else steps into your current shoes.

  3. Thank you so very much for this explanation. I have been Boo-hoo-ing for many years for Lack of Support from the same people I gave-gave-gave. Then realized — the original perpetrator was my mother who truly was not capable of ’emotional nourishment’ behind closed doors. This unconscious conditioning set the stage of attracting systemic abusive energies from intimate to friends to work ‘bosses’. The result was Compound Grief.

    Ugh, 2020 is around the corner — I have to cut loose this companion named: ‘Compound Grief’.

    Grateful HG and teammates for your writing style of poignancy and universal truth.

  4. Dear HG 💙 The UMR Elite is very supportive. I tell him my emotional issues and he responds immediately and acts sympathetic and caring. He compliments me a lot. This has been going on for years. His facade is very good with me.

    I love asking him to run errands for me. He says yes to any favour. I’m forbidden to pay for anything. The UMR Elite is handy. We don’t do anything sexual. We are friends.

    He looks at me from the side when I’m not looking at him. Creepy and I like it.

    My empath friend said I should focus on the UMR Elite instead of the one who chokes me (the UMR Somatic). Because I have Codependent traits and I’m addicted to narcissists. I should focus on the safer one. I want to triangulate the UMR Somatic. I want him to see the UMR Elite’s Mustang. The Somatic is obsessed with money, obviously. I’ll get the UMR Elite to drop me at our sport in his Mustang. The Somatic deserves it.

      1. Thanks Lisk ☺️ it’s ok Upper Midrangers hide their anger and just twitch and jitter. And if they can’t hide it they leave. They walk away.

        1. Ohhhhh….they walk away…hmmm…yes…I once knew a narc who did that! The twitch. The jitter. Key signals that give away the inability to control the situation.

          1. Ooo yes Lisk. The inability to control the situation is why they twitch. Thanks. It took me years to realise that, plus you stating it perfectly.

            I normally know how everyone around me feels, and why, and if someone feels bad I fix it. But I was dumbfounded by that jittering. I can’t comprehend being revved up enough to jitter like that.

            The UMR Elite’s facial ticks and the UMR Somatic jittering didn’t happen with me, only in group situations. They probably felt in control when they were alone with me.

            I feel bad that I dehumanise these men with their labels from the Narc Detector, in case they feel for me. I’m fake with them, using them for my addiction, plotting to triangulate them, gossiping about them. If they hurt, it would hurt me too.

            Yes even in Fury the worst they do is retreat!

          2. Interesting that you bring this up. Narcx used to have these weird movements/spasms. I used to think he was maybe just an adorably awkward nerd. Now you have me thinking that they were all about reaction control.

            Between the discussion re: art and this one about physicality, this has turned out to be a most enlightening day. Thank you!

          3. Hehe yes Lisk. 3 confirmed midrange Narcissists (from Narc Detector), all jitter like crazy! It’s almost a hallmark feature.

            I’ve met Greater ones and they don’t jitter. They talk nonstop and control the dynamic around them. If something’s bothering them they change it, but the Midrangers stew in frustration and wish they were in control.

    1. according to the description you gave of the relationship you and the uper mid ranger elite share, you are considered a non intimate partner secondary source, he has no need to devalue you, that is the reason you are treated well, you are a part of the façade, and may be a condidate IPPS, so he needs you to have a favorable opinion about him.
      if he is indeed a narcissist, rest assured that if you cross the line to be his girlfriend, you will be devalued at some point, instead if geting yourself in position where you have to apply the GOSO, anticipate, and just apply the SO.

  5. Pingback: A Lack Of Support ⋆ NarcTopia
  6. I have never needed to see this article again more than I have right this moment. You have no idea. Thank you once again HG.

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