Matrinarc
Both Dr O and Dr E (the good doctors) repeatedly like to ask me about my childhood. I do not like to talk about it. I tell them that I do not like to and the reason for that is that I do not remember much about it and therefore I feel uncomfortable talking about something which I do not feel in control of. Everyone is like that though aren’t they? If you are making a presentation but you only have half the material, you feel uncomfortable don’t you? I you are asked a question by somebody but you do not have all the information to hand, you feel uneasy. I explained that was my response and that it was an entirely understandable one. I’m not telling them the real reason behind my recalcitrance. Not a chance.
Unfortunately, Dr O then gets the bit between her teeth in one of our sessions and decides she would like to talk to me about family.
“Who has pinched your bagel this week then? Your brother or your sister?” I shot back seeking to deflect her. She ignored my remark and pressed on.
“Is there anybody in your immediate family you would like to discuss with me?” she asked.
“No.”
“Why?”
Where do I start ? Why would I want to talk about people I rarely bother with (save my brother)? Why is it that these people assume that I have some overriding desire to discuss a group of people who I am related to but have nothing in common with? What is the obsession?
I remained silent.
“Okay, how about I choose a family member and you tell me three things that you like about them and three things that you do not like about them. Just as something to start our conversation?” she suggested.
I remained silent.
“How about your mother?” she asked and looked at me expectantly.
I got up and left the room. I’m not playing that game with Dr O. No way.
39 thoughts on “Matrinarc”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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A lot of people seem to think that just because you are blood related you should be best friends. I never bought into this. I understand that some families are very close and that’s great. But if you have nothing in common or just don’t like the person, why force a relationship. In my experience some of my friends have been more like family than my own family.
This made me think of the futuristic sci fi classic film Blade Runner. In the opening scene, or one of the opening scenes, a ‘self aware’, top of the range, on-the-run Replicant is being given a human test interview (replicants distinguished from humans only by close study of how their iris responds/lack of response? to questions which would have an ’emotional charge’ for humans). The interviewer says “tell me about your mother”, Replicant: “My mother? I’ll tell you about my mother!” and blows away the interviewer with a gun he has somehow concealed in this pants.
A favourite scene of mine.
Thank you HG and members of this special group! Your energies continuously spur ‘self preservation’ without self shame and guilt based on generational cultural conditioning.
the key sentence here is “not,with doctor O”.
HG , you felt uncomfortable and didnt want to answer. I dont blame you ,Matrinarc made you who you are today. If it wasnt for her being a Narcissist perhaps you wouldnt be who you are today. You have mentioned in an interview that your mom never hugged you and told you she loved you. After that I went and told all my 4 kids how much I do love them.
You had every right to walk out of the office I would have done the same. It is a very sensitive topic and you clearly walked out . You showed them whos boss. Good for you !
This resonates!
My dad never once hugged me or told me that he loved me either.
And I hate talking about him or thinking about him.
Mind you, I wrote about one situation here that my dad did to me and it was actually felt great to get it out. Which shocked me! Felt bad at the time but afterwards I got a comforting sense of putting that memory to rest 🙂
You did the right thing STBS! I am sorry you had to go through that with your dad. It must have been very difficult for you.
You are strong and you have moved forward.
Hi Pati.
Thankyou! 🤗 It’s all good now though! And then some.
I just saw the comment about no “I love you’s’
and it made me remember, so off I went. Haha, as I do!
I’m definitely strong now and I am sure as hell staying away from any more rabbit holes.
How are you moving along?
I am the same .Just waiting for my consultation with HG and get some advice from him. Thank you for asking.
Good to hear Pati!
Waiting for your consult, are you all booked in?
How long do you have to wait for?
STBS,
It does feel good when you get it out. It soothes your pain a bit.
AR and STBS
When it comes up you feel you can do it – let it out. I rarely can, but on the occasions that I have, it feels like it has kept me from choking to death and allows me to keep the rest down.
Soon to be sparkling!
Very good. You get it out (it may take several times) and then you put it to rest so you can move forward.
Something ive observed with golden children is on the outside they look to be put upon a pedestal. The star athlete etc but behind closed doors theyre not treated the same. Theyre treated to passive aggressive cold abuse if they dont measure up. Theyre never given unconditional love. Its all about what can they do for the matrinarc to keep them happy. To outsiders theyre spoiled and bragged about but thats just a “public facade”. When its just the matrinarc and golden child they are back to proving themselves and only as good as the last thing they did for their parent.
Behind every great narcissist is a matrinarc! Or narc parent!
It seems either a child ends up an empath or a narcissist as a result of the abuse and learning abusive patterns. Usually the cycle repeats itself. The empath gravitates towards narcs out of familiarity and the narc gravitates towards those that were once them as a child where they now feel in control thru becoming the abuser.
Hey ChiChi, how are you?
I’m not in total agreement with your statement. In fact I was discussing this the other day. A woman asked, am I now a narc because I was with one?
A common response. She wasn’t but shes dived deep into her navel and was doing the usual sins of the Empath at al.
I put it to her to flip it. The question isnt really can I become a narc, it’s that if I’m empath, can I lose my affective empathy? You cannot. Not ever. Ever. As that is the ONLY strand that delineates the Ns and Es then this interpretation must be the correct one.
It’s extremely intresting that Empaths always take the negative view, unless weaponised. It speaks volumes on lack of self confidence and bang, next narc up.plesse! A slot has appeared!
See what I mean? You must have heard of the utter bollocks of ‘Narc tics’?
Triggered!
So you physically go to see the good doctors but the mental engagement is controlled by you. Wonder if your your mom suspects what isn’t being accomplished? If a greater like you, i suppose she would.
Correct.
She does not.
She is not a Greater.
HG, have you ever told your mom that she is a Narcissist and that she made you who you are today. You dont have to answer if you dont want to
No, Pati, I have not.
Thank you for answering HG ! Your so kind
No, I’m effective
Of course you are HG! You are very effective indeed.
HG,
Clearly you do not want to talk about your mother. Based on the title of the blog “Matrinarc” one would assume your mother was the narcissist. What about your father? Narcissist or empath?
Yes my mother is a narcissist, my father was an empath.
Hgt., My brother became narcissistic and I empathic, from narc father and empath mother and foster care. (Plus npd grandfather…) I was enlightened to narcissists 12 years ago and have been reaping the benefits of that knowing and hurting from my own flaws ever since.
Besides ending one relationship after another when I realized the circles I was in were not like-minded, I now see my part in the dust-ups. I can echo narcissism.
Do you have siblings? Did your family have pets? If so, how did their lives turnout?
I do have siblings.
Yes family members had pets. How did the pets lives turnout? They were short.
Did you kill them all, HG?
No.
Actually that’s interesting..
How are you around animals HG?
Can you enjoy time with puppies and kittens if they want to cuddle with you? It is nice for you at all?
Or do you have hate for them too?
Animals are of little interest to me.
Damn you got up and left I bet you she wont ask that again.
It is a hurt I can relate to in my own way. What I feel for myself about it is a tenderness and I mother myself. Or I forget to and it hurts again.
“I’m not telling them the real reason behind my recalcitrance.”
If they are any good at all they already know. Remember how you planned to use the fact that one woman had her hair cut short as a child after her brother damaged it and got teased? Or the girl with “Daddy issues” who had short, choppy hair in a reaction against the long, princess hair Daddy insisted she wear?
You know how you use other people’s weaknesses, so why wouldn’t others use yours the same way?
Oh wait–you HAVE no weaknesses.
Violetta,
Greater narcs have weaknesses as well but they will not admit that they have them.
Everyone has their weaknesses and noone is exception.
One of my weaknesses is to be treated as if i am a stranger. My ex used that easily against me. I told him that my negligent family rarely keep in touch with me and even when they call it is just boring small talk.
I am comfortable sharing here since noone here knows me.
I love that! Make the “good doctors” work for their pay. I used to see that behavior as being difficult. Now I see it as setting boundaries. We should only go to those places inside us if and when we are ready to.
Thank you HG for more insight… and a good laugh.
As always, love and fuel.
This one made me laugh out loud. You did it again HG, lol!