Eyes Wide Shut

 

EYES WIDE SHUT

Will you ever recognise me as I walk towards you, rictus grin fixed across my face, eyes ablaze with love, passion and desire? Will you notice the way I keep you in my sights as my charm flows over you, seeping into your every pore and orifice?

Will you take heed of the sugar-coated words as they spill from my mouth, telling you so remarkably all the things that you want to hear? Will you take note of the phrases which have been recycled again and again and possess the novelty of a cliché? Will you look deep into my eyes and see past your reflection or will you remain transfixed by what shines in these dulled, dark eyes?

Will you question how is it that I know so much about you, where you live, where you work, your hobbies and your hates? Will you feel the chill down your spine as I appear once again without warning at a location you frequent or will you regard it as the tingling sensation of excitement and the thrill of my alluring personality?

Will you question the platitudes that I issue, like confetti sprinkled on the breeze or will you smile and nod and savour the warmth that rises within you as I tell you how wonderful you are and that we belong together?

Will you frown at my declaration of love within a day and a night and a day of meeting you or will you accept and swallow those carefully crafted words without a moment’s consideration? Will you wonder how my hands and mouth became so skilled or will you submit to their heady application and give breathless thanks that they are laid upon you?

Will you query how this golden light continues to shine and wonder why you were chosen above all the others? Will you see through the veneer of scathing hatred for those who have gone before you or will you become co-conspirator and sneer at her or at him, disgusted by their lack of dignity in the way that they behave?

Will you not ask yourself whether their words ring with truth and why they look as if their very essence has been sucked from them, leaving naught but a fractured shell? Will you wonder why the gifts keep on coming? Will you question the forbidden fruits that have been laid before you or will you gorge on them, delirious with desire and elated by the ecstasy of our largesse?

Will you recognise me when I turn my face from you when you try to kiss me? Will you know what is happening when you are left in a tearful heap on the floor for the third time in a week or will you flagellate yourself for your shortcomings? Will you notice as the triangles are weaved around you and your best friend becomes your supposed enemy, but by whose say so?

Will you fight back against the control that is exerted on the way you look, what you choose to do and who you interact with or will you accept it and allow your sense of self to evaporate? Will you understand what is happening to you as you crawl alone into that ice-cold bed, this once haven of sexual congress that now lies like an empty tomb ? Will you realise what is going on as you blink back tears as the clock shows 3am and you have no idea where I am?

Will you stand up for yourself when you are labelled whore, slattern, idiot and fool or will you bow your head and retreat, thankful that your injuries are only verbal. This time. Will you remember what you once were ? Will you remain bound by the chains of confusion or will you break them across your knee and free yourself from your cruel bondage?

Will you recognise me as my hand grips your throat and my bile-infused words rain down on you, spittle flecked hatred peppering your face? Will you dial my number for the fiftieth time in two hours as you desperately try to hear my voice and ask me, beg me, plead for me to come home?

Will you wince as another dinner set falls prey to my savage fury ? Will you kneel and pick up the pieces, fingers shaking as you fumble for the broken shards that lie scattered across the floor? Will you know what is being systematically done to you each and every day or will you obscure the reality by praying for that golden light to come back and dispel the darkness?

Will you recognise me for what I truly am or will you make yet another excuse, wondering what will happen when you run dry of the excuses and hastily constructed explanations for my reign of terror?

Will you recognise me as I cast you aside, shoved into the dirt and sneered at? Will you look up from the smouldering ruins of what we once had and see her (or is it you?) looking back at you with disdain writ large across her made-up features? She seems so familiar, do you know her, there is such a fog now and it clouds so much.

Will you understand why you have been forgotten about as your numbed fingers compose another searching e-mail, asking for explanations that will not come, expressing tearful anger that will be smiled at, detailing your abject hurt which will only ever receive a dismissive shrug?

Will you recognise me for what I am when I reach out a hand and lift you from your broken existence? Will you know what truly is going to happen as I lead you once more towards the brilliant, burning golden light?

Will you feel the prick of caution in your mind or will you gladly race towards the promised land once again, concern and hesitation thrown to one side?

Will you notice the rictus grin once again as you race ahead of me?

Will you pay attention to the darkened glint in my baleful gaze or will you charge headlong towards the paradise,  addicted to its warmth and glorious sensations?

Will you recognise me as I close the door behind us, bolt it and turn the heavy iron key in the lock as the thick drapes are pulled across the dirt-smeared windows?

Will you notice the sharpened dagger that I have produced and hold behind my back?

Will you stop and glance in the shattered mirror that dominates this place and if you do, will you recognise yourself?

18 thoughts on “Eyes Wide Shut

  1. privatejourney60 says:

    Wow!, all too familiar. Lost for words. Thank you so much.

  2. Nika Mariska says:

    Such a fine… suit. I believe I am being swallowed alive.

  3. mollyb5 says:

    I suppose some do notice all …and that’s why you keep having to charm younger and younger empaths to make yourself feel better inside.

    The other question is …will empaths teach their young to look out for fakes and liars …and not all is sugar sweet in this world . Will they explain logic and show real examples of those who show no empathy …or false empathy? Will they teach the difference and assign books to read on the facts of narcissism and know the science that backs it …..will empathic mothers admit they were wrong in choosing a partner who couldn’t careless about whether his family lives or dies ,than risk losing the respect of their children , in hopes perhaps of gaining more respect for explaining the real world ? Or , being truly sorry for not thinking logically themselves?

    To make life about what’s real and what’s an act can be taught but…. most don’t want to destroy the wonderment and imagination , and pure joy of a child . To witness pure innocent joy in life is awesome beyond words ( For me anyway). To witness it and feel it along with a child is a gift from God .

    Probably like having a near death experience when pure love is felt .

  4. candacemarie says:

    I have heard some say you should treat dating like a job interview. Be cautious, set your boundaries and never ignore a red flag. If I follow these then yes I should be able to recognize a narcissist if I happen to come across another one.

  5. Gab says:

    Oh I have found it – why does the narcissist seems so odd

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That’s the one.

  6. Hope says:

    You are an excellent writer and story-teller. I enjoy reading everything you write. You were painting a clear and enticing picture with your words as I began reading. I was imagining and remembering the charm enveloping my very pores and I burst out laughing when I got to imagining it entering all my “orifaces.” Lol. I couldn’t help but laugh as I imagined the warm sensation filling every. Single. One. 😆😁🤗🤣😊😅 I have a wonderful imagination and your imagery is not hard to expand upon. You would do well to write your own series. Women love to read their fantasies. Men are more visual. There’s a huge market for it I would think. But maybe that’s a silly endeavor for you seeing as this knowledge is more important and the former would contribute to the problem this work is attempting to correct.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

      There will be an Erotica series. It is in development.

      1. Desirée says:

        “There will be an Erotica series. It is in development.”

        Two Shades of Tudor.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Ha ha very good.

      2. FoolMe1Time says:

        Will you be using HG Tudor as the author of this series HG?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Either that or the pen name Throbbus Erectus.

          1. FoolMe1Time says:

            I have no words! I do but I’m not going to write them! Hahaha!

          2. Violetta says:

            “Welease Wodewick!”

            https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kx_G2a2hL6U

      3. Chihuahuamum says:

        I just finished posting that i would no longer read these types of books 🤣🤔 i might have to reconsider lol
        I can see them selling like hotcakes!😄😁

  7. Gab says:

    HG, I remember you had a separate article about a period before devaluation I think (or before discard), a grey period of indifference and apathy. I can’t remember what was the title.

    Could you please write a title? I’d Love to read it once again.

    Thank you

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Why Does The Narcissist Seem So Odd?
      Bringing Down The Shutters

    2. E. B. says:

      Hi Gab,
      Apart from the two articles HG mentioned, there is also a third one: The Narcissist Path – Part Two.
      See “The Stranger Zone”, just before “The Dark Zone”.
      It sounds like a horror film!

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