The Middle Mid Ranger’s Seduction Speech
This demonstrates the mind set of a Middle Mid Ranger who would write in such terms or speak to the victim in this manner. It is a speech that could be said by any subdivision of Mid Ranger but most likely coming from the Middle Mid Ranger because of its penchant for pity play, false martyrdom and magical thinking.
The sections in bold and italics are the unconscious reality of what is happening, compared with the conscious belief of the narcissist. Remember, his conscious belief is his actual belief and owing to the blinding effect of the narcissism this Middle Mid Ranger does not recognise that these words are empty, that certain events never happened, that various forms of manipulation are being used (those forms of manipulation being instinctive).
I also explain some of the empathic traits which these instinctive comments will be playing to, aided and abetted, of course, by the soaring emotional thinking of the victim who is being conned into believing these words and ignoring the repeated red flags which are being flown here.
What position would a recipient of such a speech hold in the narcissist’s fuel matrix? The recipient would be the Candidate Intimate Partner Secondary Source meaning that the narcissist instinctively senses this person could be crowned as the Intimate Partner Primary Source . There may be other competitors but they are Shelf IPSS and the recipient of this speech is the front runner. It is likely that there is an IPPS who is in devaluation and will shortly be disengaged from, should this speech succeed and the seduction win over this Candidate.
I have always adored you. It is true. You did not realise it. How could you? I kept my adoration confined to something distant and something remote, always living in hope that one day I would be able to pour my adoration all over you.
(Infatuation. Martyrdom. Feeds into the Love Devotee empathic trait of the victim with regard to the concept of unrequited love, a love burning away unnoticed.)
How long has this condition lasted for? I would suggest over ten years.
(It has not lasted for over ten years. This is Magical Thinking, the Revision of History and Grandiosity. The narcissism however causes, in that moment, the narcissist to truly believe that this adoration has been in place for ten years.)
Yes, that long. It was when you first joined the company. We worked in separate departments but I saw you arrive one day and from that moment I felt this adoration for you.
(The narcissist never noticed the victim at first because he was in a golden period with somebody else, but it sounds more impressive to suggest such recognition so early on because this accords with the Love Devotee Trait of love at first sight.
It was strong and powerful and flowed from deep inside of me. I knew in an instant what it was and I just knew that I had to provide it to you.
(Grandiosity and Martyrdom).
I had no idea when that opportunity might arise, when I might be in a position to furnish you with this potent and unending adoration. You did not know this but I managed to copy your photograph off the company website and I would lie on my bed or sit in a chair and stare at your picture wondering when I would be able to provide you with what you deserve.
(This never happened. Revision of History combined with Grandiosity. Again the Love Devotee Trait is being milked by such a seemingly ‘sweet’ action. Logic of course would cause the victim to (a) question whether this actually happened ; and (b) if it did, find it rather creepy.)
I contemplated listening to you lying beside me and whispering my name, the sensation of your hand in mine, the delight in sharing experiences.
(Magical Thinking and exhibition of the Sense of Entitlement as the narcissist is already picture the relationship having formed, demonstrating the latent sense of ownership of the victim).
This adoration has remained, churning and growing inside of me. I have sustained it and nurtured it for all this time.
(Grandiosity and Revision of History. The adoration sprang up recently as the necessity of replacing the currently devalued IPPS became more pressing.)
That surely shows just how powerful it is and just how special you are to me. Yes, I know you had no idea. How could you? I kept it to myself as I wanted to save it all for you.
(Martyrdom. Feeding off the Love Devotee Trait with regard to the power of love.)
Of course there have been others during those ten years but they were just practice for when I would be able to provide that adoration for you.
(It would stretch credibility to suggest the narcissist has remained single for such a period of time (A Lower Mid Range might suggest such a thing) instead, the need for the narcissist to demonstrate that he is a catch so there have been other partners remains HOWEVER this is explained away. This is a Benign Triangulation.)
I was fond of those supposedly significant others but let’s not you nor I delude ourselves; they came nowhere close to evoking the adoration that I have for you.
(They actually did back then, but Revision of History arising out of the exes being painted black.)
I was not surprised. I understood that from the instant I laid eyes on you that you were the one.
(Revision of History. Magical Thinking.)
I could not make my move though until I had tested myself. You see, I had been let down so many times before. I thought I knew and understood what true adoration was. I had been deceived by imposters and found that they promised much yet delivered so little. I did not doubt you but I had to be sure.
(Martyrdom. Pity Play. Benign Triangulation. Exes Painted As Black).
Accordingly, I kept my distance, adoring you from afar and pushing my resistance. Each day that passed where I denied myself the chance to give you my adoration was another day where I tested whether that adoration would remain intact and it was.
(Martyrdom. Magical Thinking. Revision of History. Placing victim on pedestal – you are totally worth all of this effort and pain and therefore you ought to feel very special).
I came through the test. I asked many questions of myself and I found that I was not wanting. This time was the reality. This was true and honest adoration, nothing more and nothing less. I realised as the months became years that the longer I waited the surer I would become and moreover, like a grand whisky maturing, the longer I waited then the more powerful this adoration would be.
(Revision of History. Magical Thinking. Feeding off the empathic traits of Honesty and Decency by showing the victim that they did not rush in (when of course the narcissist has actually rushed in).
I understood that to allow this adoration to grow and build, to test it, to determine whether it had any boundaries and shortcomings would ultimately mean that I would be able to dispense adoration like nobody else could ever do so. I could give you what you deserved and in return you would provide me with what I wanted and needed.
(Magical Thinking. Martyrdom. Idealisation of victim.)
This may seem strange but there almost came a point when I thought that perhaps I would never provide this adoration for you.
(Pity Play)
I wondered and considered whether I would be better served by keeping it within myself.
(Martyrdom)
Locking my adoration away as I always wondered whether it would come undone after another day of waiting and testing, but then I realised that since I adored you so, I could no longer keep this adoration hidden. What person would I be if I did not provide you with the very thing which you deserved?
(Pity Play)
I would be failing both you and I. Thus, that is why I made my move. There was nothing distinct which triggered this need to make my approach and provide you with this adoration. There was no catalyst other than the realisation that the time had come.
(Martyrdom. Further, the catalyst was of course the need to replace the current IPPS who is in devaluation although the narcissist does not realise that this is what is driving the behaviour.)
There was nothing more to be gained in keeping this adoration confined to myself. I had to release it and lay it on you. I had to pour it over you, spilling over you and coating you. I needed to provide this most perfect adoration and allow you to bask in it, delight in and know that this is what I will also provide to you.
(Grandiosity. Latent exhibition of ownership and the victim being an extension of the narcissist).
How can that now be the case? I have waited so long to give this to you that there can be no outcome other than this permanent state of adoration which will allow us to become one and preserve that state of affairs forever.
(Assimilation of the victim into the narcissist demonstrating the fact that the victim is an extension of the narcissist. Feeds of the empathic trait of Love Devotee once again.)
Ten years may seem like a long time but it is but a blink of the eye when compared to the infinite adoration I will give you and that shall keep us together.
(Infatuation. Grandiosity).
We shall not crumble, we shall not fall. I promise you this.
(Grandiosity. This promise is of course caveated, conditional, flexible and when necessary will be revoked and removed as if it never existed because such a promise was made to a different victim last month and another the month before that and another the same last year.)
20 thoughts on “The Middle Mid Ranger’s Seduction Speech”
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So the Middle Mid-Ranger would genuinely believe that they are infatuated, falling for someone, and eventully in love with this person (while idealization is still in play)? It would feel to them as though their love wasn’t any different than what most people claim love to be?
Is it only the eventual devaluation, and everything that comes with it, that reveals that it’s not the real love that most people think of? If the Middle Mid-Ranger became more aware, would that be his personal test to show the love was never “real” to begin with–meaning, “real” love doesn’t typically involve devaluation?
Paragraph one, correct.
Paragraph two. The idealisation is not love, the MMR thinks it is. The devaluation is not love, the MMR believes that he has been wronged and has fallen out of love, or still loves the victim but that the victim has “made” the narcissist devalue. Remember, the MMR does not know that he is devaluing.
Genuine love does not involve idealisation or devaluation.
Everybody idealizes at first, don’t they? Yes, it should grow into something more solid eventually, but is a little romance at the beginning such a bad thing?
No, they do not. Romance is not idealisation.
What’s the distinction?
Between what, Violetta? (I do not see the previous comments in my moderation pane so you will need to be specific).
Violetta,
I haven’t determined yet if I’m borderline or narcissistic, but both disorders entail idealization/black-and-white thinking/lack of whole-object relations…here’s my personal perspective:
Idealization is like infatuation on steroids. You’re not just enamored with the person…in fact, it’s not even the person you’re enamored with. It’s the idea of them, the fantasy of what you want them to be. In fact it happens most strongly for someone you don’t know well, since there is less proof to go against your fantasy, but by no means does this proof always negate the fantasy (in which case it turns to devaluation).
Imagine fangirls oogling over their favorite celebrity. Their celebrity can do no wrong. He’s on a pedestal. They imagine being married to them, they imagine what life would be like with them, they imagine how loving that celebrity would be towards them. They’ve pored over every interview he’s given, every movie he’s made an appearance in, every lyric he’s sang to the masses (though in the fangirl’s mind, those lyrics are just for her). She believes she knows this person inside and out, and that they are a perfect match made in heaven.
But it’s all a fantasy. It’s not real. She has no clue what he’s actually like and in all honesty, she probably doesn’t care. It’s about how the fantasy makes her feel–not about the mature realization of what a pairing would actually look like, or should look like.
Now imagine all of that, but in a normal person-to-person interaction/relationship.
When I idealize someone, it’s like their “negative” qualities don’t exist. My brain just sorta….skips past them. Forgets them as soon as they appear. They don’t fit into my narrative of who this person is and therefore, they’re not there at all. The person is perfection incarnate.
I don’t know what integrated feelings of love/infatuation look like–even my sisters (my closest allies) are subject to my idealization/devaluation cycling–but I’m certain it’s at least based much more in reality and encompasses the whole person, as a person.
Devaluation sets in when a tipping point is reached and the negative qualities can be ignored no longer. With no sense of whole-object constancy, the whole thing flips on its head, and this person is all-bad. They don’t have any redeeming qualities and they never did. They are the enemy. They are out to get you, and you’ve been a fool this whole time for falling for their tricks and lies that they’re your perfect match.
I didn’t become aware of my own thinking/role in all this until late into my marriage with my ex-husband. I didn’t get more of a handle on it until….Well hell, I’m still a sucker for it. I’m starting to idealize a guy right now that I barely know, and it’s a damn tough struggle to fight it.
The fantasies feel good. They make you feel like you’ve found perfection. They put you on cloud nine. Remember, your fantasies are probably better than any reality you could ever experience…since they’re tailor-made by your brain to be exactly what you want, need, and crave.
So my guess is that while idealization is an infatuation of the idea of a person’s qualities (what they can do for you, how they can make you feel), normal infatuation is with the actual person and their actual qualities. Fantasies may and probably do exist but not in a way as to overshadow the reality–or to send you into a hateful, self-righteous rage when the fantasy comes crashing down.
As I’ve understood it, most personality disorders are not defined by basic behaviors completely alien to non-disordered people, but rather, to the degree in which they are engaged. Everyone lies a little, everyone asks for pity or employs sarcasm or gets infatuated; but only the disordered take them to the incomprehensible extreme.
What is the distinction between romance and idealization?
When you’re just meeting someone, do you have to notice the nose hairs and the finger-cracking?
Someone exhibiting a romantic gesture does so without a need for control and does so intermittently. It is genuine. It is borne out of emotional empathy.
Idealisation is done for the purposes of control and is sustained and usually of intensity (although that can vary dependent on the type of narcissist). It is done out of a sense of entitlement, a lack of accountability, a lack of boundary recognition.
Oh, you’re talking about putting someone on a pedestal that noone csn possibly live up to, thrn bling the victim for not living up to it.
Straight out of Fowles’ The Collector.
“always living in hope that one day I would be able to pour my adoration all over you”
Hope she’s got an umbrella. Blecch.
“We shall not crumble, we shall not fall. I promise you this.”
“Honor for All” – Daniel Licht and Jon Licht
Also Muse, who only slightly disguised the riff they “borrowed” from “Personal Jesus”:
They will not force us
They will stop degrading us
They will not control us
We will be victorious
(So come on)
I just recently found out that the MMRN father of my three year old daughter and five month old son is getting engaged to be married when he returns to the States in a few months.. My entire being hurts so badly right now..
Big hugs to you Bekah xxx
Thank you, blackunicorn123 ❤
Wow, you nailed it HG.
And you contained some me my mid ranger’s favourite phrases: “I managed (to do sth), “in an instant” and “I promise I will/won’t…”
Amazing how accurate it is.
This speech is so creepy. From my point of view there are some messages od idealization and devaluation mixed together. Because when narcissist tells you you are the best but at the same time he uses some grandiose phrases that show he idealizes himself also it is a huge red flag. He assumes he will give perfect love no one can give you.. so creepy, so grandiose. Normal person struggle if he/she will be a good partner even when they are in love or maybe especially when they are in love (am I enough? Will I be as good as he/she deserves? Am I really ready for a commitment?”)
Thank you Gab.
Spot on as usual HG, except the one I escaped from wasn’t so eloquent, he did tell me he had fancied me for 20 years but thought I was out of his league (he was right about that at least). Oh how I laughed when he text me to tell me I was a leach…I couldn’t help but reply to correct his spelling!
Indeed Kelly and that would have been Challenge Fuel and evidences how strong the pull remains to interact with the narcissist.
Someone said to me today ‘he was punching above his weight’ I’m passing it on to you – both physically and intellectually judging by his spelling Kelly