The Fear




Fear comes in many forms. It has the capacity to cause dread, anxiety and nervousness. Fear is one of the most powerful tools that exists to facilitate control over somebody. Think back to when you were a small child and the things that frightened you. Many of them have a universal applicability. How many times did you cry out to your mother and father in the night because you were frightened of the “monsters under the bed” and you were terrified that once the bedroom door was closed that something would come creeping out of the wardrobe and induce utter fear throughout you? Perhaps it was the strange shapes that formed once the light was turned off with only moonlight streaming through the crack in the curtains so that the shadow thrown across the room appeared like some old crone waiting to come and take you away and eat you. How many times were you warned as a child never to speak to strangers, never to get into a car with somebody you did not know and never to accept sweets from a stranger? Do you recall how this conjured up images of smelly old men in stained raincoats who waited to abduct you and spirit you away to be locked up who knows where? Perhaps there was that house on your walk back from school which had attracted a certain reputation. It was run-down, the garden overgrown, with bushes spilling onto the path, the windows grimy and paint peeling. You were never sure whether anybody actually lived there. Some said that a witch resided there and she waited for children passing on their own before grabbing them and stuffing them in her cellar to starve to death. Others told tales on stormy afternoons which made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, about the spirits that haunted the old house. A friend would swear that he had walked past, one wet and windy evening, just as it was going dark and he saw the face of a ghostly child staring at him from an upstairs window, the child’s spectral hands knocking against the window as if requesting help. After hearing that tale you took a different route home from school so you did not have to pass this particular house anymore. If that was not possible, you would run past, head down, shouting at the top of your voice to drown out any strange sounds that might come from the trapped ghost child, as you dared not even look towards the house. Fear often stalked your childhood and resulted in sleepless nights, nightmares and a reluctance to go to bed. Do you remember being sent to bed and staring up the stairs towards the darkness wondering what was waiting for you? How you did not want to appear scared in front of your parents (especially since they had let you stay up a while longer because you were a “big boy/girl” now). You wanted to hand those words back as you hovered at the base of the stairs, the hallway colder than the living room from which you had ventured. How many times did the noise of the house settling, resulting in strange groans and creaks convince you that somebody was waiting out of sight in a doorway, their heavy booted foot resting on the squeaky floorboard, rusty axe clutched in greasy, long-nailed fingers?  Did the sight of a clown have you running to hide in the folds of your mother’s dress, that strange leering and accentuated mouth creating panic in your tiny mind? What did that eerie clown have in mind for you?

It might have been a reluctance to paddle barefooted in the sea or a river because you could not see where you were putting your feet. You felt something brush your foot, most likely seaweed, but in your mind some razor-toothed fish was about to take a bite from your ankle or a crab was about to affix a pincer to your big toe. You turned and ran hollering from the edge of the sea back to the safety of the sandy beach. There may have been a murderer’s alleyway in your town, a badly-lit passageway between two roads which was a convenient and easy short cut during the day but a night the purported preserve of lurking knife merchants and yellow-toothed stranglers who were just waiting to pounce and take your life. You stood staring down the alleyway trying to drive the rising fear from you but it just would not go and instead you opted to walk the long way around. It took twenty extra minutes but at least you got home safely.

Fear continued to stalk your life as you grew older. You might not be worried about the bogeyman anymore but he has shapeshifted into the fear that comes with finding a lump about your body and not knowing what it is. Uncertainty about the business for whom you work has you tossing and turning at night. Wondering where the next pay check will come from has you similarly fearing for the future. Walking alone along a road at night and hearing footsteps behind you still causes your heart rate to increase. A glance over your shoulder as you cross the road to the over pavement only serves to heighten your worry as a hooded figure also crosses the road. Your step quickens as your fear increases and your mind floods with images of robbery, rape or murder. When alone in the house at night the sound of a bang from downstairs has you sat bolt upright in bed. What was that noise? Did you dream it? Was it somebody breaking in? Was it something not of this world, a poltergeist perhaps hurling a book against a wall. You cannot see what caused the noise and immediately the fear forms in the pit of your stomach, your racing mind conjuring up a score of unpleasant scenarios as you debate creeping to the top of the stairs and peering down to see if you can ascertain what it was.

Fear takes hold of you and makes your reasoning faulty. It tightens around your throat stopping you from calling out and turns your legs into stone so you are figuratively petrified and unable to escape that unseen tormentor. Fear withers you, paralyses you and you will do anything at all to escape that sensation of fear. It is pervasive, damaging and controlling.

Your greatest fears always stem from the unknown. It is that which you cannot see which causes you the greatest terror. When you cannot see something you are plunged into fear, its icy grip takes hold and you crumble. The unknown and the unseen create the fear. That is why we are so devastatingly effective in our control of you. That is why we create such numbing fear in you.

2 thoughts on “The Fear

  1. Dorion says:

    I am always a bit jealous of people who do not experience fear because I’ve struggled with anxiety up and down in my whole life. Not childish fears, more the ones that drive me to second guess myself and anticipate worse than deemed by a complex adult situation. I don’t completely hate this predisposition because it’s also what’s made me a good strategist in my opinion – always trying to foresee, predict outcomes, have plan B, C, D and so on. But the emotion is certainly unpleasant.

    Do narcissists really not experience fear? That’s not what I would assume but read it both from you HG and elsewhere. More associated with psychopathy though than narcissism per se. That’s another aspect of being I cannot imagine because I am so anxiety-prone (not that I let it hold me back most of the time because I am so aware it’s anxiety and irrational). If I could choose one thing to change about myself, it would definitely be to eliminate some of the anxiety.

    As far as the unknown – that’s actually something I don’t tend to fear, more the opposite. Well, depends what kind of unknown… I love trying new things, exploring whatever I don’t know yet, often what threatens me in some ways. But when it threatens my existence and things important to me in my life and I don’t know how they will turn out, of course that’s one of the greatest anxiety triggers. But I have almost never been very anxious about personal relationships, for example. I think it’s because I have avoidant tendencies and do not engage all that deeply, to start with. Perhaps this is one of the reasons narcs would not target me romantically, for example, or they soon realize it won’t work on me and look elsewhere. And I’ve set most areas of my life in a way that there is a very high level of independence and control for me, definitely a control freak that way. Is that narcissistic, not sure. It is certainly self-protection but I love the freedom and flexibility as well.

    Where I personally see narcissists playing a lot is people’s personal insecurities, fears coming from those deep-seated areas of the psyche. If you are someone who does not like to give those away, does not like to show vulnerability, there is naturally much less room for that type of manipulation. I guess the authenticity and vulnerability many highly empathic people show and share with others can be like directly exposing themselves and almost calling for a narc to stab at it. I definitely had that impression with my narc therapist in the past, but he did not have the opportunity to do much and long. He used my own boundaries and emotional armors to try to get inside… claiming (as an “expert”) that those were unhealthy psychological defenses. Of course he got to see some of the vulnerabilities because I saw him as a therapist… but not much and not in depth. It was also one reason I concluded that psychotherapy is not for me… I just don’t like the idea of exposing myself to anyone in a one-sided manner. So my interactions with the therapists I had seen remained largely on the intellectual level. The narc one told me multiple times it was a limitation and weakness of mine, something to “work on”. It definitely can be in personal relationships but not with that guy!

  2. Whitney says:

    HG, my God!
    I’ve never been scared! As a child, I wanted to go on the roller-coasters as soon as I could.
    Someone asked how I felt about the risk of starting a business? I saw no risk, I knew it would succeed.
    Similar to the Narcissists- that’s one reason I liked them. Except they have a false confidence which is predicated on NOTHING.

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