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“Glow worm”

From the obvious and well-used to the corruptions and bastardisation of your first name through to the downright bizarre, pet names are a standard feature of relationships. Parents may have a nickname or pet name for their child, we use nicknames for our friends but most often they are used in the context of an intimate relationship. Their use is to denote endearment and to highlight something special and unique (although using babe is not going to win awards in that category) between that person and their significant other. When used in the context of a non-narcissistic relationship they are relatively harmless, perhaps hinting at something which teases and might be mildly embarrassing (e.g. calling someone glow worm because they go red and become embarrassed easily) but generally they are used as a fond and kind epitaph. That situation becomes corrupted and entirely different in our hands. We regularly use pet names for our primary sources, but our motives for doing so are not about being genuinely endearing but for a host of more nefarious reasons.

  1. It is done to appear to endearing to you so that you think you are special to us. You merit being given a pet name and therefore you are led to think that we naturally care and love you since we have taken this step. This is done because it is a standard step in many intimate relationships and all we are doing is mimicking that for the purposes of making you think that the relationship between you and us is wonderful, special and marvellous.
  1. You are our possession. By giving you a label in this manner we are branding you and stamping on you that you belong to us. It enables us to exert control over you.
  1. We objectify all of our appliances and by giving you a pet name we are reinforcing that. We may call you “angel” but in our minds you are just an angel, one of hundreds no thousands out there. In the way that those who find themselves in a perilous situation might use their name with an aggressor of kidnapper in order to humanise themselves and the other person, we utilise pet names to dehumanise you. It is our stand point that you are an object to us and it is far easier to control and abuse an object.
  1. We use the same pet names for many of our appliances. There will be differences when for example the pet name plays on your name, so if you are called, Rebecca, we may call you Beccipops, but if it is a pet name which is nothing to do with your actual name or a distinct attribute of yours then you should be aware that several primary sources before you all got the same name and the ones that comes after you will as well.
  1. By using a pet name and keeping it the same for all our primary sources we minimise the risk of calling you, accidentally, by the wrong name and bringing about questioning and a challenge. Thus, if we call you “Sugarbumps” and we are having an affair, the other person will also be called “Sugarbumps”. If you were ever granted access to a narcissist’s phone, do not be surprised to see Sugarbumps1 and Sugarbumps2 in the directory.
  1. As with many things narc, what we grant we then take away in order to upset you and exert control over you. Thus if we always referred to you as “Hot stuff” you can expect that come devaluation you would be referred to by your actual name instead of there may even be a corruption of the pet name, for instance calling you “Cold stuff” instead. This is done to make you react and feel hurt by this change in the affectionate pet name.
  1. In some instances, the pet name may actually seem like a compliment to you but actually has a hidden meaning to our kind and whilst you smile when you hear this name being used, we are actually laughing at you on the inside because you do not realise that you are being insulted. One example might be by jokingly referring to you as the boss. Thus in front of you and our coterie we may say,

“Thanks for asking, I will have to run it by the boss.”

You smile at this affectionate deference to your authority oblivious to the fact that my coterie and I know is means Best Of Seven Sluts, being a reference to how we regard you sexually.

  1. In some cases, we forget who you actually are (because we regard you as an object) but if we call all objects “Munchkin” then we can fall back on that and refer to you by this name without appearing stupid for forgetting what you are called.
  1. We may invent new and different pet names which are insulting, disrespectful and unpleasant when we embark on our devaluation of you. We may call you The Rash because you keep appearing everywhere when we do not want to see you. We may call you The Pirate because you have small breasts, e.g. a sunken chest. We may label you as The Thorn because you are a pain in our side or we may just go for It as regular readers will know from my treatment of Lesley.
  1. We will also insist that you use a pet name for us but we will choose it. Nobody normal chooses their nickname and then tells people to use it. Nicknames and pet names evolve from characteristics witnessed by those around the recipient of the name. The fact that we appear and tell you to call us “Goldenballs” is evidence of our sense of entitlement and grandiosity.

The use of a pet name by our kind is never to be regarded as pleasant and complimentary. It is a device for demeaning you, upsetting you and exerting our control over you, in the same way that one keeps a pet animal, that is how you are regarded as we keep you in one of our gilded cages.

84 thoughts on “Pet

  1. Blackcoffee says:

    DE here. I don’t recycle pet names from previous relationships. Ever. I told him what I wanted to be called (English and Spanish) and bestowed upon him a pet name. I refused anything else. I don’t like connections to prior relationships. It is in my nature to go NC to end romantic relationships (I didn’t know this one was a Narc until after my departure). I don’t want to be reminded of prior relationships and want to feel special in the new relationship. I laugh now thinking I brought this on pet name nonsense myself.

  2. Cloudy says:


    Talk about being the PET.

    I feel more like a DONKEY!

  3. santaann1964 says:

    Hi Mr. H! Have you watched “you” yet. Extreme but amazing 😉

    1. HG Tudor says:


  4. santaann1964 says:

    Babe but he calls everybody babe. I told him don’t call me that. Address me as “Santa” like everyone else. Nothing special about calling me babe.

  5. Desirée says:

    It was said in a complimentary fashion but I did think being called “Darling” was mildly inappropriate, I just wasn’t sure if it’s due to language barrier/age/cultural background/etc.
    I was also confused since it seems to be used in non-intimate settings as well. There’s this english make-up brand called “Charlotte Tilbury” and the founder of the same name won’t go two sentences without “Darling”-ing you, him, her, everyone. I like her but good grief, I had no idea there is a plural to this as well:

    “Darlings, my new limited-edition lipstick is out now. Let me show you how I use it, Darlings.”

    …it does have excellent colour pay-off and is quite long-lasting.

  6. K says:

    I just listened to Pet Names and did they ever nail it!

  7. Bubbles 🍾 says:

    Dear WiserNow,
    Precisely, we’re totally oblivious !
    Mr Bubbles says I have this aura about me, I did ask if I gave off some kind of scent …..haha
    The closet he gave me was that I ooze “womanness”

    Last night, we, (including our daughter) , were at a seminar, the presenter, a short man, came straight over to our table and just kept looking at me whilst he was talking, our daughter was asking all the questions, he should’ve respectfully, been looking at her (I didn’t like him, my senses sniffed a narc)
    Mr Bubbles generally gets ignored !

    When we’re in the supermarket, he’s always in everyone’s way…….. me …. ” empath in aisle 6″ 🤣
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  8. njfilly says:

    Personally, I find it annoying when a waitress calls me a pet name like “darling” or “honey” or “hon”. It seems derogatory to me coming from a stranger.

    1. singasongy says:

      Yes, me too. Down here in the south of the US its a common practice. DAHLIN and BOO and Sweet heart. It freaks me out when I Hear a waitress say okay dahling or just the other day the guy that works for the narc called me boo. its just a common thing…it seems highly degrading yet I do think that most people use it thinking they are being friendly. I use it when I want to put someone down without them realizing it. Probably why I don’t like it done to me.

      1. njfilly says:

        I’ve never been called Boo by anybody. I wouldn’t like it. Unless it was coming from a lover.

        I don’t like if a strange man calls me sweetheart either, but for some reason I can tolerate it more from a man than when a random woman (usually a waitress) calls me “sweetheart” or “hon”. I usually ignore it but I have said “don’t call me hon” and once I responded “OK woman”.

        1. singasongy says:

          OMG HUN….I’ve only heard it from a woman and it is demeaning to me when its said to me. usually it is said in a heated situation anyway….I agree with you on Boo.

  9. Notme! says:

    You have a point NA, he did use endearments to dictate the pace of the relationship, use my full name or shortened name to change the mood etc. I was just saying that where I’m from, pet names are used by the majority of people and aren’t pretentious. Even people I don’t know men and women might call me darling. Looking back, Narc used it in a different way though, kinda part of this formal thing he had going on. He was either potty mouthed, rugby type, innuendo using Jack the Lad or ultra formal, ice cold, 1950’s gentleman. Yuk!

  10. Chihuahuamum says:

    Good morning denise…im still learning myself about subtle gaslighting. Anything they do to make you question yourself and your opinions, views and memories etc is gaslighting. Its sometimes difficult to pick it out bc people who dont have npd may also do this but its the cumultive behaviours that point to if they have npd.
    Btw i love southern accents theyre one of my favorite!! They sound so friendly!! 🤗 have a great day!

  11. Bubbles 🍾 says:

    Dearest lovelies,
    My intention is not to hurt or offend anyone here by my affectionate terms of endearment
    It is meant sincerely and compassionately
    If anyone is offended, from the bottom of my heart I apologise
    I luv you all 😌
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    1. WiserNow says:

      Dear Bubbles,
      It makes me smile when you, of all people, need to ‘warn’ us that you do not mean any offence with your terms of endearment. I really don’t think anyone would take your affectionate nature as being insincere or underhanded, so there’s no need for you to apologise xx😘

      It’s all about someone’s underlying intentions when it comes to pet names, and the consistent patterns of the person’s other behaviours, in addition to the terms of endearment they use and why. When you see (or sense) the other behaviours, the affectionate pet names either do or don’t ring true.

      You have no reason to be concerned about that though, Bubbles xx😊👍 😘

  12. Bubbles 🍾 says:

    Dearest deniseisdone,
    Getting mad, is wasted energy
    They seriously aren’t worth your precious time or emotions
    I’ve just read this article on “serial daters” …. Pretty much same same as narcs, lacking commitment, so on and so forth …. too much too soon blah blah
    Seriously, if something appears a smidge “off” … it generally is !
    If someone can’t get your name right, they never will!
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    1. Cloudy says:


      I have to agree with you on getting mad is a waste of energy.

      Ive learned to walk away for that heartache

  13. Bubbles 🍾 says:

    Dearest WiserNow,
    Absolutely !!
    I can be stoic, non reactive, plain, boring, disinterested, almost in your face n being rude and it makes not one iota !
    I’m doomed for all eternity !!!!
    We attract, whether we like it or not !
    Bugga !
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    1. WiserNow says:

      Dear Bubbles,
      I know, it’s true. Sometimes I’m sure I have my ‘resting bitch face’ on without meaning to, and it *still* happens. I could be forcing myself to have a straight face, and somehow, it still happens. It’s frustrating.

      I remember when I was a five-year-old at school, the teacher asked me to sit next to and take care of other kids when they were being extra needy or disruptive. This meant the teacher didn’t have to spend time doing it. I did it, but I thought, why should I have to be a carer for other kids the same age? I was a sitting target aged five!😣😂

      Thanks for your comment Bubbles xx 😘

      1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        Dearest WiserNow,
        Your teacher even had you pinned as an empath !
        It’s always interesting to watch interactions with little ones, you can always spot the dominant personality and the more submissive …. the givers and takers

        Doesn’t mean we were destined to surround ourselves with grow ups who possess the “intellect” of a 5 year old 🤣
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. singasongy says:

          ha ha that made me chuckle, Bubbles!

        2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

          Sorry ….grown ups

        3. WiserNow says:

          Dear Bubbles,
          I agree, small children are innocent and behave spontaneously, so it’s easier for adults to see what their innate personalities are like. If a teacher is in a classroom of kids all day long, the teacher will work out who is who very quickly.

          The teacher’s personality (whether empathic or narcissistic) will impact on the children too. I clearly remember having teachers at that young age who I either liked or didn’t like. I had no idea of course whether they were empathic or not, however, I definitely had either a strong like or dislike towards them.

          Yes, I know what you mean, just because we happen to be born as empaths doesn’t mean we signed up to be used and abused by narcissistic people all the time.

          In addition to being empathic, I am also becoming more and more aware of being highly sensitive too. It’s fairly common that empaths are also HSPs, however, it’s not always the case. So, you may be highly sensitive too Bubbles.

          I find that this awareness of high sensitivity also helps to understand yourself and how you perceive and react to people and situations better too.

  14. Bubbles 🍾 says:

    Dearest singasongy,
    I did question him about it and mentioned that I did in fact have a name
    He was “supposedly” suffering war veterans PTSD, which was never substantiated nor did we ever see evidence of such behaviour
    I didn’t know about narcissism back then, but he did fit the criteria to a tee
    When he’d text me, he’d never used my name and when I insisted …. all I ever read received was my initial now and then, it was the same as his !!!!!
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  15. Desirée says:

    Would some of our native speakers here share with me your opinion on being called “Darling”? I feel as if I am reading very condescending conntations into it but don’t know why, I truly dislike being called that. Like they’re being nice to my face but hate me in secret.

    1. Lorelei says:

      I hate any and all pet names and won’t tolerate it.

    2. Alexissmith2016 says:

      It would depend, if it’s by someone who either does not know me or does not know me intimately I would regard being called darling as insulting and probably by a certain typed person. If it is by a long term IPPS who is not a narc I would regard that as lovely.

    3. WhoCares says:

      You have to factor in for culture too – I personally don’t like Darling or perhaps some other pet names but for some people it is just habitual – for example, people from Newfoundland will use “sweetheart”, “my love” or even sometimes “lover” to address complete strangers.

      I think it depends on context and the person using it.

    4. Notme! says:

      I was ‘darling’ or ‘sweetheart’ or ‘honey’ and I don’t mind them from an intimate but would be disimpressed if it were someone I didn’t know well. I’m from a place where endearments are used all the time and so maybe I’m just used to them. Family call me floss or flower or chick or lamb or luv. Some of it’s cultural and not meant to be demeaning.

    5. NarcAngel says:

      Darling? Is it the 50’s? I don’t see how using two syllables could be considered as more efficient than using the persons’ actual name, so that can’t be the reason. It seems quite pretentious and can be a way for a person to establish where THEY think the relationship is at or should be without your consent, and of course no one wants to be seen as being petty towards a term of endearment right? Or as some narcissists do – use it for efficiency in lumping you in with others to avoid a slip.

      Unless I’ve given a nickname that I’m comfortable with or agree to a pet name well into an established relationship, I would view it as possibly a subtle manipulation. My answer to it if unsure would be: I prefer you to use my name. Who doesn’t love to hear the sound of their own name from the lips of someone they care for and who cares for them?

  16. Lamb says:

    Narc and I never had pet names for each other. He has always called me by my formal name.
    He did have/has pet names for his OW.
    He has used the “ I have to run it by the boss “ ( or something similar) when speaking to other people. I’ll have to look up that “ Best Of Seven Sluts“ ?! Afraid to know what that means!


    Why would he not have had a pet name for me after 3 decades together, yet had pet names for the women that came before me ? ( I don’t really care he hasn’t, I never had one for him either)
    He knows that I roll my eyes when I hear others using silly pet names, one in particular, “ babe” . I cringe when I hear people call one another that.
    My narc has had some of the most juvenile pet names for some of his OW (and they for him) , and I told him that it sounded as though he was in grade school when I found out what they were.

    Would his lack of pet name for me have anything to do with seeing me as a adult not into juvenile BS ??

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, the lack of a pet name meant that his narcissism determined it was unnecessary. It was not a conscious decision. If you asked him, “Why do I not have a pet name and they do” if you asked when painted white, he may say “Because they were just kids and you are a woman, so I use your name” or “I love your real name, you do not need a pet name” and if you asked when painted black you would be told “Because you do not deserve one”. Those responses of course are not the real reason but what his narcissism allows him to believe if required to explain. The real reason is that it was deemed unnecessary by his narcissism as he had other methods available of controlling you.

      1. Lamb says:

        Thank you for that explanation, HG!
        I’ve looked here and on the Internet for the “ Best Of Seven Sluts“ you mentioned, and I couldn’t find anything. Can you explain that or point me in the right direction?
        Thank you

        1. HG Tudor says:


          1. Lamb says:

            Oh my !!! Thank you, HG !

  17. WiserNow says:

    Both my mother and my sibling used pet names for me. Both used to call me sweet forms of animal names, similar to ‘ducky’ or ‘hen’ or ‘lamb’.

    When I was a child and young adult, I thought the nicknames were endearing and affectionate and I didn’t mind.

    Then when I got older, there were times I thought such names were ridiculous and childish and made me feel much younger and immature than I actually was. However, I still believed the intent behind them was affectionate even though the habit annoyed me.

    Now I resent them and I find it insulting and demeaning to be likened to animals that are easily frightened or controlled. Coming from immediate family members makes it feel even more insidious and calculated.

  18. Bibi says:

    My name ain’t baby. It’s Janet. Ms. Jackson if you’re Nasty.

    1. Violetta says:


      Gimme a beat!

  19. emx says:

    My female Narc called me with a diminutive name, inspired from my first name.
    It felt me a baby, empty & powerless.
    She started to used this after her first return.
    Months later she sent me some “ligh bombing message” where she was fake and kind… but she continued to use that stupid diminutive.

  20. AnneB says:

    How about “you”.

    1. singasongy says:

      Does he call you “you”? That seems the equivalent of It. I called my MIL YOU forever because I felt uncomfortable calling her by her name and I didn’t want to call her “mom” so avoided it by calling her, you. Hey, you, ect. Shit, girl…I guess I’d rather called Boo than you….damn these people.

      1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        Dear singasongy,
        Our weasel friend called me “there”
        “Hello there ”
        He never used my name, however he’d acknowledge Mr Bubbles by name, our greater friend and my mum both do the same
        Another huge red flag
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. singasongy says:

          I don’t know you’re story but honestly if someone was saying “there” to me I’d be out of there. Its amazing how we can see this from the outside but while we are in the middle of it its just a bit “off” but nothing that we’d pinpoint like we do while we are watching from the outside….

          1. NarcAngel says:

            Exactly. Because if someone repeatedly called me Boo I’d be out of there.

          2. singasongy says:

            YEP!!! Started as nothing and I didn’t even think of anything of it until its too late…the inside is not the outside

        2. WiserNow says:

          I agree Bubbles, it’s a huge red flag. The thing is though, that when you’re not aware, it’s noticeable but it doesn’t seem like such a big deal most of the time, at least that’s how I thought before I knew about this subject.

          It’s becoming more and more apparent to me that empaths or empathic people are easily recognised by narcs, even if we don’t say or do anything to make it evident that we are empathic.

          This kind of thing has happened to me many times with many people I have either known or just met that sometimes I swear I must have a flashing light on my forehead that says ‘I’m empathic’. Maybe there’s some kind of energy transfer that happens that’s beyond conscious awareness. Or, narcs are predatory and deliberately seek out fuel and become experts at it, while empaths are generally oblivious.

  21. CandaceMarie says:

    Sexy and babe. He was not very creative. This was another red flag that I totally ignored. Before he started an online relationship with me, he had a short online relationship with one of my friends. He called her sexy and babe as well. I knew this when we started our relationship but instead of stopping to think about what that could mean, I brushed it off and continued.

  22. deniseisdone says:

    Hello al! I’m stunned after reading this as he called me WEIRDO which he started that after I told him I love snow! I hated it and he knew it so I started calling him SCOOTER – he hated it but kept calling me sickening name.

    Will someone please explain this one – why?? Surely he didn’t call of us WEIRDO!

    HG I’m laughing while writing this but am mad as hell.

    Thank you!!

    1. Sweetest Perfection says:

      Being called weirdo by a weirdo… isn’t it like two negatives make a positive? Doesn’t it automatically neutralize any attempt to insult?

      1. deniseisdone says:

        That’ll work!! Strangest thing I know but THANK YOU!!!

    2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

      Dear Deniseisdone,
      He knew you didn’t like it …. so he did it, to get a reaction
      Narcs luv to provoke !
      If you don’t respond, it loses its meaning!
      Killjoy 🤣
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      1. deniseisdone says:

        Sounds just like something he would have done!!! Thank you!!’

    3. Chihuahuamum says:

      Hi denise…him calling you weirdo was meant to put you down and feel something was odd about you which is him projecting himself onto you. He feels like the weirdo!

      1. deniseisdone says:

        Good morning Chihuahuamum and I greatly appreciate your explanation. I also thought the name was harsh simply because I love snow. Lord I was so dumb!! Have a great day!

        1. Violetta says:

          What’s wrong with loving snow? Sure, you might hate driving through it or shoveling it, but look at all the people who love skiing or snowboarding. What about kids sledding during a snow day? What about just standing at your window watching the snow while sipping a hot (and possibly alcoholic) drink?

          1. deniseisdone says:

            Violetta my thoughts exactly! He hates snow so guess he thought me a fool for loving it and I do love it! Disturbing to think over a year of dating and that tid bit of information struck so strongly with him. Seems me telling him “I’m calling bullshit” whenever he told me some wild stories would have stung worse for him but who can understand a narc. Thank you!!!

        2. Chihuahuamum says:

          Hi denise … forgot to mention he was also gaslighting you by calling you weirdo. He made you second guess your love of snow if it was normal. Second guessing if it was ok to like snow or it was weird. Once you understand gaslighting its easy to pick it out. Its a tactic to keep you unsure of yourself. Snow is beautiful and so many love it. Hes the weirdo to even make you question your likes or dislikes thats individual to you and totally normal.

          1. deniseisdone says:

            So that’s gaslighting? I didn’t think I had been but you are correct b/c I did think “is that stupid” then didn’t mention it.
            Also I have a southern accent which he said he disliked! Now that one did hurt my feelings and honestly embarrassed me – once said “well we can hid your accent” regarding meeting ppl so I didn’t want to meet them! Wow I’m thinking he did more abuse then I realize or knew which thank you for pointing these out b/c now I understand more! HUGS! Thank you!

  23. Chihuahuamum says:

    Forgot to add the jokes now on the UK narc bc he still hoovers to this day and has received no reply. That addiction was short lived. Id never have any interest in reconnecting. You can completely move past a narc bc i did with this one and have never looked back

  24. Chihuahuamum says:

    This reminds me moreso of the last narc the liverpudlian. He used a lot of pet names for me and i always had a feeling he was poking fun at me. I do have to say him being from the UK there were times hed say things i misunderstood being i didnt know certain phrases/slang etc but the pet name thing i did get a feeling of passive aggressive at times. Like it was an inside joke for him and him alone at my expense. The narc now has done that but not so much in the form of pet names.
    I assign nicknames a lot. Im a very affectionate person and am prone to using cutesy names lol its coming from a place of affection and never degrading or a put down.

    1. Sweetest Perfection says:

      For a moment my brain read “Lilliputian.” I thought dang, he surely must have been short…

      1. Chihuahuamum says:

        Lol sweetest perfection 😄 he thought he was one of the beatles 😆

  25. Cyn says:

    I love all your work HG- even the painful work. But especially these articles because they have me laughing in my car by myself while people look at me like I’m insane (narc 2 caused it). Golden balls?!! 😂

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Cyn.

      1. AJ says:

        I’ve just stumbled on your site after searching for Meghan being a narcissist – it’s blindly obvious right?! Anyway loving your site and think I’m gonna be up a few hours going over some of your other posts. Great work and thanks for the obvious effort you have put into this website.

        Just out of curiosity I have two questions if you wouldn’t mind answering? I have a general interest in personality disordered and when I’ve ask supposed ‘experts’ at talks on the topic they never give me the answer.

        The first almost sounds like a joke. ‘What happens when one psychopath meets another psychopath in a bar?’ Jokes aside, I’m genuinely interested in what does happen. I imagine intuition enables one to spot one of a kind more easily than an empath, so what happens? Do they tend to ignore one another as what’s the point and the fun comes from ‘the weaker prey’? Or do they see one another as challenge and a worthy opponent….or do they team up to wreck havoc on the world. Probably not the latter, but would love your insight.

        Sorry to take all your time, but I work with business owners so there’s always the occasional narcissist to deal with. I consider myself a normal and I was recently gas lighted after bringing their bad behaviour to light. Never experienced anything like it and quickly shut it down. Said person ended up apologising but he’s quite clearly a narcissist. It hasn’t happened since. Can I defer from this that a narcissist will test individuals to see if they’re a candidate to gain fuel from and if that person is not susceptible then move on as it’s not worth their time?

        Thanks and about to dive into your past posts. Already think I’ll be 100% wiser from a couple of hours spent here.

  26. Em says:

    I was Dynamite. Now I realise as a DLSIPSS – I was A short span of absolutely excitement – we never met for longer than two hours for crazy sex. A quick fix to fill the gap.

  27. Sweetest Perfection says:

    Am I the only one that finds this article hilarious? I like reading it every time it shows up because of the inventiveness of the names. I doubt my narc is so creative. He called me “smokeshow” and “goddess.” I guess my rank now has been devalued to being a “shitshow” and a “devil”? Bwahaha.

    1. Violetta says:

      Listen to Smashmouth’s song “Pet Names.” They nailed it.

      1. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Psycopathic pornographic stinking drunk…

        1. deniseisdone says:

          Sweetest Perfection do you have any ideas on my nickname question? Now my mind races to sex but it’s not like we hung from ceiling fans! Please do not worry about offending me – curiosity is eating me up. Thanks!!

          1. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I don’t know exactly why he used it for you, but it’s true that any nickname can be used both as an affectionate gesture or as a weapon to offend as HG explains very well. So while you are painted white, being a weirdo could be taken as someone unique, eccentric but cute, a little crazy and funny… while when he paints you black, you are just a fucking lunatic. To be honest, he used to be my “lover” and now he is my “affable asshole” so he’s not the only one to use nicknames.

          2. deniseisdone says:

            SP good morning and thank you! I wish I would have been educated regarding narcs at the time we were dating (9 months NC) as surely I would have tagged him with a suitable name in return (don’t know how he would have accepted PRICK). Wonder how his other ladies appreciate this nickname? HUGS!!

          3. Sweetest Perfection says:

            It’s funny you said good morning. After 15 hours of flying I have no idea what to say back to you haha. I’m dead. I didn’t know any narc info when I got involved with my narc either, don’t feel bad, nobody here did either.

  28. Argb says:

    Dear HG

    I notice that some of my comments are being kept in moderation for days at a time again. Would you please tell me or send a link to where i can read the rules regarding your blog so im not setting myself up repeatedly.

    Thank you for your help.


    1. HG Tudor says:

      See the Rules section in the menu. I have been away over Christmas, this has caused a backlog of comments. Where you have longer comments and particularly where you have questions, this means comments risk being held in moderation for longer. If you want your questions answered sooner, that is why the consultations exist. Your comment will be moderated in the fullness of time, along with the others that are waiting also.

  29. Dorion says:

    The only person who’d ever used pet names for me was my father. My beloved, narcissistic father, who mostly adored and admired me and I loved him like no one else also, until literally the last day. No one else had ever tried a pet a name on me and I would have never accepted from anyone else. People haven’t even used short versions of my first name for almost 20 years now, and I prefer it this way. Those things were only for my parents, especially Dad, RIP. He stopped using the pet names after I turned ~8, but I did like them before, only from him. I must have inherited my narc traits from him as well. Not the pet names though as I never call anyone pet names, not even a cat or a fish. Unless they want to be called HG or something similar.

    1. njfilly says:

      I’m the same way in not using pet names (except my actual pets all have multiple names including their formal names). In fact I even prefer calling my boyfriends by their actual names; i.e. Mike was Michael, Richie was Richard, etc. I don’t know why I mostly prefer it this way, with a couple exceptions only.

  30. singasongy says:

    huh….okay, well, mine has a nickname for me and I hate it. He calls me Boo. I hate it so much and he knows it so he calls me it all the time because he knows it makes me cringe. I don’t react now. In fact, it is just he way it is, in front of everyone, I am boo. Shit, once, away at a competition and I was the judge he called me that in front of all the prominent people and I think it was a slip. He can’t help himself.

    Now, on the other hand, I have a nickname just as demeaning to him and he hates it. I don’t call him that unless shit is hitting the fan. while I can deal with BOO he can not deal with “little buddy” and I will use it when I have to bring out the big guns. Hence when I refer to him as “LB” on here, ha ha ah.

    See, I can be a total bitch back. I have no guilt and no problem doing it back to him.

  31. AK says:

    He always called me Koukla which is doll in Greek. Now when I think about what he ment its infuriating.
    He could play with me when he wanted and put me back in the box when he didn’t.
    Fucking asshole

    1. Sweetest Perfection says:

      I was his blonde Barbie. He also played with red haired Barbie and dark haired Barbie. Don’t feel bad, AK. Being on the shelf is better than being constantly putting up with them. And it’s even better when you jump out of the shelf and leave his sorry ass.

      1. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Wait… isn’t that how Toy Story goes? Free he dolls! Lol.

        1. Lorelei says:

          I was once called my first & middle name together by an ex but not a long term person. He was quite memorable and ripped my soul to shreds. He’d still disturb me to see him.

        2. DoForLuv says:

          LOL Sweetest Perfection valid point about Toy Story 🤣

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