You could be forgiven for thinking that all of our kind are sadists. From your perspective, much of our behaviour, if not all, makes no sense and therefore it could be argued that to behave in the manner that we do must mean that we are all sadists. That is an understandable proposition. After all, if one day a person is kind to you and then the next is nasty to you when you have given them no reason to behave like that, then surely such behaviour is sadistic is it not? The behaviour has no grounding in any logic, the nastiness is manifesting just for the hell of it, is it not? Are we then not deriving pleasure from your hurt and discomfort and therefore that must makes us sadists?
A true or pure sadist is one who derives pleasure from the sadistic act. This often manifests in a sexual arena in that the act of sadism is acted out in a sexual engagement or the sadist becomes sexually aroused from the sadistic act (which may not be sexual in nature). Accordingly, a sadist may derive sexual pleasure from flagellating a bound and gagged individual. Similarly, a sadist may become sexually aroused from murdering the pet kitten of someone else.
Those of you have familiarity with my works will understand that fromm the narcissistic perspective, what we do is not done solely for pleasure (indeed we do not experience pleasure or joy) but rather it is done for the purposes of gaining fuel. It is our need for fuel which is the driver behind all of our behaviours because the emotional response of another provides us with the validation that we desperately require to fill up the void which exists inside of us.
The acquisition of fuel occurs in many, many arenas. It might be gaining a smile from an appreciative stranger as get in a lift with them, from the tears of our partner who is crying after we have held them by the throat and described how much we hate them or from them ecstatic groans of our lover as we provide them with orgasmic relief. In each instance, fuel is what flows, fuel is the aim and fuel is what is required.
All of our kind receives fuel from the emotional response of others. We do not feel joy from inflicting pain on you because we do not feel joy. Your pained expression provides fuel. It could be tears, it could be a smile, it could be laughter. As long as there is an emotional response then we gain fuel.
When you are hurt from our manipulations this is a by product of our need to gain fuel. It is a collateral consequence. Our lack of empathy means that we do not care that you are hurt. However, it goes further than this. The reduced cognitive function of the Lesser (and to some degree the lower echelons of the Mid-Ranger) means that not only do they not care that you are being hurt, they do not know you are being hurt. They see an emotional reaction and that provides fuel (although of course they do not know the mechanics of that operation). They cannot recognise the pain. I appreciate this will be rather hard for some people to grasp – how can he not know I am hurt when I am telling him so and he sees my face twisted in pain and the tears spilling down my face? The fact is, those members of our brethren neither care nor know. Thus when you are manipulated it is done purely for the fuel, it is not done primarily to hurt you. This is cold comfort nevertheless as the outcome remains the same. You are hurt.
Where we have a sadistic streak (and this is more prevalent with the upper echelons of the Mid-Range and the Greater Narcissist) we know we are hurting you and we do not care. The knowledge of your hurt adds further fuel. Accordingly, your emotional response which we witness provides us with the fuel (in the same way as a Lesser or lower echelon Mid-Ranger would) but the knowledge you are being hurt and we are causing this, provides us with extra potent fuel.
A sadist behaves in the way that he or she does purely for the sake of pleasure. We do not do it. If we have a sadistic streak then we deploy it in our machinations for two purposes:-
- The provision of extra-potent fuel as described above; and
- For the purposes of punishment and revenge.
Our aim, through this sadism, is not solely pleasure but rather the reinforcement of our superiority. Not all of our kind wish to punish, hence, they have no sadistic streak. The Mid-Ranger who has lost his primary source will feel fury for this transgression but he is far more likely to direct his energies to applying an Initial Grand Hoover to get you back and reinstate the golden period. He has no urge to punish you. Even if that IGH fails, he will then focus on recruiting a new primary source and he will leave you alone. There may be benign follow-up hoovers when he devalues the new primary source, but there is still no desire to punish you He may be looking to ‘win you back’ or just gain positive fuel. If this fails, he may not apply a malign hoover, but instead will leave you be before returning at a later juncture with another benign hoover (if conditions are right).
If you have been discarded by a Lesser but you keep trying to find out why he has discarded you, he will apply malign hoovers. This is not done as an act of revenge, but is rather done to make you stay away so he can focus on his new primary source and so you will not spoil this golden period by telling lies (the truth) about him to the new primary source. He wants you deleted and the malign hoovers are a response to your interference.
If you find yourself in a situation where you know that your particular narcissist has a new primary source, you are doing nothing to enter the spheres of influence but your narcissist will not leave you alone and is applying malign hoovers against you, this is evidence of the sadistic streak. It manifests as a malicious obsession which causes you to enter the sixth sphere of influence (see the relevant section in What is Making Him Come Back? ) and then the Hoover Execution Criteria are met.
The relevant narcissist may not actually receive any Proximate Fuel from you as you are treated to these malign hoovers because he cannot see your reactions, so you may wonder, why would he do this? The reasons are as follows:-
- The sadistic streak means that he is willing to sacrifice the fuel he is gaining from the new primary source to carry out this sadistic, malign campaign against you. Usually, the narcissist will want to gorge on this positive fuel from the new primary source and keep his attention on this person, but where there is a sadistic streak, he is willing to use some of this fuel to power the malicious campaign against you as the discarded or escaped former primary source.
- The sadistic behaviour allows for the provision of Thought Fuel as the sadistic narcissist contemplates your terrified reactions and it is his perception of how you feel (even though he cannot see it and thus it is not Proximate Fuel) . Ordinarily, a non-sadistic narcissist would not bother to apply the energy to gain this weaker Thought Fuel but a sadistic narcissist will do so.
- Our superiority is maintained by doling out punishment and revenge. A non-sadistic narcissist would seek that reinforcement with a new primary source (because it is easier to gain that positive fuel from them and to focus on them solely). The demands of the sadistic narcissist are such that he requires this ratification and validation from both current primary source (positive fuel) and discarded former primary source (negative Thought Fuel and the power felt from the application of revenge).
Accordingly, when you are entangled with a narcissist, so that the Formal relationship is continuing and you are being devalued, and he exhibits sadistic behaviours towards you, this is for the purposes of gaining extra potent fuel. If the sadism occurs post escape or discard, this is done to punish you. If Proximate Fuel arises, so much the better but if it does not, this is not a massive concern to the sadistic narcissist because we are willing to sacrifice the fuel gained from another source in order to power our desire to achieve revenge over you.
Since you look at matters from your perspective and not ours, you may find it difficult to truly distinguish when sadistic behaviour is being used against you during the Formal Relationship. It is, however, at its most recognisable when you have escaped us or have been discarded. If you know we have a new primary source but there is a campaign of hurtful behaviour being used against you – slashing the tyres on your car, putting bricks through your windows, posting unsavoury comments about you online, handing outflyers accusing you of child abuse and such like – this is the sadism being manifested. This is not a smear because the smearing happens prior to your discard (so we have got in first) or if you have escaped, the smear will happen before we get another primary source. The key determining factor in knowing that you are facing a sadistic narcissist is that we have a new primary source and instead of relishing solely in the golden period with them, we are lashing out at you again and again.
8 thoughts on “Sadistic Streak”
I have a question HG, is a dominant sadist who enjoys dark mental edge play and emotional sadism, the same as you’re describing as above? What’s the difference between the two apart from consent? I’m guessing one is a narc and the other not? I’m confusing myself.
Not necessarily, since one cannot make a determination on that small amount of evidence.
I’ve read this before but this time it made sense. But only revieving the NDC for me on the UMS, now I get it.
Considering the narcs I’ve been with, none apart from him gave me malignant Hoovers. The stress and pressure it placed upon me pushed me headlong into a breakdown.
Now with the perspective of distance and time, I can see how heavily he was drawing on the new IPPS.
Mine has unleashed a torrent of fury since I have escaped over a year ago. He has not been able to obtain a new primary source (probably due to age, as we were together 20+ years). He made accusation against me that caused me to lose my job (and the one he had too with the same company because they saw what he was like). Since he has lost every job he has had over the last many years immediately became unemployed as soon as I left, and thus, has ample time on his hands to only think about me and dream up new ways of seeking revenge on me. Our court battle has been epic, and he has filed motion after motion against me, including restraining orders and orders of protection AFTER I had already filed my own against him. 6 hearings of testimony in on my OP, and still isn’t resolved, as he has fought everything, ramping up costs and procedurally dragging things out by filing motions to substitute the judges hearing our case. It is abundantly clear that he has no plans of stopping, and just wants to see me pay for leaving him and taking the kids. I get no support, and am actually supporting him, as I am still paying for the mortgage, property taxes, and insurance on the house that I left because only my name is on the mortgage (although both are on the deed so I can’t evict him), while he pays nothing and lets it fall down around his ears because it doesn’t concern him (for instance, he hasn’t mowed the grass in over a year, and now animals are living in it and there are now mice and bugs in the house per my kids). I have tried to go through the court system to take care of that as well, but his attorneys file motions to dismiss the real estate sale petition, and generally drag things out on that end as well. His goal is to bankrupt me, but he doesn’t see or care that such actions as making me lose my job or not paying his fair share or supporting the kids, and costing my tons in legal fees (his mommy pays his, so no skin off his back), only hurt our 2 kids as well. He is definitely sadistic, and I thought it was a smear campaign that he was on, but you are correct – I escaped and he had not expected that, so there was no getting in first. Most people now see what he is like, so there is no real smearing of me – instead it is the sadistic streak that is ongoing. The problem is what can I do about it? I already have him blocked, don’t communicate, and am pursuing legal action (albeit getting little to no results). Is there anything else I should be doing?
There is a lot to address in what you have written RFTA.
1. You should put this individual through a NDC and this will give you a much clearer view of what you are dealing with and what will happen next.
2. Whilst it may seem to be the case that he is hell bent on revenge against you, it is far more likely that his actions are a series of individual acts of control rather than an orchestrated campaign against you. The reasons why this is the case are detailed and require intricate explanation and therefore are best suited to a consultation. The outcome is likely to actually make you feel a lot better.
3. There will be steps you can take, but yo assist you with those, I need more information about what has been happening and what your NCR is like, so I can advise you further. I recommend you organise an audio consultation and the outcomes from that will be worth far more than the thousands you have spent on legal fees already. It is a small investment with a massive return.
That sounds truly terrible.
That sounds incredibly stressful. If I were you, I would be consulting HG as soon as I could.
Nowhere have I found better information, – or advice – on how to navigate the legal system when involved with narcissist, then HG’s work.