The Carrier Empath
The Carrier Empath. A particular type of empathetic individual who naturally gains the attention of our kind. As I have explained before, our kind are drawn to empathetic individuals who fall within one of the classes of empath. Those classes consist of The Empath, The Super Empath and The Co-Dependent.
The Carrier Empath is a particular division of those classes and therefore can be found amidst any of those classes. The Carrier Empath is not a stand-alone form of empath but rather is embodied by exhibiting Carrier tendencies which “bolt on” to the relevant class of empathic individual.
The Carrier Empath shoulders, more than others, the emotional burden. This person rarely talks about themselves, although they have much they could talk about, either as a consequence of their natural intelligence which lends itself to considerable discourse, their ability to connect with people and engage in what could be termed as small talk so people are put at ease or because of their extensive experiences they have much they could share with other people.
The Carrier Empath does not see it as necessary to talk about themselves. All empaths are good listeners, it is one of the empathic traits which our kind look for, but the Carrier Empath is a superlative listener. Exhibiting considerable patience, he or she will sit and listen to the woes and problems of others. They do not jump to conclusions, as many people would, instinctively forming a view of the person they are engaging with, within moments of meeting. Instead, the Carrier Empath is able to resist making an early judgement about this person and will listen to what they have to say, so they can best work out how to assist. The Carrier Empath knows full well that sometimes just being listened to is the best thing for another person.
Those with Carrier tendencies are work-like in their approach, reliable, organised and effective when facing pressure. They regard it as their role to take on responsibility for others and struggle to determine the boundary of when they should not do so. They are unable to avoid taking on other people’s issues and problems and feel a need to assist but to do so through actions and a practical application of their compassion, honesty, decency and understanding.
The Carrier Empath is not a person who overflows with emotion but is certainly not devoid of it. Their emotion does not appear in surges and spikes, histrionic reactions as a consequence of the situation which they find themselves in but rather as a steady and reliable provider of fuel through their evident compassion and supportive nature. Whilst caught in the dizzying devaluation, some empaths will find themselves despairing and having up days and down days whilst they experience the push and pull behaviours, the Carrier Empath adopts a stoic approach.
Inside he or she may be churning but they do their best to maintain a brave face as they seek to remain dependable and forging forward. This person is solid and dependable. They are not a dullard, but they do not shine and glow like other empathic individuals. They are grounded, practical, pragmatic and excellent problem solvers.
The Carrier Empath is unable to leave responsibility with others. They regard it as their task to be responsible for other people and they rarely judge the flaws of others, but rather see it as an opportunity for them to shoulder the burden. They will remain with those who suffer from addictions, seeing it as part of their obligation to remain and fight the fight on behalf of the afflicted.
The Carrier Empath readily takes on the problems of others and will do so even when this becomes a drain on his or her resources, such as time and money. They may have somewhere they need to be but if the telephone call is continuing because the caller needs help and assistance, the Carrier Empath will continue to listen.
There is a strong sense of obligation on the part of the Carrier Empath. Whilst empaths as whole feel obligation, the empath will assist because they feel good about doing so, in a way, they gain a form of their own fuel from helping others. The Co-Dependent will usually help because he or she has to do so, being of a giving nature in order to find validation for themselves in terms of their place in the order of things. The Super Empath relished the challenge that is presented and regards it as an opportunity to exhibit their powers.
Layer the Carrier Empath onto any of those classes and you add a complexion of obligation – the relevant class of empath does it because that is what should be done, that is the right thing to do and they have an obligation to care. They will recognise that the task in hand may be difficult, they will note that it will drain them but their fearsome sense of duty causes them to be the first to volunteer and the last to give up.
This division of empathic individual is certainly compassionate but approaches matters in a practical manner rather than “hearts and flowers” and whilst they will certainly use words to comfort, to support and to show empathy they prefer to rely on actions. If someone is suffering, rather than hand out tea and sympathy, the Carrier Empath will assume the mantle of the problem themselves and tackle it head on. They are especially apt at standing in the shoes of somebody in order to absorb the blast on behalf of someone who is struggling or wants their help. They are the proverbial person who would take a bullet.
Such individuals are prized by our kind, but by certain narcissists in particular. There is the provision of fuel, that has to always be there, but it does not always fountain from the Carrier Empath. Greaters tend not to choose those with Carrier Empath tendencies as a primary source because the gushing appreciation is not the style of the Carrier Empath, furthermore, the Greater tends to be more resourceful and therefore has less need of this element of the Carrier Empath. Instead, the Carrier Empath is desired by the Lesser and Mid-Range schools and especially so by the Victim Narcissist.
The Victim Narcissist derives fuel from the provision of care and compassion. His less impressive countenance is not one which results in gushing praise and over-the-top appreciation. Accordingly, the exhibition of care and compassion gives him the fuel he wants plus the residual benefits he requires and this is always preferable to the empath who gushes with praise but does little in the way of practical care. Thus those with Carrier tendencies are more suited to the Victim Narcissist.
Furthermore, the Carrier Empath comes with considerable residual benefits in terms of the provision of caring for someone with poor health, dealing with chores and problems on that person’s behalf, providing food, shelter, money and such like and therefore this raft of residual benefits appeals to Lesser Narcissists in particular and naturally the Victim Narcissist from the Lesser School.
The Carrier’s capacity for “taking the bullet” results in them also having appeal to the Mid-Range Narcissist. The passive aggressive Mid-Range Narcissist who finds that he is not able to get his way with a third party will invariably turn to the Carrier Empath to step up on his or her behalf and get the problem sorted. If weakened from a lack of fuel and potential criticism from this third party, the Mid-Range will turn to the Carrier Empath to make everything alright again and the Carrier Empath will dutifully attend to his.
During devaluation the Carrier Empath is wounded and confused by the manipulations used against him or her, but their sense of duty carries them forward and they will often fall victim to the narcissist’s capacity to blame others. Accordingly, if the narcissist blames his outburst on being overworked, the Carrier Empath will accept this explanation and will look at ways of alleviating the load on the narcissist, by taking more on him or herself or even going so far as to challenge the boss of the narcissist to secure a reduction in workload. The narcissist knows that with a Carrier Empath he can in effect point that person in the direction of a problem and the Carrier Empath will march into battle on his behalf. Again, this is why the Greater has less of a need for those with Carrier tendencies and why those of a Lesser or Mid-Range school have more reliance on the Carrier.
Devaluation causes those with Carrier tendencies to battle on in the hope of resolving the narcissist’s problems. The Carrier is less inclined to blame themselves. They do not see themselves as the cause of the problems which the narcissist alludes to during devaluation, but rather only blame themselves for not resolving those problems. The Carrier is blinded to understanding that there is no fix, but regards every problem as having a solution which will, with the right application of energy and resource, eventually present itself. The worse the narcissist becomes during devaluation, the more those with the Carrier tendency will apply themselves to trying to sort the problem out and usually identifies an external source (wrongly) as the source of the problem and is ultimately sent on a wild goose chase trying to tackle this external source whilst the problems continue unabated.
If the relevant narcissist does not have a primary source with Carrier tendencies it is likely that one will be recruited as a secondary source. This is more likely with the Greater who will prefer the primary source to be fountaining with fuel (rather than providing a host of residual benefits) and to have a secondary source who can be turned to as and when required, perhaps at moments of crisis, to be utilised for their Carrier traits. Whilst the Lesser and Mid-Range narcissist and especially the Victim Narcissist cadre of those two schools will want a Carrier Empath as a primary source, the Greater will position one as a secondary source since they make excellent Lieutenants.
It is common to find that the scape-goated child of a narcissist, if they avoid becoming a narcissist themselves, tends to exhibit strong Carrier tendencies because they realise that by getting things done, having to attend to their own needs because the narcissistic parent has abandoned their duties at an early stage and also having to parent the narcissistic parent, is the most effective method of surviving. They care but do so without “showiness” and deliver in a practical and dependable manner.
It is also worth noting that as some narcissists age they will gravitate more to securing a primary source who is a Carrier Empath. Though fuel remains important, the need for the residual benefits becomes increasingly important for those narcissists who see their looks fading, their mobility decreasing and therefore suffer a reduction in their ability to charm and attract. Of course, this is not applicable to all of our kind, since many become distinguished with age, have the magnetism that comes from financial power and their innate charisma and sharp mind remain undulled. However, for those that see the waning of their powers, the Carrier Empath becomes more attractive to them.
51 thoughts on “The Carrier Empath”
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I suspect that Rethinking Narcissism by Dr. Craig Malkin is absolute dreck. Below is an excerpt from another Amazon review. Last one, I promise!
Rev. Dr. Jude Arnold
If your narcissist can change, show them the benefits of consideration, collaboration, understanding, mutual respect and caring. Echoists must protect themselves by creating boundaries and making requests. Secure love and caring relationships protect us from unhealthy narcissism. Healthy narcissism unlocks authentic passion allowing the rewards of genuine intimacy. Of course echoists and narcissists are attracted to one another and can make a pretty good pair if they meet in the middle.
Meet in the middle! WTF!!! Why is this snake oil salesman a speaker and not HG?!?!
Once again shows how much rubbish is written about narcissism and dangerous rubbish.
HG
Absolutely, it makes me wonder if Bree Bonchay even read his book. He is a clinical psychologist who is spreading misinformation, to the detriment of the reader, and he should NOT be a speaker on WNAAD.
From what you have explained, I agree with you.
“If your narcissist can change”
Okay, can stop right there.
Why should any of them change when they are perfect?
Hg,
Do victim narcissists have a tendency to be drug addicts or alcoholics?? I seem to have experience d narcissists of the victim or lesser categories
They do, all narcissists have a greater susceptibility to addiction issues but there is a variance within narcissists dependent on school and cadre.
I am really in a bad state as I am quarantined at home with corona virus symptoms albeit lesser ones, but I did
text my x who I thought could maybe give me some much needed support right now through a phone call.
He dint answer for 5 days but finally did and said everything is great and miracles are happening all over through his life. I thought, What could the teen? So I looked on his FB page and there was an announcement of a new relationship in his life. I have been in a state of shock since then as once of the reasons we could nt stay together
was that he said he could not be in a relationship at this time anymore as he had no time and no money.
I live 4 hours from him so I figure he found someone where he lives. Why am I so supersede by this? And hurt.
Why after several years of reading this site and Melanie Tonia Evans site and doing the NARC Program
am I still not able to see it, change myself to not be still so hurt and affected by his behavior???
Hello Michele, the reason you are not able to see it and why you remain affected is because you have not implemented the correct information.
1. Put the individual through the Narc Detector. You need the cold, hard logical analysis of what this person is.
2. Impose No Contact. Consult with me to understand what this actually means. Most people get it wrong because
a. They do not actually understand what it is because most of the material out there gets it wrong and mislead people.
b. The impact of Emotional Thinking.
3. Conquer your Emotional Thinking. I will, through consultation, enable you to do this.
My work, works. Forget everything else, utilise my assistance and apply it properly and you will achieve freedom. I guarantee that.
Michele,
I am really sorry that you felt the need to reach out to your narcissist for support and ended up feeling more hurt as a result of the interaction.
HG pretty much said it all in his response to you; his work really does have all you need to know to stop the emotional spiralling.
You should use this time to heal from the flu symptoms and read up on more here.
The narcissist will never be there to support you when you truly need it.
Take care & feel better soon.
Michele:
If you’re too tired from the flu to read or you just like HG’s voice (don’t we all?), listen to him on YouTube. “5 Reasons It Cannot Work With the Narcissist” is an eye-opener. Also, search for “HG Tudor” and “discard,” and a bunch of relevant videos will pop up. You can use this information to prepare for your consult.
Btw, you can’t “just be friends” with this guy, if HG identifies him as a Narc. “The Seven Truths About Narcissistic Friendships” will clarify this.
So sorry you’re dealing with this on top of flu and quarantine.
This article definitely describes me. I am a true Carrier empath.
I carry everybody around me because they are too weak to handle everything, and I am strong enough to handle anything. Also, I would most definitely take a bullet for somebody. Assuming they were worth it.
He once said my love was like triage. He said it as flattery but I went silent.
Triage…what a dead nuts metaphor for “Carrier”.
He knew, without knowing he knew.
Fascinating, but repellant.
As a carrier empath l’m more attracted to the LN as their inability to feign empathy appeals to my truth seeker side, however I am less likely to want a close friendship or a romantic relationship with this type as they appear to be sloppy and unapproachable – it’s clear they will hurt you.
As for the VN, I do not possess the patience nor do I put my needs on-hold for such a long period just to pander to the needs of another.
No wonder I usually run into Mids!
. . . when you should really be running for the hills!
Hey Lisk, thanks for your concern.
Covid19 has given me some space to identify some of those I speak about above. It hit me hard and although I hadn’t put them under a microscope beforehand, I hadn’t seen a reason until now (I see them intermittently and don’t regard them as friends).
Ha ha, maybe I misunderstood what you meant. I think you were talking about the mids that I *run into*, that I should be avoiding altogether? Sometimes we need to assess them so it isn’t possible straight up. Plus, I beleive HGs instructions around always being mindful as this is something we are wired for, and will always encounter being empaths.
HG the God, I don’t think I’m the Carrier type because the Victim Narc doesn’t target me. You said I was Carrier because I give money to my mum and brother. It’s normal to give family money. I would never give or lend money to a friend or boyfriend.
HG
I got my WNAAD invite; are you participating in this year’s telesummit?
No, K.
HG
I knew something was up when I noticed your silhouette was missing. WNAAD will be lame without you.
Indeed, thank you K.
I agree K.
It’s truly disappointing that HG won’t be part of WNAAD this year.
WhoCares
I know! What’s the point of WNAAD without HG. They should just cancel it.
HG
Did you decline an invitation this year to WNAAD or were you not invited to participate?
I was not asked.
HG
Not asked?!?! What is wrong with them!
Ramani Durvasula’s book: Should I Stay or Should I Go was so bad that I stopped reading it circa three fourths through. To read HG’s comment below, in its entirety, it is located on the link.
HG Tudor says:
June 24, 2018 at 19:21
Dr Ramani writes nonsense.
https://narcsite.com/2018/06/14/whos-the-daddy-5/
Well, that just stupendously sucks.
I did not know that. I am glad I said, in my email, that it is a huge disservice to the understanding of Narcissistic Abuse to not include HG Tudor’s work.
Indeed.
Their huge loss.
Quite so, NA.
HG. Did you step on toes last year?
No.
K,
“They should just cancel it.”
Haha – I kind of agree.
Actually, I have no idea why HG isn’t doing WNAAD ( since he hasn’t said) but, regardless of the reason, I emailed them back to express my displeasure at his work not being included.
WhoCares
I just emailed WNAAD re: this gross oversight.
I imagine a bunch of jealous people have stuck their oars in because they can’t quite handle that HG’s information is the best.
I can’t think of any other reason?
“I was not asked.”
WNAAD has jumped the shark.
Given the testimonial below (on the WNAAD homepage), I am very surprised that HG has not been asked to attend this year. My guess is he would be a big draw.
Then again, if HG is there, he pretty much cancels out the need for any other “expert,” as he *is* the “summit.”
“I cannot thank you enough for this wonderful summit. Such amazing participants. Sharing their own experiences gave so much impact to the advice and wisdom they imparted. If only I had this knowledge when going through my divorce four years ago – how different things could have been.
H.G. Tudor’s interview was spine-chilling but he made sense of the horrors I went through, if ever I had confirmation the ex was a narcissist HG validated this. Finally, I could let go of the self-blame I have been carrying for way too many years. Finally, I understood the many conundrums that warped my mind.”
Thank you, Lisk
Pleasure, HG. Can’t beat logic!
Agreed
I also just emailed WNAAD asking them why. Mr. HG Tudor was the only reason I listened last year.
I usually listen to all the presenters. However, the only reason I get *excited* for this event is because of HG’s contribution.
The only reason why I listen to anyone else at this thing is because I am curious what the officially ‘approved’ and ‘sanctioned’ current “experts” have to say about Narcissistic Abuse. And it saves me having to head to their websites. Otherwise, normally I have no reason/energy/interest to venture elsewhere for information on narcissism.
The other reason I like it, because of herd mentality, it is also a good opportunity to get some people exposure to HG’s work that might not normally seek him out …”Oh, you’re listening in on *that* telesummit? There’s this guy who you should really have listen to…”
Thank you WC.
You’re most welcome.
It’s true.
WhoCares
All the air has been let out of my WNAAD balloon.
Jackson Mackenzie, author of Psychopath Free, tells us his story from the victim’s perspective, naturally, but the listener needs to hear about the other side of the coin, as well, to make sense of the dynamic.
Lately, I haven’t listened to Lisa Romano but I strongly suspect that both her parents are narcissists, yet, based on the YouTube videos that I have watched, she either can’t or won’t recognize it, which I found confusing. It’s as if she were dancing around the N-word.
Craig Malkin, PhD, author of Rethinking Narcissism, may actually be dangerous for victims of NPD (To be fair I haven’t read his book) and I was shocked to see him on the list of speakers.
Amazon review for Rethinking Narcissism: (to read in its entirety check out Amazon USA)
dahlstr1
This is not a book about NPD!! This is a book about the personality trait of narcissism, about self-esteem, and about the uniqueness of humans, but has very little to do with pathological narcissistic personality disorder,
K,
“All the air has been let out of my WNAAD balloon”
Agreed.
The only one I know out of there is Lisa Romano, and barely.
WhoCares
LR is good for those who really like the “touchy feely method” of healing. I found her “likable” and genuine.
I try not to judge a book by its cover, but I got mixed feelings re: Greg Zaffuto.
Yes, I also listened to other speakers but I was brought to the event by Mr. HG Tudor.
WNAAD was the only way I could have ever discovered your work. I was into narcissism and psychopathy a long time and NEVER came across your blog (in Belgium you don’t show up top of any list with search words). Then WNAAD in 2018 I thought: who the f*** is this man???
Haha, blown over I was, I registered for your blog and an addiction was born!
zwartbolleke: Glad you found your way to KTN!