The Narcissist and Covid-19
There is a pandemic. The virus is Covid-19.
Hg Tudor, using his unrivalled knowledge of narcissists and the narcissist dynamic analysis how the current pandemic is affecting narcissists and what they do.
In this detailed book, he covers four key areas
– What the virus means to the narcissist
– What the virus means to your no contact regime
– What the virus means to your position in the fuel matrix
– How would a lockdown scenario affect each and every sub school of narcissist
This book is filled with insightful, unique and practical information for you during this time of crisis. Whether merely curious or in need of essential knowledge to beat the narcissist during the pandemic, THIS is the publication everybody needs to read.
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30 thoughts on “The Narcissist and Covid-19”
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I will likely read this article/book in due time. I know from experience that COVID-19 has made my life hell with him. Luckily I ended it just before the place where I live went into lockdown. He went away and then couldn’t come back when he wanted. He was insisting on staying in contact with me as he was concerned about HIS stuff. During this time I had to block him contacting me and change my number, plus block all his accounts on FB. Prior to the necessity of changing my number I was hit with a barrage of calls and texts from him for 3 days nonstop about how urgent of a situation he was in (and that HE couldn’t work so had to get government assistance – no surprise there!) and that he needed to make arrangements to get his stuff. First time in 4 years he addressed by my name. He showed up unannounced with police about a month after that to get some of his stuff out. What a gong show – the cops didn’t buy any of the lies he was spewing in front of them, as he was pretending to be a nice guy. To make matters worse he only took what he wanted and left me with a literal mess to clean out of garbage and other crap he left behind (clearly didn’t want the new one seeing the garbage and how filthy he REALLY is). I know that if I hadn’t blocked his number and was civil, letting him come back to get his things as I was done with the relationship, that I would be faced with the worst treatment ever. Akin to a tornado.
This really provided a very good insight, giving a detailed description on the types of narcissism and the sub-types. This indicates how many of them would have found the lockdown difficult.
I thought the lockdown was bad enough for me (I may showing a BIT of empathy, possibly, but still not giving in to the ET).
The ET section is very useful too.
I did get a ‘pity play’ message a while back & I now suspect that either a) it was difficulties at home causing high reaction or b) not getting the attention from the PSS’s (whether the primary, intimate, secondary etc – I don’t class myself as one!). It wasn’t Covid-19 but something else. Someone was surprised when I told them so it showed me that MAYBE it was not the truth. Maybe it was. Either way, it wasn’t fair on me. I’ve not heard anything since.
There are other incidences where the same impact would affect the narcissists where they are imposed to be in form of containment and have no freedom to move (other than the lockdown). In one particular ‘containment’, the narcissist would really struggle to get ‘fuel’ because they would not have access to the resources obtain it.
Brilliant piece of writing HG.
Thank you.
My exnarc UMR is using the opportunity as a platform. Emotional distancing – perfect. On fb and dating sites now as never before although never been without an IPPS for this long before.
Pity plays that he may not be around for long – coz of his chest. And telling the viewers Hes a romantic. Persuading them to go socially distant walking with him. Trust him he’s in medicine. Yeah right. Facade. Posting videos of himself playing piano Ffs. Luring them in. And so many words he can use that mean nothing.
Ive blocked but brought it all back. Feel sorry for them out there. Those that don’t know.
Em,
I wanted to laugh, reading your description, until your last paragraph. Amusing for us; not so funny for others.
Hi WC
I suppose it is amusing – I have trained myself to write it all down on here. Proud that I can identify the behaviours now. Still angry with myself I fell for it for so long, still hurts at times and there is still that tiny little piece of me that misses it. I still feel the shame oozing out when he pressed home some of the things he discovered were my weaknesses. I have to remember this is projection and control.
Writing it here reminds me how evil, how stupid, how transparent he is and how far I have come.
Em,
This is the part that I found amusing: “Persuading them to go socially distant walking with him. Trust him he’s in medicine. Yeah right. Facade. Posting videos of himself playing piano Ffs.”
Because it IS so transparent it is funny to me. Then I sobered at the though that the suggestion to go “socially distant walking” may *actually* work with some people…and how that “social distance” could magically reduce and disappear (with the right, trusting individual).
You should be proud that you can identify the behaviours and for how far you’ve come!
Im glad it was funny. Helps me realise I’m getting there and how ridiculous he looks from the outside. It is only a step from the messaging and facade to phone calls. He loves a sexy voice. He loves to have a captive Audience. He loves to control with phone sex. He plays his piano tunes down the phone – avoids talking that way. He can appear romantic yet be emotionally distant with using a great excuse. I wouldn’t trust him now not to share the virus. He will love thé challenge to persuade and now it’s even greater.
Yup it’s transparent. Thank you. I’m glad. It helps to be here.
Em,
“He can appear romantic yet be emotionally distant with using a great excuse. ”
Yeah, I can see that.
I find myself laughing at narcissists a lot these days (not to make light of the damage they do) – but it’s partly because I am, mostly, free of mine!
WC
It’s helping to laugh about it. I had always taken it so seriously but it’s the best thing to be able to laugh at it all. He thinks he’s important and special. The Ns – They can’t laugh. They are stuck with it. Great way to view it. Thank you. 😊
Em,
I have had some of my best laughs over Ns here – and in the company of Empaths.
So – thank-YOU. 💙
Exactly the same WC. I was really laughing. when you’re on the ‘other side’ post knowledge it is impossible not to find them (in italics) comical but it is so not funny for those being lured.
There is one N. Not sure what he is UMR is what I thought until lockdown, only because he expressed to me that he was finding lockdown tough and felt like a caged tiger which I wouldn’t have expected from an UMR?
Anyway, II was expecting some considerable hoovers from him. I had one or two early on but nothing since. I had wounded him just before lockdown, then I approached him, mainly because I’m interested in how lockdown impacts on the Ns. I don’t use FB or most other SM and in the past I have ignored any requests for linkedin etc I have no idea what he’s up to. But I am interested.
I suspect like Em’s N, he is making use of dating sites etc. Given what I know about him, he much prefers calls and direct interaction as opposed to texts which must make it more difficult for him too. Given that he is married that must make it more tricky and my heart goes out to his wife completely.
Definitley looking forward to HG’s updates on COVID and the N.
alexissmith2016,
“I approached him, mainly because I’m interested in how lockdown impacts on the Ns.”
You know what they say about curiosity…
But I *get* it! I know some people are stressing significantly (over C19 and related problems) – and I am not saying there aren’t stressors – but it is such a good opportunity to observe narc behaviour!
I won’t be reaching out to any of my narcissists for observations but the ones around me and people I know: their behaviours are very informative and confirming.
I am interested in HG’s update as well!
Oh believe me I do keep myself as narcproof as possible as in I only engage with those I chose to (except where I have to at work and then I limit it) no Ns are now in my immediate friendship group and those who were have been ditched long ago along with any mutual friends. I protect myself and I only engage with Ns to learn from on a one to one basis so that there is no other interaction beyond that, they do not have any involvement in my life nor me theirs and so it would be difficult for them to cause me any problems really. I like to learn, what I can get away with and what I can’t. I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone at all but in doing this I’ve learned an awful lot and it has helped me having practical to support the theory (just how I learn best) because I’m the occasions where I have had no choice but to engage with Ns I have dealt with them better than I could ever have imagined possible.
It’s annoying because this particular N is one I would have liked to observe the most but I have little means to do so and I wouldn’t go on a stalking effort or anything because that’s too much effort and I’m not that bothered. So I will have to wait for HGs next book instead.
On a separate note, never before have I been so grateful to have a garden! Funny how these things can make us appreciate that which we always took for granted.
alexissmith2016,
I am best with hands on learning as well.
I engage in little experiments in situations where I suspect that that someone is a narcissist (and I have sussed out fellow empaths) to see if I am right. For example, pre-Covid19, at one of my son’s extracurriculars, I volunteer with a few parents. Then a grandmother who, normally just drops off her granddaughter and leaves starting hanging around and conversing with us. I noted some flags (short patience, entitled behaviours, know-it-all, derailing conversations etc.) and I purposely withhold my attention from her during group conversations (not in obvious ways) and it is funny how she tries to reign control back in by pointedly asking me direct questions (so I feel obligated to answer). And it is amusing how she gets exasperated when she fails to draw everyone’s attention to herself during the conversation and it is always striking when someone talks about something sensitive that naturally draws an empathic response from listeners – except this woman has to say how she’s suffered similar or hijack the topic some other way. There are 3 empathic moms she talks with: I know what she is, one doesn’t like the narc grandma (I can tell by her expressions) but maybe just finds her annoying but doesn’t know why and the third is a sweet lady who the grandma knows how to manipulate
in order to gain her full attention by bringing her own health issues to the table (through this lady’s knowledge of her profession and expression of concern).
It actually quite entertaining.
I have learned through other experiments that I am quite good at triggering silent treatments.
Although, I agree with you that it is inadvisable to actively seek out these interactions. They are just situations where I am already there and I have a hunch someone is a narcissist – I like the confirmation so I know how to proceed.
She sounds awful WhoCares! I don’t like her either!
Yes, I don’t go out of my way looking for Ns. They are just all too prevalent and we are all a magnet to their kind.
Also meant to say; glad you’re enjoying your garden!
Thanks WC. I just feel so fortunate for many many things. I’m always pretty contented and enjoy the things I have etc but the lockdown has made me appreciate things more than ever.
Alexis2016
I know what you mean about appreciating things. I’m going to put my hairdresser in my will after all this.
hahahahaah that’s hilarious. NA – I’ll be your hairdresser
Isn’t it great to be on the other side! These actions we used to find hurtful or upsetting we can now understand for what they are and laugh about it. They really are nothing when you know. And now that I know, I really can’t help but want to observe and study them a bit too. I have also cut off any that have been problematic for me, but not before some experimentations with how they react to various things, for science! I couldn’t help myself. 😛
alexissmith2016 I am so grateful for my garden too right now! It keeps me happy in these times. I have expanded mine and am adding in more veggies this year for less grocery runs.
Hello AS2016, I like your cheeky nature, your dialogues with HG and I just noted you also experiment with Ns. I only do it to reaffirm what I have learned here, to learn more, even if it does come with a bias. 😆
Sounds like you have your friendship group pretty well thought through and eliminated most Ns. Have you done many consults? I am up sh$^ creek as I come from a large family and have a large interconnected one also. My friends aren’t the issue, it’s family! Sticky, tricky as no-one ever has cut anyone off, before.
May I ask, are you married? (I can’t recall if it was you or Mercy that said they were married to a normal).
Hey NN, hahah aww that’s so lovely of you to say. Thank you. Nothing wrong with a bit of bias haha
Yes I do keep myself very safe and that includes ditching family where necessary too. I cannot even tell you how much healthier that is! But we all have to do what is right for us. I can’t help myself re the cheekiness. Just the way I am, well when I can get away with it hahaha.
Sticky, tricky love it lol! but just because no-one in your family hasn’t done it before, doesn’t mean you can’t be the first? Do think about it carefully though. For me it worked out incredibly well but it may not for everyone.
Yes, I am married but to a fellow E and he’s lovely. I’m incredibly lucky! And he has stood by me the entire distance even though it must have been tough for him.
Are you married? were you an IPPS or IPSS?
AS2016, thanks for the heads up; need to carefully consider how to go about it regarding family.
Lucky you, married to an empath!. Ha ha, I don’t know what my partner is. I go between N, co-dep and normal but usually normal wins.
I think, from HGs articles, I have concluded that I was the candidate DLS, that didn’t quite go to plan. I see patterns in ex girlfriend’s, and investment partners, so the dynamic is certainly there, all stemming from my N father.
What about you?
I know you don’t believe Grey Rock Communication works, HG. And I mostly agree with that. However, Covid19 has pretty much put me in grey rock mode, and it has seemed to make me very unappealing to narcissist. Our Governor in my state, has made our Lock Down orders very lax. But I have been pretty strictly been quarantined, except to travel to exchange the children. Since there is not much excitement, and nothing to argue about, I do feel the narcissist are focusing elsewhere. I’m kind of enjoying it.
HG, is this an update? I have already purchased this earlier and found it tremendously helpful.
Thank you Caity, no it is the existing material.
Will you be writing an update though?
There is something coming….