Inanimate Compliance



I have a fascination for inanimate objects. Show me a beautiful watch with its intricate mechanism on display and I shall sit transfixed for a long time admiring the craftsmanship in this creation. I like to touch one of my favourite suits relishing the sensation of the cloth. I will hold it up pleased with the way it hangs and then of course admire how I wear it in the mirror. A sculpture, a painting, a car or a piece of jewellery. They all invite my admiration. They are items of beauty and superiority and as such firmly belong in my world. Moreover, they do exactly what I want. I love my dishwasher. It always works. I press the buttons and it obeys my commands, quietly churning away as it removes the residue from the expensive crockery. The glassware comes out shining, without streaks or marks. Each and every time. Objects are reliable. They perform as I require them to perform. I love nothing more than an appliance. It complies, it obeys and it delivers. I love possessions.

I love to possess you and make you an inanimate object. That is how I see you. You are an appliance which I expect to do as I demand.You are but an extension of me, placed here to carry out my demands and whims. I like to attach brand names to my ex-girlfriends. Becky was Zanussi – she was good at science, thus she was the appliance of science. Sarah was Nike since I had to tell her to Just Do It.(she called me Burger King – have it your way, I quite liked her).Another was Energizer as she kept going and going and going (but that’s another tale). I like to think I am Tag Heuer (Success. It’s a Mind Game).I objectify everybody and assess how they can be a good appliance to me. Once that is done I have to acquire the appliance. I have possession of you and you must act as I dictate. All my other possessions do, so why should you be any different?

40 thoughts on “Inanimate Compliance

  1. skylahfalls says:

    Oh… this consultation is going to be FaBuLoUs! Can’t wait to explore and learn and work out all my malfunctioning buttons and kinks. Hoping you’ve got the owners manual/Empath analysis that will repair that clunking sound in my brain that forces me to sass and fight back.

  2. Whitney says:

    My God, HG. The UMR Elite had a new car with heated seats, and a vintage car. They were either Jaguar or Mustang, I forgot.
    He’s despicable. Shallow, empty. I have fondness for the other Narcs though. They were sweet. The UMR Elite had dangerous jaw and eyes like a wolf.

  3. christianmelchizedek says:

    you see the truth can be entertaining.

  4. christianmelchizedek says:

    I’m sorry to disappoint you again, but I don’t ride a pushbike…for the record I ride on the back of 4 Scorpions! I find them to be sure footed with amazing clawing capabilities.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That amused me.

      1. Christian Melchizedek says:

        Are those your legs in your profile pic?

        1. HG Tudor says:


          1. christianmelchizedek says:

            I thank you for that information. I hope it’s just a tan, working out whether you are sexy or not. Some Beasts are and those can be fun to take for a ride once in a while but they also require a decent growl in order to catch my ear.

          2. Violetta says:

            Oh dear, HG, it’s hitting on you

          3. HG Tudor says:

            What can I say, I’m irresistible yet uninterested.

          4. christianmelchizedek says:

            At the moment that makes two of us, don’t worry. I don’t ride on or in anything Black, I find the contrast with my Blue White Skin to be too much to suffer; It just doesn’t happen.

          5. christianmelchizedek says:

            If you call that “Hitting on someone”…WOW! No wonder you are easy to catch.

    2. WhoCares says:

      Oh dear – you given yourself an avatar – does that mean that you and your pet scorpions are committed to sticking around?

    3. NarcAngel says:

      Someone likely drives a red and yellow plastic Big Wheel. And I don’t mean HG.

  5. christianmelchizedek says:

    Dysfunctional appliances are the most aggravating eh? It reminds me of a Jaguar I owned, it was beautiful to look at, poorly crafted like most things British and temperamental. Costly as well…it was the shortest vehicle ownership of all my cars; 11 months and I sold it to a lovely Black couple. She squealed about owning it to me a few days later, apparently she had gotten it wet. I simply congratulated her on owning a Jaguar, it will be an experience you won’t forget.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Bad move dissing the Jaguar. Your overlord owns two. They are sexy beasts, just like me.

      1. christianmelchizedek says:

        Oh contraire, the move was excellently played, you reacted to it.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Easy to state after the event. Oh, and it is is au contraire.

          1. christianmelchizedek says:

            No, I knew you would react and I knew you owned one. but as usual, Jaguar owners need to have 2 because they may be sexy beasts but as a beast goes they are unreliable and one is always in the shop. Yet the the ego of the owners will never allow them to tell the truth of why they have 2, you are more predictable than you realize even for an Ultra Narcissist

          2. HG Tudor says:

            I have two. One for winter and one for summer. Now you have the answer, back to your pushbike.

          3. Narc noob says:

            Are they different colours for the changing season, HG?

          4. HG Tudor says:

            No, they are both black, like my heart.

        2. Renarde says:

          Hmm. I always thought the handbrake on a Jag looks like a penis with a semi-on.

          Is this a mere coincidence? Who knows? Who cares?

          Is your hand Messrs Christian on your handbrake?

          Can you find it? Would you like me to mail you a pair of bins? I’d say a SEM but at these disparate times, one wouldnt want to appear to be cruel.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            I don’t think you have been in a jag for a long time if you think that is what the handbrake looks like!

          2. Renarde says:


            Ha ha! I’ve never been in a jag!

            I do love them though. Veeerry tasty.

            But tbh, I really adore Astons. Especially the DB9. I do like the 5 for nostalgia reasons. Equally the Testerossa is amazing. Totally sexy. But like all Italian vehicles, like Ducati (Yes, I ride) they have a stressy engine.

            Lots of love for Defenders. Owned one. Hated Discoveries. They are a bloody pig. Totalled one. Ended up in a ditch. Unharmed. Twisted the sub frame like a pretzel.

            Yup for me, DB9. Just need a wealthy donor.

            What’s your ideal car, HG?

          3. NarcAngel says:

            A PENIS shaped HANDbrake in a JAG.

            * snort laugh *

          4. Renarde says:

            Good to see you NA! Hope you are keeping well.

            I assert, I once saw a TopGear and THAT handbrake was shaped like a flaccid cock.

        3. Sweetest Perfection says:

          Would you have mentioned you had sold the Jaguars to a lovely white couple? I hate narcs but even more than that I hate racist narcs.

          1. Sweetest Perfection says:

            ***Correction: the Jaguar, singular. It was HG who owned two, you just had one. I mean, none, now.

      2. Narc noob says:

        Ok, so not different colours. Perhaps different models? Or, maybe, from your perspective there is an advantage in having 2 of the exact same car.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          They are different models, hence one for summer and one for winter.

          1. Narc noob says:

            Jolly good.

            So e and n CAN have the same perspective 😉

      3. MB says:

        I thought the Tesla was the summer ride, HG.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is when I am in the country where my Tesla is, but I am not there.

          1. MB says:

            It’s complicated being you!

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Not really MB, I control, therefore I am!

        2. Narc noob says:

          What about the Porsche. I thought that was for the country driving HG.

      4. njfilly says:

        If you were to breed those two sexy beasts the result would be a Harley Davidson Easy Rider. FYI. I hope you keep them separated.

        1. E&L says:

          Hi njfilly,

          I have been wanting to ask you “What exit?” Me? Four. And, 9 for college.

          1. njfilly says:

            Ha ha! I used to be exit 9 (tpk), now I live in NW NJ so we go by Route 80. I’m exit 4C.

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