The Ten Initial Desires of the Narcissist



I am red of tooth and claw. I seduce, I hurt, I cast to one side and like some malevolent Pied Piper, I play my tunes once again and draw you into my fabricated world. I operate a zero sum policy. I want what you have. If I gain it, I win. I love to win. I must always win. The winner is the conqueror, the strongest and the survivor. This is what I have been taught. That is the reality of my existence. Yet when you have been selected as our targets and the seduction has commenced, we have certain desires that we want to be true. There are initial desires that exist so that we do not have to go down the road so often travelled. We may have ensnared you but might we remain protector rather than persecutor?

We have these wants at the outset of our coupling with you. These are genuine, well-intentioned and considerable in nature. We are imbued with hope, optimism and confidence, every time a new prospect has been embraced by us. We want these things so that the teeth are never bared and the claws remain lowered.

  1. You are the one

I chose you because you are so special. I truly believe that you are the one, this time, to change everything that has happened before. You are the one who will save us, you have been selected beyond everybody else because you are the one. That is why we have such an infatuation with you at the outset of our relationship.

  1. You will not betray us.

The world is a cruel and harsh place and we know better than most how that is the case. We are surrounded by those who would strike us down and grind us into the nothingness which we fear. Those assassins lurk and wait, seeking their moment and we must ensure we remain vigilant so we do not fall prey to them. Traitors and betrayers mill about us, but we are wise to them. We know their game and we have them in our eye. We do not want you to be one of them.

  1. You won’t be like the others

We thought they would be the ones that we desired but they disappointed and dismayed and they left us no choice other than to punish them for their lack of loyalty and their false promises. We had to do so, otherwise a failure to act would only compound the perception of our weakness and we must at all times project to the world our image of success and magnificence. We hope you will not be like them so we need not maintain such a façade and we hope you will prove your worth so that you will not be like the others and let us down.

  1. You will stop the emptiness

Each and every day we must seek to fill the void that lurks within. It is part of what we are and we accept that this is the task which must be addressed because so much rests on being able to perform this important act. It is the reason for our existence but perhaps you can stop that sense of emptiness for us. Perhaps you can take away that void and provide us with the substance that we crave.

  1. You quell the fury

It is always there, churning away, waiting to be unleashed and directed at some transgressor, critic or traitor. I have learned to control it, many of my kind cannot do so and will never do so, it is a mark of my excellence and my superiority. I make it work for me, to advance my plans and to smite my foes. I have no choice for it is always there, waiting to be ignited in an instant. I can control it but I cannot quell it. Can you be the one to do this for me?

  1. You won’t get too close

Perhaps if you avoid getting too close to us you will not then let us down like the others before you have. We hope that you can provide us with all the things that we desire without the need to invade our inner sanctum which must remain locked and shuttered. Do not attempt to enter there for the consequences are too dreadful, for us both. Do not get too close and perhaps we have a chance to achieve the other desires that we wish for.

  1. You really do love us

They all seem to do so at the beginning but then we find ourselves surrounded by charlatans, con-merchants and frauds. Why does this always happen? All we want is for you to love us, unconditionally and eternally. That is what we only ever wanted.

  1. You will not wound us

No matter how grand and imperial we are, no matter how magnificent our achievements and our deportment that signals to the world that we are truly brilliant, a leader in our field, a behemoth and a colossus, we can be wounded with such despicable ease by those who send criticism our way. It hurts, it burns and it wounds and we must defend ourselves against such unwarranted and disgusting behaviour. Perhaps you will be the one who will not wound us in this way.

  1. You will not leave

Don’t leave us. The others have always done so. We do not understand why that is after everything that we have done, all the things we endeavoured to do to please them and then this is what happens. The others leave us twice. They come with such promise and deliver for a time but then they do so no longer and through such an omission they leave us. We want that person to return but struggle to contain the fury which is unleashed from this horrible criticism of us and then you sever all possibility of a return when you walk away from us. Do you know who you are when you do that?

  1. You won’t make us leave you.

Please do not do the things which force us away from you. The others all headed down that path. It causes us to consider that we are cursed, forever burdened by the fate that we will have no choice other than to leave you in order to secure our survival. Perhaps you can be the one who prevents that feeling from happening?

Each and every time these ten desires loom large when we commence our engagement with you. Some show such promise and for such a time and then one by one these desires are crushed, shattered and obliterated. We know only one way to respond to the destruction of our desires because we are red of tooth and claw.

5 thoughts on “The Ten Initial Desires of the Narcissist

  1. Monica says:

    Can an N ever realize that they chose the wrong IPPS and perhaps the IPSS would have been a better IPPS? (asking bc I was the IPSS and escaped because I wasn’t chosen as IPPS, and I was better supply.) Is this logic or emotional thinking, I can’t tell.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The narcissist will not admit they made a mistake so that is genuine admission of error and being at fault. A narcissist may state they made a mistake as part of manipulating :-

      1. (To the IPSS) “I should have chose you, she (the IPPS) turned out to be a terrible person.”
      2. (To the IPPS) “I should never have let you turn my head, Joanne (the IPSS) would not have treated me like this is she had been my girlfriend.”

      Both appear to be admissions of error, but they are not, they are triangulation. The narcissist would never sit and think to himself “Hmmm, maybe I got that one wrong.”

      1. Tired says:


        I don’t understand that. How is the narc telling the IPSS that he made a mistake marrying the IPPS not a admission of error ? He really went overboard with things he told her regarding that . Begging her forgiveness, etc –
        Are you saying that the narc doesn’t really feel he made a mistake marrying the IPPS and is lying to the IPSS ?

        Just when I think I’ve grasped something I feel like I need someone to explain it to me with crayons.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Because it is not genuine, it is a form of manipulation. You are making the classic error of imposing your worldview on that of the narcissist, they are completely different. Your ET will be too high to enable you to grasp and understand this (nothing to do with intelligence) and you should achieve no contact before seeking to understand such matters. High ET will prevent understanding.

        2. alexissmith2016 says:

          Tired, the fact that you’re here and wanting to learn is a massive, massive step in the right direction and I know you’ve been here a little while now. It takes ages for it all to sink in. I have found some things are gradual learning and with others I may have read something many times prior and then all of a sudden it hits you like a wave and its shockingly relieving.

          Basically they will just tell you whatever you want to hear during seduction or perhaps not necessarily what you want to hear but instead something which will get them what they want.

          As empaths we say things to others because we feel it is the right thing for them or just generally the right thing to say.

          Ns say things which serve them and them alone. If saying to you that he made a mistake and should have made you the IPPS because that will keep you attached to him for longer, that’s what he’ll say. If he feels you’re more likely to stay attached to him by saying the opposite e.g. I knew I was right to have picked XXX over you for my IPPS (of course they wouldn’t use such terms) because that would make you do everything you could to prove you’re worthy of being the IPPS (even though he has no plans to make any such changes to his fuel matrix) to keep you as an IPSS because that’s what he wants you to be, then that is what he will say.

          He will say anything, twist anything, do anything to get whatever it is that he wants. And that can change from day to day/ minute to minute in terms of what he wants or which tac he uses.

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