Why the Narcissist Downgrades




“HG, I am decent-looking, have a good job, I am intelligent, caring, fun and interesting, I dress well, I am a dab hand at cooking and nobody has ever complained about my bedroom skills and he has left me for THAT! Why?!”

It is a refrain I have often heard.

Why, when the narcissist could have you, did he go and choose somebody who is clearly inferior to you in so many different ways?

What is so good about her or him?

Where have you gone wrong?

Why on earth has he chosen her over you?

Why has the narcissist downgraded?

This gives you the answer and it will not only help you understand, it will make you feel a whole lot better too.

Find out here

29 thoughts on “Why the Narcissist Downgrades

  1. blackcoffee30 says:

    IDK who the fuck she is, but she is obsessed with France *eye roll* because he kept going on about all things French and going to Paris toward the end despite being a Brit who said he “hated” the French during all the years of our relationship. Gross.

    I wonder what the IPSS prior to me have to hear him drone on about. LOL

    1. Fiddleress says:

      blackcoffee30, you wrote: “he kept going on about all things French and going to Paris toward the end despite being a Brit who said he “hated” the French”.
      Hey, what sort of a Brit was he? Did he have French blood running through his veins?? We are not amused, for we thought it was only the French who had the right and priviledge to turn their coats at the last minute – like at the end of WWII when many suddenly decided they’d been resisting the Nazi occupation all those years, when in actual fact they’d been happily collaborating all along! (My way of celebrating the 8th of May.)
      (By the way, before anyone becomes horrified at my ‘prejudice’: I am French, and I love to make fun of my people!)

      1. HG Tudor says:

        I was always entertained by middle class Brits who would complain about the French whilst drinking French wine, eating French cheese and then slipping over the channel to their second home in Brittany.
        I like France. Honfleur, Deauville and La Rochelle always spring to mind when I think of France, for reasons which will be written about in the future.

        1. Fiddleress says:

          Exciting news! The places you mention, HG, are linked to cinema and film festivals in my mind.
          And yes, many English people have bought homes in Brittany. Some of them have even decided to stay and live with us! (Brexit permitting, but let us not go down that slippery slope.)

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Indeed they are, a clue there.

          2. Fiddleress says:

            The plot thickens …
            I am intrigued.
            Can’t wait to read or hear about this (though I know I will have to!).

      2. Violetta says:


        Le Chagrin et la Pitié.

        1. Fiddleress says:

          Exactly, Violetta.
          On May 8th, I always have a thought for those women who were publicly shamed and had their heads shaved (for sleeping with the enemy) by men who had not all been resistants.
          One famous French actress, Arletty, was accused of sleeping with a German officer (or more than one). She replied: “My heart is French, but my arse is international”.
          In my case, I’d say both my heart and the rest are international !

      3. blackcoffee30 says:

        A mediocre MMR Brit who claimed to descended from “aristocracy,” which I always found silly because he found himself living a boring suburbia lifestyle. LOL

    2. Ashley says:


      Hahaha oh jeez nothing worse than corny people who are obsessed with Paris. I went there in 2008. I was about to turn 18 and was not impressed in any way shape or form!!!! I wanted to go back to England lol . I find a lot of people are BASIC and mention Paris all the time. I’ve never been to anywhere else in France & I am sure I would love other parts of it. I’m just talking about corny people who do not have any culture & latch on to particular ideas because they think it’s worldly. It’s so annoying haha pArIs. I had a narc bf use Paris for future faking with me & inside I laughed like you really think that’s going to impress me lol no!!!!

      1. blackcoffee30 says:

        YES! Exactly this. It’ll be a romantic trip with his wife and two toddlers in tow. Hahaha The only reason I would go to Paris would be to visit the Louboutin flagship. It seemed very strange that he was pushing it on me like it was a dream come true that I should have been swooning over. Hindsight is 20/20 it was all about his new IPSS.

        Take me to Bora Bora!

        1. Ashley says:

          Hahaha sooo weird!!! I forgot to say I’m from the US haha I said back to England but I meant that first on the trip I went there then Paris & I wanted to go back lol!

  2. grace says:

    oh es una pena no poder comprarlo ni leerlo, porque asi me siento….. soy todo eso…

    1. Fiddleress says:

      Hola Grace,
      Por supuesto entiendes el Inglés. En ese caso, puedes comprarlo con el “Angel Assistance” si no tienes demasiado dinero por el momento.
      Pero si puedo ayudarte de cualquier manera con el lenguaje, ¡díme! A lo mejor puedo hacer algo.

  3. J says:

    I know the answer!
    It’s bc you are getting ditched for a borderline. What greater source of fuel then a borderline? Borderlines worship and idolize in the beginning. They are needy and fragile. The narc gets to be a “knight in shining armor.” After the new wears off, no worries. It will constant drama. Perfect for a narcissist.
    Empathetic/normal ppl will eventually tell someone to f**k off. Oh but the needy borderline will cling with their deep fears of abandonment. They will take all sorts of treatment as long as they don’t get left.
    From what I’ve seen in life, most narcs marry borderlines, and they end up miserable and trapped. Kinda of funny how things end up in the long run.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Wrong on several fronts.

    2. NarcAngel says:

      It’s naive or wishful thinking to think that a narc is ever “trapped”.

      1. Witch says:

        I’ve noticed it’s a common self comfort to believe that the narc is suffering with the new person.
        The likely scenario is that it’s the new person who is suffering and the narc is just doing what the narc does.
        If a narc wants to stay with someone it’s not because they don’t have a choice, it’s because their needs are being met from their perspective.

        1. lisk says:

          1. NA: “It’s naive or wishful thinking to think that a narc is ever ‘trapped.”’

          2. WITCH: “If a narc wants to stay with someone it’s not because they don’t have a choice, it’s because their needs are being met from their perspective.”

          2 more to print out and post on the fridge!

      2. Lorelei says:

        I think N’s do experience being “trapped” though to an extent NA. We have always set the narrative. Their entire facade and/or lack of self relies upon who wrote the initial script. We + normals set the “rules” in society and they have had to evolve to shape shift into it. So, we have some power over the t’s and I’s that get crossed and dotted. We set a foundation for societal norms from our perspectives. They have to mirror to fit in. That feels more trapped to me than not. Basically, they are eating the bread crumbs of my being who I am, you being you.. We have a collective power and the ultimate control in a very philosophical sense. Who can disappear for a few months and have absolutely no human contact? I could with ease because I’m not trapped to others for fuel. A narc would have to really scramble to make it work. We aren’t trapped by a creature.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Neither are we, The Creature does not trap.

          1. Lorelei says:

            But HG. I dare say I can be totally alone for weeks with no irritation. Zero. And your facade is based on our majority rules. Now, that said—I have a clear pull to assholes! But the dynamic is not without some strengths on either side. There wouldn’t be a time you may want to be alone for weeks, but it would present a different means of managing it that feels foreign to me. I’m extremely content being isolated and don’t need people in a way a narcissist does. There is some freedom in this.

          2. santaann1964 says:

            Lots of freedom!

    3. Witch says:

      I think that was an unfair description.
      I have a couple of friends who are borderline and they don’t all just put up with anything. Some people with BPD want to and can get better and with the right help can curb their self destructive tendencies.

      1. Lorelei says:

        Some people diagnosed with BPD are empaths Witch. It’s either a N or empath that wears this diagnosis. The E’s improve.

  4. Claire says:

    Such a brilliant material👍🏻! It is not only gives a healthy dosage of self- esteem boost but most importantly, it provides a depth insight into the dynamic of ending a relationship with the Narc.
    I felt an instant relief and gained more knowledge after utilising this wonderful material.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Claire

    2. lisk says:

      How is this not an automatic/instant testimonial?!

      1. HG Tudor says:

        It will be.

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