Child Defender
You now have access to material to defend your child or children against the narcissist.
Using years of experience and insight combined with applied and effective advice given to those in consultation, HG Tudor has created the Child Defender Assistance Package. This unrivalled material is filled with information, insight, advice, analysis and practical steps to aid you in defending your child when you have been ensnared by the narcissist.
Whether you remain in the ensnarement, whether you have escaped or been disengaged from, whether there is an ongoing court battle, child arrangements or you want to know what to do if the narcissist returns, this is the most comprehensive assistance you can obtain.
Worth many times its cost, it will save you thousands in fees, hours of wasted time and energy and most importantly of all, it will give you the key to defend your child.
Delivered in SIX audio files this extensive assistance package covers
1. Introduction and Aims
2. What is the role of the child in the narcissistic dynamic?
3. How to protect your child from the narcissist (direct consequences and collateral consequences)
4. Do I tell my child that their parent is a narcissist?
5. How do I get the narcissist to leave my child and me alone.
6. Will my child become a narcissist too and what can I do to stop that?
The most effective tool available to defend your child from the narcissist, from the one who knows narcissists and their victims inside out.
86 thoughts on “Child Defender”
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Thank you HG
Child defender is brilliant. I am so grateful. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you
Thank you Feather, I am pleased that you have found it so useful.
HG,
Is there a way to buy this package in increments?
ANM, email me and we can discuss.
This sounds excellent.
I don’t know if this is concluded, but I think there’s needs to be specific advice for men dealing with narc women, because majority of the time the woman is going to have the children in her care, and I think men who are dealing with narc women would feel hopeless in that situation. Some even believe the narc mother would not abuse the children.
My dad said to me recently that because my mum was very protective he did not feel he had to worry leaving me with her..
She appeared protective to others, she was possessive and if we were abused by a man she was with, she would have still stayed with him until he pissed her off, and then pretend she left him for us, so…
This is why I’ve locked off my reproduction. The world isn’t safe. I may foster but that’s it.
The concept of The Outside Parent is addressed , for either gender.
Is this replacing the Co-Parenting Package? How is it different?
No, it´s not MB.
The CoParenting Package explains to you how you implement No Contact when you have children with a narcissist and also how to achieve near Total No Contact in circumstances where there must be some form of court mandated involvement with the narcissist. It is about protecting yourself.
The Child Defender explains how to protect your children (rather than you) from the behaviour of the narcissist in the variety of ways detailed in the description along with answering many of the queries that people have when it comes to the narcissist and the interaction/impact on children.
Thank you for that most detailed clarification, HG!
Pleasure.
I have had some reading time MB and just read the distinction. I know for me that working all night to keep them away from him is a sacrifice. My goal is that they have fewer than 20 waking hours a week with him. The work I do enables it, but it isn’t always easy. I miss my grown up job but this can also be viewed as an opportunity. In a few years I hope to be doing telemed and teaching from home mostly. It’s interesting how avoiding their influence on kids is such a job in and of itself.
You are a great man HG.
Thank you, Whitney.
How I wish I’d had access to such material when my daughter was younger! She is 19 and has obviously suffered from having a narcissist father (99% sure, and I will eventually do a ND on him), and my narcissist mother (100% guaranteed) until I went total NC with her for myself, and my daughter when she was 11.
This reminds me of something: six years ago, I took a complementary degree in the department of medicine of my Uni, more precisely in psychiatry. I am not a therapist of any kind nor in the medical field, but what I learnt doing that degree can help in my job. It was more specifically about troubled teens/young adults. We had only one lecture on narcissism, by a judge for family matters who was aware of this issue.
Other lectures were by a child psychiatrist who said most people think the worst that can happen to kids is to live in a country at war. He explained that surveys had been carried out, and the finding was that even in a war situation, if the kids have loving parents, they’ll get by; and that the worst of situations was for kids who were not loved, obviously, and those who grew up in an environment of domestic violence and abuse, whether physical or verbal. They were the kids likely to suffer most from PTSD and other disorders.
So definitely a precious package!
Valuable observations, Fiddleress.
HG, I thought this was the co-parenting package until I saw MB’s comments. I feel really fortunate that my ex is so lazy, however, this could shift of course at various intervals. But, his default is quite lacking of energy. Some of these individuals are not, and this is very difficult to watch. One thing I want to emphasize is something I have said before. When people view some of the material as not pertinent to their situation, I want to say please don’t view it as such. I learned as much from the sex tape than from some of the items that accord more with my situation. There is a “twist” on the schools and behaviors that is applicable to any life scenario. Of course this would not be a high priority for people that don’t have children with narcissists, or children are grown up, etc. It may be a treat on occasion. I am inundated with material currently, but look forward to getting this later.
Thank you Lorelei. No, it is entirely different. The CoParent has 4 audio files, Child Defender has six. The descriptions are different also but I appreciate the feedback.
Interestingly, there is a woman that will be speaking at the Narc summit that is a concern to me. She’s a huge legal advocate (with no degree) for high conflict divorce strategy, and I fear she has really caused more harm than good. I adore Bree Bonshay, but I question this addition. Learning how to fight a narcissist in court and having a group of women called the Lemonaide club (spelling?) is highly handicapping if dealing with a narc. Keeps ET high, the fight strategy may have some worthy info re, court perceptions but overall a potentially harmful addition from what I’ve read of her online. She’s also snarky about her ex and I am here—but not in my real life. I’m very professional in my discussion of him off the blog. The anonymous nature of the blog affords some catty banter. In real life—your kids will someday read what you say.
Lorelei,
The Lemonaide Club. I know who you are speaking about. I actually asked HG a while back ago to check out her page to see if she is a narcissist. I cant decide if she is a super empath or a midranger. Her and I have had to exchange emails a few times due to a shared acquaintance we have in common in the court systems in AZ. Her energy is extremely delightful and uplifting, but you never know. I think her advice doesnt cause so much causes ET. But I would say that because she was in a protracted case herself, and successfully terminated her ex’s rights, that I would guess 30% of her followers are midranger narc mothers. On the flip side, I met a mom from her group who dealt with the worst of the worst from a narcissist, and she did a fabulous job assisting me when I filed an appeal a while ago, and did it free of charge. Which would have been thousands of dollars if I paid an attorney to help me.
How funny we had the same concern ANM! It’s hard to say what the truth is. I think we need more information.
Like NA, I’m proud of you!!
No amount of abuse, control, fear, waiting for the right moment to leave matters. You have to protect the children! Have to!
This is the best assistance I have seen you offer so far HG. Do you know how many children’s life’s you will save just from this one piece … unlimited.
Epic assistance at an affordable life saving cost.
Brilliant HG just brilliant!
Thank you PV.
This would have helped me in my youth when dealing with my dad. My mom didn’t know what to do and he used me to get back at her. He was truly awful.
Bibi,
That’s what I am going through with my daughter. At what age did you realize he was using you ?
Anm: When she divorced him he abducted me when I was about 3ish-4 and we lived on a boat. He took me out of the country and my mom was left without word with regards to my whereabouts. I came to learn how much trauma that caused me, as well as a fear of abandonment.
He would do all sorts of mental abusing things, like as a child he would humiliate me in public (like hold me upside down and show everyone my underwear when we were in McDonald”s.. I would run out crying and he would say, ‘I am just making others happy.’)
A lot of guilt if I didn’t want to be with him, emotional manipulation when my mom remarried and we moved away (thank god but at the time I didn’t realize this was for the best, as I still thought I wanted to be with him).
Made me feel embarrassed about becoming ‘womanly’–if I wore makeup or curled my hair he would just tell me how horrible I looked.
When I would tell him I didn’t like when he used me as the brunt of his jokes, he said, (the ‘making others happy’ comment) and ‘You’re just a kid. Your opinion doesn’t matter.’
So I grew up with MAJOR self confidence issues. I thought I was hideous, dumb, a loser. No wonder I latch onto narcs who feed my ego and make me feel good and esp. the Mid Ranger who, while it was just correspondence, listened to my opinions and seemed to value them.
Learning that he used me came over time. It has also contributed to my strong opinions now–that is, expressing them. He was a lower lesser–punched holes in walls, and mooched off others.
He used me to get back at my mom for leaving him, in other words. He never once ever told me I was pretty. Not once. But he would bring me around his pool and poker buddies to ‘show me off.’ If I even showed a hint of vanity he would knock me down. ‘Cute and pretty don’t make it in this world, kid!’
We went to a bar once and I sat there (this was the 80s and they were more lax about 13 yr olds sitting at the bar) and he ordered me an expensive steak (I don’t eat steak and I think this is the only time I have ever had steak in my life–and I will admit, it was good). But he ordered me this expensive steak at the bar, wherein the bartender he knew then said, ‘You have such a beautiful daughter.’
Dad responded, ‘Well of course.’ The compliment was more about him than it was about me, as I saw him gleaming. I was 13 and he only bought that fancy steak so he could show off what a ‘great dad’ he was.
Bibi—you’ve knocked the boss out of the park today with your wisdom, as I’ll second NA’s pick up on your insight regarding the books! Indeed! Your story about the rocks is beautiful. It may have come from loneliness but it’s an illustration of a child’s creative capacity to cope & dream. I missed a lot in school due to daydreaming as well.
Bibi
That was all kinds of shitty to read. I’m glad you learned to express yourself (and so directly) despite those experiences. How long did you remain with him after being taken from your mother? (only if you care yo answer of course).
NA—you also have a lot to be proud of. Think of how far you have come from that step parent!
Thank you Lorelei
Hey NA:
I was with him on and off until I was 13. My mom had custody but then when I was 12 she remarried and they moved out of state, bringing me with her and my stepdad. This caused me major depression b/c dad was guilt tripping me.
I used to say to my mom, ‘But he needs me!’ And then she would say, ‘He is a grown man.’
My mom is an empath and she didn’t want to stand in the way of me having a relationship w him. She never fought back or pressed charges about the abduction, when he should have gone to jail.
I lived w him when I was 13 b/c I felt guilty and I missed my mom the entire time. Then, I moved up north permanently for high school where I had a great contrast–it was private and all girls so many were wealthy or at east upper middle class.
My childhood is divided into two halves–the poor kid and then thrust into upper middle class, which by then I never spoke to him b/c he always made me feel guilty. I eventually cut complete contact in 1994.
Did I do the right thing? Interestingly my instincts sort of knew. Had it not been for my mom, he would have tried to ruin my life. If I met a guy, he would have humiliated me, probably played the loyalty game, ‘Family matters most!’
On one hand he wanted me to ‘succeed’ so he could show me off but then on the other he didn’t want me to be happy or have any real success.
I still battle w it–I still crave external validation. I wish I had more ‘outward’ recognition for my talents but this site has helped to stabilize that. The only time I no longer become a work in progress is when I am dead.
This is sort of why I have trouble relating to ‘privileged types’ who really haven’t experienced what real trauma is like.
Bibi, thank you for sharing your experiences with me. It’s amazing how identical stories can be.
Bibi,
I really appreciated reading a bit more about you. Thanks for sharing.
Hugs to you.
Bibi—I’m sorry to read this experience. I just wanted to say this.
Yeah me too.
A lot of what you’ve said Bibi reminds me of my Dad.
Thank you all for your comments. My childhood was more lonely than anything. I just felt sad and alone. I am adopted and I have no siblings. I was very withdrawn and shy and didn’t say much. I only ever had one or two friends.
It is strange but it seemed ‘normal’ to me. So I retreated into my imagination. I joke about seeing every bad movie made in the 80s and that is because I watched movies and tv and read a lot. I read through my entire encyclopedia set and would wonder what it was like to live on a planet with no humans and only dinosaurs.
I’d go out ‘fossil hunting’ (I never found shit) or I’d pretend to be a ‘geologist’ collecting neighbor’s rocks (you know the kind you can buy for your lawn at Home Depot). I kept several shoe boxes full of my ‘discoveries’ because I was a ‘geologist’. And then I kept jars with lake water and would look at it through my kid microscope and think I was seeing something that was only air bubbles.
I just found ways to fill my time with stories and imagining myself elsewhere. He definitely didn’t make things easy for anyone and there was a time my mom got very sick and was near death (she recovered thankfully) but had it not been for her my life would have been fucked.
Most of the people he hung around with were lacking ambition–they just went to pool halls, drank beer and worked at K-Mart or Dunkin’ Donuts.
I just felt something inside me that there had to be more to life than just the sensory experience before me. Why else would there be books if there wasn’t more? So I just tried to combat my sadness with ‘being good’ and trying to fill my mind with knowledge, which became both a distraction and a remedy.
I hated school though–it was very boring and the kids were mean. I never really felt I enjoyed it until I got older in high school, when ideas felt a bit more challenging. I didn’t have good formal education in my early years b/c the schools were not good and I would daydream too much.
It is true that if you don’t work out your childhood junk, it will manifest later in years. I found myself seeking validation from narcissists b/c they were individuals who gave me a lot of attention and made me feel good. And then, we know what happens.
Bibi
“Why else would there be books if there wasn’t more?”
Exactly. Great insight for a kid. You rock.
NA—I didn’t notice this until you did, thank you. It’s a quite compelling statement I would have breezed over in my haste to catch up.
I relate to so much of your childhood! I was an Only child , no extended family at all. Imagination games and reading. Same w narcs-,the attraction was being made to feel special and have attention. Oh and feeling like he “got” me. Which obv he did not
Thank you, NA. Sometimes I think the chapter in my science encyclopedia on dinosaurs saved me.
Oh and once too–I went out with a fork and you know the expression, ‘Digging to China?’ I don’t know where it is from, but I got word that since the world is a circle, that if you digged? dug? digged? deep enough that you could land on the other side. WOW!
I attempted this…with a fork. I managed to uproot a bunch of weeds and by then my mom was calling me in for dinner but it was a start.
The best part of childhood is the imagination. I could not wait to grow up so I could eat ice cream for dinner every night.
It was also my dream to live in walking distance of a gas station. Not the ocean, not the mountains, but a gas station, so that way I could walk to get candy and magazines. I guess it never occurred to me that I’d have a car?
HG, covid(isolation) has helped uncover another N in my circle. I saw that her partner was a LN but did not realise she was a MR until now. I guess their children don’t have much chance!?
Why would a LMR marry an UL?
See When Narcissists Collide.
Thanks for directing me, I recall that one. What I remember the article (about Ns colliding) saying is that if a midranger married a lesser, they were in some kind of desperation at the time. Is there anymore information I am missing?
Oh bravo HG 👏🏻 So many little ones will be saved
I wish I would have worked out the trauma bonding with my daughters father before she was born. The abuse ramped up when I became pregnant, and everyone was telling me that his behavior was typical of men. Abuse is never typical, nor should anyone have to deal with it.
A few days ago, I was at the Superior Court where I litigate child custody, because I needed the clerk to issue a few subpoenas. Due to covid19, the court was partially open, but only for nessecity. There was hardly anyone there. Usually there is this intense negative energy, often people crying in the hall ways, so I was relieved to nor have to see any of that. So I decided to go to the second floor where they keep records of all of the exhibits, records, etc. It was closed, but there was a few computers available in one of the offices. I decided to look for financial information about an inheritance the narcissist recieved. I dont want to touch that money, but it is something I would need if the narcissist ever came after me for money. I did find what I was looking for. But while I was there, I also saw court records for a recent case Arizona v. (The narcissist). Where the narcissist was asking to restore his civil rights, particularly to own guns. Come to find out, he has felonies with the feds for money laundering and selling drugs. This has slipped through background checks because he was arrested in another state, and also most background check dont look into federal background checks. What was particularly concerning, was at this state level hearing, my ex was asking to restore his rights to own guns. I was the main subject. The state prosecutor argued that because of his history with me,and my current order of protection against him, that I would be put in danger. The prosecutor never told me about this hearing. I know why. He was afraid the narcissist would charm me, and I would testify in favor of the narcissist. Narcissist are so sleazy. They only want their children for facade. “I’m a good person because the courts granted me joint or sole custody of my child.” But they do it in a way that’s deceptive.
Holy guacamole …
Their lives are so compartmentalized, it’s like peeling an onion. The more you find out about these people, the more cheap, disgusting, and just downright damaging these people are. If you have a kid with a narcissist, get them out of there.
I’m glad the prosecutor was/is attuned to narcissism.
Lisk, right? Today, I had to make a conscious decision to take a month or so off from working on my custody case. We are about to reopen the custody case for my daughter. Even though I am hiring an attorney, my case is so complex, she is relying on me for information about everything. I am pretty good about working on court papers, and it not stressing me out. This triggered me though. Come to find out, presenting recommend prison time for him. Suddenly at the last minute, he only got probation, and the case would be terminated after his probation term served. He has had about 4 cases where he was charged of serious crimes, and his attorneys have always managed to negotiate sentencing to probation, and then terminating the case. His mommy left him money in her will for him to keep up with this, and it only empowers him. My ET hasn’t been triggered like this in a while. I have enough “evidence” to show my judge. But I now desperately need to make sure I am emotionally ok to litigate this for my daughter coming up.
Emotion down. Logic up!
If time is not of the essence here, then I can definitely see how taking a break from it might help you with your case.
It does seem like you are quite immersed in quite a battle. I don’t see how you have energy for it.
Oh, wait. Yes, I do.
You have a daughter to protect.
What a valuable addition. I wish I had this when my children were younger.
I don’t have children with an N thank goodness! That must be the worst!
Anyone who does, I cannot recommend this highly enough, there are snippets of coparenting with an N in a few of HG’s articles/books and I have found them extremely helpful in dealing with Ns by applying to other group settings too. But if you have children with an N – definitely purchase this!
Thank you AS2016
Hi Alexis. There is an upside to having children with a narcissist. I have really neat kids and don’t have some man’s shit cluttering up my personal space or screwing up my towels. I can’t stand people long enough to want them around to that extent. The co-parenting package was good. Funny looking back over the last year. My ex morphed into a lower lesser (which means he is less inclined to engage with the kids)!!. It’s utterly pathetic that he has no personality of his own, so is borrowing fragments of criminals and undesirables to construct a false self. If we were narcissists we would choose interesting people to mirror.
Little black kitten says thank you.
The old black cat is verklempt, but extremely appreciative and proud of you.
Bravo HG.
Thank you NA
I thought of you, NA and WC as soon as this was posted. The non-narcissistic parent has a choice to be the hero for their children. I’m so proud of you WC for being the hero for your son and I’m thankful for HG providing the cape inside this Assistance Package for many more parents to do the same.
MB,
I wanted to hug HG when the co-parenting package came out.
When I saw this, I did a double-take and then a little happy dance in my kitchen.
Thank-you MB ❤️ for those sweet words.
I am so thrilled at the timing of this for some of the commenters who have children with a narcissist and those who are wrestling with leaving. And, also in light of some of the family struggles and abusive situations that we know are currently exacerbated by Covid-19.
HG is the best.
Hg approves.
Since when does HG approve of hugs?! Ha ha
WC merely stated she wanted to hug me and that is far enough thank you very much!
Just making sure you weren’t going all gooey on us! We can’t have that!
All is well in that regard, thank you, MB.
Too funny, MB.
He’s our rock. Mine anyway!
Hahaha!
I agree WC. HG is an international treasure.
YES!!!
Bravo HG!! The most important package you have ever done!!
Thank you FM1T it is a game changer
You have definitely just put the odds in favor of the victims HG!
Awesome HG! This will assist so many people. Very special ❤️
It will and it is a heavyweight AP.
I’m willing to bet you have Angels waiting for this one!
Two have already asked within a few minutes of it going up
I knew it.
Guess it is time to make a donation to AA.
Hg approves
Removing or reducing the effect of the lack of control environment at a tender age is the ONLY chance for the possible prevention of the coping mechanism that is narcissism from developing. This is where it counts the most. My wish is for the purchasers and recipients of this Assistance Package to have the strength to heed HG’s sage advice. He can give the tools, but he can’t do the work.
Well stated.
Hear, hear! MB.
HG, Just wondering if you have heard from Pati? She pops into my memory bank a lot.
Thanks
Yes on Instagram
What is the cost of the entire package!.. i would need it all!.
Please and thanks in advance.
Us $ 150