Nothing´s Impossible
There are times when even my charm is in limited supply and is refusing to stretch. This often happens when I have subjected a victim to a fierce period of devaluation so that they have been pushed to their limits and they are at breaking point. Something stirs inside of them which causes them to decide that they need to escape me.
They may not fully understand why but they know that they need to depart. It may be the case that an external influence is interfering in my carefully laid plans of denigration and this meddling threatens to puncture or even sever my supply of delicious negative fuel.
It is at these moments when I am staring at the potential loss of a succulent supply of fuel that I make a particular play in order to prevent the cessation of supply. In such circumstances I will ensure that there is only you and I and that the potential for external interference is at a minimum. I need to ensure that I have your undivided attention and there will not be somebody else seeking to throw a spanner into the works. I want them excluded and banished so that I can concentrate entirely on you and make my last throw of the dice.
“I know that this time I will have to change,” I will begin as I fix you with my most earnest of looks. You stop what you are doing and look at me and already I can see the indecision in your eyes as I start with this sentence. It is always a good opening gambit. You and your like love to think that we can change, that there is some goodness deep within us that can be harnessed and used to get us back on track. You are great believers in redemption.
“I need a miracle to help me this time, “ I continue as I underline the gravity of the task that I am faced with. By according such gravitas to your stated intention to depart, I demonstrate just how seriously I am taking your threat. Inside I am exploding with rage at your audacity in daring to even to suggest that you will leave me. Me, of all people, me who has done so much for you. It is everything I can do to contain the fury but I know I must do so for an explosion now will be what finally pushes you away.
“How did we come to be this far apart?” I ask fixing you with a pleading look. By underlining that we were once so close, nay inseparable, I am appealing to your desire to bring us back to that closeness once again. This also allows you a chance to talk and talk is something you like to do. I let you trot out all the perceived injustices that you have supposedly suffered at my hands. I hear little of it because I know that you are mistaken and this is all based on your incorrect perceptions of me. This time I just have to let it wash over me in order to allow my influence to exert itself over you. I cannot stand to be criticised and inside I am dying but I am taking this blow for the greater good, the greater good of ensuring this precious fuel supply remains intact.
“Just tell me what you need me to do and I will do it,” I trot out next, conning you into thinking that you have some vestige of power and authority over me, when of course you have none. Again in order to serve my own purposes I am content to allow you to think that you can bring some influence to bear over me. Again this will give you a chance to detail all of the changes and remedial behaviours you expect me to engage in. I will nod and make the appropriate noises as you ramble on about the changes you want me to effect. I pluck the lines which I have heard others use on so many occasions to enable me to continue my con. You are suckered by it on every occasion. I know it works and this is why I do it.
“I know we can get through this, nothing’s impossible,” I add as I take your hands and stare into your eyes. Invariably this line secures you giving me yet another chance and your relief eclipses my own as I know that I have you once again. Your joy at not parting provides me with even further fuel and I can allow you a brief golden period by way of reward.
After all, you may as well enjoy it because it is not going to last for long is it?
Share this:
- Print (Opens in new window) Print
- Share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Reddit
- Email a link to a friend (Opens in new window) Email
- Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
- Share on X (Opens in new window) X
- Share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Pinterest
- Share on Tumblr (Opens in new window) Tumblr
Further Reading
- Categories
- Preventative Hoovers
11 thoughts on “Nothing´s Impossible”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)Cancel reply
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
This is a mediocre song, but the “I can change” speech is a mediocre pitch:
I said “Go if you want to go
Stay if you want to stay”
I didn’t care if you hung around me
I didn’t care if you went away
And I know you were never right
I’ll admit I was never wrong
I could never make up my mind
I made it up as I went along
And though I treated you like a child
I’m gonna miss you for the rest of my life
All I need is a miracle, all I need is you
All I need is a miracle, all I need is you
All I need is a miracle, all I need is you
I never had any time
And I never had any call
But I went out of my way just to hurt you
The one I shouldn’t hurt at all
I thought I was being cool
Yeah, I thought I was being strong
But it’s always the same old story
You never know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone
If I ever catch up with you
I’m gonna love you for the rest of your life
Nah, he’s gonna go right back to hurting you, the one he shouldn’t hurt at all.
(Song by Mike and the Mechanics, if you want to know whom to avoid)
I can’t believe how many times I fell for this BS. Well, at least it will never happen again.
P.S., Happy Cinco de Mayo!
Wow! I have been going through this with my narc. I keep falling for it because I actually thought he was opening up and changing. Lol WTF!! Had know idea this was a strategy
This sounds like the MMR. My outside influence was a therapist, although by the time I met her I had already consulted any attorney. I had started saving and knew where I was escaping to. At the end he switched back to devaluation mostly, it started to cycle very quickly. He was priming our daughter to take my place at the same time.
Unbelievable! I am so sorry to hear. The more I learn and the longer I am away from the narcissist I understand that there really is no limit. Just when you think a person could never be so cruel or careless. Then they surprise you again. Good job for seeking therapy. I tried that. But I was not ready to give up the narc boyfriend yet:( so it really did not help me.
Mr. Tudor, what does the Mid Range think when he is saying these things? Can you give an example of what would be going through their mind? Mine used to tell me that he was emotionally stunted and couldn’t help that he acted like 12 year old boy. Then he would say that he would try and do better.
The MRN believes what he is telling you, but it is not the real reason for what is being said.
“Mine used to tell me that he was emotionally stunted (Blame Shifting) and couldn’t help that he acted like 12 year old boy (Blame Shifting) . Then he would say that he would try and do better (But I Can Change/ Future Faking).
I would fall for that line over and over again. Thank you Mr. Tudor. I’m beyond grateful for the clarity you have given me.
You are welcome.
My MMR narc used to tell me I needed to help him. I believed it for a while. Then I realized that was HIS responsibility. When I told him 95% of our relationship was bad, he said he hoped we could get it to 94%. I actually thought these things were normal for a while. I didn’t before him, and I don’t now. It’s crazy confusing because they believe themselves as nothing can be their fault.
Gina, That was always my problem too. I believed he wanted to fix himself. I knew something was wrong and I wanted to believe he could be fixed. It wasn’t until I found this blog, that I learned that he can never be fixed.