Seconds Out, Round One



I know a number of you ask about my interactions with the good doctors, Dr E and Dr O so I thought I would take you back. Way back. My first involvement with these people of medicine was not with Dr E or Dr O but a fellow who I shall refer to as Dr M. I thought I would take you back to my first meeting with Dr M. It was a cold winter’s day when I entered the elegant building where Dr M had his consulting rooms. They are in the same building as where I would later learn that Dr E and Dr O practise. I was shown into a drawing room which had an open fire but it was not lit. The room was warm nevertheless. Dr M was already sat in front of his expansive desk. He rose to greet me but I walked straight past him and sat in a chair. He tried not to look taken aback but I knew that he was. He sat down and adjusted his position as he placed his fingertips together creating a triangle and rested his hands on his chest. He was clearly trying to conjure up an image of intelligence. I was not impressed.

“Good morning Mr Tudor, I am Dr M. I will be working with you. Thank you for addressing the administrative details with my secretary, I appreciate it is a bit of a bind but the paperwork needs to be in place. I thought that today we could just have a general discussion rather than launch into specifics. A fireside chat if you will. I usually take notes but I am not going to do so today. So let me ask how are you?”

I said nothing. I looked at the doctor’s shoes. I noticed he was wearing Chelsea boots which interested me but not enough to comment on it. The doctor waited and I could hear a clock ticking in the room. It was somewhere behind me. There was no other sound. The walls in this old building were thick, not like the tissue and spit of modern constructions. The door was solid as well. No noise would be heard from beyond and I reasoned nobody would hear what was said in here either.

“I asked how are you?” the doctor repeated after a moment of waiting. I shifted my gaze to look at him but I still said nothing. He seemed unfazed by my silence.

“Very well. Let’s begin by discussing why you are with me today.”

I waited but there was no question. I remained silent. I looked over at Dr M’s desk. It was an antique partner’s made from mahogany and was inset with maroon leather. It was one of those large desks which had draws on both sides so that a partner, in whatever business it might be, would sit on one side and an underling, some kind of clerk, would sit directly opposite him sharing the desk. There was a large leather chair on the other side of the desk. The top of the desk bore a couple of books although I could not read the titles from where I was sat and a neat pile of papers. I could see a pen lying on its side also.

“I appreciate you do not want to be here but you are now. In order for us to help one another we do need to have a conversation,” said Dr M.

I flicked my gaze back at him and focussed on his suit. It was navy, heavy looking most likely wool. There was a pinstripe in the material. I wondered if he purchased two pairs of trousers with the suit. He looked like a man who spent a lot of time on his backside and this would mean the woollen crotch of his trousers would soon wear away. A second pair was a must. I glanced at Dr M’s crotch to try and ascertain if I could see a hole forming. A small opening in the trousers through which his doubtless white underwear could be viewed. So far the wool was holding out.

“Very well. Why don’t you tell me something about yourself?” he invited.

I was nonplussed earlier but now I was becoming bored. I let my eyes wander over to the fireplace. It was substantial and I thought it was a pity that there was no fire lit. I could see logs stacked up inside the fireplace but the flames were absent. No doubt it would contravene patient safety having a fire in here. I baulked at using the word patient. That was what he regarded me as. I was no patient. I was not some drooling imbecile wheeled in by white uniformed staff and followed by anxious relatives. I was no drink-addled half-wit whose brain had turned to mush through years of alcohol abuse so he would routinely soil himself. Those were the type of degenerates, admittedly well-looked after degenerates that normally came to these places.

“Whenever you are ready Mr Tudor,” he gave me a short smile which I assume was meant to reassure me. I looked at him again and fixed him with a stare. Interestingly he met my gaze. His expression was not challenging not was it threatening. He just looked at me as I looked at him. He glanced towards his desk and then moved slightly in his seat. Yes he was prone to fidgeting, that crotch would soon be worn away on that suit. His shirt was white which amused me. Only police officers and airline pilots wear white shirts. Even though I could see it was expensive it should not have been white. I did notice that it was double-cuffed so that was something at least. Single cuff would have generated scorn and heaven forbid he wore a short-sleeve shirt under a suit jacket I would have walked straight out.

“We have plenty of time, so just when you are comfortable.”

Indeed we did have plenty of time. Two hours’ worth thanks to the power of my parents’ cheque book. So the pair of us sat in that grand drawing room with the absent fire and let two hours pass in complete silence. Dr M said nothing more as he waited for me to speak and I said nothing more as I had nothing to say to him. I concentrated on using my silence to make him feel uncomfortable. I could tell by the way he kept shifting in his seat he wanted to speak or listen. He made to speak on several occasions but something prevented him from doing so. I occupied my thoughts with planning the rest of my day and also how I might entice his frosty looking but obviously hugely efficient secretary into my world. I ran through a variety of scenarios which made the time pass rather quickly. I was almost taken by surprised when Dr M cleared his throat and spoke.

“Well our time is at end this week Mr Tudor. I shall see you again next week same day and the same time. Good day,” he said pleasantly as he rose from his seat.

I said nothing. I walked past him and headed to the door as the surge began inside me.

Round one to HG.

33 thoughts on “Seconds Out, Round One

  1. Lorelei says:

    Kmart brand undies are “Joe Boxer.” I have some concerns about men that want these.

    1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

      Dear Lorelei,
      The weasel bought those
      The only reason I know is because we bumped into each in Kmart, he was buying them, he bragged they only cost him $2 (I think he was stalking me at the time)
      Yes, I agree there are definite concerns
      Luv bubbles xx 😘

      1. Lorelei says:

        Thank you Bubbles! I don’t want a man in those underwear. It would bother me. I know the ones I prefer but I’m not sure what the style is referred to. I like blue. I also have a weakness for French blue shirts, cologne and day old stubble. I’m a bit smitten by a white collar type that can still do all my chores and fix all things broken. Even my ex did his assigned chores. (Until the last five years—and then it was like we both hated life)

        1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

          Dearest Lorelei.
          You speak of the perfect man, where can one find him ?🤣
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          1. Lorelei says:

            Guarantee any infatuated narcissist would dress up in French blue per our request Bubbles! And not shave. And have cologne. Probably anyone if we just say it! I have a red lipstick request and I hate red lips on me. But ah fuck it. I’ll do it. Only because he’s fixing my garage door and a shower tile.

          2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest Lorelei,
            You’re absolutely Classic !
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          3. Lorelei says:

            Bubbles that was meant to be roll and golf!

  2. Summer says:

    I feel a little bad for laughing out loud so much what a great article

  3. StrongerWendy says:

    HG, was your father still alive when you started therapy?

    “…Two hours’ worth thanks to the power of my parents’ cheque book…”

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. StrongerWendy says:

        “…HG, was your father still alive when you started therapy?


        One quick clarification: was your father alive since you’ve been doing therapy with Dr. M, Dr. O and Dr. E?
        Thank you

        1. HG Tudor says:


          1. StrongerWendy says:


        2. FYC says:

          Great questions, SW! That explains one of my incorrect answers on the Great HG Quiz. Thank you.

  4. truthseeker6157 says:

    I find silence really tough to pull off. I was sent on a negotiation course early on in my career and the importance of saying nothing at precisely the right time was drilled home over and over to the point of absolute boredom. I can do it, in a negotiation, but only in that particular situation. I don’t like it. At all. It runs contrary to my behaviour normally. I don’t like watching someone shift uncomfortably, or, not hold my gaze, or put their hand through their hair, remove an imagined piece of lint from their sleeve, touch their face. Signs of discomfort are everywhere in them. Watch, wait, say nothing.

    I can imagine holding ground, saying nothing, filling my eyes with the slightest hint of disapproval might be used effectively against the narcissist himself. Stand and watch as the lion paces in his self imposed cage. But if you are to do it, you need to know why you are doing it. Turn cold, turn all those good feelings bad, press pause on who you are and give nothing. I could do it, if I needed to, but I wouldn’t enjoy doing it, and therein lies the difference.

    1. Intrepid traveller says:

      Same here. And perversely i enjoy the ability I have to do it And the return it gives. But it feels almost theatrical – almost being an out of body behaviour as i cannot Repeat it in my private life. I realise ET takes over i suppose

  5. lickemtomorrow says:

    This scene from your life reminds me of the movie ‘Good Will Hunting’.

    A brilliant, yet troubled young man testing those who would try to make sense of who he was.

    Eventually he met his match.

    When asked why he chose the wrench instead of the belt for a beating as a child he said ‘Because fuck him, that’s why!’

    It wasn’t the only stand out scene in the movie, but for me it was one of the best.

  6. njfilly says:

    What color should a well dressed gentleman’s underwear be?

    I can’t say that I have interacted with many, if any, in my life so far.

    1. smarinucci1970 says:

      Someone asked the question what color should a well-dressed gentleman’s underwear be, well my husband that I’m married at 18 Gene he always wore white t-shirts and white Jockey underwear he liked to keep his private parts nice and tight he wanted to know where they were .he was six foot and he was 225 lb of muscle at the time & looked great he was a terrific dresser he knew exactly what to wear when to wear it how to wear it how to choose it he was into French cuffs the cufflinks the tie clip the shirt matching the hanky everything was in place he liked the two splits on each side of his jacket he loves red satin
      lining inside but his underwear was always White and his socks would match his slacks with a gray or chocolate brown or black or whatever and I think he spend more time taking his clothes out of the closet and brushing them off and lining them up ,choosing what goes with what I think he spent time doing that then being with me that was a little hard on a Young Bride but I just thought he was so fascinating I could forgive him for anything so I’m curious to know what h g thinks about the underwear thing that you had mentioned.

      1. StrongerWendy says:

        You fixed your caps lock key?

        1. Renarde says:


          Norty girl! X

        2. smarinucci1970 says:

          No stronger Wendy there’s nothing to fix with the caps as I mentioned many many times I had a stroke at 35 years old I got a lot of damage to the left eye as I got older the damage was worse I could still put my eye makeup on good using a magnifying glass but when I’m printing or writing it’s very very hard to see so I’m just explaining again but that shouldn’t change anything from what I say if a person can grasp the knowledge behind the words I think that’s it no matter the size of the letter you see I’m using an Android tablet not a computer and when the lettering is small I’m speaking into the mic when’s the lettering is large I’m trying to print it out usually the early hours of the morning but again please forgive if it annoys anyone don’t look at it if you’re kind of compassionate empathetic person then you will understand not just you Wendy but anyone . I’m here to learn and I’m learning every single day and I’m learning from HG Tudor I’m learning about myself my past I’m learning from all of you all kinds of things but it is what it is I have to print this out or speak into the mic and it causes headaches and pains in the face but I’m not going to give up for nobody and I have a history of making do with the parents the husband and the things now I’ve recovered from physically I’ve recovered from so much and the people in my circle are very positive and they’re proud of me and because of that I can reach out to The Underdogs the people that have suffered the low educated the low confidence the people that are good looking but they’re wonderful inside not the so-called intelligence but not always the college crew but sometimes the regular people that are hurting that’s what I care about and it’s been fun and it’s been sad and it’s a relief and it’s a pain in the ass and it’s all of that but so is life 💔💖💋

          1. Renarde says:


            To have a stroke at 35 is terrible. Its utterly awful.

            In one of my last posts, I wasnt as kind as I should have been. Please accept my apology but I utterly understand if you dont.

            To be disabled and also be disabled by NPD abuse is something that all of us here feel very keenly.

            The fact you are here and writing is astounding. You need to give yourself massive credit.

            I hope you are ok?

            I’m sending kind thoughts out x

      2. njfilly says:


        Interesting comment. I like the picture you paint; 6′, 225 lbs. of muscle with a tight package. Yes, I like that.

        So he was a terrific dresser and he did wear white underwear. I guess it’s personal preference then.

        Are you still married? Is he a narcissist?

        1. smarinucci1970 says:


          1. njfilly says:

            Smarinucci1970: I’m very sorry for your loss. I didn’t know that. I hope you are doing well.

    2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

      Dear njfilly,
      I’d say they match the board shorts
      Tests have revealed women’s emotions are stimulated most by the colour red
      Although black is the good go to
      The worst colour in my book is white for men 😱
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      1. njfilly says:

        Dear Bubbles,

        Thank you for your reply. Although I did pose my question as a generalization, yes, I was wondering directly about Mr. Tudor’s underwear, but I’m trying to be a lady (in public anyway). I want to know brand, style, color and fabric. I want to google it and get a feel for it.

        What is the issue with white underwear for men? It has been my experience that most men wear white, although I have also seen black, blue, and sans, as well as patterned boxer shorts. I can’t recall ever seeing red though.

        1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

          Dear njfilly,
          I’m sure Mr Tudor would luxuriate in his vast collection of tactile rich goodness!
          Perhaps Calvin Klein, Versace, Zegna, Tommy Hilfiger, ASOS, Hugo Boss of Armani
          Then there’s his “den of iniquity” collection 😱🤣
          I doubt he’d buy $2 mens trunks from Kmart 😂
          You could just ask him

          You’d be surprised at the the array of styles colours and licorice allsorts for men these days
          My boys used to like Bonds growing up and they had red, still do
          Just check out the gay, sexy or erotic underware for men 😱

          My reference to the white meant, it shows the stains more, dare I say more ! 🤣
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          1. Violetta says:

            Boxers usually look better on most men than briefs. Tighty-whiteys look like Brad Majors in Rocky Horror, and colored briefs look like a Playboy ad for men’s underwear from the ’70s.

          2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dear Violetta,
            Haha, so true
            Mr Bubbles is a boxer man and the boys currently prefer Step Ones
            Keeping it loosey goosey is a lot healthier haha
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          3. njfilly says:

            Dear Bubbles,

            I’m very interested in hearing about, and viewing, the “den of iniquity” collection. I agree that I doubt he buys $2 men’s trunks from Kmart but neither do I. (The term “trunks” referring to men’s shorts and bathing suits always cracks me up.)

            With regard to your reference to white, I considered this is what you were referring to. Since wearing white would make hygiene issues easier to detect I will now be suspect when I see a man wearing dark colored underwear and wonder what he is hiding.

            It’s also possible that white is just a bit too common or pedestrian for a well dressed man like Mr. HG Tudor.

            The moment I ascertain the brand and style of Mr. HG Tudor’s underwear I will be purchasing some, and dousing them with Viking by Creed cologne, from my own personal bottle I have acquired. I will insist that they be worn by the next man I have intimate contact with. I will force him into compliance, if necessary.

            As a side note I must admit that I advised Mr. HG Tudor that I would refrain from discussing his underwear on the blog. Obviously, I am not capable of abiding by this, however, I made no promises.

          4. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest njfilly,
            You definitely have an obsession with Mr Tudor Or should I say his underwear 😂
            I wouldn’t be surprised if he wore pure white, he likes that clinical, crisp, clean look, even blue n white gingham
            Probably has his underwear ironed 😂
            You sound quite evocative in the boudoir with a healthy devouring appetite, good onya
            I think Mr Tudor would profit handsomely by adding “his style of underwear” to his fashion collection
            Better start saving njfilly, silk, leather, feathers, whips n chains are expensive 🤣
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

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