“Glow worm”

From the obvious and well-used to the corruptions and bastardisation of your first name through to the downright bizarre, pet names are a standard feature of relationships. Parents may have a nickname or pet name for their child, we use nicknames for our friends but most often they are used in the context of an intimate relationship. Their use is to denote endearment and to highlight something special and unique (although using babe is not going to win awards in that category) between that person and their significant other. When used in the context of a non-narcissistic relationship they are relatively harmless, perhaps hinting at something which teases and might be mildly embarrassing (e.g. calling someone glow worm because they go red and become embarrassed easily) but generally they are used as a fond and kind epitaph. That situation becomes corrupted and entirely different in our hands. We regularly use pet names for our primary sources, but our motives for doing so are not about being genuinely endearing but for a host of more nefarious reasons.

  1. It is done to appear endearing to you so that you think you are special to us. You merit being given a pet name and therefore you are led to think that we naturally care and love you since we have taken this step. This is done because it is a standard step in many intimate relationships and all we are doing is mimicking that for the purposes of making you think that the relationship between you and us is wonderful, special and marvellous.
  1. You are our possession. By giving you a label in this manner we are branding you and stamping on you that you belong to us. It enables us to exert control over you.
  1. We objectify all of our appliances and by giving you a pet name we are reinforcing that. We may call you “angel” but in our minds you are just an angel, one of hundreds no thousands out there. In the way that those who find themselves in a perilous situation might use their name with an aggressor of kidnapper in order to humanise themselves and the other person, we utilise pet names to dehumanise you. It is our stand point that you are an object to us and it is far easier to control and abuse an object.
  1. We use the same pet names for many of our appliances. There will be differences when for example the pet name plays on your name, so if you are called, Rebecca, we may call you Beccipops, but if it is a pet name which is nothing to do with your actual name or a distinct attribute of yours then you should be aware that several primary sources before you all got the same name and the ones that comes after you will as well.
  1. By using a pet name and keeping it the same for all our primary sources we minimise the risk of calling you, accidentally, by the wrong name and bringing about questioning and a challenge. Thus, if we call you “Sugarbumps” and we are having an affair, the other person will also be called “Sugarbumps”. If you were ever granted access to a narcissist’s phone, do not be surprised to see Sugarbumps1 and Sugarbumps2 in the directory.
  1. As with many things narc, what we grant we then take away in order to upset you and exert control over you. Thus if we always referred to you as “Hot stuff” you can expect that come devaluation you would be referred to by your actual name instead of there may even be a corruption of the pet name, for instance calling you “Cold stuff” instead. This is done to make you react and feel hurt by this change in the affectionate pet name.
  1. In some instances, the pet name may actually seem like a compliment to you but actually has a hidden meaning to our kind and whilst you smile when you hear this name being used, we are actually laughing at you on the inside because you do not realise that you are being insulted. One example might be by jokingly referring to you as the boss. Thus in front of you and our coterie we may say,

“Thanks for asking, I will have to run it by the boss.”

You smile at this affectionate deference to your authority oblivious to the fact that my coterie and I know is means Best Of Seven Sluts, being a reference to how we regard you sexually.

  1. In some cases, we forget who you actually are (because we regard you as an object) but if we call all objects “Munchkin” then we can fall back on that and refer to you by this name without appearing stupid for forgetting what you are called.
  1. We may invent new and different pet names which are insulting, disrespectful and unpleasant when we embark on our devaluation of you. We may call you The Rash because you keep appearing everywhere when we do not want to see you. We may call you The Pirate because you have small breasts, e.g. a sunken chest. We may label you as The Thorn because you are a pain in our side or we may just go for It as regular readers will know from my treatment of Lesley.
  1. We will also insist that you use a pet name for us but we will choose it. Nobody normal chooses their nickname and then tells people to use it. Nicknames and pet names evolve from characteristics witnessed by those around the recipient of the name. The fact that we appear and tell you to call us “Goldenballs” is evidence of our sense of entitlement and grandiosity.

The use of a pet name by our kind is never to be regarded as pleasant and complimentary. It is a device for demeaning you, upsetting you and exerting our control over you, in the same way that one keeps a pet animal, that is how you are regarded as we keep you in one of our gilded cages.

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7 thoughts on “Pet

  1. Geri says:

    My fiance has so many pet names for our dog, I am sure the dog looks at him and wonders what he is saying. She will respond to her real name though. Thanks for that.

  2. Ashley says:

    He called me “little girl.” I just remembered an example that at the time I thought was bizarre/quirky jealousy, but now it makes sense knowing what he is. I was hours away from him at my mom’s for the weekend. Went to a grocery store. An actor (I guess he is considered A-list at this point) has a home there, saw him in the meat aisle. Neighbors of my mom have seen him over the years, but she never saw him. He said hello to me first, super friendly, as if he knew me personally or we were friends. It didn’t click in my head that it was him until a second after he said hello. I thought it was funny how he “recognized” me (for lack of a better word) instead of the other way around. When I told my bf on the phone, he sounded so mad instead of being like, “Oh, that’s funny.” He said, “He must have thought you looked like a picture. If you see him again, tell him I don’t know who he is, I’ve never seen his films, & he doesn’t impress me.” He was completely serious, not joking, & it sounded ridiculous. I said the man is clearly just an outgoing/friendly person & is used to people recognizing him so he says hello. That or he may have mistaken me for someone he knows.” For a while after that, he referred to me as “picture girl”

  3. Renarde says:


    Best Of Seven Sluts is priceless!

    One guy I knew at Uni referred to a woman he slept with once, as ‘The rack of lamb” because of her chest.

    I was often called ‘chicken’. I got my own back though with the UMS. He had such a wide chest. IF I’m the chicken, I said, you are the turkey.

    Then he corrupted ny own name and chicken. Which actually sounded quite nice until that ghastly hag of his mother of his, started calling me it too.

    I called the MME ‘Butterscotch Stallion’ because he was blonde and his prowess in bed.

    I call my brother “twatface’. PN thinks hes a fox but actually his real nickname is ‘The Cunt’. As in, hows the old cunt doing? Still alive?

    At Uni, I was Duck Bum. Then we had Pea Bum, Long Bum, Althetic Bum and whom cannot forget Boy Bum?

    Then there was Lorraine. So called because she not only looked like Lorraine Chase but talked like her. Eerrre Lorraine! I would say. Ows Luton doing?

    Silly woman. I ended up having to kick her out. She fled. Entirely self deserved. Ended up becoming a trolley dolly for Virgin. What a waste of a BA in the Art of Colouring in. AKA Geography. Urm, hang on…

    1. heloiseandabelarde says:

      Wow mine are so tame by comparison. But what’s in a name, right? ex-n liked to emphasize my antiquity as he was a year younger…wouldn’t he like to know that my new boyf is 10 years younger! So don’t want to emphasize that by calling him “baby” or “cutie” you know…thinking hunky hunny. As for the ex-N, his post engagement name became “Boat Boy” because he lives on a delapidated boat that he built However, it evolved to “Boat Boy #1” because I briefly dated the owner of a large party yacht who attempted date rape. Probably a n, a trial attorney you see, but we didn’t get beyond me telling him he needed to take a class. Anyway he became “Boat Boy #2”. Note to self: beware dates bearing boats.

  4. heloiseandabelarde says:

    So many of your writings resonate, HG. My special name was Easter Baby because i was born on Easter. That seemed nice. But within a week of my first disengagement, he informed me that “who woulda thunk it, I ‘just’ met somebody who was born on Easter!” Can only imagine what he called her!

  5. lickemtomorrow says:

    Mine had a pet name for me, but didn’t use it all the time. It was an association related to how he kickstarted our relationship. He never used it as part of the devaluation, as in corrupting it, but moved to using my name instead.

    I also had a pet name for him. I chose it. He agreed on which connotation of the name he liked better (come to think of it!)

    I remember how I thrilled whenever he called me ‘sweetheart’, and I called him my ‘darling’. We moved between the uses of names/nicknames/terms of endearment. And they occurred in reverse order during devaluation.

    I could sense the distance as it happened. I only understand it as devaluation now. Either way, it makes me sad.

  6. Dr. HQ says:

    They never get to choose lmao! It’s not the same if they make one up. 😂

    Whatever it is has to suit their personality…

    Naturally I don’t give pet names for the same reason though 🤪

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