The Key To Entry




With the brief injunction from my mother to ensure I spoke up or suffer the consequences I returned to the consulting room of Dr M. We took our seats and he smiled before adjusting his suit trousers, pulling them up at the thigh. I cast a quick glance to his nether regions but no hole had yet emerged.

“Now Mr Tudor, we did not make much progress last week. It is of no concern. I wondered if you perhaps felt more amenable to speaking with me on this occasion?”

I started to nod and then spoke.

“Very well.”

“Excellent. What would you like to talk about?” he asked.

“Why am I here as in why am I sat in your consulting room,” I clarified before he started providing me with some smart alec response as to the meaning of my existence. I knew why my family had insisted that I see Dr M and more recently underline the necessity of speaking to him, but I wanted to know what he thought. That way I would be better prepared to deflect him.

“Why do you think you are here with me?” he answered casually. Marvellous. He was one of those people who answered a question with another question.

“I asked first,” I pointed out. He nodded.

“Your family are concerned about you.” I snorted which seemed to take him by surprise.

“Those bastards only care about themselves.”

“Why do you say that?” asked Dr M seizing on my remark.

“It does not matter, go on, you were saying.”

“Your family are concerned about you. I met with them and they provided me with background information. I am aware that you are a high achiever and have always been so. Your family are concerned however that you stop at nothing to get what you want, that you have disdain for most people and you leave a trail of carnage in your wake. I think that is a succinct way of putting it. They want me to discuss this with you and to receive my opinion.” he explained.

“It’s bullshit all of it,” I remarked. My voice was low but the venom was tangible. Dr M remained silent.

“I have no idea what they are talking about. I stop at nothing to get what I want? They have never complained about my achievements before. They don’t like it that I am outshining them. That is the problem here. They always do this. Try and make their problems my problems, I am sick and tired of it. I have forged my own path and done bloody well too and all they want to do is bring me down. It is jealousy. That’s why I have little to do with them. Did they tell you that? I bet they tried to make out that I am aloof and never attend family gatherings didn’t they? They never invite me to them. I keep in touch most with my younger brother and he tells me about these gatherings and I always find out after the event. Did my younger brother speak to you?”

Dr M nodded.

“Who else?” I asked.

“Both your parents, your sister, your younger brother and your cousin, Charlotte.”

“Huh, the usual cabal. All of them are liars. Do you have any idea what it is like having to put up with all of them? My god it is a wonder that I am a success. My mother is always trying to pin the blame for her shortcomings on me. She would love to plant a microchip in my head and control me. That would be ideal for her. She has controlled my father for years. He isn’t a bad fellow really but he fell under her spell and believes anything she says and if he dares not to well let’s just say he has suffered the consequences too many times before so he has learned his lesson. It’s weak of him and I hate him for being like that. He should stand up to her rather than be her metaphorical punching bag. Always tries to keep the peace at first and then takes her side. He is brainwashed and my sister is just as bad. Jesus she always defers to my mother, but then she could never make a decision for herself. So Charlie has weighed in as well has she? Do you know why doctor M? It is because she wants me for herself and I won’t let that happen. Bet they did not tell you that did they? She is totally in love with me and because I have rejected her this is how she goes about paying me back by making up lies about me. I would not put it past that harpy to try and section me you know. You don’t want to believe anything that lot say to you.”

Dr M was jotting down the odd note as I spoke. Yes, make some notes Dr M and you can tell them what I think of them. How dare they? How bastard dare they make out like I am the one with the problem. I should be used to it by now but it still infuriates me. I stood up, agitated at this unwarranted attack on me.

“This is what they always do doctor. I am the one who was suffered at their hands. Years of it but they twist it around and try to pin the blame on me. I have made the best of a bad hand and they cannot stand to see me doing well so they conjure up this. Liars the lot of them.”

I was pacing up and down in front of the fireplace and fighting to resist the urge to grab one of the logs and hurl it at the large mirror which hung above the fireplace.

“I wish they were all dead doctor, you have no idea. The times I have wished that they would get wiped out in some car accident or a building falls on them when they are inside. They have made my life hell and just as I am pulling free of them they pull this stunt. I hate them. I am surprised at my brother joining in with this as well, I thought he had some sense.”

“Your brother expressed considerable concern about you and wants to help you,” offered Dr M.

“I don’t need any help. I suggest you fill your sessions with them. You will have plenty of material for your shrink times or whatever publication you write for. My mother is a control freak with a drink problem,my father is spineless, my sister is a professional victim oh yes, ask her about her failed marriage but make sure you have the bleeding heart and violins to hand. My cousin, well as I said, she is a lecherous nymphomaniac and as for my brother, he has gone down in my estimation joining this cabal of perfidy.”

I spat the words out as I waved my arms around, windmilling through the air. I felt a little better for this explosion of annoyance and I returned to my seat and sat down. Dr M was still writing.

“So Dr M there really is nothing to see here. I know you will want to make some money from us and I respect that, you are like me, you see an opportunity and exploit it. Nothing wrong with that. Let me give you a tip. You need to suggest working with those liars and parking your involvement with me. You have nothing to achieve here but as for them, well you will make a fortune sorting out the quagmire that is their lives.”

I sat back and smiled as Dr M continued to write. I had spoken up just as she had urged. I had done as I was told. Again. This time though I was fighting back.

14 thoughts on “The Key To Entry

  1. Empath007 says:

    Would you say this was an honest account of how you truly were feeling in this moment… or was it the narcissim deflecting blame onto your family because you felt they were challenging your actions… and no one should challenge you.

    You write so similar to my narc. Our last conversation he flipped the script on me and blamed me for everything… (naturually as I had only begun research and was sending him articles on triangulation etc)… pretty proud of how I handled my last words considering how emotionally distraught I was, tired and run down from abuse… I’m pretty sure my last line to him was “ but I am no victim of you, quite the opposite, because now I’m wiser”.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      This is my narcissism at work.

  2. MGM says:

    Apparently data points to abusive/controlling mothers as being a main cause of narcissist/sociopath/psychopath disorders and that most with the disorders are male. It seems abusive kids either grow up and self destruct, or are destructive, to your point that narcissists, etc. have predisposition. It’s unfortunate. You were born an innocent baby, everyone was. Nobody deserves to be robbed of their inner being by childhood abuse or neglect. Your vocabulary is really spectacular, HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

    2. lickemtomorrow says:

      Hi MGM,

      I’ve had some thoughts around what you have said about narcissistic mothers and sons becoming narcissists. HG has explained why fathers are not as apparent as mother’s in terms of being narcissistc, but there seem to be an awful lot of narcissistic women/mothers out there which is why I find the notion that the majority of narcissists are men to be a possible fallacy. I’d almost give a 2:1 ratio in terms of women to men.

      This my question around that:

      Is it possible men react more to narcissistic mothers due to the difference you mention in a recent article, HG, between men and women in this regard? (i.e. men tend to be better at remembering unpleasant events? – sorry can’t remember the title of this one) Is this what turns them into narcissists?

      I believe my narcex had a narcissistic mother. I had a narcissistic mother. He became a narc and I didn’t.

      I just don’t understand the dynamic or ratios around this one.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Remembering an unpleasant event does not turn an individual into a narcissist.

        1. lickemtomorrow says:

          Perhaps I didn’t phrase that very well, and I also went down a bit of a rabbit hole in my thinking. I won’t try to paraphrase as I’ve done my fair share of talking already today/this week, but I’m still erring on the side of more than a 50/50 split on the scale of women to men, and at least a 50:50 ratio. Just like the human race. Mothers have the greatest influence over their children at that early age when the seed of narcissism is able to be planted, so if the soil is ripe my guess is it’s more likely to be a mother who plants the seed.

          Women seemed to get off far too lightly when it comes to the narcissistic dynamic. I do believe they are more hidden, and perhaps men find it hard to uncover or are less likely to confront it. Obviously gearing up to go down another rabbit hole, so I’ll stop there.

          And ‘Control to Cope’ is probably where my understanding of ‘unpleasant events’ originates when it comes to the narcissist.

          OOPS! That could be the ‘last word’. I just had to get it out there.

    3. Renarde says:


      Now that is intresting regarding the data. That is also my experience too. The UMS, psychopath had a mother who really only be described in words such as an average looking nymphomaniac with a penchant for targeting married men. Let’s not forget the eating disorder.

      There is a sly, reptaileness about her. Intelligent but not academic. Went into nursing because what better way is there of tormenting others? What she put her children through is shocking. It’s just a surprise that she didnt create two psychopaths.

      Shes the size of a whale. Cant stop eating. I hope that her daughter does a NC. However I know that Emp is with a female narc.

      Who once attempted to seduce me. That was a funny day! Tried to get me drunk on gin. Insisted I could be ‘turned’. Alright love, give it your best shot. This should be fully hilarious!

      Then of course I had to tell my husband. That poor sister.

      Maybe my ex MIL will fall over and her cats will eat her?

      1. lisk says:

        “Went into nursing because what better way is there of tormenting others?“

        Gosh, the hospital and the nurse lottery!

        You never know if you’re going to get Florence Nightingale or Nurse Ratchet.

        1. Renarde says:


          Agreed. There was a psychological test. Very famous. People of different professions were asked to inflict pain on someone. All fake of course. The nurses were the single profession that would inflict more pain than any other.

  3. Lorelei says:

    My father sent me to therapy for sexual abuse while he used to make overtures from afar. I was like holy fuck this seems unusual.. I am serious. I honestly see now why I have shacked up with shitty men. Ugh, but the therapist liked me and thought something was wrong at home. I was a dutiful child and denied it.

  4. lickemtomorrow says:

    I can actually relate to this on some level. The ability/opportunity to speak about the people who have impacted your life, and in a very negative way. It is cathartic. Perhaps the opportunity had never arrived before.

    I like the way you ended this one, HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

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