What is Future Faking?

 

WHAT-IS-FUTURE-FAKING

I will tell you later.

What did you feel when you read that sentence above after being drawn by the title of this article? Disappointment? Irritation? Annoyance? Amusement? A familiar tightness in the chest? A mixture of all of the above?

Future faking is a common manipulation used by all narcissists.

Lesser Narcissists – often, lacking in sophistication, instinctive, vague, can be of questionable provenance.

‘I want to see you again.’

I want to marry you.’

‘I will buy you that mansion’ (Even though the narcissist has no money and no job).

Mid Range Narcissists – often, subtle and more sophisticated, instinctive, more likely to be specific, more likely to be plausible

‘I want us to go on holiday this summer together, somewhere like the Maldives.’

I can see you and me as a married couple, I want to marry you in the Autumn next year by the latest.’

Start looking for that new car I will buy you, why not have a look at the Mercedes dealership over at Pleasantville?’

Greater Narcissists – infrequent (Greater Narcissists are more likely to deliver), greater sophistication, sometimes instinctive but usually calculated, highly plausible.

‘I have e-mailed you some houses to look at. I really like the fourth and sixth ones in the list. They are in the countryside so there will be room for the animals to roam as well, but not so far away as to make getting to work a chore. You have a look at it and let me know what you think. We can talk about this over dinner.’

What is Future Faking?

It is the imposition of control and acquisition of fuel in the NOW using a FUTURE event.

Read that sentence again.

It is the imposition of control and acquisition of fuel in the NOW using a FUTURE event.

Our victims find future faking upsetting, bewildering and infuriating. Why did he promise to marry me and never do it? Why tell me we would live together if he never intended to go through with it? Why arrange to have dinner with me and then fail to show up, not even texting me to say he could not make it?

There was never any intention to deliver on the original statement but you were conned into thinking that the intention was genuine.

Why were you conned?

  1. Future Faking is an easy manipulation to use because it relies on a spoken/written intent with no associated requirement to deliver. Thus it is very low in energy expenditure and as you know, we like to achieve the maximum outcome with the minimum expenditure of time, energy, money etc.
  2. You as an empathic victim operate on the basis that if you say you will do something, you will (unless there are exceptionally valid reasons) deliver on that promise. Therefore you expect others to operate to the same standard of behaviour. You are goaded into thinking that since the person you are entangled with is similar to you (because you do not know he or she is a narcissist) they will behave in the same way as you, i.e. deliver on the promise.
  3. Your emotional thinking wants you to continue to engage with the narcissist. Therefore it corrupts your empathic traits for example,  Honesty, Love Devotee and/or Decency into believing that the narcissist will deliver on this stated intention because that is what honest and decent people do. We are neither honest or decent – you however do not know that or you fail to abide by the logic of knowing that when your emotional thinking soars. The former scenario occurs when you do not know that you are ensnared by a narcissist and therefore you are led into thinking this person will operate the same as you. The latter is when you know you are dealing with a narcissist and you know about future faking (or you do not know you are dealing with a narcissist but you have noted (logically and based on evidence) that this person keeps promising things and does not deliver) BUT notwithstanding this fix of logic, you fail to take heed of it because of soaring emotional thinking outweighing it. An example might be   ‘This is the third time he has promised to take me to that new restaurant, but he blew me out the last two times. He was clearly sorry to have done so, I could tell, so I don’t think he will do it a third time.’
  4. The corruption of your Love Devotee trait would involve some grand romantic gesture and again your emotional thinking overrides logic. An example would be ‘I will take you to the Maldives next month’ You know he has no money and no job so how can he afford it, thus it is questionable that he could ever deliver on this but you fail to pay attention to this Future Faking by either

a. Thinking it is a lovely, romantic gesture and ignoring completely his lack of apparent resources to achieve this;

b. Thinking it is a lovely, romantic gesture, you are not sure how he will pay for it but he must mean it so he must have something up his sleeve to achieve this (savings, he has borrowed the money, he has a magic wand) ; or

c. You know he cannot deliver but you think the intent is sweet anyway and you do not mind that he cannot deliver. Indeed, you will end up paying instead or not go and you do not mind.

Future Faking is nothing to do with the narcissist changing his or her mind. It is nothing to do with you making a mistake, annoying the narcissist or messing things up so the promised event is not delivered (although of course a combination of our Blameshifting and your emotional thinking corrupting your empathic trait of Guilt) will make you think that you have derailed the opportunity to travel to the land of milk and honey.

When the Lesser or Mid Range Narcissist issues a promise or statement of intent with regard to some future event, whether it is ‘I will mow the lawn’ through to ‘I am taking you on a 90 day world cruise’ or from ‘I promise I will see you next Friday night’ through to ‘I am marrying you some day’. There is a very high risk that this is Future Faking. Occasionally there will be delivery (this is more likely in the seduction phase) but usually there is not.

The Lesser or Mid Range Narcissist  means it when it is stated (thus when you suggest they are not going to deliver they will be mortally offended by this Challenge Fuel issued by you)  and lash out in order to assert control. The original Future Faking statement is instinctively issued (and believed by the narcissist) in order to assert control you and to gain fuel. Thus

Narcissist : ‘I will call you tomorrow and we can arrange to go for dinner on Saturday night.’ (Future event, spoken statement (low energy) for the purpose of controlling the victim).

Shelf Intimate Partner Secondary Source Victim : ‘That would be great, I am really looking forward to seeing you again.’ (Control maintained in the instant, positive fuel gained)

Following day

Narcissist calls and converses and makes arrangement for Saturday night with victim. Control again maintained in the instant, victim’s pleased and enthusiastic responses provides positive fuel.

Saturday comes. The narcissist has a Hoover Trigger from a different Shelf IPSS and the Hoover Execution Criteria are met for him to hoover that appliance by going out for dinner with that person. This is because the narcissist had an instinctive need for control over that person in THAT MOMENT and there was no need for control over the First Shelf IPSS because that person was under control. The narcissist does not attend dinner with the First Shelf IPSS and does not even message to cancel because the narcissism does not deem it necessary. There is no emotional empathy therefore the narcissist does not instinctively feel behaving this way is ‘bad’ and should not be done. The narcissist may not have any cognitive empathy and no façade management, therefore there is no need to send a message cancelling. The narcissist is unaware that such a step would be seen as the polite thing to do. A narcissist who has cognitive empathy MIGHT send such a message cancelling the dinner IF the instinctive need for control deemed this an appropriate step, otherwise because of the sense of entitlement (the narcissist does whatever he or she wants, when he or she wants and with whoever he or she wants) and the innate lack of accountability ( I am not accountable to anybody for what I do) then the narcissist fails to turn up to the dinner date with the First Shelf and goes off with the Second Shelf because in THAT MOMENT this was the best outcome for the narcissist.

The fact that the First Shelf Victim may become angry with the narcissist is not at the forefront of the Lesser or Mid Range Narcissist’s mind. The consequences of that anger or upset are down the line and therefore not of importance. What matters is NOW, not yesterday, nor tomorrow, but NOW. The narcissist will deal with the collateral consequence of his failure to turn up as he sees fit and when he sees fit (again sense of entitlement, lack of emotional empathy and lack of accountability). This might be issuing an excuse claiming the First Shelf never confirmed with the narcissist (Blame Shifting and the Revision of History), focusing on something else (Deflection) or ignoring the First Shelf (Silent Treatment) . These are further manipulations. The anger of the stood up First Shelf Victim manifests as Challenge Fuel and the response of the narcissist (whether active or not) is a manipulation instinctively occasioned for the purposes of asserting control again by quelling the challenge (and gaining fuel to boot).

The narcissist does not change his mind. Consciously (when Lesser or Mid Range) he meant to deliver BUT unconsciously his narcissism meant he is highly unlikely to because it is not about the achieving of the future event (which is what victims mistakenly focus on) it is all about achieving control NOW and this is used by referring to a future event to achieve that, hence future faking. The Greater will either issue the promise and deliver (having greater resource and ability to do so) or issue the promise knowing there will be no delivery (calculated future faking) because the Greater deems this the best allocation of resources in order to achieve control and fuel.

For the majority of you, you will have encountered this from a Lesser or Mid Range Narcissist and it is instinctive, frequent and all about controlling you NOW by promising something later.

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Learn about the ways you can be manipulated here

America : You Are Being Conned

8 thoughts on “What is Future Faking?

  1. dollysupreme says:

    I was only ever offered things he knew he could deliver ( but chose not to) I suspect so I had no reason to doubt that the offer was sincere.
    He sent me brochures of wedding venues. Picked out dresses for me, made me watch say yes to the dress.
    However my gut feeling was he was indeed future faking although I didn’t know the term for it. So I never lost any sleep over that one.
    He would have me ordering things, making promises that he would treat me to them as gifts. Revelling in the praise, only for him to make excuses that he had never made such an offer after I had paid for them myself. However when I was complemented on my winter coat (an unfulfilled promise which I bought for myself) he would take the praise for gifting me it! ‘Beautiful isn’t it, I picked it for her myself. I have good taste. I Wouldn’t see my woman in anything but the best’.
    Funny enough I was booked onto a cruise. He paid a hefty deposit. I found out via email that he had cancelled after telling them I was expecting a gift from God in the form of a baby during the cruise dates………I think it would have been a gift from Satan. No god involved there. He was willing to lose the deposit just to cause me hurt.
    I was also sent house brochures. I was taken around houses to view!
    I was taken to holiday villages with the plan or purchasing holiday homes…… He signed for these things……only to take them away with no reason given.
    The best part is. He had me move house to a bigger more expensive property that he knew would be dependent on a contribution from him, at his insistence to move in together. To then let me down. Giving it the I’m just not ready for family life. He would still pretend he paid the bills and lived at my home even though he didn’t. I am in a beautiful property I can barely afford because I fell for his future faking…..On numerous occasions 😂

    1. Ashley says:

      Ugh I’m sorry he did all of that to you, he sounds like a slimeball! He should have ordered everything himself & taken care of it like a real man, then presented it to you, not make you pay! Gross!! The narcissists I have been with future faked a ton, but I have to give them credit where credit is due, they would never be caught dead allowing a woman to pay for anything. I’m glad nothing further happened to you!!! He could have gotten you into a huge huge mess!!

      1. dollysupreme says:

        Thank you for your kind words. I now realise though I have to take responsibility for allowing this to go on as it did. Because you start becoming immune to the future faking they have to up their game to get the shock factor to feed them their fuel. What started with clothing and fake gift promises progressed to cancellation of holidays, then weddings then homes. Gets to a point where they have nothing left to fake promise you …. I must have got really boring then when I didn’t cry or react. I laughed in the end. I used to say ‘the lord giveth, the lord taketh away’…..His face was a picture lol.

        1. Ashley says:

          Don’t blame yourself! ❤ and I’m glad you laughed haha I think that’s amazing!!

        2. lisk says:

          dollysupreme,

          I appreciate your willingness to accept responsibility for the choices you made.

          1. dollysupreme says:

            Thank you Lisk…… Ultimately people can only carry on treating you badly if you allow it to continue…Which I did….knowingly. So I can’t fully play the victim card.

    2. blackcoffee30 says:

      What scum! The bottom of the narcissist barrel that one. Wow. I’m so glad you’re free now.

      1. dollysupreme says:

        Black coffee I bet we all have similar tales….Shared suffering. Thank you. I am free. Not sure my narc will ever see it that way lol. I hope to never be ensnared by one of these beasts again. I know what to look out for I’d like to hope thanks to people such as yourselves and indeed HG for sharing their knowledge.

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