Why Grey Rock Does Not Work



Many people advocate the use of Grey Rock when dealing with the narcissist.

Other people use it and believe that it is effective.

It is not.

This logic bulletin sets out in a clear and succinct manner why we as narcissists are actually relishing grey rock, how it gives us what we want, how you are conned into thinking it is working and how you are actually making your life far harder than it needs to be.

Build your logic defences and understand why grey rock does not work.

Stop making mistakes.

Understand here

20 thoughts on “Why Grey Rock Does Not Work

  1. Mercy says:

    An empath that thinks gray rock will work is like an alcoholic thinking they can have just one drink.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Good observation.

  2. Empath007 says:

    I know some people who have grown emotionally unresponsive out of a survival tactic (either abused from a narc parent or spouse). I will say their “blend in” “boring” nature does tend to benefit them in comparison to my “stand out”
    And “stick up for myself nature”. Is grey rock not
    A dcent option for an underage child stuck at home or a co worker ?

    1. A Victor says:

      Hi Empath007, it is what I did as a child, no other choice for me back then. And when I have to intact with TTU.now I take on the keeping my mouth shut, keeping it short approach. But for me it’s the suck of my energy to do this as well as the knowledge that even as I do it she’s still feeding off of me, which in turn zaps more of my energy. Before I understood this I felt the stress and thus gave her fuel, now I have names for things is all, the effect is no different. So in the long run while it may have kept things from escalating at times, it ultimately didn’t work.

      1. Another Cat says:

        Empath007 and A Victor, so did I, it was automatic grey rock growing up. Because of my mother’s constant silent bullying, whispering things like

        “that blouse on? Don’t tell me you try to show off those two little zits?”

        in an angry voice. The enormous tiresome cognitive dissonance from her having the most beautiful reputation, excellent cooking (when it was dad cooking 6 days out of 7) and also witnessing her bullying my dad. All shocking to my subconscious, and very hard to explain for my conscious mind.

        So I was often quiet. I also learnt the skill of stop looking at ppl as soon as they were weird towards me. Either a Super trait or a necessary grey rock thing. I later on did asperger and autism tests because of this. Showed negative.

        But doing grey rock when you can leave, is really a bad idea.

    2. A Victor says:

      There is if course value in keeping things from escalating, especially as a child.

    3. Asp Emp says:

      E007, when you say “an underage child” – are you referring to a child that is a child now? Or are you communicating on here on behalf of someone you know? With children, it’s different, so it requires slightly different ‘tactics’ if you like.

  3. A Victor says:

    I have listened to material. I cannot Grey Rock my mother, if I am physically present with her, no matter what I do, say, do not do, do not say, she is benefiting. The only option to not give her fuel is to not be physically in her presence, thus the value of NC, or in my case ANC. The same is true of any electronic or phone interactions, only that the fuel is less. This material is fantastic for understanding and taking appropriate steps.

    1. HG Tudor says:


  4. Mark Walter Fitzpatrick says:

    Sorry but you are incorrect. Reason not working is you are predicating off a Grey Rock technique incorrectly practiced.

    Correctly practiced none of above applies

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, you are entirely wrong. I suspect you will not have listened to the material. Grey rock does not work – I should know, it still gives me what I need and thus is not only ineffective but it also, as explained in the material, leads to additional downsides for the victim.

      1. Mark Walter Fitzpatrick says:

        No you are entirely wrong based on your false predicating. This has worked amazing for me and many others

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I can guarantee that is has not worked for you because you clearly do not understand narcissism.

      2. Mark Walter Fitzpatrick says:

        Remember the predicate — you are basing it off doing it totally wrong. Doing it right doesn’t yield the results u describe. Proof you are doing it wrong

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Grey rock is wrong. There is no “right way” to do grey rock. Grey rock is a specific response which is well known and it does not work. People need to know this is the case and from someone who knows why, a narcissist, namely me.

      3. NarcAngel says:


        Who to believe…
        A person who THINKS they know about narcissists and their reactions/needs?
        An ACTUAL narcissist?

        Imma go with the real deal.

        1. HG Tudor says:


  5. hopeless says:


    I’ve been reading your site and it seems to me that although non-narcissists claim the “grey rock” method is effective, it most likely isn’t because it gives the narcissist the following types of “fuel”:

    1- Silence is your complicity (they feel powerful because what they are saying to you — positive or negative –isn’t being challenged. Thus they would feel superior by being “right” in what they say.)

    2- Since they re-write history, you don’t need to say or do anything to be cast in the role of saint/villain. Your presence along gives fuel.

    I arrived at #2 because of several encounters with my sibling who completely re-wrote the history of interactions even when I was being very careful of what was said in an email/phone conversation.

    If you are present, you are a player in the narcissists reality and therefore the interaction and your character can be changed to suit the need for fuel. I imagine it’s much weaker than a lively interaction, but it’s still there.


    1. lisk says:

      Great line, hopeless: “If you are present, you are a player in the narcissists reality and therefore the interaction and your character can be changed to suit the need for fuel.”

      Makes me want to rewrite another great line:

      All the world’s a narc’s stage,
      And all the empaths merely players

      1. hopeless says:

        I like the re-write :-).

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article

15 Boundary Breakers

Next article

Match the Manipulations