15 Boundary Breakers
We never respect boundaries, do not regard them as applicable to us, whether those boundaries are accepted social conventions or boundaries enshrined in law, we have little or no regard for them. These rules, procedures, conventions and laws are for the little people, not titans such as us. We go where we want, when we want and do what we want. Driven by our astonishing sense of entitlement, absent empathy and innate superiority, we smash through barriers and boundaries every day. This is a total mind set which we adopt and the examples of this are legion. Here are fifteen instance of our boundary breaking behaviours.
- Anything of yours is automatically ours.
- You are an extension of us.
- We make you feel guilty if you say no to us.
- We make you believe that you are something that you are not.
- We ignore and/or deny your needs.
- We invade your spaces.
- We allow your sense of self-esteem and self-worth to be eroded.
- We make you solely responsible for our needs.
- We make you say “yes” to us through a sense of obligation.
- We make you feel it is necessary to always please us.
- We treat you unequally.
- We fail to support you.
- We expect you to agree with us all of the time.
- We expect you to read our minds so you do what we want.
- We dominate your resources – time, energy, attention, socialising, money and emotions.
23 thoughts on “15 Boundary Breakers”
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This is one I can relate back to my mother. She consistently broke my boundaries, even though as a child it could be made to look other than what it was. I remember never feeling I had my own space, that she could and would invade it consistently to meet her own needs or due to her lack of empathy, sense of entitlement or superiority. The most obvious and impactful was when she spoke for me. I would be asked a question and she would answer. I was not allowed to voice my opinion or answer for myself. I was her and she was me. So, definitely an extension of her in the circumstances. The new understanding I have been given has been so enlightening to me.
This sums up my life with a narcissist. I’ve used every one of these examples when trying to explain his actions to other people. The sense of entitlement was outrageous.
I’ve recently been discarded (3 weeks and counting) bc I exposed him in public. BIG no-no. However, all his things are still at my house, still gets his mail here, still an emergency contact for him, still have joint accounts, etc. Where I was once his primary source for everything, whether he was happy or if he was mad and needed someone to fuss at, he’s now latched on to other people, including those he claims to hate.
I’m really hoping this time apart will allow me to gather the strength to uphold my boundaries. He is relentless in his badgering and guilting, but recently I started telling him “that sounds like a you problem, not a me problem” which was his favorite line to me if I need anything. And of course, that usually caused a tantrum since the same rules do not apply for him.
It seems he’s actively holding a grudge and icing me out, and to a certain degree still crossing those boundaries, especially the space invasion and what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine. I’m guessing that him dropping by to get work stuff (but not acknowledging me at all) and doing things like trying to use a card that he knows was deactivated months ago are his ways of still getting a whatever fuel he can from me?
Hello Margo, yes they are hoovers and I would recommend that you speak to me to work on understanding what is happening and most importantly of all, addressing your no contact regime as you need assistance with that.
Thank you! He’s notorious for the punishing silent treatments, with each one getting longer and longer, just like you’ve explained in other posts. However, each time he does it, it gets easier and easier for me to detach bc it’s so exhausting.
Hi Margo
You are in a good spot to best prepare for escape (the terminology you will generally notice here is that empaths escape and narcissists disengage). There is no actual discard because in their minds they own us for life and feel the right to pick us up and engage with us again at their choosing. The lengthy silent treatments are a good time to prepare a solid no contact and consulting with HG will address how to best effect that and ensure success.
Well stated.
This list is so helpful!
Mine used to talk over me. It was nuts. We would be having a conversation and I would start to reply and he would start talking over me. Then I would stop so he could finish speaking and then he would also stop talking. Then I would start talking again, he would start talking over me. It made me insane!
I once had an ex who sent me flowers every month for a full year after we split up. I affectionately call him ‘ love of my life guy.’
I contacted him to say thank you the first two or three months. I told him there was no point sending flowers though, it was over. After that I didn’t respond. Every month they would arrive. Never considered he might have been a narcissist too. Probably not. Can’t imagine a narcissist keeping that up, that consistently, for that long.
If he worked in the cemetery, it was easy to do.
Ha! That’s your inner Northerner.
No, it’s called observation.
Pfft
You appear to have sprung a leak.
OMG my ex narc worked at a rose grower, one Hoover was when I got delivered the biggest( probably 50 roses)longest red roses at work. The stems were as tall as me! Didn’t everyone think he was special though.!.
Oh, yeah, NarcX didn’t send flowers to my office for me. He sent them there for himself.
Hi HG,
I have a question about obligation manipulation used by the narcissist. My sibling often becomes very threatening and verbally abusive and then *always* inserts somewhere in the argument not to tell our parents because “the greatest gift we can give them is to let them think we are getting along”. They are also always trying to insert themselves into my relationship with our parents; always trying to be the middleman.
I talk with our parents and I find out that while they are trying to force that obligation on my, they tell our parents that we are fighting — and I’m sure that it is all my fault.
Is this one of the “guilt’ manipulation techniques?
I don’t understand the need to be the middle man though. Is this something that happens with the midrange? What need does that fill?
Sorry for all the questions!
Thanks
It is Triangulation and Provocation. It is designed to assert control.
Wow HG! Everyone of those my whole life! Boundaries are the toughest for me to learn, whether it be someone overstepping boundaries with me, or myself over stepping boundaries with someone else. I just have no sense of boundaries, this is my weakest link!
Me too. Sort of. Some of my boundaries are a HARD NO while others are practically nonexistent. Since coming here I’ve made progress on the weak ones.
BC30,
I didn’t even know what boundaries were when I first found HG. We would consult, I would tell him about something that had happened or that was happening at the time and he would say “ that person crossed boundaries “ I had no clue! Once I remember not excepting a gift from someone ( I had seen red flags around this individual) I didn’t want anything further to continue with this person. I was putting my suitcases in the car and he was helping me, when I arrived home that night and was unpacking the car I found the gift! He must have put it in my car when he was putting my suitcase in and I didn’t notice it. I had a consult with HG that week and was telling him about what happened, I thought the person was being nice and really wanted me to have the gift, HG told me that when I said no and refused the gift that should have been it, by him hiding the gift in my car he was crossing a boundary! I would never have looked at it that way and would probably have contacted this person, which is exactly what he wanted me to do. I never contacted him!
Wink wink lil sista.
Hahaha big Sista. 😘💞