7 Sorrows of the Narcissist
1. I am sorry I went away.
You probably said something that I did not like, you may not have said anything at all, but you did something which criticised me and I wanted to punish you so I disappeared. I am not going to tell you what I was doing whilst I was gone but I only thought about you when I looked at your pleading texts and missed calls. The rest of the time I spent it with your predecessor who I wanted to be with because, well, she hadn’t criticised me. Of course, she spoilt it and that is why I have come back to you pretending to be sorry. I need your fuel again, so here I am with my false remorse.
2. I am sorry I didn’t listen.
I didn’t listen to you because you have nothing of importance to say. Ever. That is compared to me. You should listen to me more because I do not like it when you do not. In fact I hate it. I rarely hear the words you say anyway, you are actually wasting your breath. I am far too focussed on the emotion that is spewing from you, your hurt, your frustration, your anger and your hatred. That is what I want to listen to. That gives me the fuel that I crave. I will pretend I will listen to you in the future so you provide me with some positive fuel for a while and then I will become deaf to what you have to say once again.
3. I am sorry that I hit you.
You made me do it because you will not do what I want and you will not give me what I need. I am torn between needing you and being disgusted by the fact that I am bound to someone as pathetic as you, when I am so brilliant. I am concerned that what I did may be detected by others and consequently the façade that I have created and maintained to everyone outside these four walls will be damaged. I am concerned I may have to spend some of my precious time charming law enforcement if you are treacherous enough to report me.
4. I am sorry I was unfaithful.
If you paid me more attention I would not have to do it, or at least, perhaps not as often. It was your fault that I went elsewhere because you do not admire me like you used to do. You should do so. Everyone admires me and you should be no different. I am irritated that I got caught because I thought I had covered my tracks and been cleverer than you. I am annoyed because you have scared off the other woman with your histrionics and now I am going to have to use my time and energy to find someone else now. I had a great little set-up there and you have ruined it with your interference. Just as you always spoil everything.
5. I am sorry I wasn’t there for you.
I really cannot be bothered having to support you when you are unwell. I find it a waste of my time because everything should be about me, not you. I do not like to be reminded of weakness. I see too much of myself when I do. I need my energies and time to carry out my machinations and gather fuel, not to play nurse maid to you. I do not care that you have looked after me, that is your role. I am too great to tend to you, it is beneath me. I am concerned that my lack of caring and attentiveness has proven the last straw however and my false contrition is purely designed to stop you leaving me.
6. I am sorry I am not a better person.
I am better, way better than you and everyone else, but I know you are fixated with the idea of making me better, changing me and healing me, so I say this to make you feel sorry for me and to hint at the fact that I want to change and become someone better. I am never going to change but I do love to keep you hanging on thinking that I will as this stops you leaving me and deserting me when I need my fuel. I will keep mentioning this so you stick around until such time as I have lined up someone else and I have drained you, then you disappear for all I care. In the meanwhile I will continue to insinuate that I am capable of change and improvement so that you do not go anywhere else. I need my fuel after all.
7. I am sorry for myself.
At least this one is true. I feel very sorry for myself and with good reason. I am just trying to get through life and deal with the jealous people, the envious people and the horrible people who are trying to hurt me. I know there are hundreds of them and I have done nothing to them, yet they insist on trying to hurt me. It is a terrible burden to carry, knowing that there are so many people out there against you, especially when you are as a wonderful and as brilliant as I am. I need your pity, your sympathy and your empathy. Give it to me. It is all fuel. I do not deserve to be treated like this do I? I am human too you know.
12 thoughts on “7 Sorrows of the Narcissist”
So you know the truth and keep confirming what you already know self verification is form of self doubt funny, how people keep lamenting their experiences and hardships yet just dont do the obvious thing any longer once they know the honest to god truth and keep sharing their troubles on a support blog and q and a blog let it go and allow bygones to be bygones ..heal yourself
This blog is a kind of therapy……So what then, we just sweep everything under the carpet? Keep quiet and retain the British stiff uper lip and be stoic about it?……Keep it all bottled up inside? No thanks……talking about it helps me move on. It reminds me not to go there again….Buying and reading the books and using this blog gives me a reference point to return to. Talking about past experiences helps new people who truly were gaslighted thinking it was them before they realised narcissism was even a thing. And of course we are full of self doubt…..We have been programmed to feel that way! That just doesn’t go away because you finally figured out that somebody in your life has a personality disorder that cannot be fixed.
Narcs come in all shapes and forms….You seem to be just looking at it from a romance point of view. Some of us have to deal with parents, with co-workers and go through the court system.
My narc has not left me alone……He parks down my street, he manages to find all kinds of ingenious ways to try to contact me……No criminal acts commited of course. So tell me how am I supposed to heal?
I find your comment insensitive.
Angelangie35 it’s not that simple. Empaths have to be reminded regularly. We don’t look at the world the same as the narc , we easily trust people . We want to believe when people talk to us that they are actually speaking the truth in the conversation they have chosen to have with us. We have family members and employers who easily use us , this blog is like a twelve step program to remind us . We don’t automatically think in negative logical terms when it comes to people we have emotional connections with …..we have to be on guard all the time ….narcs seek us out to talk with and to get rise out of us …because talking “Narc on narc “doesn’t do much for them …they seek out someone to affect to react , to actually use flattery on and to attach themselves to …us …so they can sense some importance.
Do you have any intention to update your YouTube channel? I hope you will consider.
There is a new one coming.
I hope it includes one of those cheesy intros on every video..
Bam bam bah bam knowing the narcissist bam bam bah bam with HG… Tudor
And different images of Hell flash up
mmmmm. yes. this tastes just like my ex narc.
I am just trying to get through life and deal with the jealous people, the envious people and the horrible people who are trying to hurt me. I know there are hundreds of them and I have done nothing to them, yet they insist on trying to hurt me.
I kid you not…….This is identical almost word for word what has passed my ex narcissists lips on more than one occasion.
I have also been sent the same in text. It’s a good job I’ve heard your voice HG. I’d be asking for a DNA test otherwise, or requesting to access distinctive identifying features!
I’m laughing. But I also find it very unsettling at the same time. I’ll give you this HG you’ve got this narc lark nailed ….
This is a good one! Thank you!
I’ve actually never gotten an apology close to this form. What I’ve always seen is –
– I’m sorry you felt that….. (apologizing for my feelings)
– I’m sorry for whatever you need me to be sorry for (in other words, they don’t believe they did anything wrong)
– I’m sorry for X, BUT you….. (which negates everything before the BUT and blames me for their behavior)
followed by the “I hope that’s good enough since I have X, Y, Z troubles I’m dealing with” — which pulls the pity me card.
It took me a very long time — actually, a lifetime — to realize these aren’t real apologies, and if accepted, the abuse only increases.
I have found that if you push the faux apology, the other person will likely admit they the “felt justified in their actions, and have nothing to apologize for”.
This was an excellent summary of what I only recently started to understand and how I have allowed abusers off the hook for mistaking a fake apology for a real one.
Thank you, HG.
You are welcome.
May I ask for a couple of examples for the type of apology lines you’ve used with those you’ve had as IPSS (I think that’s the right abbreviation for the primary personal source of supply)?