Obsessed
I want you to be happy. I am so in love with you. You are everything that I have ever wanted, you are like a dream come true, my soul mate, my other half, you complete me. You have no idea just what you do to me. I just want to love you like nobody else ever has. Yes, I am obsessed with you. I want to merge with you and become one. I am not just obsessed with you but with everything about you and most of all your happiness.
I just want to ensure that someone as brilliant as you, someone as wonderful as you, someone as marvellous as you is made to feel special. You deserve that. I know. I know something, or rather somebody has hurt you before. I know you do not want to talk about it. That is absolutely fine.
You do not have to talk about it with me. You see, I can tell. I have a sixth sense if you will for knowing about these things. It is just the way I am and let me tell you that you should feel no shame for that. You should not be upset that you have been hurt because I am going to put an end to the hurt. I am always going to look after you, help you, hold you and comfort you.
No matter what the world throws at us, throws at you, I will be by your side. I want to keep all the malice and bad things in this world away from someone as special and as perfect as you. I regard that as my calling. I was sent to look after you. It is true. It was not just chance that brought you and me together, not at all. I was sent to make you happy. It has been decided that what happened in the past will stay in the past and instead I have come to bring you happiness, great glorious golden happiness. I will not rest in my desire to see you happy at all times.
When you are happy, I am happy. My happiness is conditional on yours, that is just the way I am. No matter what happens, I will not give up on you. I will ensure that everything is great again. I give you my word. I am totally committed to achieving your happiness. I will do anything in the world to see you smile, to see your eyes light up and to know that you feel wonderful. You are an amazing person and you, more than anyone else in the world, deserves happiness.
I know how to provide it you and if that means that you think that I am obsessed with achieving it then so be it, but it is a noble aim. It is a good and laudable endeavour to ensure your happiness. I will aim each and every day, without hesitation, without reluctance and without restraint to deliver this for you. I want to do this for you, I want to do this for us.
You are the most important person in the world to me. You have made me feel so special being with me and I always want that feeling to continue, now and forever. I want to give that to you in return for all the scintillating things you give to me. I am truly blessed to have coupled with you and no matter how difficult things might become, no matter how hard others may make it I will not shirk from achieving your complete and utter happiness. I was born to do this. I am utterly beholden to you and your happiness. This is my obsession. You are my obsession. I am obsessed with you.
A period of time passes.
You want me to be happy. You are so in love with me. I am everything that you have ever wanted, I am like a dream come true, your soul mate, your other half, I complete you. I have every idea just what I do to you. You just want to love me like nobody else ever has. Yes, you are obsessed with me. You want to merge with me and become one.
You are not just obsessed with me but with everything about me and most of all my happiness. You just want to ensure that someone as brilliant as me, someone as wonderful as me, someone as marvellous as me, is made to feel special. I deserve that. You know. You know something, or rather somebody has hurt me before. You know I do not want to talk about it.
That is absolutely fine. I will not have to talk about it with you. You can tell. You have a sixth sense if you will for knowing about these things. It is just the way you are and you tell me that I should feel no shame for that. I should not be upset that I have been hurt because you are going to put an end to the hurt. You will always look after me, help me, hold me and comfort me. No matter what the world throws at us, throws at me, you will be by my side.
You want to keep all the malice and bad things in this world away from someone as special and as perfect as me. You regard that as your calling. You were sent to look after me. It is true. It was not just chance that brought you and me together, not at all. You were sent to make me happy. It has been decided that what happened in the past will stay in the past and instead you have come to bring me happiness, great glorious golden happiness. You will not rest in your desire to see me happy at all times. When I am happy, you are happy.
Your happiness is conditional on mine, that is just the way you are. No matter what happens, you will not give up on me. You will ensure that everything is great again. You give me your word. You are totally committed to achieving my happiness. You will do anything in the world to see me smile, to see my eyes light up and to know that I feel wonderful. I am an amazing person and I, more than anyone else in the world, deserves happiness.
You know how to provide it me and if that means that I think that you are obsessed with achieving it then so be it, but it is a noble aim. It is a good and laudable endeavour to ensure my happiness. You will aim each and every day, without hesitation, without reluctance and without restraint to deliver this for me. You want to do this for me, you want to do this for us. I am the most important person in the world to you. I have made you feel so special being with you and you always want that feeling to continue, now and forever.
You want to give that to me in return for all the scintillating things I give to me. You are truly blessed to have coupled with me and no matter how difficult things might become, no matter how hard others may make it you will not shirk from achieving my complete and utter happiness. You were born to do this. You are utterly beholden to me and my happiness. This is your obsession. I am your obsession. You are obsessed with me.
Think I am the only one who engages in mirroring?
Think again.
59 thoughts on “Obsessed”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
It’s about as useful as the Bible that manual. Some of it is based on fact. The rest is just theory
Whenever a person behaves like this, tells you you´re his or her soulmate, talks about big love, marriage, best friendship or whatever too soon, it´s NARC ALERT! 😉 I have read and heard that in fact many people have those alarm bells. Many people have a very bad gut feeling when it comes to the Love Bombing phase with a narc. Many people feel that “there´s something off”. But unfortunately many people do not listen to their own instinct. Good for the narc! Bad for the victim! 🙁
It is called emotional thinking.
Sam Vaknin is a waste of time and space.
Kim e,
I have a hard time understanding him as well. I just tune out .
Kim e,
A waste of space, so true! That’s why you’ll never see me write his name on this blog! 😉
FM1T
It wil lnever happen again. I could call him the worthless piece of shit but there are so many to choose from…HAHAHa
Haha Kim e! Agreed! 😘
May I ask why there is such hostility about Sam Vaknin? Has there been a bad occurrence with him? I understand his mannerism and tone are completely academic and science… he is very clinical. Most clinicians and scientists speak this way.
HG….I’m really confused ….I didnt get love bombed ..my narssacist came back from 30 years ago…hook up straight into devaluation…but 30 years ago he chased me around like a puppy…is this revenge???now I’m discarded and blocked….
I need more information to give you an accurate explanation and invite you to organise a consultation.
Whenever the word, “Soulmate”, is uttered ,proclaimed,written,my hair stands straight in the air.This sentence should have anyone running for the door, “ You’re my soulmate “, utter bullshit, you’re not dead, how can your souls merge? Saying my love and presenting a beautiful pair of shoes may get me,though.
Logic
By the way: People with Borderline syndrome do the same but they really believe what they say. Their Love Bombing comes out of their abnormal strong emotions. They really think that way in the beginning. When they paint you black you are the biggest a…. hole and they hate you from the bottom of their hearts but a couple of hours later they can paint you white again. This black and white thinking is similar in people with BPD and NPD but the causes of those symptoms are different. The person with NPD wants FUEL. The person with BPD is really madly in love. NPD-people cannot be in love.
You are talking about a narcissist.
But narcs can´t be REALLY in love, can they? Maybe a little bit when they sense very good fuel, but a BPD-person doesn´t need “fuel” – those people have genuine emotions?
He does not actually experience love.
May I suggest the Is it Love from the knowledge Vault. That will give you the answer if they love . They may think they do but they dont. Sad but so true.
They love the FUEL!
Hg
Yes!!!!
@Leela, I have a great article from Quora regarding BPD and it was a huge eye opener for me. It’s written by a psychologist who says that BPD is often misdiagnosed and it’s actually C-PTSD. I’m not sure if we’re allowed to post links on here so I’ll have to go doublecheck the rules. If it’s ok, then I’ll post it below. I was misdiagnosed in 1997 with BPD and it wasn’t until last year that I listened to my therapist and a handful of others and agreed that I did not have BPD. And from the results of my Trait Detector by HG (I scored higher in empathy than narcissism), I’m thinking that this would exclude me from the BPD club. Am I correct here, HG? I scored pretty equally amongst narc traits within all 10 categories (Defiance was #1) and the same with empathy with my results being higher in empathy (Truthseeker and Love Devotee were my top 2) so does this rule out the possibility of me having BPD? Can you tell if someone has BPD from the results of the Trait Detector alone? That’s pretty interesting if you can.
As already answered BPD is either
1. A victim exhibiting high emotional thinking and/or PTSD ; or
2. More usually a Mid Range Narcissist.
There is no BPD club, you belong in group 1.
I can also add to this, that people with Autism , can get diagnosed with BPD.
It happened to me.
I got the wrong diagnosis BPD 14 years ago.
And then horrible therapy and medication for that.
Ofcourse my problems only got worse!
4 years ago i got the diagnose Autism spectrum disorder, wich was at first a big surprise for me, becouse i, and like a lot of people thought dat Autistic people show and feel less emotions.
But ofcourse we do. And Autism expresses itself differently in women.
Also one must be careful about a Narcissist who claims to have Autism, that seems to happen to.
There are some simularities with the two.
Here comes the Narc-English-“translation” 😉
“I am so in love with you” – I´m so in love with your fuel 😉
“You have no idea just what you do to me” – You provide me with delicious fuel! 😉
” you are like a dream come true, my soul mate, my other half,” – bla bla bla I know you wanna hear that 😉
“When you are happy, I am happy” – …because you provide me with delicious fuel 😉
“You are the most important person in the world to me” – …as long as you give me good fuel 😉
“I regard that as my calling. I was sent to look after you”- bla bla bla 😉
“I am obsessed with you” – I am obsessed with your fuel 😉
I think I´m a good H.G.-student 🙂
Leela
Padawn. You have much to learn.
The clinical diagnosis of BPD is a further tool which allows two things
1 – The narc peurp, who is usually the intimate partner, trundle up with them to the psychiatrist (who is very possibly a narc also) and states, ‘yes, she is mad. She screams, she yells, she tantrums! Is she going mad? The victim is likely at this point to be in either a meltdown or a state of catatonic.
, No, extreme provocation due to heightened ET then reactions. Dr? Diagnosis, BPD
2 – A NPD submits themselves to the psych. Explains aspects of their behaviour. Of course, they cannot fully disclose because they are unaware. Diagnosis, BPD.
Group 1 will be largely Empaths who are so completely ensnared in FOG, and above all Guilt. They will accept the diagnosis and feel utterly ashamed.
Group 2 will use the diagnosis of BPD to explain away their abhorrent behaviour which then FURTHER castigates Group 1 in the eyes of society.
My diagnosis, BPD doesnt exist. It’s a useful tool to shut Group 1 up. That’s instinctive of course.
I’ve seen them, I have BPD! No you have NPD.
Whichever way you twist us, DV and DA is built on these firm principles.
Abuse the Survivour.(Crime)
Deny the abuse (Or blame shift, gaslight, etc)
Ensure the Survivour is blamed for their own abuse (Chatecter deformation).
Simple. As. That.
And that’s why it continues.
Leela, as I have explained previously BPD is either a victim exhibiting certain behaviour resulting from increased Emotional Thinking and/or trauma or a narcissist who has been incorrectly diagnosed owing to the difficulties associated with such diagnosis and the gender bias afforded by the classification of BPD.
Hg
This is intriguing. Forgive me but by ‘gender bias’, are you referring to the very old concept that woman can be perceived as ‘mad, histronic’ whereas males are ‘calm and collected’?
Where both genders are able to obviously display every characteristic.
I have personally witnessed a male narc saying that about his ex. I learned what he was. Then lo and behold, he is saying that about me.
Did anyone question him when spouting his ‘tales’ the decidedly singular question.
If we hadnt been in touch for so long, how on earth had he become privy to my sessions with psychiatrists? And of course, no BPD.
I would like to think that the more intelligent ones would have thought on this.
Of course, the older they get, and he is now 57, not the 46 he was pretending, the truth will out. Perhaps it’s out already?
No. Narcissism is viewed as stigmatic, BPD less so. Society regards females as empathic, caring and nurturing as compared to men, society did not want to label many females as narcissists, so instead created BPD, hence why more women are diagnosed with BPD than men – many of these are female narcissists but society would rather not view them as such, so calls it something else.
Interesting re BPD thanks HG.
Re Guislane, I realise an N but was she manipulated in the same way Brady did with Myra? Or was it different with Guidlaine?
Both their need for the Prime Aims was met.
HG,
Aren’t both Renarde’s example of past labelling of emotional women as “histrionic” and your example of society, currently,
wanting to view women as empathic and caring, symptomatic of cultural bias?
Indeed.
They are also both examples that mistakenly ignore the role of NPD in each situation: one being due to undiagnosed NPD and the other being due to narcissistic abuse.
There is a certain stereotype or stigma associated with “Borderline”. I have seen where police or legal professionals think they know what BPD is and if someone fits, in their minds, the associated criteria, that seems to satisfy that there is a mental health history and therefore no need to look further, for example, (in the case of a True Victim) in search of evidence of abuse, or more specifically, narcissistic abuse.
Second part should have read :
“your example of society, currently,
wanting to view *highly emotional* women (who might fit the BPD criteria) as empathic and caring, symptomatic of cultural bias?
Hg
Ahh right Hg, I understand.
I didnt recueve a notification for that BTW.
Women are more empathic, emotional and caring than men. Not a cultural bias but a biological reality.
Whitney,
“Women are more empathic, emotional and caring than men. Not a cultural bias but a biological reality.”
An empath man, – who is nurturing and supportive – and involved in a child custody battle with a mid-range mother, may beg to differ.
WhoCares, I better add “in general” so I can be accurate and politically correct. It’s a biological reality that the sexes differ in terms of empathy, in general. That is, comparing averages of a large sample of the population, women are more empathic than men, in general.
Do you think men and women are the same, in general?
Whitney,
“Do you think men and women are the same, in general?”
No.
But I think empathic men and women are more likely similar than they are different.
I think the cultural bias that being female inherently makes one empathic and caring obscures the reality that not all females are, specifically female narcissists.
And this bias can affect child protection cases and legal cases.
Thank you WhoCares I understand and see what you mean. Do you have any experience first hand with child protection cases, with empathetic fathers and abusive mothers?
Whitney,
“Do you have any experience first hand with child protection cases, with empathetic fathers and abusive mothers?”
Yes, in the context of social services, I have had interactions with mothers, who are not the true victim, but mid-rangers, who have custody of their children, with their ex having visitation rights. When no one is looking, they are neglectful, abusive to their children but they also gaslight and triangulate their children in the presence of others.
Also, my grandmother worked for child protection services for many years as an emergency foster care home. Child protection services thought she was wonderful, because it was hard to find people to take in kids in an emergency situation. I played with many of those children when I was younger.
My grandmother, was abusive to her own children and grandchildren. She would have fit the description of a middle mid-ranger.
Cognitive empathy fools many.
The Empath fathers that I know didn’t stand a chance gaining enough time with their kids because the facade of the mid-ranger mother was so believable.
Aaaaaaaaaw! Thank you! NOW I get it!
You are welcome.
Sam Vaknin states that BPD people are failed narcissists. He says that when a child does not fully develop into a narcissist, he/she remains stunted in BPD.
No, those are codependents.
He also states that cluster B types should be lumped into 1 label as a whole since they can change into any of the disorders in the group throughout their lifetime. Ex. A Bpd can become a narcissist. A somatic narc can become cerebral. Etc…
Oh dear.
@love
I feel like sam Vaknin hates his mother for not protecting him against his father and so he comes up with these strange theories about codependents
Well if narcissists can change, Sam V should prove it by demonstrating that he can be something other than the rude sleep-inducing potato that he is.
Ka-boom.
What is SV a cerebral mid?
He identifies as a narcissistic psychopath
@alexis
He’s a greater cerebral. He might be a lower greater because he seems jarring AF
I meant not the IPPS, but a completely different person who has nothing to do with the narc. But it is indeed true that BPD and NPD have similar symptoms which are overlapping.
Leela
With the greatest of respect, you’ve missed the point.
Doesnt matter if they are IPPS, IPSS, abused by their parents or whatever.
In my view, ‘BPD’ is merely a collection of symptoms caused by NPD in the first instance. It is not a Cluster B Personality disorder. Dont care what the DSMV says; it’s wrong.
If they havnt been abused by someone , those particular set of symptoms would in all likelihood, never had appeared. I’ve already explained about group 2.
People who are ‘diagnosed’ with BPD displays symptoms through abuse. These can be allievated with correct care.
NPD folks do not displays symptoms, they display behaviours. Behaviours cannot be cured.
It might seem as if I’m being pedantic. Its important to be accurate.
Just curious (playing devil’s advocate if you gals can handle an opposing opinion) if the DSM is so wrong, why hasn’t trained therapists, clinicians. doctors, psychiatrists, and psychologists opt to ignore changing the DSM? Looks like they’d want to give correct information. Is it a conspiracy?
Pamela
You. Are. A. Twat.
Fuck. Off.
Pamela- short answer-*money*.
Speaking from the experience of working in mental health for over 20 years (with kids in foster care, adults diagnosed with mental illnesses who live in group homes, as a liaison with adults who have been institutionalized in psychiatric hospitals, etc), and also as someone who has family members with substance abuse and mental health issues:
I tend to agree with Peter Walker, who has done extensive research, and has books and a website on a Complex PTSD, when he says if you took all of the symptoms and behaviors that people have as a result of trauma, and really focused on that, you could reduce the DSM to the size of a pamphlet.
Also, one of the best, most comprehensive websites I’ve ever seen on mental health, is Craig Wagner’s Onward Mental Health website. If you look at his illustration of “The Web Of Causation Of Mental Distress”, it does make sense how certain factors can add up, and depending on the person and their individual make up, health, supports that they may or may not have, etc, how a person can end up in mental distress.
As far as the DSM and the professionals you mentioned, they largely use the DSM for insurance purposes. The diagnoses are largely subjective. There’s no blood test out there to “prove” most of these diagnoses, like there is with medical conditions. And a diagnosis is beneficial as long as it’s helpful. If it ends up becoming the person’s identity, or ends up being used by others to stigmatize the person, or to pigeon hole them, rather than to understand, then in my point of view I think it ceases to be helpful. Also, once you see a person through the lens of a Western Psychoateic diagnosis, it really hard to stop. Not sure that this a good thing.
Going back to the Onward Mental Health website, he goes over that 25% of the time, “mental illness” is actually the result of medical issues, and he goes over which medical problems can cause which symptoms. But if you are a psychologist or psychiatrist (unless we’re taking Orthomolecluar Psychiatry), are you going to dig around and look for medical problems, or will you diagnose the person with a psychiatric disorder, prescribe meds, and call it a day? What do you think insurance will pay for? Which option do you think will bring the clinician repeated visits from the client? How do you think they make their money? Bottom line, is the DSM, the diagnoses, and what the conventional “treatments”, we’re talking big bucks here. Follow the money.
WV22
Well said.
I perhaps would’ve parsed it differently in so much I would’ve approached it from the view that some of the knowledge is correct but not all.
This understandably creates confusion and obstufacation. No more or less.
I do take your point on money though.
Ignore idiotic Pamela. If she says ‘gals’ one more time, I shall be having a word with ‘Alex’.