Little Acons – No. 1

YOU CARRYMY TORCH

A series of memes which encapsulates the mind set of the narcissistic parent towards their child resulting in the creation of the Adult Child of a Narcissist.

10 thoughts on “Little Acons – No. 1

  1. blackcoffee30 says:

    She said, “I hate my mother. She’s always saying some thing about how I look but when I call her, and I don’t even want to see her, somehow I end up buying a plane ticket for her to come see me! Now, she’s gonna ruin Halloween.”

    This was over dinner with a good friend who shared that her mother is constantly remarking on her appearance. She’s “too fat” etc. She’s not, but was struggling over what to order at the restaurant. Said her mother would constantly pick at her dad who would then turn his anger on the children, then play the victim. She “couldn’t believe” he was so cruel to HER children.

    What material should I get that I can give to her? Because somebody gave her a book by a different author, and it’s pretty famous, but I don’t really think it’s gonna help her.

  2. lickemtomorrow says:

    Brilliant idea putting these into memes HG. Unfortunately, they also resonate.

    The image in this one is especially poignant, along with the words.

    Children of narcissist’s do not belong to themselves. They are extensions of the parent. The parent lives through them. The parent is the one who has earned and enjoys the accolades. It is their success and you better bloody well provide it. I am you and you are me. We are one. That is the mindset of the narcissistic parent.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Correct.

    2. Leela says:

      Briefly summarized: “You better f…. are how I want you to be and you better f… do what I want you to do and you f… do as I say, because I said so, you are nothing without us, you are no real person, you are what I want you to be” If not…. there comes the FURY!!!! and the worst devaluations!

  3. blackcoffee30 says:

    This is true of most all parents, I think. No? I’m the only post-graduate professional amongst my siblings and the only one bragged about and taken about town and introduced to everyone my parents know, including the store clerk at the grocer. My parents are not Ns. My siblings laugh it off, but it’s true.

    1. Fiddleress says:

      Not true of all parents, no.

      Your parents seem genuinely proud of you, in a sweet kind of way. It doesn’t sound as though you were coerced into succeeding at all costs, especially to yourself. They must be awed at what you achieved, and happy for you.
      With N parents, there’s no “happy for you”.

      I’m the only post-grad in my immediate family too, and that was the only thing my N mother found interesting about me – and even then, only in front of others. No surprises there.
      She did push me to study, but wouldn’t have needed to as I loved it. What she did do was forbid me to pursue a profession I wanted to embrace, with threats, and at 18, I submitted. Still, I love what I do, which was my second choice. It just happened to fall into a category she approved of.

      My son has done extremely well in his studies because he wanted to and had the required drive and gifts for it; I don’t brag about him. Of course I am proud of him, or more precisely very happy for him that he studied and succeeded in a field which he chose (and which surprised me at first). But I do not see it as my doing at all, and around me, the only people who know are those who ask me about my children’s qualifications.

      1. blackcoffee30 says:

        I said most all because “You carry my torch.” is a fairly common saying. Of course, my parents are not Ns. They are lovingly proud, but I am also the first person in the family to even go to college. I feel terribly to read these stories of N mothers. I never really understood what my girlfriends with N moms (we now know what they are) suffered until finding KTN. My mother loves me unconditionally, of that I am certain.

        1. lickemtomorrow says:

          It’s wonderful to have at least one parent you can rely on and who can give you that message. It would make all the difference.

          I’m afraid my father likely also falls into the category of a narcissist, so I was not protected.

          It is very hard at times coming to terms with these realizations. How alone you actually were as a child.

          Those of us in this position seem to default in one of two ways. Either by becoming a narcissist or becoming the everlasting victim of narcissists.

          Thankfully, this place has given me hope, and a whole new understanding to wrestle with.

          1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dear lickemtomorrow,
            Parents ?
            What are they?
            I never had one, I parented myself
            😂
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  4. Leela says:

    Oooh, the Acon no 3 matches perfectly! If I got 1 $ for every “BECAUSE I SAID SO” from my dad, I would be millionaire today. 😀

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.