Inanimate Compliance
I have a fascination for inanimate objects. Show me a beautiful watch with its intricate mechanism on display and I shall sit transfixed for a long time admiring the craftsmanship in this creation. I like to touch one of my favourite suits relishing the sensation of the cloth. I will hold it up pleased with the way it hangs and then of course admire how I wear it in the mirror. A sculpture, a painting, a car or a piece of jewellery. They all invite my admiration. They are items of beauty and superiority and as such firmly belong in my world. Moreover, they do exactly what I want. I love my dishwasher. It always works. I press the buttons and it obeys my commands, quietly churning away as it removes the residue from the expensive crockery. The glassware comes out shining, without streaks or marks. Each and every time. Objects are reliable. They perform as I require them to perform. I love nothing more than an appliance. It complies, it obeys and it delivers. I love possessions.
I love to possess you and make you an inanimate object. That is how I see you. You are an appliance which I expect to do as I demand.You are but an extension of me, placed here to carry out my demands and whims. I like to attach brand names to my ex-girlfriends. Becky was Zanussi – she was good at science, thus she was the appliance of science. Sarah was Nike since I had to tell her to Just Do It.(she called me Burger King – have it your way, I quite liked her).Another was Energizer as she kept going and going and going (but that’s another tale). I like to think I am Tag Heuer (Success. It’s a Mind Game).I objectify everybody and assess how they can be a good appliance to me. Once that is done I have to acquire the appliance. I have possession of you and you must act as I dictate. All my other possessions do, so why should you be any different?
He use to call me his conscience and said I perplexed him because I had a knack for actually making him feel a bit bad for some of the things he said to people ( except for to me apparently).he would also say he was jealous of me because of my innocence and the ability I seemed to have to just talk to people and they want to take care of me and protect me ( I would just look at him and ask what he was talking about and he would actually look angry with me).and say do you know what its like to be jealous of your partner and to know emotionally they leap mountains compared to you and that your friends and family genuinely love them more then you ? .my reply was always the same I’m just human I do everything everyone else does I’m not some sort of enigma. And his reply was always the same you just don’t understand what its like in my head.
He would tell me what he was at times by things he would say now looking back after reading your articles but I didn’t understand and now I’m paying for not understanding the red flags and exactly what he was doing nor do I understand why I didn’t run like hell the first time he said to me “I could lie straight to your face and you would never know the difference”.
You did not pay attention to the red flag because your emotional thinking was so high, it conned you into ignoring it.
Michele
Because you believed he might lie, but he would never lie to you?
I think every part of me wanted to believe that when he said he wouldn’t lie to me I wanted to believe that more .he was my first real long term relationship. He had and still has a way of twisting things to make it seem like I recall things differently than what they were said. When he said about lieing straight to my face and I would never know it .he later would say I said I could but I don’t, and he was really really good about covering his tracks he had given me his passwords and his emails and his pass code to his phone so I could know I could trust him but here I am 13 years later divorced because I had the audacity to get sick after having my son and not pay him enough attention( so he started a relationship with a ex that I found out about by accident because she called at 3 am and he left the ringer on )finding out my entire relationship was literally a huge lie and being tortured by the current source and him its disturbing.
“All my other possessions do, so why should you be any different?” Because we are people, that’s why all of us “malfunction.” LOL
Thank you for the piece hg it all comes full circle when you write to us…thanks again
You are welcome.