Locked on Target

LOCKED ON TARGET

I turn away from the group that I am with in the bar, the laughter at my tale still loud and suitably intrusive to cause other patrons to look our way. More fuel for me of course.  It is then that I see her, stood at the bar waiting to attract the attention of the bar tender. She is not thrusting a card or note in the air demanding to be served, she is not hopping up and down trying to get in the eye line of the relevant server, no, she is stood waiting patiently. A good sign. Patience.

She is tall, not as tall as me, but only three of four inches shorter. An excellent height. She  wears a tight elegant dress, black, no it is navy blue and it exhibits an exercised and properly nourished body. She knows how to look after herself. I can see from the fabric that this is no item of fast fashion but rather an enduring piece of classic attire. This also tells me that she has maintained her body shape and size for some time. Prudent, classy and disciplined. Super.

The Intimate Partner Primary Source is in devaluation. She is elsewhere. Where? Somewhere, but that is irrelevant right now. I knew you would ask that question, so asked and answered. I must return to the matter in hand.

I note the slender wrists and the way that she leans against the bar, her hands resting on the clutch bag which is placed on the bar. I cannot make out the brand from where I am stood. Her nails are manicured, but not in a brash manner, she does not wield garish multi-coloured talons, but rather neat nails with nail varnish which is some shade of red difficult to see precisely given the coloured lighting that plays onto her hands from the lights over the bar. Her fingers are long, nimble, I suspect she can play a musical instrument and I can picture a book resting in those neat hands. She prefers the texture and feel of the book as opposed to the electronic digestion of her literary meals. I momentarily wonder if a copy of Sex and the Narcissist  or  Manipulated has ever found its way into her hands and that amuses me.

Her hair is ash blonde and is cut so it rests on her shoulders which are bare. She has good shoulders, defined, strong, made for gripping. Made for biting. Her skin looks to have a slight tan, she does not look like someone who is a prolonged seeker of the sun. She is continuing to look across the bar as she waits to place her order.

Now, do I have competition. Actually, that is flattering of me to reference it as competition, a better description would be, is there a distraction? Who else lays claim, or rather may try to lay claim to her? I break away from looking at her to ascertain if anybody is watching her, watching over her, observing me looking at her. There is a group to the left, all women and I see a couple glance at her, doubtless to see if she has been served and brining them the required cocktail. There are no men in the group and the looks of the men suggest friendship, rather than anything more meaningful. She is not gripped by anybody sapphic, although I am sure she can embrace it at my direction, should the need arise. My cursory sweep of the adjoining area of the bar does not determine anybody who would prove a hindrance or distraction.

Now, for the most important part. The face and specifically the eyes. I continue to stare at her, ignoring a question from one of my friends behind me, he can wait. He does not persist in badgering me for an answer, he knows better than to keep doing that, that is why he remains a long-standing Non Intimate Secondary Source, some do learn.

My gaze bores into her. Come on, look at me. I urge in my mind. Turn, turn to me, HG wants to see more. The music playing in the bar has faded, the noise of conversation, the intermittent bellow of laughter, the sound of glasses and movement has become muffled and suppressed as my focus tightens on this lady.

In my peripheral vision, I see the problem coming from the left. Oh, I do not think so. Another customer is walking to the bar and he will, like the moron that he is, place himself between me and my quarry. I make considerable use of my peripheral vision, it serves me well in both my professional and private lives, I see things coming before others do and that gives me a distinct advantage.

I take a step forward and move to the bar, forcing the interloper to swerve around me and go behind me. If he had moved in front of me, I would have bumped into him, taken his wallet and thrown it behind him and pointed asking “Is that yours?” in order to make him move. Well, that is of greater subtlety than knocking him to the floor, this isn’t the bar for that kind of behaviour. Not tonight anyway.

The pocket dipping proves unnecessary and now I am roughly six feet from the lady as I stand at the bar, my body angled so that I am partially leaning against it, my eyes remaining locked on her. She will look, she will feel my presence and she will look my away. I wait.

Her head turns and she glances at me. Her eyes meet mine. It is brief and she glances away and I know what is coming. Yes, they come back and she looks up at me once again, my presence having pricked her to look this way and then that first exchange of glances sufficient to ignite her interest.

In that instant, as she looks at me, looking at her, this is when the magic happens. I see in those brown eyes the compassion, the kindness, the honesty, the decency, the intelligence, the keen enquiring mind. I have spent so many years learning what the eyes signify and I have ensured that I know what you are from looking into them. So much is gleaned from them, you give away so much from what shines from your eyes and when I say you, I mean the empaths of the world.

There is nothing you can do about it, other than I suppose wear sunglasses but that is going to look rather stupid in a bar at night and she is not Anna Wintour, fortunately. You are unable to hide that burning empathy which is always present in your eyes. You cannot make the kindness, the honesty, the considerate nature which radiates from your eyes and ones such as I recognise and target. The expression formed through those eyes is open and welcoming. There is no defence there. There are no walls, no moats, no towers of rejection, just a warmth and the flowing emotional empathy.

The look in her eyes is reinforced by the slight smile which is there, it is one of self-deprecation as if she should not be looking and feels ill-mannered for doing so. Boundary recognition. She has it. I do not. Her nose is long and refined. She wears make-up which accentuates rather than masks and I determine she is in her 30s, a little younger than me. Her face has a softness to it, I detect a sense of fortitude but she is not hard-faced. This is not a face which stands at bus stops in freezing winter drizzle.

The fact I find her in this bar suggests she has a decent enough income. There is no accompanying individual which reinforces that she has independence, not that it would prove insurmountable if she were attached in some way to another. Everybody is there for the taking.

All of the above information has been assimilated in under a minute.

I want her. I want to possess her. She is another trophy to be collected. She knows the rules, they all do. If you come on my radar, you belong to me. You are mine. She will not put up any stern resistance, I can already discern that from the way she has looked at me. She is interested, she is pleased my the attention of the well-dressed and handsome stranger. She wants to know why he has looked at her, she wants to know why he smiled and did not avert his gaze but instead continued to drink her in. Of course, she has no idea that I was already starting to drink of her fuel, but that does not matter to her. It matters to me. It matters that she will be brought under my control. I feel the flicker of invigorating fresh empathic fuel as it mixes with the established fuel from the secondary sources that were gathered around me from my coterie. Hers is delightful, light and sparkling, I feel it fizzing inside of me. I want more. I want to sink a new pipeline, attaching her to me and feel that potent, bountiful, fulsome fuel pumping and coursing along the pipeline from her to me. I want that fuel as it signals she is coming under my control to surge into me, bolstering me, filling me up, ensuring that it remains silenced.

I have another that will belong to me. Just like all the others. All the other possessions. She is mine, she does not know this but she will come to realise that soon enough and she will do so without me even having to tell her. She will learn and embrace such ownership with almost naive delight. They all do.

I want to educate her, I want to draw her memories into me. I want to consume her experiences, I want to suck her world into my veins and feel her moving through me. I want her breath, I want her kiss, I want her sounds and sights to become mine. I want to close my eyes and see her at eight years old carefree and running through a sun-kissed meadow. I want to see her at her graduation, smiling towards those proud, proud parents. I want to see her nervous at the top of her first black run and then giving a cry of excited fear as she sets off, which becomes the steady cry of triumph as she masters the piste. I want her thoughts to flow into me, I want to absorb her knowledge and understanding, I want her everything to belong to me.

She continues to look at me, then away and then back again. Her smile grows and she looks down and back up again, those eyes, that sanctuary beckoning to me and promising such salvation.

The pipeline is now attached and the fuel begins to flow.

I feel the surging inside and m vision narrows as the sights play across her elegant and beautiful face.

I am locked on target.

 

Sitting Target

Fuel

Understanding Changes to the Narcissist´s Fuel

54 thoughts on “Locked on Target

  1. duchessbea says:

    You are a very good writer HG, you know how to spin a good story. You had me captivated.

  2. FYC says:

    What a beautifully written post. It is interesting to read that some feel this intense, sudden interest and meticulous observation is romantic. It is understandable. Yet after a couple years at KTNU, I do not read this post with any romantic notions. Instead, this reveals the incisive and disciplined mind of the Ultra. Note the instinctive attraction and piqued interest in a new fuel prospect (now that the primary source is in devaluation); the highly detailed observation and rapid assessment; the preconceived plans for fuel extraction; and the desire to possess a new trophy. This is not the description of attraction in the romantic or erotic sense, but one that is befitting of the title, “Locked on Target.” This is fuel source hunting at its finest: Aware, intelligent, intentional and devastatingly effective.

  3. Bubbles 🍾 says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    I was “locked” in your story, it felt like the beginning of a novel
    I was so disappointed I couldn’t turn the page
    Your writing is ever so captivating
    Where’s my smelling salts ?
    😂
    Thank you Mr Tudor
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am pleased you enjoyed reading it, Bubbles.

      1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        Dear Mr Tudor,
        Ever considered writing for Mills and Boon, but with happy endings 😂
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Ha ha, cheeky!

  4. Asp Emp says:

    Apparently a broken heart causes more pain than a broken bone…. emotional thinking can take over, this is when the psychology needs to intervene – but many psychologists are too clinical during sessions. Hence the reason why “therapy” sessions are not always the best way for the individual. The psychologist may be a narc (too distant) and therefore not necessarily the best answer. The sooner people realise this, the better.

    People need to find the best way that works for them. Even if it means using a website as first point of call but even then the original site they visit may not be the best starting point for them. They could be looking at a psychologist’s or a scientist’s site.

    Go to an “Expert by Experience”‘s site. If you live it, go to a site that is by people who are diagnosed as such. Not scientist or psychologist by certificate ie Masters of some Degree or supposedly.

    For a long time, people used social media or used their mobile phones to access information. For the last 20 years or so, people have been “too busy” in their careers etc to actually look at people around them. Now that Covid has invaded the world, people are forced to look at other ways of interacting.

    Technology is not necessarily the answer. Talk to each other.

    There are people around today that have forgotten what the world was like before the likes of social media.

    In the 1970’s, may father correctly documented that “robots” would be dictating as to when a washing machine would have completed it’s cycle or whether a hoover (LOL, a HOOVER?!?!) would be able to manage itself via computer to complete the task that it was programmed to do. Many may have thought my father a crazy man, but, hey, he would have beaten Clive Sinclair at his own “inventions” (cough, cough, they didn’t prove to be feasible – but the Home Computer was) Thank you, dad. Bless you & your futuristic albeit mental but correct “projections”.

    He was no narc. An empath? No, but he loved me for being one.

    Don’t send a text message to your parent from upstairs in the home you live in “What’s for dinner….. is dinner ready?”. Go and talk to them in person. That’s humanity.

  5. Ren says:

    Very insightful.

    I’ve never been one of my gender who hang around bars to see if they can pick up men. The very height of lunacy in my own opinion from either 16 to my age. Why would you do that? Not that I’m saying the woman was doing that of course.

    I remember once a guy. I was running an event in London. Kink. He rocked up and was so out of place. He wasbt one if us. It was obvious and he reeked of it.

    What bothered me more was that he kept staring at me but never made a move. After say, 30 minutes of this, I draw a few VERY big and handy men close to me and voiced my concerns.

    ‘Are we going to have a problem?’

    ‘No, already spotted’

    ‘Good’.

    But he couldnt take his eyes off me.

    Obviously that unnerved me but what unnerved me more were the empathic submissives who whete quite happily engaging in conversation with him. Lambs to the slaughter.

    He turned up a few times more. On one occasion a very big bad, who is my friend observed him too.

    ‘That guy freaks the fuck out of me!’, I said.

    ‘Dont worry gorgeous, it’s all in hand. Dont worry about him’ Gave me a kiss on my cheek. I felt safe.

    And that was that.

    Very weird.

  6. Liza says:

    It was so beautiful to read, but it almost mad me cry because all of this will not last, and sooner or later this evening will become a frightening memoty to her.

    1. Liza says:

      memoty= memory.

      if there are other mistakes sorry

    2. Leela says:

      She will wish that she had ran away that evening. 🙁

      1. Liza says:

        yup, reading it feels like when you rewatch a movie and you already know that your favorite charactere will die.

  7. Empath007 says:

    I started reading this with the usual delight of getting lost in one of your tales… and then soon… the repetition of what I’ve once heard while being seduced came flooding back, I had had those memories tucked away somewhere else. And then there they are, the exact words he used with me… written on a page. It started with the eyes, as he told me point blank he could see the goodness and kindness in them. Then the desire to know all the parts of my life, he would often say “ I want to know every experience that created the woman of my dreams, all of it… tell me all of it”.

    It didnt make me cry but it brings up an almost unexplainable emotion. When trying to explain abuse to others, these are the parts they do not hear or see…. the moments he ignored all those talking around him so that he could fixate on you… the times he dropped everything so he could seduce you… there are so many details others don’t know… so many we’ve kept to ourselves. So many precise moments that led up to our demise.

    With that I think a slight breather KTN may be necassary for me. Thank you for allowing me back when I needed it. Lord knows I will be back again, the next time my mind is playing tricks on me.

    1. Ren says:

      Empsth007

      Hey it’s ok if you do take a breather. I think we all do, time to time.

      Sounds like something triggered you in this writing and thats ok?

      Just remember lovely, they are ghosts from the past. It doesnt define us how we move forward. It’s like I say, pricess it, but it down on the side of the road and move on.

      I am, I should say, my own worst enemy when it comes to this. I still keep on trying.

      Catch you on the flip side? X

    2. Ren says:

      Empath007

      I think what might help you is working towards the emotion you cant name.

      I’m not even sure I can name it! It is very difficult to describe the seduction Hoover to a normal. A narc will throw it back in your face.

    3. Eternity says:

      Empath007, my mind plays tricks on me on the time and its not fun thats for sure. Dizzy feeling, confused. anxiety all the above.

    4. Asp Emp says:

      I know the feeling. Can empathise with you. It’s ok to take a break – that’s acceptable. Come back when your’e feeling a bit stronger. It’s the ET that’s the issue…… many will understand 🙂

    5. truthseeker6157 says:

      Empath 007,

      Some articles just really hit a nerve don’t they? It happened to me here too. I reacted very similarly. I rejected and backed up. Wanted to go to my corner, pull up the drawbridge and leave the blog. Plus, honestly, the article made me angry. Not with my narc, with HG actually for having written it and including the sentence that hurt.
      My ET spiked. That is not logical thinking. HG is many things but he isn’t a mind reader and he certainly isn’t psychic. My anger was headed in the wrong direction and turning away from people here in favour of my corner wasn’t going to help. When you are ready to go, you should be feeling happy and strong, not how you feel now.
      I think Renarde made an excellent point. That feeling you can’t quite name needs dealing with. Plus, I need you around so that’s that 😜. I’m away from tomorrow until Friday. I’ll check back in then. I really hope you are here when I do. If not, just know you have helped me more than you know xx

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Your ET wants you to reject logic, therefore it will try and con you into withdrawing from it.

        1. truthseeker6157 says:

          Sorry HG, missed this.

          I really do think you’re right. I think some articles resonate to such a degree though that you can be thrown back to the very time and place that it happened. It feels fresh again. It feels so fresh in fact that you then feel you haven’t actually moved forward and it just aches. In that moment, I think ET surges, and so you back away from the perceived source of hurt. In this case your article.

          Logically though, it isn’t your article. It’s our own experience with our own narcissist that is the source of the ache. The very person that you HG are doing your utmost to keep us away from, through supplying the necessary logic.

          I can recognise this, but like everyone else, just sometimes that one hook, that single line in something you write, knocks me sideways.
          In actual fact, that one line, written by a narcissist is proof in itself, that you do understand us all. Understanding it, is all that is necessary to fix it. This is why I’m still here.

          Plus, the clientele are fabulous!

        2. Eternity says:

          HG , you can definitely say that again.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Indeed.

    6. Kim e says:

      Empath007,
      As hard as it is, and believe me I know it is hard, I think staying here and letting it hurt and working thru ti is the only way to get our of the cycle of being on the site and then off the site. Your ET makes you think you need to get off the site. It washes over you with hurt and feelings that you dont want to remember. But remembering and then trhowing those memories away are healing.
      I did not mean this to sound like you are doing any thing wrong. We all do what we need to for oorselves. But eventually the truth must be dealt with along with the pain.

    7. Empath007 says:

      Thanks to everyone who replied. The encouragement felt good.

      The feeling I could not identify? it’s trauma. This article was a trigger.

      That’s actually never happened to me before on this site. I think it occurred because those were memories I had “forgotten” or stored away somewhere else. When I think of my narc, it’s often in the context of intimacy, I haven’t replayed the seduction phase in some time.

      The break isn’t anything negative.
      Sometimes we need a vacation from work right ? Just a change of scencery to regain some perspective.

      I’ve been working really hard to try and focus more on me then my narc. Coming here works because it’s a constant reminder why we should not be in contact with them. It keeps us level headed and doesn’t let our emotions take over.

      But re experiencing those moments felt like the opposite affect… like there I was… back to 3 years ago… totally oblivious as to what was to come and what the future held. And that feeling is uncomfortable I suppose.

      I just need a few days to put the focus back on myself.

      This pandemic is tough on all of us. Thank you all for being here. Especially HG. HG saved my life… had I not been able to come here I would have went to the narcissist to ease my pain.

      You will see me around for sure 🙂 just need to re charge my batteries a bit.

      1. FYC says:

        Happy to hear you will return, E007. There is nothing wrong with taking a step away to gain perspective or to heal and renew. On a positive note, after reading HG’s works you are now far more knowledgeable and prepared to avoid further entanglements. I highly recommend Zero Impact. It pays dividends not only with regard to your former relationship(s), but also with regard to any encounter with a N or a highly narcissistic person. It will change your life, help you heal and weaponize you against any future threats.

  8. Eternity says:

    OMG, this was beautiful written HG. The way you studied her before making your move . It’s to bad you are a Narcissist because it sounds so genuine.

  9. mollyb5 says:

    HG. That looking and locked in look can be seen by observant women. Empaths can feel it when someone is watching them that closely. Stalkers do that , too.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You don’t say.

      1. mollyb5 says:

        Lol !

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Ha ha, if you please.

          1. mollyb5 says:

            HG , ha ha ha , tee he bahaha .

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Now you are just being silly!

  10. Sweetest Perfection says:

    So did you manage to see the brand name of her clutch? Was it Guchi with a ch? That’s an important detail for an elite like you…

    1. Eternity says:

      SP, very funny! Maybe I should upgrade from a Midranger tu a Greater. Only kidding we need to laugh sometimes or go completely loney. Take care.

      1. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Eternity, I don’t think you choose, they pick you. I am never gonna invest in fashionista accessories just in case. And being a convinced environmentalist, I’m safe for getting all my Tudor books electronically. Let’s laugh at this together, it’s the best we can do! #ninjaempaths#incognito

        1. Eternity says:

          SP, ha ha exactly. , today I was at the beach all day. No electronics left everything at home. Just me myself and I and at the beach alone today. I enjoyed it having one time.Thankfully no Narcissist sniffed me out.

          1. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I’ve been on the beach all week! With my empath husband and the dogs, no narcs allowed.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Except me, naturally

          3. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Well, you’re ever present.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Correct.

  11. MB says:

    This gave me anxiety 😬

  12. Leela says:

    Poor woman 🙁

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hardly.

      1. Leela says:

        Poor woman in 6-18 months, when the devaluation starts 🙁 Oh dear! 🙁

        1. Witch says:

          @leela
          Imagine being with Someone for over 1.5 years and then get devalued…
          That’s the ultimate piss take .. 3-6 months when you’re still suspicious ok, but beyond that when you start feeling secure must be the biggest mind fuck, which is why it disturbs me when some of HGs readers say they are jealous.
          I’d rather have a wimpy mid Ranger who devalues me within 3 months so I can get over it quickly and jump into someone else’s bed than deal with a dragged out golden period where I’m led to believe we are actually going places

          1. HG Tudor says:

            A mid Ranger is unlikely to devalue after 3 months. Jumping into bed so soon is likely to lead to you being ensnared by another narcissist

          2. Witch says:

            Hg
            I got devalued after about 3-4 months by a Mid-Ranger so what does that say about me?

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Depends on your status in the fuel matrix. I can devalue a tertiary source within seconds of meeting them. A secondary source may also be devalued at an early juncture by way of a corrective devaluation and that could occur within 3-4 months, possibly less. If you mean a sustained devaluation when your were the IPPS, it means that either your fuel became stale very quickly or you were not providing it often enough or in large enough amounts within the context of threatening the narcissists control of you.

          4. Witch says:

            Thanks HG I feel proud of myself. I was the IPPS.
            I think it was a mixture of my lack of positive fuel since I’m not overly gushy especially when I don’t trust you and he found me difficult to control.
            So like I said I would rather deal with a wimpy midranger that will delvalue me after a few months or so than deal with a sustained golden period

          5. HG Tudor says:

            Better still, aim now for not getting ensnared at all.

          6. Witch says:

            Of course hg
            I haven’t been ensnared romantically for quite a while
            And now I’m not in contact with any familial narcs

          7. HG Tudor says:

            Well done. Keep it up.

  13. Ashley says:

    Excellent writing. I love your description

    1. Eternity says:

      Same here Ashley

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