But Why Did The Narcissist Do That?
I have heard this said so many times, read about it from bewildered and perplexed people and know from experience the confusion that accompanies this question.
“But how could he do this to me after everything else? But why would he behave like this? But who would do such a thing as that? He said he loved me. I know he loved me. How does someone love someone else in such a perfect way and then act as if he does not even know them?”
I have written about how the empath likes to know everything. This is not because you are big-headed or wish to boast. You like to know everything in order to allow you to help. You need to understand a situation. It has to make sense to you. You must be able to comprehend what has happened and find some logical reason for the occurrence. This is why you spend so long trying to work us out. This is why when we are doling out the silent treatment you need to ascertain why we are doing it (I think now you understand we do it because we need to, not because there is a valid (according to your reality) reason for this behaviour). It is a natural empathic reaction. If you understand why something has happened you can then consider the ways in which it can be addressed, remedied and fixed. You want everything to be alright.
Accordingly, when our devaluation is unleashed against you it comes out of nowhere. Yesterday we held hands as we walked through the park together and kissed beneath the spreading oak. Today you have been subjected to a nasty period of name-calling and blaming. You are dumbfounded. Where on earth did that come from? In your reality it makes no sense at all. One minute every is okay,nothing changes but then suddenly we are being horrible to you. It just does not add up. It makes no sense. It gets worse.Not only does it not follow in a logical sense since our response (viewed in your reality remember) seems random, how can a person who says he loves you then batter you with his fists, lock you out of your home, sleep rape you, smash up your car, spit on you and so on? Not only is it not a normal sequence of events if you love somebody then you just do not do that, do you?
This is what makes it so difficult for you to comprehend. We have conned you into thinking that we loved you. We gave you the huge seduction and dazzled you with the golden period. We know what you perceive love to be and we gave it to you in spade loads all manufactured by Narc Inc. Our production line went into over time creating these false acts and hollow declarations of love but you fell for it. You always do. Accordingly, you were duped into thinking that we loved you so that when we begin to devalue you it flies completely in the face of what you understand to be the situation.
You will sit for hours with your close friends and recite example after example of all the wonderful things that we have said and done and then ask,
“How can he hurt me when he loves me so much?”
It is utterly perplexing. Naturally there is method in this madness. If it made sense, if there was a logical reason for this volte face you are more likely to accept it and walk away. This twisted and nonsensical logic is purposefully designed to keep you with us because:-
- You must know what has happened and make sense of it
- You want to make things right
- You want the wonderful golden period again
4 thoughts on “But Why Did The Narcissist Do That?”
Nice to know I am perceived as an appliance to be used and tossed aside as soon as the perceived warranty expires LOL. Given that narcissists are never satisfied with anyone or anything for long, and they lose interest quickly, does this also point to attention deficit disorder? Does ADD also pay a role in this behaviour?
HG, I been in a rabbit hole lately reading about the experiences of a woman (Anneke Lucas) who escaped a Satanic pedophilia ring when she was 11 because a narcissistic psychopath helped her escape by accepting a job from a leader of the pedo ring. This narcissist (Patrick Haemers) had a relationship with her prior to him saving her. He befriended her and gained her complete trust and affection and then devalued and betrayed her. She was so broken from the experience that they were just going to execute her but he stopped it from happening and got her out of the ring. He then gave her instructions on how to survive while she was in her mom’s control and how to find a good guy to marry and where to live and to not reveal anything about the pedo ring because they will kill her. I am so perplexed why he would save her just to let her free. It totally doesn’t make any sense. But I’m very happy that he saved her because she seems to be a very empathic person and I’m glad that she got the chance to have a new beginning and she has been doing really great with her new life.
All the new and shiny appliances are cheaply made and break easily. They can be chucked out without much thought or regret, or they sit there taking up space, cluttering the shelf. Older appliances tend to be of better quality, work better and are more reliable through the years making it difficult to throw those ones out. Not only am I being kept on a shelf as an old reliable, but i just realized I have quite the collection myself.