Why Being Smeared Affects You More Than Others



I have previously explained some of the forms that the smear campaign takes and also why they are so effective. Now I turn to the six reasons why they affect somebody like you so much. Smear campaigns are a constant in the arsenal of the narcissist. Effective, utilised through word of mouth and with the capacity to envelop several people at once who in turn perpetuate the smear, the smear campaign is a favoured manipulation of our kind. Here are six reasons why they affect you so much.

  1. Denial of assistance

The smear campaign is usually utilised during devaluation and on the cusp of discard. Its timing is such that you will more likely than not find yourself in a position of desperation, fatigue and confusion. Battered and buffeted by our manipulations through the devaluation period,you are in a poor position to defend yourself never mind having to defend your reputation with others. Once the discard hits you and knocks you for six, you are in need of considerable assistance. You need somebody to help you make sense of what has just happened. You need somebody to listen to you as you pore over the relationship and try to piece together (usually unsuccessfully) the cause of your fall from grace and subsequent discard. You will need assistance on practical items such as money, paying bills, eating, child care, washing and cleaning in some of the more extreme cases where your ability to function has been hammered. When your need for external assistance is at its highest, you find that those who you thought you could rely on to help you have been poisoned. Friends become unobtainable or suddenly busy with other commitments. Family are sceptical about helping you since they think you have brought it on yourself and they are even ashamed of your supposed behaviour. Colleagues are not inclined to assist someone who has been painted the way you have. These people disappear, turn their backs or even worse ally with our kind and the help and assistance you so desperately need has been taken away from you. This furthers your isolation, your pain and your distress. It also reduces your capability to address the nature of the smear campaign and neutralise it.

  1. The Corruption of the Truth

You abide by the truth. You speak it and live by it. Yes, you may tell the odd white lie but you are a paragon of virtue compared to our mendacious and repeated untruths. You believe in the truth and you need others to know that you are an honest and truthful person. You base your life on having honest dealing with people, both towards them and from them. It has been an horrendous enough experience dealing with our lies that we told time and time again to you, but it becomes even worse when you are being lied about. You may have reached the conclusion that we are well-practised liars and that is the way we are but to have your own reputation impugned and your character stained as a liar is anathema to you. This causes distress and the fact you know that other people are believing a lie about you will have a damaging effect on you and we know this full well.

  1. Frustration

You feel a huge sense of frustration that your reputation is being smeared but added to that is the frustration that people are actually believing what is being said about you. You are surprised and dismayed that people are falling for what we are saying about you. You are disappointed in those people who you thought would know better than to be taken in by what we have said. You really ought to know by now that just as oyu were taken in by our charm and seduction, so have they. Did you really expect them to respond any differently when you did not? The difficulty is, is that you know the truth about the lies being spun about you and you desperately want others to see through this but they do not. You understand why, because we base the smear on a grain of truth, we magnify and manipulate and twist and warp the truth so that people are deceived in an expert fashion but nevertheless you really though that people who you could rely on would see through this tissue of lies, this web of deceit. The frustration at this overhwhelms you and adds to the distress of the situation as a whole.

  1. The Lack of Control

We hate losing control. Most people do not like to lose control because this causes distress, anxiety and apprehension. If something bad happens and you are able to at least do something to address it, counter it or mitigate its effect you automatically feel better. However, if you are swept along on a tide by a force over which you can exert no control, the sense of helplessness is massive. You are made to feel like this because when the smear campaign commences your coping ability has been hugely reduced. We however are at the top of our game, calling the shots and orchestrating everything with considerable effectiveness. You do not truly understand why it is happening, why we are behaving like this and moreover why people believe what we are saying. You feel as if you have no control over the progression and outcome of the smear campaign and this increases its effectiveness in terms of how it affects you.

  1. Keeping Up Appearances

Related to the corruption of the truth. Whereas the corruption of the truth alarms you because of the way that a central quality which you adhere to and believe in is being damaged, the smear campaign is also damaging how people think about you. You are not a person who is immersed in pride. You are neither vain nor conceited but you still want people to think well of you because you are a good and decent person. You just want people to know what you are and to have them told that you are something contrary to your actual appearance becomes especially upsetting for you.

  1. The Hammer to Your Reputation


Not only is your character and outward appearance as a good and honest person shattered and dented by the smear campaign, the effects of a smear campaign often go further. Your professional integrity is called into question with ramifications for your job, career advancement and livelihood. Your standing in the community is adversely affected which could have repercussions where you hold positions of trust and authority. If you have to be licensed by the authorities in some way, a smear campaign can place that in jeopardy. You may lose friends, your family may distance themselves from you but the repercussions of a smear campaign can infect your professional life, your income, your integrity and your standing. You are made to feel like a pariah and you may lose clients and customers, the backing of your superiors, be regarded as an albatross to an organisation. People are obsessed with appearances and if you become a PR nightmare not only is your personal life hammered by the smear campaign your professional and business standing is also.


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78 thoughts on “Why Being Smeared Affects You More Than Others

  1. Asp Emp says:

    It will never be ascertained as to how many narcissists or empaths there are in this world. Not all of them seek a diagnosis, nor treatment. Some do. Some are. Some are on here – communicating.

    What is probably the most likely thing that can be ascertained. Is the number of people, as victims, affected by the behaviours of narcissists. Only if they are counted. Not all of them will be.

    We will never know. Not in our life time. Probably never, ever will be known, how many narcs, empaths, victims.

    1. Alexissmith2016 says:

      Anecdotally HG says 1 in 6 are narcs

  2. Asp Emp says:

    This post about smearing – awful as I resonated with this.

    I’m now past the ‘confusion’ period since reading up on this site. The ET side remains but is lessening – the door to the ET can be flung open with a trigger in one of these posts. The ‘supernovas’ are getting smaller and a lot less often.

    It still bloody hurt though.

  3. Leea says:


    Okay..the tire slashing has begun. Two slashed tires in a week. Over 60 days of not speaking to him. Why is he doing it? No one else would touch my car! I want nothing to do with him!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. It is likely “him” but unless you caught him in the act, it might be mindless vandalism, it does occur.
      2. One the balance of probabilities (absent any other information you have which you have not provided) it is being done to control you. I will explain in detail the process of why this is happening and what you can do about it, in consultation.

  4. Kiki says:

    Hg you cannot be dependent on something , fuel and be truly strong .
    You have to be able to conquer that , that would require massive mental and psychological strength and endurance.It would be like removing the heroine from the heroine addict .
    No matrix supporting you in the background.
    I think that is the type of psychological strength it would require to tackle Mars


    1. HG Tudor says:

      But you were not talking about the removal of fuel, you were talking about narcissists striving on Mars.

      I know that my psychological (and other) strengths outweighs yours. Yes, I have a reliance on fuel, but I have extremely efficient at obtaining it, so the issue of fuel will never stand in the way of me achieving many things.
      You, for instance, experience fear, I do not, therefore this confers considerable advantages on me, over you.

      1. Kiki says:

        Ok HG

        I was not trying to be smart , yes I feel fear but it is not crippling fear , you do feel fear HG , if fuel is gone , the fear of the creature .
        I suppose my point was it would take a certain mind and psychology to conquer something like Mars and deal with it if it all goes horribly wrong .


        1. HG Tudor says:

          You would not survive what I deal with and the places I go.

          1. Eternity says:

            Wow, sounds fascinating!

          2. Asp Emp says:

            That reminds me of something he said to me once – about the darkness in him & playing music that was also dark. I didn’t know at the time what he was really getting at. Maybe now I do? Is that similar to the ‘creature’ within? (I’ve read Fuel)

          3. Kiki says:

            No HG you are most likely correct there.


          4. Kiki says:

            I think the creature is the true self , that is very vulnerable and needs to be bolstered by a matrix of fuel .
            It is the psychologically damaged part of the mind .
            HG says he feels no fear , but he must do , of the creature otherwise there would be no need for fuel.
            The fuel is the structure that shields him from his true self , to be terrified of the true self has nothing to do with dark music etc,
            That’s my take on it .


    2. Violetta says:


      Everyone depends on something. They may depend on money, looks, physical strength, cunning, or social connections; there is always something that gets people through life, so crucial that they can’t survive without it. St. Paul cheerfully admitted he depended on God, and said, “In my weakness is my strength.”

      I may think my need to squoosh babies and puppies is more beneficial to the human race than HG’s need for fuel, but that’s mighty convenient for me, since I don’t particularly want fuel. My need isn’t even necessarily more socially acceptable than HG’s, especially these days, when rushing up to complete strangers shrieking, “Ooh, he’s so cute! Can I HOLD him?” would spark fears of contagion as well as kidnapping.

      Not so moral relativism here as that people have different uses. I’d hesitate to put HG in a nursery full of screaming newborns; he wouldn’t hurt them, but he damned well wouldn’t be inclined to comfort them unless he could do so in a fuel-collecting way such as singing in that mesmeric baritone. He’d probably get his IPPS to deal with the stinky nappies.

      OTOH, I’d be useless in a mission to Mars. Or advising people on coping with Narcissists, beyond the basics I’ve learned here. I certainly couldn’t offer consults on specific cases or advise people on navigating divorce courts.

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  6. Kiki says:

    Musk is a narcissist is he not HG ??

    1. HG Tudor says:


  7. Duchessbea says:

    HG, wouldn’t your kind be happier moving to a different planet, be more comfortable and at home being able to destroy just each other and not good hard working folk? I hear Elon Musk has an excellent space program. Your kind would be in their element having their own planet, think of the control and manipulation. It’s a win win all round if you ask me.o:-)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Narcissist’s are not usually intent on your destruction as I’ve repeatedly explained.

      Also see When Narcissist’s Collide.

      Read and understand.

      1. duchessbea says:

        I understand where you are coming from and I agree with what you have written. Just sometimes being an Empath it is hard to accept that people operate in this fashion. Logical thinking HG, I know this and I am going to work on that. I get that it’s a personality disorder and I appreciate from reading your articles that the Narcissist thinks their right and everyone else is to blame and at fault. This might come across like emotional thinking when I say this but it’s not. I just feel very sad for the narcissist who behaves this way because of treatment they received and had to shield themselves from in this manner when they were young. Don’t hate me for making this comment.

      2. Duchessbea says:

        As the Greater and Elite I accept what you say and this is probably 100% true for the majority of Narcs. My Narc who I’m sure is quite possibly comorbid with I think BPD (that or he is just a very good actor) went out of his way during devaluation and discard to do the usual lies and making up garbage about me, turning people against me and trying his best to isolate me so that I would have no one to talk to or believe me. After all that he started a very vicious smear campaign against me. I had done all of the no contact and ignoring him and he just kept upping the ante. As an Empath, I can deal with a lot but when enough was enough, I had to handle this garbage and handle it I did. I came at him from every angle, I broke down and I dismantled everything he had put in place against me. I took on his ‘lieutenants’ and brainwashed apath followers and I did not stop until he realised I could play him at his own game, only I did it better. Don’t get me wrong HG, it wasn’t something I wanted to do but it had to be done otherwise he would have just continued on his distruction and hurt campaign against me for no reason. By the way he was the one who told me he never wanted to speak to me again and then went and did a vicious smear campaign against me. Also HG, as a woman of integrity, dignity and self respect any retaliation on my part (again not something I wanted to do, but had to be done) was done in an elegant and classy manner. My narcissist now just watches me and everything I do. I have thought there is a bit sociopath/psychopath in him as well. Chameleon most definitely. Predator yes. Good actor yes. The poor me, play the victim, look for attention, pity play, yes. Do I really know him, honestly, I don’t think so.

    2. Kiki says:

      Oh I cannot stand Elon Musk , as a scientist I also cannot fathom this ridiculous urge to want to inhabit Mars.
      A horrible boring looking red dust planet , when we have this beauty Earth that we abuse with our greed.
      Imagine the horrors of living there , some people cannot suffer wearing a bloody face mask to protect others , just imagine that crew on Mars .


      1. HG Tudor says:

        Musk is a pioneer. As a scientist presumably you have an intellectual curiousity to understand and to discover. Mars is such a place. Quite possibly one of the reasons that people look to other planets is because of the demands being made on this planet. I doubt any of the face mask crew as you describe them would get anywhere near Mars.

        1. Kiki says:

          I think he is a narc , greedy , full of self importance.
          Marie Curie was a pioneer , Linus Pauling the great chemist (I adore him ) he is dead now.
          Charles Darwin ,
          Elon Musk I cannot like him .

          Also yes HG curiosity is the cornerstone of science but it’s about time those billions are used to protect this stunning planet we are destroying with our greed and dirt.
          We know less about the depths of our oceans than the moon .


          1. HG Tudor says:

            I suggest you ask Elon if you may borrow one of his submarines then.

        2. Kiki says:


          Looking at another planet is to say Look we can do this we are so great .
          So we go and destroy another planet .
          We are NOT the most important thing ,
          Many studies have been done replicating living on Mars.
          The infamous one ended with the scientists actually murdering one another due to the stress of living in confinement for two years.
          No oceans , no beach walks , no fresh air , GMO food , no forests , no wildlife , I would rather be dead than live in such horror .


          1. HG Tudor says:

            Well, that’s scientists for you.

            Nobody is making you go there, so I would not get worked up about it.

        3. Kiki says:

          Who would get to Mars then HG , only an elite few ????
          What’s the point ???

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Since you’re a scientist you really ought to know the point.

          2. Kiki says:

            Yes I get it , 😉Musk and his cronies with a huge money making / I am god like spin somewhere .

            Reminds.me of the Virgin guy with his trips to space

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Indeed, it is all about them and it also generates advantageous collateral consequences

          4. Ren says:


            I’m not wild on Musk either.

            But to answer the general point about Mars, and presenting my own credentials as physicist (Ha! Almost wrote psychopath!), for the time being, we cannot colonise Mars.

            The problem remains, as always, radiation. Highly energetic beta particles, electrons, are being flung from the sun. Always will by product of fusion.

            Normally, you can easily stop a beta particle with a couple mm of aluminium. But these are whizzo ones!

            In whatever capsule they attempt to put humans in space with, the outer skin is precisely that: mm thick. Otherwise it would become prohibitively expensive to launch.

            So humans would be exposed in that 7/8 months journey to lethal does of radiation.

            Until that problem can be solved, Mars is off limit to humans. No point in off-world colonisation if all the buggers die of cancer.

      2. Kel says:

        The anti-maskers is a political thing showing support to their Twitter twit Twump.

        Mars is probably a political thing too with the US, China, and the United Arab Emirates all sending rockets there within the same week in July. They all want to dominate the new frontier. And since Earth is being deforested, and the Arctic is melting at alarming rates, they’re looking for an escape.

        Lois Armstrong “What A Wonderful World”, if we could ship all the narcs there and then we could tend to Mother Earth without any political barriers stopping us, from short sided business men who complain that environmental protections interfere with their profit. We would’ve had electric cars from the beginning if it hadn’t been for rich oil guys putting a stop to it and making us dependent on gasoline- one of the biggest causes of pollution and the cause of wars.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Religion is way ahead of oil in the Causes of War Stakes.

          Yes, I’m aware of the politics surrounding the mask. It does amuse me when I see individuals berating others for wearing masks on the basis they are exercise their right to choose not to and singularly failing to recognise someone has the right also to choose to wear a mask. Reminds me of people who make comments on the blog and when someone disagrees they cry foul because clearly only they are allowed an opinion or view.

          1. Kel says:

            Yes, like anti-maskers changing what the maskers are actually saying in order to twist it around to fit into their made up logic for not wearing a mask, and covering up their real reason for not wearing it, which is because they belong to their narc clique.

          2. Kiki says:

            Everyone should be legally made to wear a mask ,heavy fines for non compliance this is a humanitarian issue that people are turning into a political drama.
            It truly highlights mans inate selfishness and self entitlement


          3. HG Tudor says:

            I think you mean humans. All humans have innate selfishness, it has to exist in order to enable the individual human to survive. The issue becomes with regards to the limits of that selfishness an example being with regard to the mask wearing you’ve referred to.

          4. Kel says:

            As the song says –
            Imagine there’s no countries
            It isn’t hard to do
            Nothing to kill or die for
            And no religion too
            Imagine all the people living life in peace
            Imagine no possessions
            I wonder if you can

          5. HG Tudor says:

            Indeed and guess who wrote that. A narcissist.

          6. Kel says:

            I see a lot of good that narcs do, like you for example.

            Imagine if we could make all their prime aims aimed toward the good.

          7. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you.

            They already are Kel, our good.

          8. Empath007 says:

            It’s funny you mention Lennon is a narc. I remember a conversation with mine once quoting “ being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it will get you the right ones”…. and expressing how I liked that quote and my narcs response was “ he’s a hypocrite”

            Every now and then he could drop hints about the fact he knew what he was…. that was one of them. He could recognize the narcissim in others.

          9. Kel says:

            Narcs! For people who imagine they’re so logical, their logic flip flops like the stairs in an Escher painting. Aim for Mars, and that will ensure the good. It’s a red planet, fittingly, I’m sure it will feel like home.

            Wild things can’t be tamed.

          10. HG Tudor says:

            No. You’re again viewing it through your world lens. The narcissist’s logic flip flops to YOU but it’s unassailably logical you the narcissist.

            An individual designed to control, cannot be controlled.

          11. Kel says:

            I know I must indulge in a narcs angle on thinking here, but I do prefer thinking outside of that box.

            I know you like being a narc, but I feel so lucky I didn’t win the lottery on that gene from my narc mom. I’d rather have been a victim than be plagued with it for life.

          12. HG Tudor says:

            The point is in all likelihood, you wouldn’t have known that you were a narcissist.

          13. Eternity says:

            Totally agree with you HG, we cant all agree on things. It’s interesting viewing everyone’s views here on the blog. From Religion to Science to sex etc. . We should all respect each others view here and learn from each other without getting upset if someone has a different point of view. That’s how I see it.

          14. Kel says:

            True that narcs are unaware, and don’t experience their thinking as perplexing as I see it as. But I notice so many thoughts running across their minds, now I understand what they’re thinking.

            Truth too is I enjoy thinking outside of any box, and individual narcs can be quite clever thinkers themselves.

            I learned to think original in school. We had an assignment to draw a cliche. Those of us drawing ‘has the cat got your tongue’ all had a cats paw tugging at someones tongue. When I noticed we were all doing the same thing, I was a little embarrassed by it, like wearing the same dress as someone else. So I drew one side of the page with someone’s hand over their mouth, and the other side of the page was a cat holding up a tongue in its paw.

            Sorry Mr Tudor, sure you weren’t interested in that boring tidbit!

          15. Kel says:

            Actually I have to give credit where it’s due. My Narcissist brother was so cool and so original. I don’t know how I would’ve gotten along without him. He introduced me to so many things, books, music, he helped me when my narc mother never really taught me about anything and she was a workaholic. My brother even painstakingly combed a mass of tangles out of my long hair once, and got me a Purr electric comb detangler afterwards so it would never happen again, lol.

            When he moved away and I was home alone with my parents, we would send each other letters and he was so artistic, and would maybe draw a balloon at the seal on the envelope and a string down to a stake at the bottom of the envelope. He used to read to me too when I was young.

            I learned so much from him, and was exposed to literature and popular music and classical music and so much because of him.

            I wanted to be a photographer, and he bought me my first 35mm, and another one years later. He had such good taste, and I benefited from that too.

        2. Kiki says:

          Love your point Hahaa

          Yep ship them all off to Mars ,
          Once the novelty wears off and they look out of their self imposed prison at the red sand storms and utter bleakness , tired of donning heavy suits to date venture outside their prison

          I bet it would take less than a year before they start strangling one other with bare hands , screaming for fuel .


          1. HG Tudor says:

            There would be plenty of fuel, see When Narcissists Collide. You’re allowing your understandable dislike of narcissists lead to an inaccurate statement. Narcissists gain fuel from other narcissists, normals and empaths.

          2. Kiki says:

            True there but there are few I’d like to shuttle of to Mars though , now that would be an interesting experiment, Narcs only off to Mars 😉
            Eventually the egos would get to each other surely.
            No empaths all narcs cooped up together .

          3. Kiki says:

            True but could a narc handle the reality of life on Mars .
            I don’t think so


          4. HG Tudor says:

            Based on what? When it comes to matters of endurance and pioneering activity narcissists lead the field for reasons I’ve previously stated.

          5. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Depending on what you mean for endurance … which reminds me, If my narc were sent to Mars I’m sure he would find an ocean to sport his speedo and send selfies back to earth. And dick picks. From Mars, with love*

          6. Violetta says:

            The Greaters would manipulate the Mid-Rangers, who in turn would try to manipulate the Lessers, who would just beat them up.


          7. Kiki says:

            Well Narcs are not self reliant .
            I imagine in a situation like that one would need to be extremely strong both mentally and emotionally and be able to deal with themselves .
            I don’t think it could work if you need fuel .Its Too much reliance on factors outside your core self..
            Imagine fuel supply went wrong away from the general population.
            I suppose I could imagine it like solitary .
            The rigorous tests of the mind an astronaut has to go through .
            If a narc could handle solitary confinement, alone with just themselves to reflect upon , with Fuel levels tanking to the bottom then I think it would be possible , but the fuel constraints you live with would be a huge hinderance .
            It is just an opinion HG .


          8. HG Tudor says:

            You are changing the parameters of what you originally wrote. It was referenced all the narcissists being sent to Mars, so on the basis that we roughly number one in 6, that is 1.16 billion people. That is a lot of people capable of providing fuel, so it would not be like solitary. Would it be an easy ride for all of the narcissists, no, but for some it would.
            Would some narcissists have the “minerals” to handle travelling through space etc (leaving aside the issue of fuel) – no, but again, many would and percentage wise, more would be able to do so than empaths.
            You are correct that narcissists are not self reliant (with regard to fuel). Some narcissists are highly self reliant with regard to other factors (absent fuel).

          9. Kel says:

            Lol, Violetta, that was cute!

          10. Kel says:

            Lol, all narcissists on Mars getting fuel from each other, sounds cannibalistic.

            I don’t know who came up with the percentage of narcissists in the world and how they would be able to measure it considering narcissists don’t seek treatment or to be found out.

            Seems to me there are a lot more than they’re calculating. How many narcs have I known in my lifetime- too many to count. It’s like being that person who gets all the mosquito bites.

      3. Kel says:

        Correction: Louis Armstrong!


      4. Liza says:


        you can do research about mars and ways to inhabit it and in same time respect the earth and do your best to make it last as long as possible.

        And if the earth ends up being uninhabitable, we will be verry happy Elon Musk did research about mars.

        Even if he is a narcissist, he is one of the people i admire the most in this era, i wouldn’t wish to have him as a boyfriend or father ext.. but i’m clearly happy that humanity has this kind of individuals.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          A well reasoned observation

          1. Kiki says:

            Awwh HG it’s really not my intention to lock horns With you over Narcs on Mars .

            It was a flippant remark about sending them ALL off to Mars .

            But the psychology involved in such things does interest me .

            I suppose my take is if we destroy Earth we don’t deserve to be on Mars .
            Evolution should sort us out with extinction.
            Life will still prevail without us .
            I know it’s unusual for a biochemist to have these views .I am very curious as a scientist but would prefer to save the habitat of many plants and creatures in the Brazilian forests than pump billions into Mars .


          2. Liza says:

            Thank you ^^

        2. Ren says:

          Musk is a businessman. He may very well be intelligent in his own field. Actually scratch that. He’s not.

          Musk is very good at making money. But one has to seriously draw into question his intelligence by fucking Amber Heard.

          He has enough money to hire very intelligent people.

          There will be no human mission to Mars unless the material which makes the capsule as an absorption factor highter than aluminium and has the density of aluminium. Roughly.

          The whole argument is therefore redundant unless it is of a philosophical persuasion.

          1. Liza says:

            Knowing how to select the most suitable people to make a project function is in itself a proof of intellegence, or at least a verry usefull skill, and one that not many people possess.

            As for the feasibility of human missions to mars, there is no way to know if you don’t try, and history proved many times that a lot of hurdles that were once considered insurmountable were acutally not.

  8. Eternity says:

    Everytime I try explaining my situation to my friends they think I am crazy. They tell me to be patient with him because he is an amazing person Grrrrr!!!!!. I have giving up I keep everything to myself. So many dont understand Narcissism unless they come on the blog. So the best thing that I have done is told them all to come to the site!!!!!. They gave me a dirty look like again I was crazy! So much for trusting anyone because in the end I am just hurting myaelf. Anyways at least I an here for now.

    1. Alexissmith2016 says:

      Eternity, I completely understand your frustration but if they’ve not suffered at the hands of a narc not only will they not understand they will also not be terribly interested. They may still be good friends, I don’t know as I don’t know them. But try not to get upset that they don’t ‘get it’ it’s not their fault. I learned this lesson too. It’s a tough one because we so desperately want others to see what we see but they can’t and won’t and sometimes it’s better for you and your friendship not to. I found it best to sew a seed and leave it there and either it is something they will think about now, later or they won’t but no weird looks. Just hold your head up high, you know the truth of the matter and nobody else matters. The blog is the only place where others truly understand.

      1. Eternity says:

        Thank you Alexis for your advice., you are right
        It’s my mistake I shouldnt be talking about him with anyone there really is no point as they dont get it and I am just wasting my time

        1. duchessbea says:

          Or they could be Narcs aswell. Be careful if you have mutual friends unfortunately you have to say goodbye to those ‘friendships’ as anything you say and do will be reported back to the Chief Narc. The only good thing about a smear campaign is that you find out very quickly who has your back and who hasn’t. You find out who your real friends and family members are. It will hurt and it will be hard to accept but once you do accept it, clear out and let the garbage take itself out. End all and any relationships and go no contact with anyone who didn’t show support or have your back. They are time wasters and users. You don’t want or need those types of people in your life. You give and they take. Not anymore. Work on yourself everyday To be the strongest and best you and get out there and live your best life. Much love.

      2. Ren says:

        Very wise words, Alexis.

    2. Kiki says:


      I get you , it’s a very lonely feeling .
      Look I think the vast majority of friends unless it’s a very very close lifelong friend will just say move in etc
      They will listen to a point but that’s understandable.
      They will NOT understand or really want to as they were not emotionally invested in it .
      This isn’t to sound mean but it’s just the way I’ve found people are.
      It’s good you’re here , sometimes I feel I’m so emotional that I may need a professional counselling also .That may be an option for you to think about .No slight to HGs work but sometimes we need to vent strong emotions and work through them .Its hard to get the logic sometimes.


      1. HG Tudor says:

        Vent your emotions but get it done and move on. Repeatedly doing so is a product of ET and delays/hinders your progress.

      2. Eternity says:

        Thank you Kiki!

  9. jennymckinny says:

    Eye opening. Eerily enough, this could be written by my ex abuser. If he could write.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Your last sentence amused me.

      1. jennymckinny says:

        I’d say that your amusement is my pleasure, but dealing with my ex-narcissist has taught me that your amusement is my pain. Either way, Glad to help!

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