A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 20

 

 

Dear Narcissist:

I love you in a way that is almost indescribable. But, I will do my best to convey my feelings to you even though I know you don’t care.

My love for you was strong and fierce, yet at the same time, as tender and delicate as a silk rose petal. It was complete.

From the very beginning, you wanted to know everything about me, inside and out, and I loved that! I thought it was because you cared for me.
You, dear Narcissist, had me hook, line, and sinker. And, you knew it in the way I swooned over you, day and night.
You were my prince! And remember how you use to call me “your princess”?
But, you couldn’t keep it up, could you? I mean, your mask, of course.
Your mask was too burdensome and heavy for you to wear for much longer, and it inevitably slipped down, and carelessly dangled around your ankles as you began to Gaslight, Triangulate, Deflect, Project, as well as all of your other mind-games you played on me, with the help of your Enabler, and Flying Monkeys, who were already put into place at that time. How could I have known? You were so clever!
Your switch from Jekyll to Hyde was difficult to spot, at first, but my intuition was definitely at odds with me long before I was willing to acknowledge it to myself that my Prince Charming was actually Prince Harming. I actually have difficulty accepting this truth, even now. Your mask was that convincing, and so is its memory.
My heart still breaks, now and then, even though our relationship has been over for nearly 16 months (of course, that’s not counting the many times that your Enabler has emailed me, since then, to poke and jab at me about how “utterly excited” she was to be in the wake of making her plans to go and visit you in London. And, of course, as you are happily aware of, this has in no way helped my healing process).
My heart still wants to believe that your complete change of behavior was all just one big misunderstanding, and that the man in whom I fell in love with is really who you are, but when I find myself thinking this way, thoughts begin to seep into my mind in remembrance of the major smear Campaign you put into effect, where you and all your friends laughed at me, publicly, as you had my heartfelt letters that I had written to you posted, for all to see, on Facebook. The ones who joined in on the laughter had been our mutual friends during our entire relationship, of course. No worries; you did me a favor in opening my eyes up to the falsehood of these “so-called friends”.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that you did a very good job in hurting me and butchering my heart to pieces. It has taken me, what feels like decades, to heal. And still, I am not fully there, yet. That person… you know, the one who was not really you… well, I loved him more than life, itself. (Of course, ironically, before the change, my beloved was the first to claim this about me).
Here’s to hurting me down to the deepest core of my being, Narcissist; well done & cheers!
Love, Your “Princess”
(P.S.- I still wish you’d bring Prince Charming back. It’s as if you are holding him captive inside of you, and he is trying with all of his might to get back to me, but you won’t let him, Narcissist. Please let him come back to me).

4 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 20

  1. lickemtomorrow says:

    How heartfelt and endearing to those of us who have felt your pain 🙁

    From Prince Charming to Prince Harming is a very apt description.

    Thank you for sharing with us, Princess. I hope you are continuing on your healing journey <3

  2. Asp Emp says:

    This ‘letter’ moved me. Really moved me. Brilliantly written. I’m sorry you’re hurting. We all are.

    EVEN THE NARCISSISTS THEMSELVES. They are “hurting” too. They won’t admit it. But they do.

  3. Leela says:

    Oh ouch! 🙁 That´s so sad 🙁 Even though I never have been an IPPS of a narc, I can feel your pain! 🙁 🙁

  4. Kristin says:

    Beautifully written.

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